working too hard to be understood
[INFP]
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Oh, yes. I was just emailing a friend about this.
Don't give up. Chances are, as an INFP (what's the prevalence rate again, 2%?), you're not immediately intelligible by most people. This doesn't mean that you're a bad person or that they're bad persons. It just means that you have to build your own translation algorithm and feed some of your thoughts into it before you communicate said thoughts.
If you're lucky, you'll run into people who will extend the same courtesy to you. I am lucky to have friends who are willing to walk that extra mile. It's not always easy, but discovering routes to communicate with others can be pretty exciting, especially if you're in the habit of ruling the very possibility out.
Don't give up. Chances are, as an INFP (what's the prevalence rate again, 2%?), you're not immediately intelligible by most people. This doesn't mean that you're a bad person or that they're bad persons. It just means that you have to build your own translation algorithm and feed some of your thoughts into it before you communicate said thoughts.
If you're lucky, you'll run into people who will extend the same courtesy to you. I am lucky to have friends who are willing to walk that extra mile. It's not always easy, but discovering routes to communicate with others can be pretty exciting, especially if you're in the habit of ruling the very possibility out.
I have a difficult time explaining things to people all the time. It seems that I'm always saying things at least three different ways to get people to follow what I'm getting at. It is frustrating at times, especially with people who stop listening when they don't understand the first time. If they'd just give me a few more seconds I would put it in a way that they could follow.
This is also a big reason why I don't post very often on the forums. 'cause sometimes I just can't put into words what I want to say, the exact way I want to say it, so I just delete the my post and move on.
This is also a big reason why I don't post very often on the forums. 'cause sometimes I just can't put into words what I want to say, the exact way I want to say it, so I just delete the my post and move on.
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Count me in for sure. It seems like my eternal quest is to find someone else who "gets" me... and I spend far too much time worrying about whether those I'm trying to connect with on a deeper level actually do. I probably try way too hard to infuse all my interaction with those people with little things that are essential parts of me, in an attempt to figure out if they might possibly understand. I've had some luck occasionally... but mostly not. :S
Beyond those deeper connections I'm looking for, I often get the impression that people in general don't seem to understand me on more basic levels a lot of the time. Possibly it's just something I'm imagining, or maybe it's the fact that I'm hyper-sensitive and am always trying to gauge what others are thinking and feeling. Should probably stop over-thinking it all, haha.
Beyond those deeper connections I'm looking for, I often get the impression that people in general don't seem to understand me on more basic levels a lot of the time. Possibly it's just something I'm imagining, or maybe it's the fact that I'm hyper-sensitive and am always trying to gauge what others are thinking and feeling. Should probably stop over-thinking it all, haha.
All the time. I think it's best to follow other types' examples and forget it; let others try and figure you out. Why wear yourself out? They care more about themselves anyway. Like the prayer of Saint Francis:
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.Where there is hatred, let me sow love.Where there is injury, pardon.Where there is doubt, faith.Where there is despair, hope.Where there is darkness, light.Where there is sadness, joy.O Divine Master,grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;to be understood, as to understand;to be loved, as to love.For it is in giving that we receive.It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.Amen.
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.Where there is hatred, let me sow love.Where there is injury, pardon.Where there is doubt, faith.Where there is despair, hope.Where there is darkness, light.Where there is sadness, joy.O Divine Master,grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;to be understood, as to understand;to be loved, as to love.For it is in giving that we receive.It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.Amen.
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Oh, also:
On the rare occasions that I've put my full effort (and it does take a lot of effort for sure) into fully verbalising or writing down what's on my mind, it has sometimes been quite rewarding... though mostly just to myself, haha. I know I'm a decent writer, so when I am able to express all that's on my mind in a way that's pretty accurate, I feel rather proud of myself. It's very emotionally draining, though, so I rarely do it. Possibly this is the reason I stopped keeping a journal after writing obsessively for several years in my late teens...
I can very much relate to this. Sometimes I don't even bother trying to put things into words... my words would come out sounding so lame in comparison to my thoughts and feelings. I could never do them justice, so I just don't bother. If their "intensity" is at 100% in my head, anything that I put into words would be, like... 25%? Maybe? If that. It's sometimes frustrating having things floating around in my head that I don't know how to share, though... I think that maybe if I got them out there, others might get me more. (Or, more likely, they'd just think I was even stranger. Hahaha.)
