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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hey... so I long ... very much for human contact. But something about me or my mindset holds me back.... might be introversion.... might be that i focus a lot on my feelings... whatever it is.... I feel scared of people. I feel scared of being open... because I don't know how people will respond... or if I will get hurt. It's prolly an irrational fear... but I can't let my guard down long enough to find out if it is or not. Since we are so similar but at the same time... you are much more experienced in the extroverted world... could you give me some tips :)? thankyouu
 

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Hmm...if you're anything like me, don't think so much! It wrecks everything. Go with intuition and less on over analyzing people and their intentions and words. I have a tendency to replay everything in my head but if I try to live in the moment and base experience on gut instinct, things work better. Not easy, but effective.
 

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Hmm...if you're anything like me, don't think so much! It wrecks everything. Go with intuition and less on over analyzing people and their intentions and words. I have a tendency to replay everything in my head but if I try to live in the moment and base experience on gut instinct, things work better. Not easy, but effective.
sooo how do you do that? hahah sorry i didnt mean that sarcastically... im just saying what comes to mind. Like what do you think about when you rely more on intuition. Like how do you get into that function. Cause for me it's hard to say.... ok USE INTUITION.... and then im like.... am i using it? And im usually not. So what gets you into that function? Any like.... wise sayings or self talk that you give yourself?
 

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...ok USE INTUITION.... and then im like.... am i using it? And im usually not. So what gets you into that function? Any like.... wise sayings or self talk that you give yourself?
I've found out that improvising actions help by using funny facial and body gestures first, thus allowing others feeling comfortable around you. Then, you can feel comfortable around them. It's hard when you first speak to a stranger or small acquaintance, but asking about themselves and giving time helps open up a relationship, whether friendly or--if you want it to be--romantic.
 

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I don't know if you realize this, but you just opened up to a group of complete strangers. The whole anonymity clause is subjective, because you're establishing your identity here just as you would in a real social setting.

Understand that words can spark change, but words will not make change. Any feedback you get here, you have to take to the streets. And I think all responders should bear in mind that you cannot change overnight, it's a process. A process not dissimilar from learning to walk. You have the curiosity and desire, so the next logical step is to practice with increasing stints of bravery.

Now, bravery requires a certain attitude. You must cultivate the idea that whatever might go wrong doesn't matter, because you'll bounce right back. The only long-term impact from falling short is the lesson learned. Allow that concept to lay roots in your noggin.

I'll wait . . .

Cool. I don't want to make this thing a mile long, so I just have a few recommendations for practice. Gas stations---passing places altogether---are a great start. Trivial conversation is A-OK, since you need to establish comfort. Just spark brief conversations. "How are you today?" "Awful, why's that?" etc. After a while, you should find yourself approaching a point where you can have a lively chat. And, for god's sake, don't think about what you should say while conversing. Let it all flow out with ease.

The ultimate objective is to reach a point where you can meet total strangers and venture into engaging, meaningful exchanges.


Anyway, it's much more frightening to go through life without experiencing it. Know what I mean, Jelly Bean?

Ps. My response was sloppy, but I've been working long, long hours with little sleep. My apologies.
 

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sooo how do you do that? hahah sorry i didnt mean that sarcastically... im just saying what comes to mind. Like what do you think about when you rely more on intuition. Like how do you get into that function. Cause for me it's hard to say.... ok USE INTUITION.... and then im like.... am i using it? And im usually not. So what gets you into that function? Any like.... wise sayings or self talk that you give yourself?
Kind of the opposite of self talk actually. Don't analyze or think. And of course that isn't going to come easily for NFs, and maybe it's not the best advice but I found that my personal issue stemmed from reliving everything that happened in the past repeatedly and every time I tried making a connection, I'd compare it to past events and never take things for what they truly were. So I just try to give people a chance. Listen to the inner voice (which takes practice) and see people for who they are, not for who I fear them to be or what I fear may happen. For me that means less analysis and more just taking things as they come. I actually learned this trick from my husband (ISTP) who's as introverted as they come as far as preference, but when he goes out people and makes new friends he knows how to enjoy himself. He certainly doesn't worry about "what ifs" and constantly checking how things are progressing.

Hopefully I'm making sense. As I said, it takes a lot of time and practice, and I've still not mastered it myself, but it seems to help.
 

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I'm actually pretty shy for an ENFP. But when it comes to interaction, I do it because ultimately it makes me happy. My biggest tip would be that you have to realize that everyone else is in the same boat as you. When you meet someone new, they're also meeting someone new-- you. And it works that way generally in any social situation. While you're thinking about what to say, they're thinking about what to say, not thinking about how you're thinking of what to say-- and when you open up, they are likely to open up as well. We're all just people, and ultimately, we're all the same. You may feel like others are fearless while you're afraid, but really they just know how to push aside that fear, that naturally occurs among all of us.
 

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I had a similar experience.
what was actually holding me back, was that i either tried to project a positive persona, or hide negative aspects of myself if i thought people might judge me for it. and the more i tried to force it, the more i realized i have no control over who i am.

and then i thought, whoever i am, i don't want to be someone who spends their time worrying about what people think. and the only way to effectively telegraph that i don't care is to actually not care. to have enough faith in the world to not try to consciously shape what people think of me. to look at the world without laying any judgement on anyone, including myself, and realize that anyone who puts the energy into judging you has their own unresolved issues.

a little revelation i had: all negative aspects of a personality come from people's own insecurities. and the only way to fix it is to let your insecurities go. inside every socially awkward human being is a strong, happy, charismatic, awesome one waiting for you to stop being so vain.

so go out and stop giving a shit :wink:

sorry, that got a little aggressive near the end. it was supposed to be all pump-up motivational.
 
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