Would an ISFP act like this?
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I'm thinking my twin sister is most likely an ISFP but there are a few things about her which seem very un-ISFP but could very well be ISFP at the same time.
She is typically easygoing/passive around others but is the exact opposite with a few people in her life [This includes me and her ex-boyfriend.]
She is extremely critical around me..anything I do or say warrants some kind of criticism from her. She tries to act like a know-it-all around me all the time..even when she is clearly wrong about something and can easily be proven wrong- it doesn't stop her from trying. I can't react to her criticisms because then she gets angry and argumentative. I used to react too much but now I just kind of ignore her when she gets like that. It's impossible to have a conversation with her, since it's like stepping on eggshells. She exudes negativity when around me. My sister is moody and I feel like she says things sometimes because she wants to "get into a fight" with me. She complains that I never want to spend time with her but when we do spend time together, she's always being uber-critical of what I have to say and then I avoid her more..and the cycle continues. I will admit that even though I love my sister, I feel like avoiding her has been good for me in many ways..
We get along sometimes but our relationship has been strained a lot by a bitter sibling rivalry..I was a better student than she was in high school and she has always been looking for ways to be "superior" to me..she has 'accomplished this' by taking on a superior attitude towards me at all times no matter what. If I'm right about something and she's wrong, she's still 'better than me' anyway.
The thing is that she treats very few people in her life like that. She is often overly passive/accommodating towards many of her not-too-close friends and those she probably feels "intimidated" by. She actually had a 'friend' in high school who was too dominating/controlling/annoying etc towards her and the advice I gave my sister (which she never followed) was to "treat her like you treat me and she'll leave you alone"..my sister was too afraid to confront this person at all.
There are many signs which point to ISFP but this makes her seem more T-ish and J-ish.
Also if anyone wants to give me advice..I'll just say that I've tried confronting her on this very issue before..it doesn't go over well because she is very unwilling to admit that she's wrong about something to me. She gets emotional and it's impossible to get her to see my side of things..I feel like she disregards everything I have to say. She definitely does a lot of things she does to me to put me down. If I seem happy, she will try to find a way to make me miserable.
With that said, she is a great person and you'd probably like her a lot if you met her.
She's often very caring and thoughtful. She just has this passive-aggressive manner about her in which she treats most people passively and a few people aggressively.
She is typically easygoing/passive around others but is the exact opposite with a few people in her life [This includes me and her ex-boyfriend.]
She is extremely critical around me..anything I do or say warrants some kind of criticism from her. She tries to act like a know-it-all around me all the time..even when she is clearly wrong about something and can easily be proven wrong- it doesn't stop her from trying. I can't react to her criticisms because then she gets angry and argumentative. I used to react too much but now I just kind of ignore her when she gets like that. It's impossible to have a conversation with her, since it's like stepping on eggshells. She exudes negativity when around me. My sister is moody and I feel like she says things sometimes because she wants to "get into a fight" with me. She complains that I never want to spend time with her but when we do spend time together, she's always being uber-critical of what I have to say and then I avoid her more..and the cycle continues. I will admit that even though I love my sister, I feel like avoiding her has been good for me in many ways..
We get along sometimes but our relationship has been strained a lot by a bitter sibling rivalry..I was a better student than she was in high school and she has always been looking for ways to be "superior" to me..she has 'accomplished this' by taking on a superior attitude towards me at all times no matter what. If I'm right about something and she's wrong, she's still 'better than me' anyway.
The thing is that she treats very few people in her life like that. She is often overly passive/accommodating towards many of her not-too-close friends and those she probably feels "intimidated" by. She actually had a 'friend' in high school who was too dominating/controlling/annoying etc towards her and the advice I gave my sister (which she never followed) was to "treat her like you treat me and she'll leave you alone"..my sister was too afraid to confront this person at all.
There are many signs which point to ISFP but this makes her seem more T-ish and J-ish.
Also if anyone wants to give me advice..I'll just say that I've tried confronting her on this very issue before..it doesn't go over well because she is very unwilling to admit that she's wrong about something to me. She gets emotional and it's impossible to get her to see my side of things..I feel like she disregards everything I have to say. She definitely does a lot of things she does to me to put me down. If I seem happy, she will try to find a way to make me miserable.
With that said, she is a great person and you'd probably like her a lot if you met her.
She's often very caring and thoughtful. She just has this passive-aggressive manner about her in which she treats most people passively and a few people aggressively.
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I think I found your side of the problem right here: "I was a better student than she was in high school" and "she is very unwilling to admit that she's wrong about something to me."
Look at how you treat her. You look down on her far too often and she senses that very well. She doesn't give a flying f* about who's right or wrong, she cares about the way that you talk to her. Trying to make her say "I was wrong" will only increase that feeling in her.
If you want my advice, just tell her "Look, I know I've been treating you badly. Is there any chance that you can forgive me?" and act like you are equal to her in pretty much all respect, and don't engage in right vs wrong at all with her.
She holds blame as well, but you have very well pointed that out already, so I'll keep it to the other part, You.
Look at how you treat her. You look down on her far too often and she senses that very well. She doesn't give a flying f* about who's right or wrong, she cares about the way that you talk to her. Trying to make her say "I was wrong" will only increase that feeling in her.
