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Discussion Starter #1
Let's say we're intimate friends. We've known each other a long time.

We're sitting around in the house, talking about stuff, "chilling" as it were. Nothing important going on. Then, I say to you suddenly, "I know people like you, you are not as unique or smart as you think you are. I can actually tell you about other people who are exactly like you."

Disregarding the fact that you know about personality types and so on, what would be your inward and outward reaction? How pissed would you be? What would you say to me? What would you feel?
 

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Well first it sounds like an assumption, that I think I am unique or smart, and I would probably say something self deprecating like "I know" in response, before asking who these people are and then making up my own mind as to how similar I am.

Obviously there are some people in the world who are more similar to one another and I don't doubt that there are some people who are very like me in the world, but maybe not very many of them. The typical stereotype (negative) of the INFP is that they value their individuality so much that any challenge to it will just make them shout "How dare you!??" to such a question as you've asked. But I really doubt many INFP's would act this way in real life.

But disregarding all that, why would you say this exactly? To bring them down a notch?
 

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Let's say we're intimate friends. We've known each other a long time.

We're sitting around in the house, talking about stuff, "chilling" as it were. Nothing important going on. Then, I say to you suddenly, "I know people like you, you are not as unique or smart as you think you are. I can actually tell you about other people who are exactly like you."

Disregarding the fact that you know about personality types and so on, what would be your inward and outward reaction? How pissed would you be? What would you say to me? What would you feel?
Ohhh i would be very pissed off! Tbh. But how i react will depend on your delivery of your words - tone, pitch, how accusing you are.

It actually hurts me when other people question my abilities. If you don't find me smart, i dont mind. I respect your opinion but don't start discussing it by being harsh. You have to phrase it. Ask questions. For one i don't think you can understand anyone 100%. Even when you are already living with that person, it is impossible to know everything about a person 100% so assuming that i am not smart and/or unique, you have to have absolute REAL data to back it up because whatever data you're going to present i think it will be invalidated. Why? Because no data can capture the real "personality" of an individual. You can know bits and pieces, probably up to 90% but i dont believe anyone can go beyond that. Even my mom she didn't know me 100% and i lived with her for 27 years!


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Discussion Starter #5
But disregarding all that, why would you say this exactly? To bring them down a notch?
Yes. They have been acting like they're uniquely intelligent or insightful but actually have done nothing in their life to merit such self-image. All they do is talk about people and what they are really like or criticize them in a passive-aggressive way, showing subtle signs that the people they talk about are not up to their lofty standards. They do this all the time, but only to me because they don't have the courage to do it to people's faces and suddenly I snap, saying those things in the OP, but in a mild, matter-of-fact manner. And of course they get pissed at me, and say "I don't know who they are."

And they are not a thinking type, that's for hundred percent sure.

My purpose with this post is actually to try and see if I had known any INFPs in the past. So far, I don't think so. Maybe the person I'm thinking of is an INFJ. But who knows.
 

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I was originally intrigued by your questioning, but now that I've read the reasoning behind your inquiry, it makes a lot more sense now.

"I know people like you, you are not as unique or smart as you think you are. I can actually tell you about other people who are exactly like you."
Don't know what I did to warrant that comment. O___O

Let's assume "my" framework of a close/intimate friendship. You making that statement would catch me off guard, because I "should" already know "said person". But hypothetically speaking, let's say I don't know that person:

1. I'd be interested in meeting them, if a bit confused as to why you've never told me about said person.

2. Then it would sorta register that your statement doesn't really make much sense. While I do pride myself on my individuality / intelligence, I don't flaunt it all that much in an attempt to win validation.

All they do is talk about people and what they are really like or criticize them in a passive-aggressive way, showing subtle signs that the people they talk about are not up to their lofty standards.
Really cutting gossip like that is just a way of avoiding talking about oneself's failures to reach those lofty standards. Not saying I don't do that, :frustrating: but that's not what I talk about with close friends. Maybe if I'm venting for catharsis? I did that a lot when I worked in retail. Ahhhhh... glad those days are behind me, lol.
 

