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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
So, here´s me with relationship question again :D SORRY, long text.

He´s ENFP. I´m ISFP. I´ve been seeing him for the last 3-4 months. He´s out of a 5 year relationship with a girl who he was supposed to marry. He´s fun, but he´s been a jerk towards me from the very beginning. For example, when we started dating, on one of the dates, we went out, then he took me to his place, we had sex. Next morning, I didn´t even finish my breakfast, he says to me "Ok, you can go now."

We went iceskating one day, on my way back I hurt my foot so bad that I wasn´t allowed to walk much for a month. One day, he drove me with his car to the cinema and then home to his place, we had sex. Next morning, when I had to go back, he tells me "You have bus number 5". And I shouldn´t walk. And he has a car. Asshole. Or just messages me like "Hey, I´m drunk, come to my place".

I started standing up for myself, so he became better towards me and it seemed like it was going better. But, one weekend we went on a trip to visit his friends, where he openly flirted and danced with another girl in front of me. Other than that it was nice. After that weekend, he didn´t message me for a whole week and I took it as him breaking up with me. I messaged him next weekend "What´s up?" He said, he is very tired cause he worked a lot the whole week and he will stay home this weekend to relax and clean the house cause it´s very dirty. I got the message and said that I would like to come pick up my stuff. He got the message as well, so I came on Monday and took my stuff. We didn´t really talk much, he was nice to me but I was very sad cause he didn´t feel like telling me anything. When I confronted him he said he has unfortunately no feelings for me, but he finds me very nice and friendly and that he thinks it´s better if we stop seing each other because he doesn´t like to take advantage of people. I was like, ok. I thought it was better too, because I didn´t feel like we were on the same wavelength anyway and our communication was always bad.

Meanwhile, an aquantancie (a girl) tells me that he (the ENFP) has been chasing her for the last 2 weeks and that he told her he was single! And he was willing to meet with her that weekedn when he told me he had to clean the house. A male friend doesn´t see anything bad with it though, cause he says "You two were only dating." (?)

After a week, he messages me and asks if I want to go on a trip with him and that he would like to see me. I rejected his offer. A week after that he messages me again, saying he has some of my stuff to give back to me and that he is upset about us breaking up more than he was willing to admit at the beginning and that he would like to talk to me. I said ok. We met, but of course, we dind´t talk. He just assumed we were back together and kissed me. For some reason I rolled with it, idk why. He said some bullshit like, "I thought you wanted to break up with me, so I pretened to be breaking up with you, so that you feel better." Da fuq? Anyway. That was last week. I didn´t mention anything to him about that girl (my aquantancie) yet. But I really wanted to have a talk and not just continue like that. But, yesterday we met for a coffee and he was saying so much shit! I got so pissed and I´m seriously thinking about breaking up with him.

This is a part of the conversation:

Him: I´m so popular, I have conversation now with 5 people (on FB chat)! Julia just messaged me, I told her "I´m on a coffee with a beautiful women".
Me: Who is Julia?
Him: The one from XX, you remember her?
Me: Oh, right! The one you flirted with....
Him: I didn´t flirt with her...oh, yes, yes I have! lol
Me: So why aren´t you with her? Why didn´t you sleep with her?
Him: Well...she is smart, looks nice, is young, but.....oh, wait, I should have slept with her! Lol. Hey, you gotta watch what you are asking lol. Seriously though, she´s only 21 and you live closer and it´s easier.......and I like you.
Me: Oh, so you´re not with her just because she lives too far away....
Him: No, I like you.
Me: Hmm...

...

Him: I´m a bit of an asshole, and I´m not trying to hide it anymore....

...

Me:.......I´m rational....
Him: Lol, you´re with me!

He goes on a trip and to a bdsm fetish party this weekend (cause he´s into that). He invited me to come but I said no, cause I´m not into that.

Him: So, I´m getting back at tuesday.Hopefully we see each other then...
Me. Yeah, after you come back with bunch of diseases...
Him: Oh, I´ll tell you if I had sex. Protected of course. But, if I have sex, it will only be with a strap on. Lol

...

Him: Before that, I was in a relationship with another girl, for 3 years, then she left me without saying why....I cried for a month.
Me: But, you said you can´t cry.
Him: Yeah, i can´t. I couldn´t cry after I broke up with XX. I wish I could cry. Now I just want to be happy. And I´m happy with you for the m.....Really!

I don´t know if you guys can get the tone out of this. It was supposed to be joking, but he was in fact telling the truth. I felt really disrespected and as if he´s trying to fool me or something and I don´t wanna be an idiot. He is always very nice, but I have a feeling like it´s insincere.

He apologized afterwards a couple of times, and said he doesn´t want to lose me cause he likes me, but I just think these are empty words.

If there are any ENFPs here....you could try to explain his behaviour, but he is probably just an asshole and I don´t feel like teaching him how to behave.

On top of all that, his friend (INTJ) is in love with me, and I knew him before I met the ENFP guy. The INTJ introduced me to the ENFP. We tried to keep it from him for a while, but he found out now, and is very hurt and dissapointed and jealous, so I have to deal with his jealousy now too....

