[Mute_Spittah]

What do you guys think? Like, a serious long lasting commitment. What bumps would there be for these two types?

 

[Eye of the Potato]

Hi, Welcome to the forum!

I've been with an istp for about 6 years. So yes it can work long term.

There have been plenty bumps but they have all resolved themselves (well there are still a few bumps but they'll get resolved in their own good time too

My inability to take criticism was one thing that caused a lot of strife for us. Him having a critical nature and all.
I would get really defensive and feel like I was being put down all the time, but I have learned how to step back and take criticism for what it is. I really don't think I would have learned how to do that if it wasn't for him. He's learned, from me, how to deliver criticism in a manner that wont send the other person running screaming from the room, so all in all that was a good bump.

At the beginning he couldn't figure out how he felt and saw no future with me. This inability of his, to recognise his own feelings, caused us a serious amount of grief. I ended up thinking I was being rejected and I actually went off the rails for a while (I was heading in that direction anyway, but the rejection was the straw that broke the camels back. ) Me going off the rails made him even more confused about his feelings, because what sane person wants to commit to someone who is off the rails? It was a kind of catch 22 situation. If you read any of the other enfp/istp threads here, you'll see the same pattern emerging. There seems to be a lot of back and forth carry on at the start. It takes time for an istp to access their feeling side, enfp's know straight away and are confused as to why the istp doesn't feel the same and we start over analysing and ruining our heads with it.

He is a completely changed person from when I got with him first (well in being able to show emotion at least, he's still the same badass I fell in love with). He was only saying the other night "remember this guy" as he sat covering his face with his hands. He doesn't do that anymore. Thank god!

 

[Erbse]

Generally it's others not lasting with the ISTP for too long, rather than vice versa

 

[Eye of the Potato]

Generally it's others not lasting with the ISTP for too long, rather than vice versa

Yeah, cos istp's like to wear people repellant. :laughing:

 

[MXZCCT]

Yeah, cos istp's like to wear people repellant. :laughing:

Only when we want to be alone. Which is, admittedly, more than other MBTI types.

 

[chinotto]

At base I'd say ENFPs and ISTPs tend challenge each other to grow. This happens naturally because we are good at very different things, and we approach the world through different lenses. At the end of the day though in my experience we see the world in very similar ways. Just approach it from different sides.

If both people are up for the challenge at the same level, if there's the will and trust and patience, it shall be epic and can certainly work long term.

If either party resists or doesn't want to take it as far as the other, then both will still learn a lot from being challenged, but it will be unstable and cause some grief, some friction (possibly A LOT of friction!).

Give it a try, and trust your instincts : )
I think it's something you can't think yourself around. You just have to try and see what happens.

 

[LotusBlossom]

@Linnifae is married to one.

 

[MXZCCT]

At base I'd say ENFPs and ISTPs tend challenge each other to grow. This happens naturally because we are good at very different things, and we approach the world through different lenses. At the end of the day though in my experience we see the world in very similar ways. Just approach it from different sides.

If both people are up for the challenge at the same level, if there's the will and trust and patience, it shall be epic and can certainly work long term.

If either party resists or doesn't want to take it as far as the other, then both will still learn a lot from being challenged, but it will be unstable and cause some grief, some friction (possibly A LOT of friction!).

Give it a try, and trust your instincts : )
I think it's something you can't think yourself around. You just have to try and see what happens.

Yeah. Friction is one hell of word to describe my relationship with my ENFX. There are many, many things we disagree on. It does not help we are both extremely stubborn.

 

[DustyDrill]

Who cares? If you have the opportunity and you like her... just do it. You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

 

[MrSmashem]

Depends on the people. Anything is possible when it comes to types and relationships.

Based on my personal experience with them though, no. The ENFP's I've met were pretty intriguing at first, but the deeper things got with them, the less I liked them. I couldn't imagine dating/marrying one, I'd go nuts.

Edit:

Yeah. Friction is one hell of word to describe my relationship with my ENFX. There are many, many things we disagree on. It does not help we are both extremely stubborn.

This.

I don't see eye to eye with many ENFP's and in my experience they tend to think they're right and I tend to think I'm right...so stuff never gets anywhere and it just becomes one big hassle(especially, because when you get close to them, they like to try and change you/tell you what you're doing wrong and how to fix it...which usually won't match up with your definition of wrong, so it becomes something like, "You really should respect other people's feelings"..."I do, that's why I'm honest about stuff"...."Yeah, but it hurts peoples feelings sometimes, you should be more tactful"..."Ummm, no?"...."Stop being so selfish"..."But I'm not"...."Then be more tactful!"..."Whatever...I'm done"). I will say ENFP's(again in my experience) are great for shallow relationships though...I.E. going out and having fun...that we can both do.

