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Hello! Let me thank you in advance for reading ^^

My room is quiet right now, and I feel quite lonely. Put these things together, and it's a disaster for an INFP @[email protected]
So many worries flooding to my head, worries about tomorrow to ten, twenty years from now. Would you mind soothing my soul a bit? ^^

As some of you may know, I've been struggling very hard in uni. I am a junior, but this is my first year in a university - I had taken my first two years of college while in junior/senior year in high school. I find it so very difficult and different, and being an unhealthy INFP makes it worse. I feel sick from all the stress and worry. I have a group presentation on Monday, for example. I'm... really scared. An audience of over 100 students, all staring at me. This presentation will be the second - the first one, I messed up completely. My mind went completely blank, and I desperately looked for an idea, the words, anything that would let my voice come out, but it didn't. I could tell I let my group down.. but they did tell me good job afterwards, which made me happy (enough).

We meet another time to prepare for the 2nd presentation, and we start brainstorming ideas. I did my very best to contribute, even stepping out of my shyness, but my contributions were inaccurate or just plain not good. I could feel that they did not care much for my input, and as the meeting went on, they slowly started asking less and less of my opinion and ideas. I...never really was good at thinking up of ideas. :sad: I feel that I'm very stupid, I have nothing to contribute, I can't think critically, and that I'm the worst teammate ever. My ideas get shot down easily, and public speaking is not my forte (and last quarter I even took a class on public speaking! So much for improvement...)

I have 3 other classes, all of which I am struggling to do well in. I received B-on all my midterms (though I did really well in one, but I had to study for over 6 hours just to get a 92%...) I am always worried and stressed, and then can no longer focus, making me fall behind even more. Interacting with my group, or anyone that isn't a friend, worries me to the point of giving myself a headache and making my stomach hurt. I want to do well, and if I fail a class AGAIN (I failed Computer Programming last quarter), I will lose all of my financial aid for the next year.

My poor performance as of late really makes me wonder about where I'm headed in life. Even if I managed to scrape by and earn my marketing degree, who would hire me? I don't even like the Business major. I entered because my mom wants me to be prepared for the future, given the state of the economy. I can't seem to do well in a group, and I'm never confident in my ideas. I get depressed easily, making me unfocused and doing things like posting on a board to talk about how upset I am :frustrating:

I don't know what to do with myself ): In a previous thread (http://personalitycafe.com/advice-center/95507-surviving-university-infp.html), people gave me great advice that cheered me up :kitteh: Don't be too hard on yourself, just survive, everyone struggles... I really cheered up a lot listening to these posts. But now it's almost finals, and I find my mind being torn apart again by this impending group presentation, my slipping grades, my low self-esteem. When I'm given an opportunity to reflect, I hear this voice telling me how stupid I am and how I should die because I'm useless in just about everything. The creative thinking INFPs are said to have is now geared towards creative ways to kill myself. If I could, I would split into two and stab my other half. An overwhelming feeling of failure and darkness. It's terrible. I don't want to be here..

Thank you for listening. I'm not sure what advice anyone could give me for this.. but thank you for any advice, hugs, motivational speeches you can give. :happy:
 

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Well, good luck and hang in there. Have you considered transferring to a less competitive school if you're under that much stress?
 

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We meet another time to prepare for the 2nd presentation, and we start brainstorming ideas. I did my very best to contribute, even stepping out of my shyness, but my contributions were inaccurate or just plain not good. I could feel that they did not care much for my input, and as the meeting went on, they slowly started asking less and less of my opinion and ideas. I...never really was good at thinking up of ideas.
I feel that I'm very stupid, I have nothing to contribute, I can't think critically, and that I'm the worst teammate ever. My ideas get shot down easily, and public speaking is not my forte (and last quarter I even took a class on public speaking! So much for improvement...)
This particular bit stuck out for me. I think us N types can have problems when we're younger until we learn a little more about expression, and there's only one way to learn: Watch, think, and do. You're going to get run over a bit because you haven't quite learned how to express your ideas in the best, most convincing ways. Other people can poke holes in any idea, good or bad (it's what people like me do all the time). Brainstorming isn't the best way to present ideas generally. Introverts tend to be overwhelmed. The best methods involve individuals coming up with ideas independently, and hashing them out afterwards. Preparation can be your friend.

You just need to absorb the lessons, see how they did what they did, and adapt. You'll learn how hard you can push before people get angry (some people like to argue, it's not always personal).

As to the presentation, on the advice level, I'd like to say that the opening is always the hardest part. The more you practice it, the more automatic it gets. The more automatic it gets, the less nervous you'll be.
 

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Studying a week ahead is a start. Don't just cram the night before because that will just add to the stress/pressure. Study a section everyday leading up to the test so you don't not have to sections all in one night. Also, 6 hours of study is nothing...you need to study more.

There is your problem. You do not like business as a major. You cannot have passion for something you do not enjoy doing. What is your interest? What do you enjoy doing? Find something you enjoy doing and hang onto it as hard as possible. As long as you find something you really truly love doing, you won't feel like you ever have to work a day in your life.

I have a terrible fear of public speaking. You just have to do it and get it over with. Reward yourself after you're done with the presentation. I enjoy the feeling that comes after you are finished with the presentation, its like a high nothing else in life can achieve for me so that was what I stride to get ahold of.