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I'd tell them to go pound salt in their ass. It just seems like an inflammatory remark, like, what kind of purpose does it serve? It doesn't seem like a friendly thing to do.

I personally know (and take comfort in knowing) I share likeness with others and recognize that I'm moron just like everyone else. So I'd tell them that too.

--

With your friend, why don't you just go about it more constructively? Or, with a little more tact. Just talk to them about their behavior without the snide insults. Or just stop being their friend.
 

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Discussion Starter #9
With your friend, why don't you just go about it more constructively? Or, with a little more tact. Just talk to them about their behavior without the snide insults. Or just stop being their friend.
I don't think you get point of the thread. See my second post.
 

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Let me digest your post one by one (and i hope it can be at par to how you guys are digesting a situation).


Yes. They have been acting like they're uniquely intelligent or insightful but actually have done nothing in their life to merit such self-image. All they do is talk about people and what they are really like or criticize them in a passive-aggressive way, showing subtle signs that the people they talk about are not up to their lofty standards.
How did you come up with that conclusion i.e. thinking they're acting like uniquely intelligent or insightful but all they do is talk about people and what they really like? I need specific scenarios here because for all we know, it's just a misunderstanding on both parties.

Criticizing? all people criticize. No exemption. It's a basic human nature. In addition, one may not be criticizing but just giving out opinion but the other party recognizes it as a critic. Again, this boils to how you guys know each other i.e. when the other criticizes and when it's just an opinion.

Admittedly, infps have high standards, but most especially on themselves. I for one is not satisfied with how i treat others. I believe it could have been better. However, when i am stressed out, i tend to be very critical and rigid. It's not something i like - it just comes out as a defense mechanism unconsciously. If i think i am not in the right position to be critical, i apologize sincerely. If i thought that both committed mistakes, i still apologize though half-heartedly. The problem with me (and maybe other infps) is the non-communicative part because of our excessive dislike for conflicts. I apologize half-heartedlly but i bottle up the feelings inside that it should have been mutual. I will be quite distant to that person and will no longer trust the person. Oftentimes, i tell my close friends about it - why i distrust that person. Yes it may be a form of gossip but it's not my intention - i just want to explain to the people im close with why i no longer hang out with that person especially if they are in the same group, but as much as possible i don't want to tell our common friends / acquaintances about it because i dislike gossip myself.


They do this all the time, but only to me because they don't have the courage to do it to people's faces and suddenly I snap, saying those things in the OP, but in a mild, matter-of-fact manner. And of course they get pissed at me, and say "I don't know who they are."
And they are not a thinking type, that's for hundred percent sure.
Same as above, admittedly we are non-communicative of some issues, but that's because we don't want to start any ruckus or conflicts. If it's not really that important, i would rather keep quiet about it and slowly walk away...


My purpose with this post is actually to try and see if I had known any INFPs in the past. So far, I don't think so. Maybe the person I'm thinking of is an INFJ. But who knows.
I don't know.. hahaha.. i cannot answer this myself. But speaking for myself, i have high standards of myself and when i become critical, i resent it afterwards, and super loathe myself. However if i feel that the other party is the one at fault, if we are not close enough, i will just walk away. I even left companies because of this - instead of engaging myself in petty fights or gossips, i will just remove myself from the picture and start again with my life.
 

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Discussion Starter #12
It's mostly about your friend's attitude. You were just trying to type them on behalf of their negative behavior?
I'm trying to understand how INFPs react to general stress and then a confrontation. This is not all about my (past) friend, although it would be good to see if she was an INFP too. Because I knew her very intimately. My belief is that people can only be seen for what they really are in their worst moments and in confrontations. I'm now convinced she's not an INFP at all, because I'm seeing auxiliary Ne really at work here in the INFP forum and she didn't look at things like this at all.

