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So the thing is - I have this friend - we used to like each other and were sort of dating several years ago, but then things ended abruptly - he found a girlfriend in someone who was his best friend. We would still rarely meet and have deep conversations, he started to express regret and left his girlfriend for me, but already had plans to leave the continent for a couple of months. When he came back we had sex and afterwards I felt frightened (which I never explained to him) and started to avoid him, he renewed relationship with his former girlfriend and we stopped communicating for a while. Naturally we started to talk again, met a couple of times and had sex (this time he cheated on his girlfriend) and after a couple of days I said that I want to be with him and he said that he needs to be single. He initiated for us to meet and to talk about everything, but somehow we did not meet and again stopped communicating. A year or more passed, he now is together with the same girl he was then, we're talking again, this time I hope we will be strictly platonic, cause his intellect and insights have an immense value. Just the other day we met and were sitting and talking about some philosophical stuff, he then rested his head on my shoulder, hugged me for a long time and was holding my hands. It was innocent and tender, and maybe it only seemed romantic to me because we have a past. I realised it only after, that actually maybe that was not appropriate and there needs to be some boundaries for the sake of everyone. What would be his motivation behind actions like these? Why would he be so cuddly? What do you think about this overall? I could really use some objectivity.
 

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Sounds like a philanderer, has sex with you and doesn't communicate for a long time. Comes back has sex with you again despite having a lover?

Girl, the guy doesn't have any intention to have a honest relationship with you. Give up on him unless you want to hurt yourself.
Who knows what other women he'd been with....
 

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So the thing is - I have this friend - we used to like each other and were sort of dating several years ago, but then things ended abruptly - he found a girlfriend in someone who was his best friend. We would still rarely meet and have deep conversations, he started to express regret and left his girlfriend for me, but already had plans to leave the continent for a couple of months. When he came back we had sex and afterwards I felt frightened (which I never explained to him) and started to avoid him, he renewed relationship with his former girlfriend and we stopped communicating for a while. Naturally we started to talk again, met a couple of times and had sex (this time he cheated on his girlfriend) and after a couple of days I said that I want to be with him and he said that he needs to be single. He initiated for us to meet and to talk about everything, but somehow we did not meet and again stopped communicating. A year or more passed, he now is together with the same girl he was then, we're talking again, this time I hope we will be strictly platonic, cause his intellect and insights have an immense value. Just the other day we met and were sitting and talking about some philosophical stuff, he then rested his head on my shoulder, hugged me for a long time and was holding my hands. It was innocent and tender, and maybe it only seemed romantic to me because we have a past. I realised it only after, that actually maybe that was not appropriate and there needs to be some boundaries for the sake of everyone. What would be his motivation behind actions like these? Why would he be so cuddly? What do you think about this overall? I could really use some objectivity.
This is not friendship.

Perhaps you are merely interested in his intellect and insight, but I doubt this is the case because you allowed him to rest his head on your shoulder, and held his hand; which are intimate. To me this suggests you have at least some feelings for this person, however fleeting. This is not good. I recommend moving on and finding a new friend /s to provide deep and meaningful conversations without drama. His motivations for doing so are no mystery at all, he wants to be sexual with you. He wants to keep women, his gf and you, giving him what he desires. That's neither a friend nor a valuable ally of any sort.
 
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