[Angelus]

What do you guys think is the worst way to lose someone? What kind of a way would make them hardest to forget? I'm mainly talking about romantic relationships.

For me, it'd be death definitely. In fact, I don't see how it can't be. But I ask because many people have said that death wouldn't be bad in the sense that it would be easy to get over the person, after all, they'd no longer exist.

But if my partner died, it would be hard forget, because I would never stop loving them.

Having them cheat on the other hand, would probably be easiest. It'd leave me bitter and sorrowful at first but I think it would be easier to replace them.

I'm thinking we might get a lot of same or similar answers on this one, but feel free to discuss!

 

[Sina]

Losing a loved one to death is devastating. I wonder if these people saying death isn't so bad because you'd just get over them have even experienced the death of a loved one. There's nothing worse as far as romantic relationships go. People dying soon after the death of a spouse is not uncommon among the elderly.

I want to live a long and healthy life. But, in old age, I'd like to be the one who dies first. It's very selfish. It would be quite painful to lose my partner, especially at that age, considering I tend form unusually strong bonds with my romantic partners. I'd survive, but life would not be the same. So yes, the death of a partner is definitely the worst kind of loss in a romantic relationship. Losing my partner at this age would be unbearable, but I'd move on. I'd never quite forget them, but life would go on. It's all pretty grim and agonizing, nevertheless.

The other kind of loss that can cut very deep is if a partner were to be unfaithful. In that case, they'd lose "loved one" status as far as I am concerned. Between the two scenarios, having a beloved partner die is clearly far worse than getting rid of an unfaithful jerk. The latter is actually beneficial.

 

[Xiong Mao]

Personally, I'm ok with death. I actually find it rejuvenating and uplifting. Call me crazy, but I see it as a reminder to make the most out of your life. Plus, they never really "left" you. For me, the worst is having someone leave out of the blue without telling you why. :frustrating: (I've never been in a romantic relationship, so my opinion has no merit.)

 

[Impavida]

The method of loss doesn't really make any difference to me. No matter how they go, they're still gone and I still have to pick myself up and move on. It may take more time to process certain types of loss, but my coping method is always the same.

 

[Tove]

Losing people always hurts, sometimes in different ways. For example, death and infidelity cause very different kinds of pain. Death can linger around you for years after the person is gone, it's sort of an imperfect ending. Knots aren't untied and feelings and memories stay with you much longer. Infidelity cuts deeply and quickly, like a slash wound, and can leave permanent damage, but also brings lots of feelings that death doesn't. A sudden, inexplicable departure leaves behind sadness and confusion, endless questions that will never get anwers.

For me one of the worst ones would be my own stupidity. Someone leaving me because of me, my inadequacy and my flaws. Knowing you lost perhaps one of the best things you ever had because you messed up or weren't good enough... hurts. That it could have ended in a much better way, or maybe wouldn't have ended at all, if it wasn't for your sheer idiocy. Breaking something you love beyond repair without even meaning to... Man, that's just brutal.

 

[Svensenberg]

For me one of the worst ones would be my own stupidity. Someone leaving me because of me, my inadequacy and my flaws. Knowing you lost perhaps one of the best things you ever had because you messed up or weren't good enough... hurts. That it could have ended in a much better way, or maybe wouldn't have ended at all, if it wasn't for your sheer idiocy. Breaking something you love beyond repair without even meaning to... Man, that's just brutal.

Agree completely. I think the worst way to lose someone isn't death. At least you still have good memories of that person and you know your love was valid, otherwise it wouldn't hurt so badly. The worst way to lose someone IMO is to have them just simply give up on you, either because they are in love with someone else now or you come to realize that they were using you from the start. Most people seem to think that hatred is the opposite of love, but I don't think so. Indifference is. Having someone who you thought loved you deeply suddenly turn around and act completely indifferently towards you in a time of need is one of the most painful things you can go through.

 

[Sina]

@INTJ_Eagle

You're right about the someone leaving suddenly part. The lack of closure definitely hurts. It didn't come to my mind earlier. If someone broke up with me suddenly and without explanation, that would hurt. But, in the grand scheme of things, I don't consider that a "loss". Losing people who don't have the courage to communicate directly is a gain, no matter how much it hurts at first.

Someone also made a point about losing someone because of one's mistakes. That was excellent. Yeah, it would hurt to know that I lost someone because I fucked up. It's unlikely, but it would hurt. Regret can be hard to live with. @Tove, your answer was very well-thought out. Thanks for that

 

[snowbell]

I feel that a person just disappearing is the worst because you never have any answers and don't know what/why they went...

To me it's one of the most cruel things you can do, all the more so because it takes so long to recover from...

 

[Xiong Mao]

@Boss I agree. For me, @Tove's answer is just as bad. @snowbell I know!!! :frustrating: Those are the two worst ways for me.

 

[changos]

I never lost a love partner due to death, in my case I believe it would be hard but not as other ways. Death due to some illness or health problem would be harder because the relationship becomes stronger (lots of care and dependency).

I believe lossing someone due to heavy cheating (betrayal) could hurt more (in diff ways) because you have to reprogram a lot of your memories and current ideas regarding reality with that person.

I feel that a person just disappearing is the worst because you never have any answers and don't know what/why they went...

To me it's one of the most cruel things you can do, all the more so because it takes so long to recover from...

Ohhhh that's true, no chance for questions and less for answers. This actually happened to a friend of mine.


She is very pretty and was prettier, very intelligent (not that it matters but that made her very popular) we were close friends and had a chance together but I never went for her... because of her temper, her personality, very problematic, erratic at times....

