intuitivisions wrote: Would like to hear your thoughts on a confusing friendship with an INTP
So the thing is - I have this friend - we used to like each other and were sort of dating several years ago, but then things ended abruptly - he found a girlfriend in someone who was his best friend. We would still rarely meet and have deep conversations, he started to express regret and left his girlfriend for me, but already had plans to leave the continent for a couple of months. When he came back we had sex and afterwards I felt frightened (which I never explained to him) and started to avoid him, he renewed relationship with his former girlfriend and we stopped communicating for a while. Naturally we started to talk again, met a couple of times and had sex (this time he cheated on his girlfriend) and after a couple of days I said that I want to be with him and he said that he needs to be single. He initiated for us to meet and to talk about everything, but somehow we did not meet and again stopped communicating.
A year or more passed, he now is together with the same girl he was then, we're talking again, this time I hope we will be strictly platonic, cause his intellect and insights have an immense value. Just the other day we met and were sitting and talking about some philosophical stuff, he then rested his head on my shoulder, hugged me for a long time and was holding my hands. It was innocent and tender, and maybe it only seemed romantic to me because we have a past. I realised it only after, that actually maybe that was not appropriate and there needs to be some boundaries for the sake of everyone. What would be his motivation behind actions like these? Why would he be so cuddly? What do you think about this overall? I could really use some objectivity.
Whenever he wants whatever it is he does it: And 'it' happens to be sex according to his schedule.
That isn't a 'platonic friend,' or in my book any kind of person to have as a friend, although I do understand and empathize with the pull of intellectual/psychological satisfaction:
You may have to wait a long time to get anything akin to that aspect of the relationship with someone else but considering how you never know when it will abruptly be cut-off, you'll be in control this time if you take charge and end it, and don't look back.
Hard to do? Yes.
Then you'll be in a better place for the right friend or sexual/romantic relationship.
As is, you're being pulled, and allowing yourself to be pulled, in conflicting directions, which can't be good for your life over all--not just regarding this particular relationship.