[pugnastik]

Worst youth for INFP? [ENTJ Borderline Personality Disorder single mother] + [no people that care]


Im emotionally devastated by my mum... by her tendency to rule at any cost and by her blindness to needs and emotions of others. Futhermore emotional development of a 15-year old (she is 45 now), it was sure fireworks...:frustrating:

It is so sad and so unfair, that child's development is purely based on parents/enviroment. If they fail, child is pretty screwed for life. Especially an INFP-child... :frustrating:

I'm 23 now, and I have no feeling of having lived 23 years or having had a youth or even having had a life. All I was doing 24/7 is surviving: put in emotional prison of my own psyche.

For an INFP in such hostile environment it's like a prison. I wished I was more logical Extroverted type. That way I would find much more sooner way out of this environment. But as an INFP, who's emotional needs were not met and who's feeling and opinions were constantly rejected and at who's conflicts were constantly inflicted (ENTJ loooooves winning conflicts...) and who's never praised for those special insights and qualities I have (INFP) and who is constantly being commented on everything (in her eyes) I do wrong and never if I do something right.

Sad that such things can happen. Sad that a child is powerless till certain age ("certain age" of an INFP is muuuuch higher than other types...).

The most sad in my eyes, is that a emotionally damaged child has never to chose to be that way. It was did to him/her, without him/her's consent. At the moment he has grown up enough to see that something at home is not right and not fair, it is already too late... Thus such child has to live (=it's not living though, it's surviving...) their whole live with these wounds.
At top of that, they have to pay the price "of being different" than "normal" (average to good youth) people.


How would world would be, if our world was an INFP-made world (instead of ENTJ made world)?
What's the furure of INFP's? Would evolution destroy us and our humanism, so that only one who are left are greedy materialistic egoists?

ENTJ's surely can make and lead an successful company during their life (short term). But long term it would not mean a thing: like an ant, working all his life and die in the end.

INFP's on other hand are the future. Founder of MBTI is literally an INFP! Insights of INFP's live fort, because they are to be used on all and to wellbeing of all!:mellow:

 

[refugee]

I can't say my youth was better or worse, but it was pretty bad. In fact, I had a conversation with my mom the other day and she told me (she's ISTJ) that she thought everybody was like her and that those who weren't like her were an aberration, a lazy good-for-nothing. Which isn't surprising because ISTJ's usually have very high moral standards and cannot tolerate insubordination. I was miserable because I was misunderstood and unappreciated for my unusual personality. It wasn't until recently that my parents looked up MBTI and started trying to understand me. They have expressed to me that they wished they knew about MBTI earlier so they wouldn't have given me all the childhood scars.

 

[Blue Butterfly]

I can feel your pain. I was raised by an ESTJ psychopath man and an ESFP party loving mother. And to top it off I was the family bastard. For the first 10 years of my life the ESTJ tortured me just to try to hurt my ESFP mother. There should be a law against people like that raising INFP children.

 

[Heuristyx]

A lot of people had bad childhoods. You can mope and use it as an excuse for the rest of your life, or you can rise above it. I suggest moving on with your life. You have to accept what happened.

Accept responsibility for where you are now. Once you do that, you can start moving forward towards positive change.

 

[rowingineden]

I don't think it is valid to compare one person's pain to another. Even if objectively one could say that one person's pain is not as serious as the other, it still feels just as intensely painful to them both.

Anyway, in my childhood, from ages 2-8, I was required by law to go on unsupervised visits with my biological father every other weekend, who was neglectful and psychologically abusive. He like to manipulate me, make me cry, implicitly threaten me with (physical/sexual) violence, etc. I also had a manipulative and suicidal grandmother, and a manipulative and mean great-grandmother.

Furthermore, I was located in Alabama, and a vegetarian, feminist, queer, androgyne, atheist with both ADHD and Aspy traits. So, yeah...

 

[hasenj]

I think we INFPs have an unusual ability to raise above all that, I don't know, but I feel I'm at a point where I just know what's right for me so I don't care what anyone else tries to make me do. I think I basically developed a dismissive attitude against these crazy criticizers.

 

[Goosefish]

I have an ENTJ mother, but we're pretty close--maybe because she is older (33 when I was born), not borderline--I don't know. And I don't know what your life has been like.

There are a lot of things that I could blame my parents for, that I probably used to blame my parents for, but parents are only human too. They have their own lives and stressors and ideas about the world. They make mistakes. They have faulty logic. They have blind spots. There are things that they don't know or can't understand.

I know you have been wronged by her, and this is an unfair thing for me to ask, but be gentle with her. Look at her a little closer. Don't think of her as your mom. Think of her as a person. She probably has reasons. They might not be easy to accept, but maybe if you can understand them and come to see her as just another person, you can forgive her?

 

[Aßbiscuits]

Cause it's so much easier to be an ENTJ. We just have life set out for us right? Wrong. I hate to inform you but everybody suffers. Including your mother.

How hypocritical is it to claim no-one understands you when you're obviously not willing to understand them?

 

[rowingineden]

AB might have a point: maybe you should dare to imagine the same events, from your mother's perspective.