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Discussion Starter #1
Theorycraft recently made a thread about the worst thing you could say to an INFJ. But since it had some pretty malicious intentions, no one really gave their input. And I didn't want to either...

Now I really hope he's not reading this thread, or that the whatever thing was resolved and offenses are no longer needed...Caus I thought it could have been a really interesting topic!


So I sincerely hope this will not be used against any INFJ but I feel the need to share my own experiences lol.
:angry:

For me:
- Calling me selfish or self-centered
- Telling me I've been offensive and socially awkward
- Going against me in public
- Supporting your offensive claims with things that have happened in the past, like you've been secretly hating me all along
- Ganging up on me with others, making me feel left out
- Including other people in it, telling that people speak behind my back about it
- Making me feel like everybody else knows it but I fail to realize my awfulness

Once a very manipulative and evil guy friend was feeling low and I was trying to talk to him about something. I kept asking if he was alright and what's wrong. Eventually I asked "Did I say or do something..?" and he goes all rage calling me selfish and self-centered. Like EVERYTHING ISN'T ABOUT YOU. Then he made points about past happenings that supposedly supported his claim. It was also in public. Basically he was declaring that I never listen to anyone and I'm not interested in anyone else but me. It was extremely embarrassing and I was very hurt because it was the last thing I wanted to be...Selfish and self-centered. :(

I guess it thought me a lesson though. Nowadays I do everything in my power to stop people from thinking that I think it's all about me... :/

Sometimes these things get to me and I feel awful. But later on I usually realize that I hadn't done anything wrong or that it was just a misunderstanding.
 

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-"I don't care."
-Acting like something was fine with just me, but saying the complete opposite when we're around other people

Also, there seems to be this thing in life where some people don't give a fuck about other people because they feel underrepresented and/or like they're suffering more. It doesn't HURT me, but it does infuriate me.
 

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INFJs are famous for living internally. We know what we mean or intend when we say things but we don't always see how they may be interpreted by someone else. On top of that, if someone is moody it is our first inclination to think...was it me? We are sensitive and would never want to be the cause of anyone's discomfort. And.....if it does turn out to be something we've done or said, well, we hate the feeling. It's tough for an INFJ to be part of any kind of negativitiy and when it comes to confrontation - yikes - we can't deal with it well. Over the years, I've come to realize my INFJ self needs to exist outside my own mind - if that makes sense? True introverts to the core. Hopefully our friends understand what's at the heart of our awkward intentions.
 

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I guess the best way to hurt me the most is to tell me that I'm either a failure or outright ignoring me. I'm not really that sensitive to what people say, but those two things do tend to put me on a bad mood.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
Also, there seems to be this thing in life where some people don't give a fuck about other people because they feel underrepresented and/or like they're suffering more. It doesn't HURT me, but it does infuriate me.
Indeed, infuriating comments are whole another thing for me. Insulting my weirdness or being ignorant...I makes me dislike the person and think that they're being dumb. But it wont offend or hurt me. :)
 

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Theorycraft recently made a thread about the worst thing you could say to an INFJ. But since it had some pretty malicious intentions, no one really gave their input. And I didn't want to either...

Now I really hope he's not reading this thread, or that the whatever thing was resolved and offenses are no longer needed...Caus I thought it could have been a really interesting topic!

So I sincerely hope this will not be used against any INFJ but I feel the need to share my own experiences lol. :angry:

For me:
- Calling me selfish or self-centered
- Telling me I've been offensive and socially awkward
- Going against me in public
- Supporting your offensive claims with things that have happened in the past, like you've been secretly hating me all along
- Ganging up on me with others, making me feel left out
- Including other people in it, telling that people speak behind my back about it
- Making me feel like everybody else knows it but I fail to realize my awfulness

Once a very manipulative and evil guy friend was feeling low and I was trying to talk to him about something. I kept asking if he was alright and what's wrong. Eventually I asked "Did I say or do something..?" and he goes all rage calling me selfish and self-centered. Like EVERYTHING ISN'T ABOUT YOU. Then he made points about past happenings that supposedly supported his claim. It was also in public. Basically he was declaring that I never listen to anyone and I'm not interested in anyone else but me. It was extremely embarrassing and I was very hurt because it was the last thing I wanted to be...Selfish and self-centered. :(

I guess it thought me a lesson though. Nowadays I do everything in my power to stop people from thinking that I think it's all about me... :/

Sometimes these things get to me and I feel awful. But later on I usually realize that I hadn't done anything wrong or that it was just a misunderstanding.
The first thing I thought when I saw this thread was how much it hurts when people call me selfish. It's the worst possible thing anyone could ever call me. Lukily only 2 people have ever told me that they think I'm selfish. :)
 

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I hate it when people are commenting on my quietness, awkwardness, low self confidence or whatever when I am standing right beside them and they're like 'aw that's a shame he's too shy/quiet/has no confidence', sometimes teachers would say something like this in class which I hated obviously, but now sometimes it happens in places likes house parties and meeting new people in groups.