On the rare occasions that I've put my full effort (and it does take a lot of effort for sure) into fully verbalising or writing down what's on my mind, it has sometimes been quite rewarding... though mostly just to myself, haha. I know I'm a decent writer, so when I am able to express all that's on my mind in a way that's pretty accurate, I feel rather proud of myself. It's very emotionally draining, though, so I rarely do it. Possibly this is the reason I stopped keeping a journal after writing obsessively for several years in my late teens...
I bet on it that it's an INFP issue (or any rare type). It sure is mine. Practice, practice and practice seem to be the three alternatives to learn communication. I pretend that they speak a language that I can't yet understand, but must learn. It'll get easier.
Communication is always the responsibility of the person who wants to communicate. If we want to communicate it's up to us learn the language and practice so the listener can understand what where saying.
I always find it interesting in foreign countries, and when the typical American tourist just expects everyone to speak English. I want to tell them repeating the same thing louder and louder isn't going to make it easier for them to be understood.
The same goes with the MBTI. I give directions to my house completely differently to an N vs. S. I keep my conversations linear for S types. That was the entire reason I learned the MBTI when I was 19 and moved out on my own. I spent the first 18 years of my life being a complete introvert so when I moved I out I realized I had no idea how to communicate or relate to other people.
Learning all the types and their behavior preferences made it so much easier for me to make myself understood.
I always find it interesting in foreign countries, and when the typical American tourist just expects everyone to speak English. I want to tell them repeating the same thing louder and louder isn't going to make it easier for them to be understood.
The same goes with the MBTI. I give directions to my house completely differently to an N vs. S. I keep my conversations linear for S types. That was the entire reason I learned the MBTI when I was 19 and moved out on my own. I spent the first 18 years of my life being a complete introvert so when I moved I out I realized I had no idea how to communicate or relate to other people.
Learning all the types and their behavior preferences made it so much easier for me to make myself understood.
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2,282 Posts
I think it is infp thing because we communicate emotionally, abstractly, and have ideas that do not many people get (I am not being arrogant here - they just have different and more practical ideas and immediate this is life now experience).
I feel sometimes excited about some animal and when I mention my enthusiam to an aquitanance, they are cold about it although it is unusual experience (e.g. to find an animal in the place where you do not expect it). It also happen to me to start explaining about a writter or a book to a person that never heared about it. They just blankly stare at you and leave. It was like "why did you do that?" "What made you talk about it" it is not a time or a place. Getting misunderstood when the people take everything too literally to be true is a almost my trademark. I think there is a subconscious propensity to punish oneself. Being a cofused person for sometime now due to something anxiety causing is not helping. When I talk to my ISTJ father, it is like we are speaking two different langagues. He just takes everything too literally, so I have be straight to the point if he is able to understand me. However, he does not make any effort to understand my personality.
I feel sometimes excited about some animal and when I mention my enthusiam to an aquitanance, they are cold about it although it is unusual experience (e.g. to find an animal in the place where you do not expect it). It also happen to me to start explaining about a writter or a book to a person that never heared about it. They just blankly stare at you and leave. It was like "why did you do that?" "What made you talk about it" it is not a time or a place. Getting misunderstood when the people take everything too literally to be true is a almost my trademark. I think there is a subconscious propensity to punish oneself. Being a cofused person for sometime now due to something anxiety causing is not helping. When I talk to my ISTJ father, it is like we are speaking two different langagues. He just takes everything too literally, so I have be straight to the point if he is able to understand me. However, he does not make any effort to understand my personality.
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I agree with you. I think in order to be understood, it's important to adapt into the surroundings a little bit and try to speak to people in the way they speak to you.
Sometimes it's hard to feel understood when you are intimidated by someone. It makes you bumble your words or say things oddly. That is probably the time I feel the most misunderstood, when I am trying to explain something to someone who is intimidating or domineering to me. It's hard to assert myself, especially when someone is impatient with me.
But in general, most people are not like this. I think the key to feeling more understood is to try to understand the other person first. Then you can figure out how you can communicate with them more effectively.
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Constantly. I think it's a Ji + Ne thing. But I think Fi might be even worse with this than Ti.
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