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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hey guys, if you were really interested in someone, but they weren't ready to date yet, would you wait for them? How long? What if you weren't sure of their opinion of you, but you thought they might be interested in the future?

Basically, are INTJ's generally patient when it comes to the big decisions?

Just wondering...
 

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It really depends. Maybe you could provide the INTJs more information to munch on and process. In my interactions with INTJs though, here are my observations: once they make a decision, they stand by their decision. But if it somehow ends up working up, they're able to cleanly move on and not look back.
 

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Hey guys, if you were really interested in someone, but they weren't ready to date yet, would you wait for them? How long? What if you weren't sure of their opinion of you, but you thought they might be interested in the future?

Basically, are INTJ's generally patient when it comes to the big decisions?

Just wondering...
I've been in this position before, and as much as I'd like to claim to be the person who waits forever for someone, well, that just wasn't the case.

I was open to the idea of coming back to the person who wasn't ready yet. I figured it was in my best interest to fill my time with other people while he got his shit together. Not to mention it was also in my best interest to have a backup plan and not put all my eggs in one basket so to speak. Unfortunately for him, the relationship I assumed I would be killing time with was anything but.

I don't regret not waiting. The guy turned out to be about 9 years behind me in the life planning stage. And I'm sorry but nobody is that irreplaceable. There are many awesome, datable people out there. There is no sense in being miserable for years just waiting on one.

So to answer your question more clearly, I would and have been interested in waiting on someone but not really in the traditional sense. I would not avoid dating other people or put my life on hold. Basically, it just means that when I'm in between people I'll be checking back with your status. It might also mean that I will try to avoid dating people I think I will be really serious with. But when an opportunity arrives I'm not usually one to turn it down.

When someone tells me they are not ready for whatever reason they go from my main goal to my backup plan, as they should.
 

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What life stage are we considering here? Would that someone pass all my basic screens of compatibility,e.g. what kind of faith and humor does she have compared to mine? How well do I know this person and equally important how well does she know me?

Another side to this is why aren't they ready to date. I've only had a few dates in my life so I'd be arguably ready to date myself. If they are waiting to get out of prison is a bit different than waiting to become an adult. As a 36 y/o male I'm not sure I'd want to be dating jailbait wait till she is an adult really.

Depending on the decision and its importance to the INTJ, I'd think you'd be surprised at the overabundance of patience we could have. There was a thread on here about INTJs moving too slowly when it came to relationships but I can't seem to find it easily at the moment.
 

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Hey guys, if you were really interested in someone, but they weren't ready to date yet, would you wait for them? How long? What if you weren't sure of their opinion of you, but you thought they might be interested in the future?

Basically, are INTJ's generally patient when it comes to the big decisions?

Just wondering...
I *wonder* why you're just wondering. The answer depends on several things. If I was unsure of the person's opinion of me, I would take the steps necessary to become sure, like asking. If I thought they MIGHT be interested in me in the future, then no I'm not waiting. The period of time otherwise depends on the circumstances. I am very patient, but I'm not stupid. I'm not going to waste my time waiting for you if you can't give me any kind of certainty. Patience doesn't mean dangling the string in my face while you look for quick fixes or "better packages," unable to determine if you're ready to be with a real man.
 

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I will assume you mean that I have went through all my personal tests to determine if this guy is datable for me or not and determined he was... I would take someone asking me to wait for them as a rejection and treat it thusly. I would remain friends with that person, but in no way or manner 'wait' for them to feel as strongly. I know INTJs are described as easily being able to walk away from a relationship and such... For myself, I think that is mostly true. I don't see reason to hold onto something that clearly is losing interest or is not interested enough for anything to start.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
It seems to me that, as INTJs are logical people, they make the choice that makes the most sense. So, if someone who may be equally compatible were to come into their acquaintance, they would have no problem with be interesting in and eventually dating the new person. At least, that's what I'm getting from your responses.

In this case, I'm waiting to get at least most of the way through school before I get involved. As far as I know, we're very compatible and have had some great conversations. However, my interest and respect/affection has never been expressed, so he has no guarantee that I'd be willing to have a relationship if he were to wait. Basically, I was just wondering if INTJ's are the kind of people who, once they're interested in someone, stays interested even if the prospects seem somewhat bleak.

I guess I have my answer. Thanks guys!
 

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There is only so long you can wait for someone before you get friend-zoned permanently by them and game is lost. So I would not wait forever. I would cease pursuit upon rejection and move on in the scenario where I would pursue someone. I would not like to impose anyone with persistence to make a choice which is against their actual desires and feelings. I am a logical man and understand that there's nothing mystical or special about attraction / "love".
 

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Hey guys, if you were really interested in someone, but they weren't ready to date yet, would you wait for them? How long? What if you weren't sure of their opinion of you, but you thought they might be interested in the future?

Basically, are INTJ's generally patient when it comes to the big decisions?

Just wondering...

I would keep them in mind, but not to dwell on it. If they return then they return, if they don't then they don't. Truth is, you will never know if the person you will be with will be there forever, or will return (as in your position) so try not to count on it, and just enjoy every minute with them. Whether it is 'bad' or 'good'.Remember advice is hard to give based off of personal values. As open advice, know your consequences and you make the decision, just don't end your life if it doesn't work out or don't give up.
 

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Hey guys, if you were really interested in someone, but they weren't ready to date yet, would you wait for them? How long? What if you weren't sure of their opinion of you, but you thought they might be interested in the future?

Basically, are INTJ's generally patient when it comes to the big decisions?

Just wondering...
From this I'm gathering that they approached you... if it were me and there was a clear indication that it could work in the future, I think I would wait, but it's a bit more up in the air if it's unclear if it's a 'trying to let you down easy might be interested later' as to a genuine future offer (and that's of course assuming I can tell the difference).
 

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Well, I am interested in someone.
And I've been going about my business for 9 months since she told me she wasn't 'ready to date'.

I think I'll be able to catch up with her later this month -- bringing the total to 10 months.


If there was someone else that caught my eye, I'd have moved on.
But, that's an enormous 'if'.
 

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It depends if there is a good reason for her not being ready, like a family trauma that means she is grieving or something, but if not then i'd just move on. I wouldnt want someone who was going to play around and i won't put my life on hold for a 'maybe later'.
Hmm, that sounds a little callous, but i stand by it (though admittedly it is murkier on your end of the situation)
 

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No, unless it is truly temporary and something out of their control, like being posted to Afghanistan. If someone is not ready they'll probably never be ready. Being asked to wait feels like I'm not important to the other person. I'd go on with my life. If I happen to be available when they are ready, that's cool, but don't count on it.
 
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