If you want my advice, just tell her "Look, I know I've been treating you badly. Is there any chance that you can forgive me?" and act like you are equal to her in pretty much all respect, and don't engage in right vs wrong at all with her.
She holds blame as well, but you have very well pointed that out already, so I'll keep it to the other part, You.
She's often the one to initiate these right vs. wrong battles these days..
There are many ways she looks down on me or at the very least..acts like she looks down on me.
I can't have a pleasant conversation with her most of the time since she jumps on something I say or do pretty quickly. She is very curt with me.
She has a good memory though and could very much hold grudges over things I did when we were younger. We've had our own fair share of fights. I've said some pretty mean things in the past which I'm sure I already apologized for but still..
I guess the best thing I can do is to make sure I'm not doing that on my side and be careful.
Thanks for the advice!
There are many ways she looks down on me or at the very least..acts like she looks down on me.
I can't have a pleasant conversation with her most of the time since she jumps on something I say or do pretty quickly. She is very curt with me.
She has a good memory though and could very much hold grudges over things I did when we were younger. We've had our own fair share of fights. I've said some pretty mean things in the past which I'm sure I already apologized for but still..
I guess the best thing I can do is to make sure I'm not doing that on my side and be careful.
Thanks for the advice!
That's because she wants to take you down one notch. She does not care about being right or wrong, she probably only wants to wipe that look of your face. If you're the better person, just let her have it and pay attention to more serious issues instead. It takes a lot of courage to swallow your own pride, but if you do you'll end up happier in the end.
Words are hollow without meaning and context. Let your love for her shine through in your person and actions and I'm sure that she'll appreciate you for it.
Good luck.
Words are hollow without meaning and context. Let your love for her shine through in your person and actions and I'm sure that she'll appreciate you for it.
Good luck.
I'm not sure if this is ISFP behavior or not, though it's not healthy regardless of personality type. I will say that there are people in this world who have a hard time forgiving, and even worse they NEVER forget. Your sister may very well fit that mold. You apologized, but she may not have accepted it. She may not WANT to let it go. She may want to use it to get back at you. In which case, it's better for you two to not be around one another. Her not being able to get over something you said isn't your fault, but you did help her get there.
Perhaps you can email her and inform her of the way she criticizes you. Tell her how it makes you feel, and that it's her attitude toward you that strains your relationship further. She will have two choices; stop behaving in this manner, or not. It's up to her. Just let her know that as long as she continues, you probably won't be spending much time with her. It would be good if she was up front with you about why she treats you the way she does, but if she really is an ISFP, that may be unlikely.
If she's fine with treating you badly, there will be consequences. It's time she realized this. She's not a kid anymore. Similarly, if she is that hurt over past slights, well now you know the consequences of not holding your tongue.
It sounds like a sad situation. I would just let her know how you feel, and do what YOU have to do to keep yourself in good company.
Best of luck.
Perhaps you can email her and inform her of the way she criticizes you. Tell her how it makes you feel, and that it's her attitude toward you that strains your relationship further. She will have two choices; stop behaving in this manner, or not. It's up to her. Just let her know that as long as she continues, you probably won't be spending much time with her. It would be good if she was up front with you about why she treats you the way she does, but if she really is an ISFP, that may be unlikely.
If she's fine with treating you badly, there will be consequences. It's time she realized this. She's not a kid anymore. Similarly, if she is that hurt over past slights, well now you know the consequences of not holding your tongue.
It sounds like a sad situation. I would just let her know how you feel, and do what YOU have to do to keep yourself in good company.
Best of luck.
I find I'm quick to forgive, but will remember what people did for years. If you have done the RightVWrong thing with her, she'll remember and if it comes up she'll hold it against you.
A good example is me and my sister (INFJ). When we argue it's generally always that I'm looking at a small part of the argument i.e. the thing that happened, and she'll look at it in the form of how it's affected everything and how we got to that point. I then can remember when she's done something similar and say how she reacted and compare (basically saying we're both wrong or both right in different ways).
Also: It sounds like she feels a bit down around you, especially if you KNOW you're better at school etc (my sister is a much higher achiever than me, but I never hold it against her or compare myself to her anymore, because I just can't compete in that area). You need to give her compliments when she does something good (for example, I draw more than my sister and if she compliments me on that it makes me happy. Also, I'm better socially, so we even out). Just help her find what she's better at than you and help her with it.
A good example is me and my sister (INFJ). When we argue it's generally always that I'm looking at a small part of the argument i.e. the thing that happened, and she'll look at it in the form of how it's affected everything and how we got to that point. I then can remember when she's done something similar and say how she reacted and compare (basically saying we're both wrong or both right in different ways).
Also: It sounds like she feels a bit down around you, especially if you KNOW you're better at school etc (my sister is a much higher achiever than me, but I never hold it against her or compare myself to her anymore, because I just can't compete in that area). You need to give her compliments when she does something good (for example, I draw more than my sister and if she compliments me on that it makes me happy. Also, I'm better socially, so we even out). Just help her find what she's better at than you and help her with it.
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