[firedell]

The title says it all.

At the moment I am having an inner debate whether I should be with someone who drinks, because I don't. It annoys me so much when he gets drunk so idly, and he then acts like a dick and he sometimes would rather go out then see me, and he complains that, he hardly gets to see me. I had gotten annoyed the other day, and had just left him, without really saying goodbye. I don't know if I can cope with this anymore. I don't mind if he drinks, it's just he sometimes abuses it, and that is when I get annoyed. When he is drunk, he acts so differently around me, sometimes like I'm not even there, and I just feel like i'm part of the scenery.

He was talking to his friends about how he was flirting with some other two girls, then he noticed I was there, and went "Ugggh, talking." When I confronted him about it, he said he was just boasting, because his life is shit. I was like, ok thanks. I don't know anymore, if this is what one thing I despise most is making me dislike him, then maybe I shouldn't be with him.

 

[snail]

It sounds like you are incompatible with him, and like he might be a dick.

 

[firedell]

It sounds like you are incompatible with him, and like he might be a dick.

He is great in every ther way though, I am having so much difficulty deciding whether is means more to me than my relationship.

 

[Eyo]

The title says it all.

At the moment I am having an inner debate whether I should be with someone who drinks, because I don't. It annoys me so much when he gets drunk so idly, and he then acts like a dick and he sometimes would rather go out then see me, and he complains that, he hardly gets to see me. I had gotten annoyed the other day, and had just left him, without really saying goodbye. I don't know if I can cope with this anymore. I don't mind if he drinks, it's just he sometimes abuses it, and that is when I get annoyed. When he is drunk, he acts so differently around me, sometimes like I'm not even there, and I just feel like i'm part of the scenery.

He was talking to his friends about how he was flirting with some other two girls, then he noticed I was there, and went "Ugggh, talking." When I confronted him about it, he said he was just boasting, because his life is shit. I was like, ok thanks. I don't know anymore, if this is what one thing I despise most is making me dislike him, then maybe I shouldn't be with him.

No, don't drop your standards for him! Yeah it's ok to drink a little but not to be a drunk! I don't knoe him but
just going with what you say but.. if he really respected you he wouldn't be bragging about flirting with other women.. I think you should just follow your heart do whats best for you and everything eles will fall in place! You should use your value system in this and do you value a drunk?

 

[letsride]

This would be a tough decision to make, especially since you like everything about him when he's not drunk.

If I was in your situation, I'd say that unless he's willing to make some changes, it's not worth it. Alcohol problems only seem to get worse with time. If he's willing to put in the effort and change it for you, that's great. Otherwise you deserve better!

 

[NekoNinja]

just had a friend who broke up with a guy bc he didnt want her drinking. it was a little more complicating than that, but it sounds very similar to your situation...
they even lived together...

but I wont tell you to not be w/ the person bc of my recent experience. its really up to you.

 

[RyRyMini]

Ah, this is difficult. I think it's nice of you to be flexible with someone who drinks, but it seems like he takes advantage of alcohol and your flexibility which isn't okay. Anyone has positives that are amplified in the face of love..when you love someone you can look past their downfalls, but I think this is too much. If he was boasting about other girls, it kind of means that you're not his #1 when you deserve to be.

I'm not trying to tell what you do or degrade him..this is just my advice. I hope it works out.

 

[Kamajama]

I know that is a big turn off for you. I would stand up for your principles. He probably isn't as great as you think if he abuses alcohol like that.

 

[tskim]

It's hard being with someone else who doesnt share the same morals and values as you do. Me and my ISFP share the same morals and values and I even came up to tell him one day that you shouldnt have to give up your values and same with your morals in order to be in a relationship. The issue here is simply because you two have a compatibility issue and he doesnt want a long term obviously if hes out flirting with other girls and justifying his actions. I wouldnt be with someone who doesnt share the same morals as I do, that just complicates everything.

 

[firedell]

No-no maybe I didn't explain well, but he was saying he was flirting with other girls, when he wasn't, it was to look good in front of his friends. With pissed me off because he said it in front of me and I didn't know he was apparenty doing that.