On another note, I'm starting to realize (with regret) how valuable the INFP kind of intelligence is and how things would have been a thousand times better for my life if I had an INFP friend or girlfriend. It is actually painful to imagine how things would have turned out for me for the better. (This may seem like an instant intuitive leap, but it isn't)
 

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Would this piss you off?

Yes.

Specially because according to what you wrote, you said it out of the blue, "suddenly" you said.

What would be your inward and outward reaction?

Inward: Fury + Confusion + Defensive + Questioning + my mind going a million miles an hour (Ne) trying to grasp why you felt such a strong compulsion to say that, wondering if I did something to piss you off that made you say that on purpose, wondering a million things (confusion), and how you said it adds meaning on top of what you said.
Also, in all this wondering and confusion, I agree with many things that the above posters said, like I would wonder if you are testing me to get a reaction, which will give me a negative image of you, like you're a provocateur without a productive cause.

Outward: Silence. I'll stare at you in silence. I appear calm and unaffected.

How pissed would you be?

In the first twenty minutes --> on a scale from 0 to 10, a 10. Both for the content and the form.

After twenty minutes ---> Ne stops going crazy, and Fi and Si take over, which means my core of who I believe I am goes back to its normal state, I go back to believing I'm amazing and unique in my own way (I also believe you are unique in your own way, everyone is), and what you said (content) has left my brain. But how you said it stays in my brain, and this pisses me off because my Fi values can't stand rudeness and inconsideration.

What would you say to me?

Silence + "Well that's your opinion, I have a different opinion. Agree to disagree *sips coffee*"
I don't believe I have to go around proving myself to people. Either they see my greatness or they don't. I'll think of how everyone is entitled to their own opinion and it's not my place to convince anyone of anything.

What would you feel?

Absolute fury and disgust for you (not just for the content, but the form too). Also my opinion of you would deflate, because like I said before I think lowly of rude peple who have no manners.

Also, I would get severely confused about our friendships/relationship & question why you are my friend if I am so plain, normal, average and you can "
actually tell you about other people who are exactly like you". If there is nothing "special" that I add to your life and my existence is irrelevant to you because you know a ton of people exactly like me, I will realize that I have nothing of value to offer to you and I will make a mental note to not invest anything into this friendship anymore, because clearly I am irrelevant in your life so there's no point for me to be there.

An INFP already knows they're not that special -which is why we tend to score lowest in self-esteem of all the types- but we must believe that we have something of value, aka something "special", that we bring to a friend/family/mate, otherwise why would we invest ourselves into the person if we are irrelevant and replaceable?
 
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I would be appalled. I would question every part of the friendship.

I would probably try to explain to them that theyre wrong about me.
I feel that that is a very immature remark.
I would tell them that I dont feel unique or special, that MBTI is all that has allowed me to feel accepted, and that by saying what they said to me that they have proven they dont know me at all.

I would say that stuff if I still felt like any part of the friendship was salvageable. Otherwise I would just stare at them in horror before wordlessly withdrawing and taking time to think about what they said to me.
The trust in our so called intimate friendship would be gone and I would put up a guard around them from now on.

I dont know if Id be pissed, but Id definitely be shocked and hurt and I would question their thought processes.

I dont let down my guard very easily and I pride myself for being good at knowing if people are mature friends, so for someone I trust to say something like that I would be unable to trust myself to make good friends now.

I would wonder if I deserved to be talked to like that.
 

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Let's say we're intimate friends. We've known each other a long time.

We're sitting around in the house, talking about stuff, "chilling" as it were. Nothing important going on. Then, I say to you suddenly, "I know people like you, you are not as unique or smart as you think you are. I can actually tell you about other people who are exactly like you."

Disregarding the fact that you know about personality types and so on, what would be your inward and outward reaction? How pissed would you be? What would you say to me? What would you feel?
Without the context of your other posts, if that were to happen to me, I would feel a little angry and mostly hurt, because you would be keeping a bad opinion of me secret for long enough time for dissatisfaction and dislike to build up in you. I'd be hurt because it would feel like you were deceiving me all this time and pretending to like me.