 

[Linnifae]

I think common values and goals are far more important than common functions or letters. We both admire each other for our differences and are committed to each other in spite of challenges. Of course I'm not the strongest of Fs so maybe that helps...and his N is pretty strong so we perhaps get each other better than others of our same types may.

Also, it just depends what you want from a relationship. I want someone to give me realistic, logical advice. He wants someone to keep things exciting and remind him not to stuck in his own introverted rut. If you want perfect understanding, avoid the pairing, if you want a different perspective and a chance for growth, give it a shot!

 

[Mute_Spittah]

Thanks for the replies guys. Some interesting stuff.

 

[Linnifae]

Depends on the people. Anything is possible when it comes to types and relationships.

Based on my personal experience with them though, no. The ENFP's I've met were pretty intriguing at first, but the deeper things got with them, the less I liked them. I couldn't imagine dating/marrying one, I'd go nuts.

Edit:

This.

I don't see eye to eye with many ENFP's and in my experience they tend to think they're right and I tend to think I'm right...so stuff never gets anywhere and it just becomes one big hassle(especially, because when you get close to them, they like to try and change you/tell you what you're doing wrong and how to fix it...which usually won't match up with your definition of wrong, so it becomes something like, "You really should respect other people's feelings"..."I do, that's why I'm honest about stuff"...."Yeah, but it hurts peoples feelings sometimes, you should be more tactful"..."Ummm, no?"...."Stop being so selfish"..."But I'm not"...."Then be more tactful!"..."Whatever...I'm done"). I will say ENFP's(again in my experience) are great for shallow relationships though...I.E. going out and having fun...that we can both do.

I love the fact that ISTPs just say it like it is, no game playing, what you see is what you get. Yeah they're not the most tactful people...but sometimes you need someone blunt. We never asked the other to change, just to understand us and that we're not just like the other. Once that was established it was relatively smooth sailing for the most part.

Edit: And our relationship certainly has it's share of fun but we've never been a couple that was just about a shallow good time. Can't relate to that.

 

[chinotto]

ISTPs are experts in reality and tangible tools. ENFPs are experts in possibilities and feelings. If they work together as a team they can kick major butt. Also ENFPs can challenge ISTPs to think about the future, their plans, what they are capable of; ISTPs can help ENFPs stay grounded and challenge us to deal with realities so we can better execute our ideas, and keep our feelings in perspective so they don't overwhelm us.

ENFPs however, especially younger ones, can be super sensitive and kind of myopic. For the above to work, both have to see outside of their own perspective, to see, value, and benefit from the other's perspective. Our views on things can be very, very similar, just from different angles. It's like together you get 3-D glasses instead of 2 flat images. A 360 view of things instead of a 180 view.

But if you you don't understand each other you may drive each other bananas. You just look at different sides of the same coin and shout "Look, it's heads!" "No, it's tails!"

: )

 

[n2freedom]

If you want perfect understanding, avoid the pairing, if you want a different perspective and a chance for growth, give it a shot!

Well said!!!

 

[jessmk7]

I don't see eye to eye with many ENFP's and in my experience they tend to think they're right and I tend to think I'm right...so stuff never gets anywhere and it just becomes one big hassle(especially, because when you get close to them, they like to try and change you/tell you what you're doing wrong and how to fix it...which usually won't match up with your definition of wrong, so it becomes something like, "You really should respect other people's feelings"..."I do, that's why I'm honest about stuff"...."Yeah, but it hurts peoples feelings sometimes, you should be more tactful"..."Ummm, no?"...."Stop being so selfish"..."But I'm not"...."Then be more tactful!"..."Whatever...I'm done"). I will say ENFP's(again in my experience) are great for shallow relationships though...I.E. going out and having fun...that we can both do.

I can see this with enfp's who haven't learned how to step back from their emotions. When I was younger I might have done that kind of irrational circling, really thinking the other person was wrong too. I am very close in Fi-Ti, though, and the things I love most about my istp friend and brother is the mutual respect for space and individualism, it is there to learn from- not to change. I can't see myself trying to change anyone. Normally it's people trying to change me. Which is probably why I'm just starting to date my istp friend... He let's me be me and I let him be him; it's never boring that way or intrusive. It might help with the developed T; I can be almost equally as brutal and don't really get offended easy.