I find it patronising and I am like yeah as if I don't need a reminding I am loser. Also most of the time they are mistaking me for being quiet and shy when I just don't really like groups of strangers, because I am more introverted.
 

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I'm always direct with people. They know where they stand with me. I know this may be a bit much to assume, but I expect the same level of directness from the people I care about. I don't give a crap what people who don't like me say behind my back but if it's someone I like or someone who doesn't know me well, it bothers me... a lot. Other than that, it's hard to get to me.

Oh and when I get stuck between two friends in some stupid feud. I don't really do anything there, I just withdraw.
 

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"It doesn't matter what you think "

Invariably said by someone with an agenda who is losing an argument but has the power / authority to stop a debate - then, almost as invariably they try to imply shared responsibility if things go wrong down the line.
,
 

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I really don't want to post this, because someone *cough* will probably use this against an INFJ.

Whatever.

Passive Aggression, ftw!


The worst thing someone ever said to me in a fight was, "You're such a victim."
Devastated me.
 

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Words? Not so much anymore. I find my own thoughts to be the most detrimental thing to my existence.
Whenever someone tries to push me down I just wont acknowledge it.
All of whom I call friends wouldn't do that. Needless to say I don't have that many friends.

On the note of being called selfish, if anyone said that to my face and actually meaning it... Then this is evidence that this person don't know even the slightest part of me and any critique from this person becomes invalid in my eyes.
And basically I just make this face :dry: and say "Really? Is that so?"

You get a lot of flak when playing online games, I took that armor to real life. :mellow:
 

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There was a thread in the debate forum a while back about being able to opt out of child support, and somebody leapt from me vehemently not wanting children to me being a deadbeat dad who would just abandon his kids somewhere because they were getting in the way of my decadent, self-centered lifestyle. It made me feel more horrible than anything has in a long time.
 
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I've been called many derogatory names. 'B', 'C', 'S', 'W' you name it, I've been called it. Surprisingly, didn't hurt me so much.
I've been called selfish. Meh. I never said I wasn't.
I was told to "Go back to wherever the 'f' you came from." This didn't sting; I just chuckled and walked away.

But this hurt me: In one of my foreign language discussions during my senior year of college, one of our exercises was to say something in Korean about the person sitting to our right. When it was my classmate's turn to say something about me, she said the equivalent of "You're ugly" in Korean in front of the entire discussion group. I felt humiliated to say the least. I think I was more hurt by such words at the time because my self confidence was tremendously fragile back then.
 

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Discussion Starter #15
But this hurt me: In one of my foreign language discussions during my senior year of college, one of our exercises was to say something in Korean about the person sitting to our right. When it was my classmate's turn to say something about me, she said the equivalent of "You're ugly" in Korean in front of the entire discussion group. I felt humiliated to say the least. I think I was more hurt by such words at the time because my self confidence was tremendously fragile back then.
Ouch. Did she mean it as a joke or to make fun of you? Or did she genuinely think that way? :frustrating: For me the fact that it'd be public would indeed make it even worse...
 

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Ouch. Did she mean it as a joke or to make fun of you? Or did she genuinely think that way? :frustrating: For me the fact that it'd be public would indeed make it even worse...
When I asked her in private why she said that and not something more basic, she said she blanked out. I haven't a clue why she said it, but like you mentioned, I found her saying it aloud, for others to hear, the worst part of it all. A modicum of tact would have been appreciated, that's all.
 

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One time my X-girlfriend called me a dirty little bastard, and it hurt my feelings. But I didn't let her know I was hurt, instead I laughed and said, "I know." all nonchelantly...

Also when people call me too sensitive. Ugh that really sqeezes my lemon!!! >_<
 
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I too hate being called selfish, or that I only care about myself. I hate it being implied that I'm a hypocrite as well, or that I'm stuck-up. I think a lot of people see me as stuck-up or snobby when I am really just shy. That bothers me a lot.

Other things that bother me are being blown off, ignored, stood up and not listened to. I really hate when people are flaky.

Also, that I'm over-emotional or irrational. I am actually quite logical, but because I can get passionate and emotionally carried away in certain arguments people don't listen to what I'm saying, but only how I'm saying it, and write off my argument or don't respond. That bothers me as well.
 

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They say I don't love enough.

I've ever been called 'selfish' for not loving enough, but they say I only think about myself (which is along that line) -.-;

I don't consider myself selfish because I don't see it that way. I think about the possibilties. Maybe because I don't tell them what my thoughts are and just go into action.. that's probably why, they don't see it the way I do.
 

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I pretty much agree with the OP. All those things suck. I'd rather go unnoticed than have that said to me.
 
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