 

[Eyo]

No-no maybe I didn't explain well, but he was saying he was flirting with other girls, when he wasn't, it was to look good in front of his friends. With pissed me off because he said it in front of me and I didn't know he was apparenty doing that.

i'm sorry this might sound a little cruel but it sounds like your making excuses up for him! why would he need to look good infront of his friends when he has a girlfriend? Like I said before follow your heart and if you can handle a drunk in your life then that's fine it's your life and no one should judge you for it! It really does sound like he's covering up an lie! I mean my friends would think I'm stupid for doing a stupid thing like that wich could mess up somehting good I have going on!

 

[tskim]

No-no maybe I didn't explain well, but he was saying he was flirting with other girls, when he wasn't, it was to look good in front of his friends. With pissed me off because he said it in front of me and I didn't know he was apparenty doing that.

why would he even say that in front of his friends, for the reason being, so he would look cool? especially in front of you? what respect does he have for you then? and if that made you feel upset, he shouldve prioritized your feelings than looking cool with his friends.

you realize that when he said that hes flirting with other girls to look good in front of his friends, it already says a lot about him?

hes obviously not being true to himself and he wants to come off as cool so he'd fit in with the rest of the crowd and I think thats ridiculous. My personal opinion to this is, you deserve much better but in the end of all this, its all entirely up to you.

I'd much rather prefer someone whos true to themselves and to me than someone who has to fake their way with their friends, because chances are, he will do the same to you if hes already done it to other people. Bottom line is, he's not a sincere person and he wont change.

 

[letsride]

No-no maybe I didn't explain well, but he was saying he was flirting with other girls, when he wasn't, it was to look good in front of his friends. With pissed me off because he said it in front of me and I didn't know he was apparenty doing that.

Yeah, I agree with the other posts. If this is how he treats you when he's drunk, then it's not ok for him to be drunk.

Have you tried talking to him about it when he's sober?

If he's not willing to lay off the alcohol, I would get out of the situation asap. But again, it's just my opinion. To me, it just doesn't sound like he's a positive influence in your life, and what's the point of that?

 

[Introvertigo]

You could do better

This may sound redundant, but if this guy needs to pretend he's interested in other girls to be more of a "man" in his pals' eyes, he's not going to put you first in his life. His lame reaction to seeing you there confirms it. You could do better.

 

[Panacea]

Morals are very important. There are some things that just 'need' to be similar in relationships, and if you ask me, morals is up there on the list. I'm married and I know (not sure if you are or not). But if something like that bothers you now..it will only be magnified as time goes on. Problems tend to get 'worse' over time, not better...only because when all the puppy love stuff fades away, you have to really like the 'core' person, because that is what's left. Morals is included in that core. I forsee you two arguing about this over and over... cause I know I would. That would be a deal breaker for me. Same with someone who smokes... or cheats.

My hubby and I have a lot of opposite interests and traits - but when it comes to the things that REALLY matter - we see eye to eye, and that is what makes our relationship function so well. (in my opinion). Also...I am a stickler for morals..because I have high morals myself. I wouldn't say I have high expectations, but the few things that I value, I REALLLY value...like honesty, fidelity..etc. (sorry for talking so much about myself! I always relate things to my own life when giving advice).

 

[Mister_Blue91]

He shouldn't be "boasting" about other women... he should be talking about you.

 

[SyndiCat]

i will not have an intimate relationship with someone who treats me like a fuckbuddy.
because i don't need a fuckbuddy-- i can get laid whenever i want.
if i'm going for an intimate relationship with someone they better be in it for love.
those are my only morals. how she treats others does not concern me.
in fact, i would prefer it if she was a total bitch to everyone else but me.

 

[Panacea]

i will not have an intimate relationship with someone who treats me like a fuckbuddy.
because i don't need a fuckbuddy-- i can get laid whenever i want.
if i'm going for an intimate relationship with someone they better be in it for love.
those are my only morals. how she treats others does not concern me.
in fact, i would prefer it if she was a total bitch to everyone else but me.

I find this very interesting because I am opposite - how the person i'm with treats others is VERY important to me. I don't want to be with someone who's a jerk to others...seeing someone be kind and polite to others is very important to me...it shows me they have a good heart.