I can't say if it'll work long term since the relationship part for me is new, but in my entire family, I'm the only one my brother will really talk to, since he was a tot, and say he loves he's my favorite person in the world! Hmm he could be where I've gotten some of my T, I get what he says and can't be incongruent with something I respect. Also I know he's very silent but strongheaded so whenever we disagree and I say something that he rolls his eyes to or something, I know my argument was faulty logically and admit it, then he helps me fix it. It's not even worth asking him to be sensitive though ha! Thats like a challenge for him to be more insensitive. Once I asked him to try not to make our sister cry this time, he looked at me with a "you're crazy"/"we'll see" smile, and I knew it was gonna be bad- he def made her cry and laughed about how easy it was (which I couldn't help but kinda laugh a little too.... Sorry sis....) but I value it so much because he can't be fake.

Just be real, true to your own values foremost, and see what happens.

 

[Falling Leaves]

I've said this before and I'll doubtless say it again: Whether or not a relationship will or won't work long term has nothing to do with MBTI types. Every road we go down has it's bumps, it's about whether we push on anyway or give up.

MBTI can be used to guess the nature of the bumps which we might come across, but it can never tell us where they are and how best to navigate them. That part comes down to the two people in the relationship as individuals; do they appreciate the beauty of the ride enough to tolerate the odd hard-knock? If you try to ascertain the quality of the road as the deciding factor as to whether or not you want to go down it, you're going to miss out on a lot of beautiful scenery.

I guess what I'm trying to say is you can't use MBTI to emulate what problems may arise because absolutely anything can happen (besides, the worst setbacks are usually the ones which come completely out of the blue and are independant of someones personality type). Use MBTI to create a better understanding of a person, not to second-guess whether or not it will "work". Maybe a conflict in personality types will cause stormy waters ahead, but it's by working through these and developing a better understanding of other persectives is how we grow as people. It's how we become better drivers.

 

[jessmk7]

I've said this before and I'll doubtless say it again: Whether or not a relationship will or won't work long term has nothing to do with MBTI types. Every road we go down has it's bumps, it's about whether we push on anyway or give up.

MBTI can be used to guess the nature of the bumps which we might come across, but it can never tell us where they are and how best to navigate them. That part comes down to the two people in the relationship as individuals; do they appreciate the beauty of the ride enough to tolerate the odd hard-knock? If you try to ascertain the quality of the road as the deciding factor as to whether or not you want to go down it, you're going to miss out on a lot of beautiful scenery.

I guess what I'm trying to say is you can't use MBTI to emulate what problems may arise because absolutely anything can happen! Besides, the worst setbacks are usually the ones which come completely out of the blue and are independant of someones personality type. Use MBTI to create a better understanding of a person, not to second-guess whether or not it will "work". Maybe a conflict in personality types will cause stormy waters ahead, but it's by working through these and developing a better understanding of other persectives is how we grow as people. It's how we become better drivers.

All this is true, but can he not try to see where they might generally have hardships and see how to take the other. I thought learning about different types and how better to communicate was what this site was for...

 

[Falling Leaves]

All this is true, but can he not try to see where they might generally have hardships and see how to take the other. I thought learning about different types and how better to communicate was what this site was for...

Yep, I wholeheartedly agree with you, MBTI can be a very useful tool in understanding how people are, why they do things and how you can best deal with it. But at the same time I think it's very easy to fall into the trap of overthinking it and to start creating and seeing problems when there are none. If he likes an ENFP, or any other type for that matter, he should just go for it and use the skills he has learnt from MBTI to adapt himself to make it work as he goes along and begins to learn and understand about their individual personality, not their type.

Though I do agree some prior knowledge of how you may conflict with another type is useful, entering a relationship with a heavy bias that someone will overpower you with their F/be emotionally distant with their T/etc can do more harm than good; it makes you want to seek out that behaviour in them because it 'fits', not because it is.

 

[jessmk7]

Yep, I wholeheartedly agree with you, MBTI can be a very useful tool in understanding how people are, why they do things and how you can best deal with it. But at the same time I think it's very easy to fall into the trap of overthinking it and to start creating and seeing problems when there are none. If he likes an ENFP, or any other type for that matter, he should just go for it and use the skills he has learnt from MBTI to adapt himself to make it work as he goes along and begins to learn and understand about their individual personality, not their type.

Though I do agree some prior knowledge of how you may conflict with another type is useful, entering a relationship with a heavy bias that someone will overpower you with their F/be emotionally distant with their T/etc can do more harm than good; it makes you want to seek out that behaviour in them because it 'fits', not because it is.

I see where you're coming from. Thats true. I have more to expand from, but it's basically affirmation and I'm tired and can't sort it out right.