Personality Cafe banner

Would you Date/Marry someone who doesn't speak English/Your Language?

  • Yes

    Votes: 22 41.5%
  • No

    Votes: 18 34.0%
  • Maybe

    Votes: 13 24.5%
1 - 20 of 33 Posts

·
MOTM Dec 2012
Joined
·
12,239 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
I see communication as vital to a relationship, so I probably won't pursue a long term relationship with someone who doesn't speak my language. I dunno, that's just how I feel right now. Things might change depending on the situation though...

Would you date/marry someone who doesn't speak your language?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,734 Posts
I can't imagine being able to build the kind of trust and respect required in a long term relationship, let alone marriage, without being able to communicate on a deep level. So no, I would not marry them. However, if the situation changed and one or both of us learned enough of the same language to communicate effectively (that is, beyond a basic level), then things might change.
 

·
MOTM Dec 2011
Joined
·
8,651 Posts
I'm open to it as long as one of us speaks the others' language fluently, or we share a second language & are both fluent. I mean, their first language does not have to be my first langauge & vice versa, but we need to have one language we can communicate in.

But if we have no languages in common or not enough to communicate with ease, then that is a problem. I'm not entirely sure I'd even develop enough interest in someone if we were not able to communicate to begin with...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,347 Posts
Easy answer is no, but then I thought about something I mentioned to the gf the other night. I told her that if she ever lost her limbs, I'd still be there for her. If we never had sex, I'd still love her. By extension, if she ever lost her ability to communicate through speech, even writing, then I would still cherish her and stay true.

So when you add all that together, if I can walk forwards then I can also walk backwards. Naturally, it would certainly still be a challenge, but that's the case even if she does speak English :p.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,129 Posts
hmm maybe...only if we spoke the language of love or had some deeper connection. and would I be cheating if I said yes because they used ASL?
 
  • Like
Reactions: refugee

·
Registered
Joined
·
219 Posts
There's no way I could do that. Simple things would turn into a gong show!

"Whats that honey? You want to use the washroom?? Its right over there, I dont get why youre even-. Wait what? Oh youre hungry? No? Not hungry? Im gettin a bit hungry myself. Wait whats that hand gesture youre doing? Is that... turn up the heat?? Its like 30 degrees in here! Oh hold on now, hands in a circular motion, I dont... are you mocking me?! What did I ever do to you! Wait where are you going?"
 
  • Like
Reactions: refugee

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,842 Posts
I'm open to it as long as one of us speaks the others' language fluently, or we share a second language & are both fluent. I mean, their first language does not have to be my first langauge & vice versa, but we need to have one language we can communicate in.

But if we have no languages in common or not enough to communicate with ease, then that is a problem. I'm not entirely sure I'd even develop enough interest in someone if we were not able to communicate to begin with...
What she said. :) My native language is not English, although I love writing in English. If you speak with me, you'll soon notice my accent. In any case, I feel that love goes deeper than language, and as Ms. OrangeAppled said, as long as we could share with some fluency in one language, why not? If you can't communicate, of course that's tough, but if you can, then I see no problem. :) Native language really doesn't matter that much, as long as people can communicate.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,762 Posts
How could you love someone you can't share your mind with?


I make a confused face @ confusing people.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
318 Posts
I'd say that I have to agree with all who posted that at least one common language must be present to build a relationship. Communication is absolutely imperative to the construction and maintenance of a relationship... I also agree that it doesn't have to be your primary language, but you do need to have at least enough fluency in a common language (whatever language that may be) to communicate thoughts, emotions, and ideas comfortably and reliably, otherwise you're in for a very rough road.

Now in the case where a relationship already exists, it's much easier to adapt to the loss of a reliable communication method, because there's already trust, love, and understanding in place (hopefully lol), so it's more likely that unreliable communication methods will convey enough of what is intended to get the message across. But I can't imagine much hope for a relationship that starts off with no reliable form of communication. I personally wouldn't try it...

but... if I met someone that didn't speak a language I know, and I was really interested in getting to know said person, I would put forth the effort to learn a language she knew so I could then get to know her... otherwise it's a case of "move along, nothing to see here"... =p
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
944 Posts
I think communication is more than just speaking through a certain language. At least to me, actions are more than words. Besides,with time I could probably overcome this incoveniance by learning the other person's language or vice-versa.
 

·
MOTM June 2012
Joined
·
9,333 Posts
I feel like it would be a very animalistic sexual relationship. Very passionate at first for sure. After that, maybe I'd invest in rosetta stone and she would work on getting her green card./
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
869 Posts
Well I did, so the answer is yes.