Should I even try to talk to the ENFP guy or just ignore him?
 

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I don't know about the staying friends aspect, but I'm with you in that it seems like empty words on his part - doesn't seem like the two of you are looking for the same things. There are so many flags there. Like this:

Meanwhile, an aquantancie (a girl) tells me that he (the ENFP) has been chasing her for the last 2 weeks and that he told her he was single! And he was willing to meet with her that weekedn when he told me he had to clean the house. A male friend doesn´t see anything bad with it though, cause he says "You two were only dating." (?)
To me it honestly seems like you're just someone on the side while he can focus his attention elsewhere.
 

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How can you dump him if you're not even in a relationship with him?

Isn't it obvious that you're fuck buddies? Did you think that you were something more?
 

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Huuuuuuge jerk alert. Stop talking to him, forget about him and move on, that's the best thing you can do. I don't think having any contact with someone who treats you (and other people) this way is a good idea at all.
 
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How can you dump him if you're not even in a relationship with him?

Isn't it obvious that you're fuck buddies? Did you think that you were something more?
one thing is being fuck buddies and another VERY DIFFERENT thing, is being an ass and treat her as though she's scum. But then I agree with @TheProphetLaLa that she actually knows the answer but she needed to say things out so she can get closure as well as really understand what's been happening.
So, yeah. Run fast
 

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Do you have low self-esteem?

Clearly this guy has been allowed to disrespect you on a variety of levels. You had to establish boundaries and you didn't. There isn't any salvaging left unless you want to sacrifice what is left of your dignity.

Do yourself a favor and cut the strings. If you let him back, who would feel sorry for you? No one.

Stop being the in-between girl:
Never The One: What It's Like When You're Always The In-Between Girl
 

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For example, when we started dating, on one of the dates, we went out, then he took me to his place, we had sex. Next morning, I didn´t even finish my breakfast, he says to me "Ok, you can go now."
I would not have spoke to him again after that moment right there. Even if I had a casual interaction with someone I expect more courtesy then that.

Like WTF.

He is rebounding and unfortunately your dealing with his baggage, FUCK that you do not deserve that!
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Thanks guys! Yeah, I needed reassurance, cause I think he is indeed somehow manipulative because he can be really nice sometimes. I don´t have low self esteem, it´s just that I´ve never been treated like this before. I did have a possesive and manipulative bf once, but that was very different. It was difficult for me to believe that he would have a nerve to be such an asshole and think I would buy it. So I was shocked! I was really shocked when he told me "Ok, you can go now" next morning. But, I agree, I should have ignored him after that.

And no, we are not fuck buddies. He calls me his girlfriend. I asked him once if we were sex buddies, he told me "No. If we were, I wouldn´t have taken you on a trip to meet my friends, cause I wouldn´t want you to interfere with my life."
 

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And no, we are not fuck buddies. He calls me his girlfriend. I asked him once if we were sex buddies, he told me "No. If we were, I wouldn´t have taken you on a trip to meet my friends, cause I wouldn´t want you to interfere with my life."
So he calls you his "girlfriend;" even so, it looks like you're his door mat. And by the creation of this thread, you already have something inside of you telling you that there's something wrong here.... I'd follow that.
 

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You deserve much better than this. You are not a sex doll. You deserve someone that loves your soul more than your body. If you are still unsure, he is giving you a hint "I'm a bit of an asshole, and I'm not trying to hide it anymore" at least he is honest. An asshole is still an asshole even if he knows it. Wishing you the best. :)
 

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And no, we are not fuck buddies. He calls me his girlfriend. I asked him once if we were sex buddies, he told me "No. If we were, I wouldn´t have taken you on a trip to meet my friends, cause I wouldn´t want you to interfere with my life."
Don't be fooled by his words. He only said this sentence because he wanted you to continue having sex with him. If he were to say that both of you are sex buddies, he knew that you will immediately stop having sex with him. So he decided to lie about it instead. How sneaky of him.

And yes, you should definitely dump him. You seem like a wonderful person and you deserve a guy who is 100 times better than him.
 

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@LittleOrange

I think he's just a flat out asshole but I also think that he doesn't really know how to handle relationships properly. It sounds like he has ALOT of maturing to do. He clearly sees women as objects rather than human beings who desire a real, emotional connection to their SO. I would just leave him to his own devices no matter how hard he tries to win you back. Trust me, you deserve so much better and you don't owe him a thing.
 

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Run. Run. Run. This guy sounds like the most oblivious slime ball from what you wrote. And it sounds like you're looking for something different then what he is.

If I were you I would put myself far far away from this guy. There are much better humans out there, much more mature and, well, kind humans out there.
 

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So, here´s me with relationship question again :D SORRY, long text.

He´s ENFP. I´m ISFP. I´ve been seeing him for the last 3-4 months. He´s out of a 5 year relationship with a girl who he was supposed to marry. He´s fun, but he´s been a jerk towards me from the very beginning. For example, when we started dating, on one of the dates, we went out, then he took me to his place, we had sex. Next morning, I didn´t even finish my breakfast, he says to me "Ok, you can go now."