Don't not give up hope and find anything that can motivate you. "If there's hope, there's a way" is a motto I live by. It gets me through tough time and it is just that, tough times. All will be cleared when you can get through this obstacle.
 

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You certainly feel more refreshed with regards to certain matters since your previous post, is it not?
xNxP types, I have noticed, tend to feel overwhelmed by pressure - be it their own or external.

I recommend finding out your learning style and then approach your study periods according to your most preferred method.
I don't assure their accuracy, but here are two links which may assist, if even a bit. What's Your Learning Style? | Edutopia

Free learning styles inventory (test, quiz or questionnaire), including graphical results


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Also, 6 hours of study is nothing...you need to study more.
You have presented many strong points which I agree with...
though, the amount of time required for studying is not necessarily the same for each individual, regardless of MBTI type.
 

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Umm, I don't know if this will help, but one way I deal with public speaking is to pretend that I'm either staring at a mirror, or that the crowd isn't actually there. Fixate on some random place, like a pencil in the center of the room, and then speak to the pencil.

It makes me think that there's just the pencil, and then I can deliver the speech, and once done, it kind of snaps out...

I wish you the best of luck...
 

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You certainly feel more refreshed with regards to certain matters since your previous post, is it not?
xNxP types, I have noticed, tend to feel overwhelmed by pressure - be it their own or external.

I recommend finding out your learning style and then approach your study periods according to your most preferred method.
I don't assure their accuracy, but here are two links which may assist, if even a bit. What's Your Learning Style? | Edutopia

Free learning styles inventory (test, quiz or questionnaire), including graphical results


---

You have presented many strong points which I agree with...
though, the amount of time required for studying is not necessarily the same for each individual, regardless of MBTI type.
But you gotta admit, 6 hours is nothing if you're going to complain that you got a 92%. I would be relieved that I got that high of a grade though.
 

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My poor performance as of late really makes me wonder about where I'm headed in life. Even if I managed to scrape by and earn my marketing degree, who would hire me? I don't even like the Business major. I entered because my mom wants me to be prepared for the future, given the state of the economy. I can't seem to do well in a group, and I'm never confident in my ideas. I get depressed easily, making me unfocused and doing things like posting on a board to talk about how upset I am :frustrating:
Are you trying your hardest?

If you are, then you have nothing left but to feel satisfied with your effort, whether you fail or succeed is irrelevant because in trying your hardest you meet the true definition of success.

Don't identify with negative qualities, like stupid. You are what you are, as the divine creator made you... no more, or less. Greatness lies within every human soul, the trick is to figure out what that greatness is and express it!

On a personal note, I failed out of my first college. I got depressed and could no longer muster the motivation for the material. Most of the topics were easy for me, but motivation and doing my best was something I found nearly impossible... even to this day, I have trouble doing my best at something.

To me, it's magical when people find something difficult, but try their very hardest to succeed at it. It's a quality I'm missing and I find it absolutely beautiful in others.

The problem is that depression can muddle this quality in people. They give into fears and procrastinate or divert themselves from what they should be doing as a way of dealing with it.

I don't know what to do with myself ): In a previous thread (http://personalitycafe.com/advice-center/95507-surviving-university-infp.html), people gave me great advice that cheered me up :kitteh: Don't be too hard on yourself, just survive, everyone struggles... I really cheered up a lot listening to these posts. But now it's almost finals, and I find my mind being torn apart again by this impending group presentation, my slipping grades, my low self-esteem. When I'm given an opportunity to reflect, I hear this voice telling me how stupid I am and how I should die because I'm useless in just about everything. The creative thinking INFPs are said to have is now geared towards creative ways to kill myself. If I could, I would split into two and stab my other half. An overwhelming feeling of failure and darkness. It's terrible. I don't want to be here..
You should shut that voice up and start thinking of the positive voices who want you to succeed. Think of the people who are cheering for you on this forum and giving you good wishes.
 

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I hate to echo the other comments saying you will have issues due to not loving your major, but you will have issues due to not loving your major. It sucks because it feels like something you "should" be able to do, and you may even find yourself having moments where you genuinely like it. But if you are admitting from the outset that you are doing this for security and to appease your mom, you will stay in this sluggish state until you have a major revelation about how much you actually love business.

Try looking up some innovative companies. Look for TED Talks about the economy and changing trends in how people consume. Business in general gets a pretty bad name, but if you can relate it back to you, you may be able to envision yourself going somewhere with this career.
Here's a link to an article containing 5 TED talks every marketer must watch. TED Talks contain the most dynamic people talking about the shiniest things in their field. If you can't get excited about these videos PLEASE reconsider your major.

As a personal anecdote, I'm loving my major. But I had to take organic chemistry as a pre-req for grad school (I don't technically need it for my undergrad major). This class DESTROYED my self esteem this past semester. Despite all my other classes being fascinating and awesome, all I could do was stress out about this class. I put off the other classes so I could flounder through this one. Like everyone else said, 6 hours is nothing. 12+ hours continually earned me average scores and I know that the time I used studying was entirely ineffective. Why? Because, at the very core, I was deeply bitter about the amount of time I was spending on a class that had nothing to do with my major or my interests.

If your entire major doesn't "click" with you, you will flounder. Even if you are having a difficult time in a class, if you know it will help you work toward your goals in your major and in your career, you'll be able to push through it. Try to find the personal connection!
 
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