IN reality I can't imagine such a situation happening, because I don't really act like that at all. I don't brag about the way I am, it's usually other people who come to me and tell me such things, so after many years I've started believing it - still dont really brag about it though. I can't imagine going around telling people I'm unique and smart and expect them to just accept it. I've known one person who was a bragger and he was a highly insecure ESFP and most people could see through his bullshit.

So, that scenario is hard to imagine. If I was a bullshitter or just not self-aware, then I'd probably get on the offensive-defensive real quick
 

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Discussion Starter #16
I'm getting the feeling that none of you would openly go off the rails. Just silently go off the rails. Even in a situation of direct attack on your character and in a relatively safe place (at home, close friend etc.) to counter attack by yelling, crying or cursing. Your first instinct is to break things down intuitively, and to try and understand the situation. And maybe counter it with a brief and mild opposition.

This is actually very insightful for me.
 

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I'm getting the feeling that none of you would openly go off the rails. Just silently go off the rails. Even in a situation of direct attack on your character and in a relatively safe place (at home, close friend etc.) to counter attack by yelling, crying or cursing. Your first instinct is to break things down intuitively, and to try and understand the situation. And maybe counter it with a brief and mild opposition.

This is actually very insightful for me.
Yes, that's pretty accurate - silently off the rails xD. I'd definitely want the the other person to explain themselves fully so I can understand why are they attacking me. I cry easily so that's not off the table and I'd probably try to defend myself in some way, and then withdraw to think, which is why I usually 'shut down' and stop speaking or leave to be alone somewhere.

The only times I've seen myself lose it is with my ENTP sister, but she has a narcissistic style of attacking me and deflecting all opposition to her with more attacks towards me so she goes in full irrational mode and there's just no other way to deal with it after some point.
 

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I'm trying to understand how INFPs react to general stress and then a confrontation. This is not all about my (past) friend, although it would be good to see if she was an INFP too. Because I knew her very intimately. My belief is that people can only be seen for what they really are in their worst moments and in confrontations. I'm now convinced she's not an INFP at all, because I'm seeing auxiliary Ne really at work here in the INFP forum and she didn't look at things like this at all.

On another note, I'm starting to realize (with regret) how valuable the INFP kind of intelligence is and how things would have been a thousand times better for my life if I had an INFP friend or girlfriend. It is actually painful to imagine how things would have turned out for me for the better. (This may seem like an instant intuitive leap, but it isn't)
Hmmm... I can be your friend?


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I'm getting the feeling that none of you would openly go off the rails. Just silently go off the rails. Even in a situation of direct attack on your character and in a relatively safe place (at home, close friend etc.) to counter attack by yelling, crying or cursing. Your first instinct is to break things down intuitively, and to try and understand the situation. And maybe counter it with a brief and mild opposition.

This is actually very insightful for me.
Hmmm i don't think highly of myself. So allow me to say that In a safe place, i believe i may have raised my voice and had sharp words in my defense. I did yell (human only, sorry). May be due to inferior Te?


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Inside, I'd wonder why you were upset—or if you were upset. My motivation would be to be open-minded and friendly so I could get to the bottom of the issue and work through it with you. Maybe you've been struggling with something, or maybe I've been struggling with something that has made me seem "off."

I'd say, "I'm sure there are lots of people similar to me, but you've still chosen me as your friend, haven't you?"

And then I'd turn it into something exploratory and good-natured in conversation. I'd ask you if there was anyone you knew who was exactly like you. Whatever your answer to that, I would profess that you were unique, if for nothing else, for the fact that we two knew each other and were intimate friends and were changing each other just by being around each other.

----

(Regarding your second post, I don't say bad things about other people or trash their "uniqueness." I'm very solid in who I am, and I don't need to put others/myself down or put others/myself on a pedestal to make myself feel good. I come off very humbly, and I have a friendly, agreeable nature. I also don't need you to think I'm one-of-a-kind for you to be my friend. I just have to think you're a good person and that you like to be around me.)
 
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