We went iceskating one day, on my way back I hurt my foot so bad that I wasn´t allowed to walk much for a month. One day, he drove me with his car to the cinema and then home to his place, we had sex. Next morning, when I had to go back, he tells me "You have bus number 5". And I shouldn´t walk. And he has a car. Asshole. Or just messages me like "Hey, I´m drunk, come to my place".

I started standing up for myself, so he became better towards me and it seemed like it was going better. But, one weekend we went on a trip to visit his friends, where he openly flirted and danced with another girl in front of me. Other than that it was nice. After that weekend, he didn´t message me for a whole week and I took it as him breaking up with me. I messaged him next weekend "What´s up?" He said, he is very tired cause he worked a lot the whole week and he will stay home this weekend to relax and clean the house cause it´s very dirty. I got the message and said that I would like to come pick up my stuff. He got the message as well, so I came on Monday and took my stuff. We didn´t really talk much, he was nice to me but I was very sad cause he didn´t feel like telling me anything. When I confronted him he said he has unfortunately no feelings for me, but he finds me very nice and friendly and that he thinks it´s better if we stop seing each other because he doesn´t like to take advantage of people. I was like, ok. I thought it was better too, because I didn´t feel like we were on the same wavelength anyway and our communication was always bad.

Meanwhile, an aquantancie (a girl) tells me that he (the ENFP) has been chasing her for the last 2 weeks and that he told her he was single! And he was willing to meet with her that weekedn when he told me he had to clean the house. A male friend doesn´t see anything bad with it though, cause he says "You two were only dating." (?)

After a week, he messages me and asks if I want to go on a trip with him and that he would like to see me. I rejected his offer. A week after that he messages me again, saying he has some of my stuff to give back to me and that he is upset about us breaking up more than he was willing to admit at the beginning and that he would like to talk to me. I said ok. We met, but of course, we dind´t talk. He just assumed we were back together and kissed me. For some reason I rolled with it, idk why. He said some bullshit like, "I thought you wanted to break up with me, so I pretened to be breaking up with you, so that you feel better." Da fuq? Anyway. That was last week. I didn´t mention anything to him about that girl (my aquantancie) yet. But I really wanted to have a talk and not just continue like that. But, yesterday we met for a coffee and he was saying so much shit! I got so pissed and I´m seriously thinking about breaking up with him.

This is a part of the conversation:

Him: I´m so popular, I have conversation now with 5 people (on FB chat)! Julia just messaged me, I told her "I´m on a coffee with a beautiful women".
Me: Who is Julia?
Him: The one from XX, you remember her?
Me: Oh, right! The one you flirted with....
Him: I didn´t flirt with her...oh, yes, yes I have! lol
Me: So why aren´t you with her? Why didn´t you sleep with her?
Him: Well...she is smart, looks nice, is young, but.....oh, wait, I should have slept with her! Lol. Hey, you gotta watch what you are asking lol. Seriously though, she´s only 21 and you live closer and it´s easier.......and I like you.
Me: Oh, so you´re not with her just because she lives too far away....
Him: No, I like you.
Me: Hmm...

...

Him: I´m a bit of an asshole, and I´m not trying to hide it anymore....

...

Me:.......I´m rational....
Him: Lol, you´re with me!

He goes on a trip and to a bdsm fetish party this weekend (cause he´s into that). He invited me to come but I said no, cause I´m not into that.

Him: So, I´m getting back at tuesday.Hopefully we see each other then...
Me. Yeah, after you come back with bunch of diseases...
Him: Oh, I´ll tell you if I had sex. Protected of course. But, if I have sex, it will only be with a strap on. Lol

...

Him: Before that, I was in a relationship with another girl, for 3 years, then she left me without saying why....I cried for a month.
Me: But, you said you can´t cry.
Him: Yeah, i can´t. I couldn´t cry after I broke up with XX. I wish I could cry. Now I just want to be happy. And I´m happy with you for the m.....Really!

I don´t know if you guys can get the tone out of this. It was supposed to be joking, but he was in fact telling the truth. I felt really disrespected and as if he´s trying to fool me or something and I don´t wanna be an idiot. He is always very nice, but I have a feeling like it´s insincere.

He apologized afterwards a couple of times, and said he doesn´t want to lose me cause he likes me, but I just think these are empty words.

If there are any ENFPs here....you could try to explain his behaviour, but he is probably just an asshole and I don´t feel like teaching him how to behave.

On top of all that, his friend (INTJ) is in love with me, and I knew him before I met the ENFP guy. The INTJ introduced me to the ENFP. We tried to keep it from him for a while, but he found out now, and is very hurt and dissapointed and jealous, so I have to deal with his jealousy now too....

Should I even try to talk to the ENFP guy or just ignore him?
Sounds like a classic PUA, he's using you as part of a soft harem.
Dump his ass. He's slime.
I'd tell you to warn all mutual acquaintances, but he is likely just to try to spin that as you being a crazy chick.
 
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