Our native languages were different but we could still communicate very well. Over the years obviously, communication improves, it was only areas like expressing anger (your brain is too busy to concentrate on language) or humour that were a problem at the beginning and very soon that improved (INFPs are VERY good at languages!!) and ceased being an issue.

Would I marry someone whose language I didn't understand at all, only if we had a third language in common and that would depend on the level of command for both of us (example, if the common language was German I'd be screwed because my knowledge is very poor).

I can't conceive a relationship without communication.

Odd fact: I don't find men who speak my first language attractive!. I don't think I could ever marry one!

Another odd fact: Languages sometimes determine your vision and thought processes in specific areas of life. For example, if you have worked in or studied something in a language, that something "belongs" to that language, so it can be very odd to think about that field in a different language. I call it language spheres :)
 

·
MOTM Dec 2012
Joined
·
12,239 Posts
Discussion Starter #14
Easy answer is no, but then I thought about something I mentioned to the gf the other night. I told her that if she ever lost her limbs, I'd still be there for her. If we never had sex, I'd still love her. By extension, if she ever lost her ability to communicate through speech, even writing, then I would still cherish her and stay true.

So when you add all that together, if I can walk forwards then I can also walk backwards. Naturally, it would certainly still be a challenge, but that's the case even if she does speak English :p.
Wow, I get more impressed by you every day @Lad.

I met parents of an autistic child who stayed together for the sake of their children and they told me that most couples divorce because of the stress of caring for a child with autism. Honestly speaking, I don't know if I could walk backwards for someone (to be fair, I've never been in that position, so I can't say with certainty).

As it pertains to communication, I'm willing to learn a new language, but I fear that it won't be good enough to where I can express myself freely, which is the biggest issue for me. I would like to be able to say something and not have to translate everything, or water down my words.

Perhaps, I am being selfish, but I certainly do not want something that isn't mutually beneficial. I don't want to have to be the giver all the time. I want somebody to cherish me, as much as I cherish them. Maybe that's why Extroverts are better for Introverts in the long run.
 

·
Grand Inquisitor
Joined
·
8,118 Posts
"Communicate on a deep level?" How about being able to communicate at all? Obvious answer for me.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Flora and refugee

·
Banned
Joined
·
748 Posts
I am fluent in Dutch and English, Dutch being my first language. My French is deficient but good enough to read Le Petit Prince and watch French films with French subs.

Love is what it is and if I fell in love with someone who didn't speak any of these languages I wouldn't hesitate to learn their own. Even if they did speak English, but not as a first language, I'd try to learn their mother tongue. But we didn't have any language in common I'd doubt the depth of the relationship.

The perks of not sharing a (near) native language are very common in my life; my father and a lot of my friends don't speak English at my level. Nuances are lost in translation and lyrical experiences cannot be shared. Sad, but bearable.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,835 Posts
I see communication as vital to a relationship, so I probably won't pursue a long term relationship with someone who doesn't speak my language. I dunno, that's just how I feel right now. Things might change depending on the situation though...

Would you date/marry someone who doesn't speak your language?
I think it would kind of romantic to slowly learn each others language while dating.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,960 Posts
They would have to have strong eye contact or physical contact to get me. My gut instinct says "not ruling this one out", but then again, verbal intimacy and reaffirmation is part of the package in my eyes. Their empathic skills must be very strong to get my attention if they cannot verbally express it...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
891 Posts
This is a very interesting subject to me. I fell in love with and married someone who is only at basic English level, and I know virtually none of her first language which is Korean. Let me tell you all, it is not easy. There is no way I would marry or even date someone with whom I shared no common language with at all. At times the language barrier between us drives me insane. I have to repeat myself three or four times sometimes just so she will understand. And sometimes it's something that wasn't all that important the first time I said it.
 
  • Like
Reactions: wisdom and refugee

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,478 Posts
I don't speak any other languages fluently. My romantic partner has to be my best friend, and a large part of that relationship involves the sharing of ideas, which requires ease of communication. It's one thing to say you'd learn a language for someone, but in practice it can take quite awhile before you can, for example, read the literary fiction in that language, let alone compare it to other literature or discuss it in the language with a native speaker. (So, while that's noble, they'd have to do quite a bit of waiting around for you.)

I won't say never, I guess, but it doesn't sound like something I'd particularly pursue.
 
1 - 20 of 33 Posts
Top