Well a not so close friend went for her and they were together for like a year or two. This was difficult for her because even being pretty and having lots of guys around her, very few attempted something so she was (still is) aware of her bad temper. They had lots of arguments and finally this guy, tired of trying and fighting went out with her one day only to say at the end of the day "never forget that I love you" and hugged her. He never appeared again, he knew that arguments had no future with her.

It took her several years to recover... no explanations, no answers, no contact... she went from anger to pain several times. Now she understands that he did a brave job and got tired of her but the sequels of that break up were just too big.

At present time we are not so friends anymore (diff reasons) but mostly because she ended very insecure about herself, she believes that despite her "gifts", a guy must be crazy or stupid to want something with her so she sees a lot of men like "I would like to" but she believes everybody is going to end up leaving her. Now she is in a very bad relationship with a divorcee, mostly because he has been able of somehow tolerate her... but hey that's a very bad relationship.......


sorry for the long story

 

[SJ1974]

I'm not sure if Death is actually easier per se, but being dumped by someone you cherish is crushing and can take even years to get over. I don't seeany actual rules to go by on this. It depends on the relationship & the person going through the loss plus the way it ended. I fully agree with Snowbell's comment of "I feel that a person just disappearing is the worst because you never have any answers and don't know what/why they went... To me it's one of the most cruel things you can do, all the more so because it takes so long to recover from..." but I don't think that is only by death. Some people completely erase and replace their mate very easily, like a fucking chapter in some bullshit book. No bitterness here! lol.

 

[GoodOldDreamer]

For me, the worst way a relationship ends is when there's infidelity. It's absolutely wretched. My last SO, nearly a decade ago now, cheated. It was like she took my heart that I had freely given her access to, and crushed it right in front of my eyes. On top of many other things, it made me physically ill for quite some time.

Death, on the hand, is not an issue for me. We're talking about the "worst" way here. Death, however, isn't painful. Sorrowful, yes. But everyone dies. That's just one of those things about life you have to deal with. And I have other personal beliefs that help in terms of losing loved ones in that manner too. And while I haven't lost a romantic loved one, I have lost grandparents I've cared deeply for, and my dad will probably be lucky to live another year due to health issues. So I've been there.

Losing a loved one to death sucks, but at least IMHO, it's not nearly the "worst" way to lose them.

 

[Cover3]

Personally, I'm ok with death. I actually find it rejuvenating and uplifting. Call me crazy, but I see it as a reminder to make the most out of your life. Plus, they never really "left" you. For me, the worst is having someone leave out of the blue without telling you why. :frustrating: (I've never been in a romantic relationship, so my opinion has no merit.)

it has huge merit actually.. being just ignored and not given any reason is probably the worst thing that can happen, provided the ignored party still had feelings for the other.

 

[Xiong Mao]

it has huge merit actually.. being just ignored and not given any reason is probably the worst thing that can happen, provided the ignored party still had feelings for the other.

This has only happened to me with my closest friendship...it sucks!

 

[Cover3]

This has only happened to me with my closest friendship...it sucks!

friendship.. ugh musta sucked =/

 

[SJ1974]

it has huge merit actually.. being just ignored and not given any reason is probably the worst thing that can happen, provided the ignored party still had feelings for the other.

This has only happened to me with my closest friendship...it sucks!

I agree 100%. I've been through it once only and I don't think I could go through it again. It is gut-wrenching. your mind never rests, you soul-search without end, you become hyper-sensitive. Feelings of hopelessness and despair conquer your mind. I would not wish it upon anyone, ever. I could go on and on about how terrible it is but I think the point is made. For me it is the absolute worst way to lose someone.

 

[Zster]

For me, losing my husband to death was by far the worst. One way it might have been even worse would be if he had not gone by natural causes, but was killed by another (drunk driver, murder, texting driver, etc...), then I would have to wrangle anger and blame along with the loss. Sudden unexpected death can also be more brutal than illness/somewhat expected death because the survivor gets no time to prepare.

I have lost due to cheating and falling out of love. While that hurt terribly because of the aspect that they chose to leave me, I am not haunted by the fact that the person no longer walks this earth (for me there is comfort that my exes are out there; living their lives). Also, when children are involved they NEVER get to see or hear their beloved dead father again. If I was broken up or divorced, they COULD still see the other parent.

 

[Thalassa]

The first boy I ever kissed died. It's much easier to lose someone to death, because as horrific and painful and as shocking as it is, you can accept the fact that, well, they're dead. There's nothing you did or they did to make the relationship end, they're just gone. I mean death is horrible and filled with grief and takes a while to recover from, and must be very horrible particularly for elderly couples who have been together for many decades...but I still think it's worse to lose someone who cuts you off inexplicably and just disappears with no explanation, or if you still love them but must leave them for your own health and well-being, or through outright betrayal.

 

[Ace Face]

Chalk up death for Ace. I don't have strong bonds with very many people, but when I form a strong bond with someone, I'm in it completely. Not an ounce of my passion isn't put into that relationship. I couldn't lose my partner to death. I wouldn't know what to do with myself. That intense bond isn't something I share with many people at all. If that bond were yanked away from me without it having been either of our choices (as death would not be a choice in most cases), that would be the hardest thing to cope with. In other circumstances, I would know that my partner obviously wasn't happy, and that's at least a reason. Having no reason other than death... that's not something I would ever like to deal with =S

 

[Thalassa]

most people seem to think that hatred is the opposite of love, but i don't think so. Indifference is. Having someone who you thought loved you deeply suddenly turn around and act completely indifferently towards you in a time of need is one of the most painful things you can go through.

this. This. This. This.