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So this came up in conversation when I was talking to someone recently and I just was wondering what other people would think this question: "Would you rather be ugly to your partner or be with an ugly partner?"

So let's say you could be with your dream girl/guy, someone you personality wise just click with on a level with that (for the sake of this thought experiment) no one else ever has or ever will do better, but there's one catch:

Only one of you would be physically attracted to the other, one of you would actually find the other physically repulsive by nature, but due to the actions of a third party (like the movie "Shallow Hal") they would wearing permanent "beer goggles".

(Also both parties would be aware the one person is wearing "beer goggles". I say "beer goggles" because the effect in this situation isn't actually due to a mind altering substance.)

Given this hypothetical situation which would you rather be: the person wearing "beer googles" or the one with the person wearing beer goggles?
 

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This sounds absolutely horrible, and I suspect that if I weren’t physically attracted to them—nay repulsed by them—then they technically wouldn’t be my dream person.

But for the sake of conversation, I’d rather not be the ugly one.
 

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I think this is heavily biased in favor of the male being the less attractive one, considering guys put such a heavy emphasis on the fact they're turned on visually.

I'll add, I don't care either way. I've dated men that I initially found unattractive until I got to know their personalities, and that made them attractive. If the guy saw me in a similar light, I'd be attractive to him anyway, so it wouldn't matter.
 

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This is unethical. If a girl was attracted to me only because she was hypnotized I would tell her that. I'd say hey you're hypnotized, I'm ugly, where do you want to go from here? It wouldn't be my choice. So I'd rather be the ugly one so I could be the one to communicate to her. If she was the ugly one, I wouldn't know unless she told me and there's no promise of her telling me.
 
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Also this is literally HORRIFIC. Imagine eating tacos but they aren't tacos they're actually maggots. Literally HORROR.
 

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I think I’ll just be me and if you think I’m ugly or not, ok, I’ll just keep on being.
 

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I think I’ll just be me and if you think I’m ugly or not, ok, I’ll just keep on being.
Yeah I'd rather everybody just be themselves
 

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I would think such a relationship has no chance of survival long term, so I'd be pretty uninvested in it.

I suppose I'd prefer to be the attractive one, I don't really have any good reasons other than I like feeling physically attractive and don't like the idea of my "dream" partner finding me repulsive. At least with a partner I found physically unattractive I could find other things I like about them still.
 
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The thought of my partner being "drugged" to think I'm perfect for them, or they'd otherwise be repulsed by me is...repulsive. But the situation...it wouldn't really matter either way if both parties know about it, and are willing to participate in it. It's all about choosing to find satisfaction, and if it takes an illusion to get it, then whatever.

Aesthetically mismatched couples are only problematic in the eyes of the outside world. Doesn't matter if others think it's me or my partner, it wouldn't be pleasant for either one of us because people can be vicious and very vocal about it. But it's not really their business if we're both happy in the relationship. It's only a problem when one of us lets the outside pressure get to them and it affects our relationship, but that would also mean the love is gone.

Inside the relationship...would a partner who loves me really consider me ugly, and vice versa? I mean, yeah, you can still look at your partner objectively and maybe they wouldn't compare well with some others, but I'd think that whatever makes them them would be endearing and important to me. And I'd hope they felt the same about me, or we wouldn't be a couple anyway.

Would I mind if my partner thought I was unattractive? Absolutely. Why are they still with me if they don't even like me? I could never get into a relationship with somebody whom I didn't consider attractive. So it doesn't really matter which one of us is unattractive, our paths would never cross in a romantically meaningful way. Unless they want something else from me and that's bad news.
 

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It's still considered rape to have sex with a drunk girl even if she knows she's drunk (everyone knows they're drunk). Point is, there's no real consent there.
 

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I think this is heavily biased in favor of the male being the less attractive one, considering guys put such a heavy emphasis on the fact they're turned on visually.

I'll add, I don't care either way. I've dated men that I initially found unattractive until I got to know their personalities, and that made them attractive. If the guy saw me in a similar light, I'd be attractive to him anyway, so it wouldn't matter.
I'll add, I don't care either way. I've dated men that I initially found unattractive until I got to know their personalities, and that made them attractive.

This. Except ... When I was a teenager I dated a guy who liked me but I wasn't sure what to do, or to say no. So I went out with him, I just did not find him physically attractive at all. He wasn't conventionally ugly or hideous, by any means, just, not my type. (Like, I'm pretty sure other girls would like him.)

I went to school with him too, he was in my year group. He eventually was in our friend group too, but I didn't know him that well.

I don't remember his personality much, or much about him, tbh.

But I guess if I didn't like his personality, then I probably wasn't going to like him physically either.

Like you said, there's a few guys I haven't initially found attractive, but after I got to know them more, I appreciated them, or started to find them attractive. Hmm, I think this is a rare occurrence though, because with dating sometimes if I'm really repulsed I'll probably say no without getting to know them....

But yeah, it's hard for people.

I hate putting the 10/10, 3/10, etc label on people... But if there was a guy who wasn't 10/10 but was still like, idk 4-5/10, I'd still date him and get to know him.

What I mean is, if a guy is 10/10, but has an awful personality, I'd rather be with the 5/10 guy with the great personality. The only thing a 10/10 guy with an awful personality would be good for is... Genetics, if you want a higher probability great looking child. Great looking person = less bullied? (Maybe, maybe not...)


And, then, once you're in love, you think your partner is the absolute bees knees anyway, so the scale doesn't matter any more. 🐝🐝❤

You have unconditional love for them because you love them, and you're also choosing to continue to love them. I'm sure there's many people in marriage who may get upset with their partners but stay with them, because, you love them, as a human being.... Sorry I'm not explaining at you, I'm just saying how I feel, personally, about such a thing.


I don't know what the point of 1/10, 2/10, 3/10... Basically that means ugly to me, so you may as well just say it. If there's a 1/10 then what the heck is 0/10?
 

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"Would you rather be ugly to your partner or be with an ugly partner?"
Well that depends, are we GUARENTEED to stay with each other and are me and my partner regularly having sex?

If we are definitely staying together till we die AND we are having regular sex then why would I ever pick her being the ugly one? Of course I'd be the uglier one, I only care what she looks like.

If we are not definitely staying together i.e theres a chance of a break up and we can go our separate ways or we're not having regular sex then of course I'd want to be the good looking one coz once we break up I'd reap the huge advantage of being good looking when looking for my next spouse.
 

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I'll add, I don't care either way. I've dated men that I initially found unattractive until I got to know their personalities, and that made them attractive.


This. Except ... When I was a teenager I dated a guy who liked me but I wasn't sure what to do, or to say no. So I went out with him, I just did not find him physically attractive at all. He wasn't conventionally ugly or hideous, by any means, just, not my type. (Like, I'm pretty sure other girls would like him.)

I went to school with him too, he was in my year group. He eventually was in our friend group too, but I didn't know him that well.

I don't remember his personality much, or much about him, tbh.

But I guess if I didn't like his personality, then I probably wasn't going to like him physically either.

Like you said, there's a few guys I haven't initially found attractive, but after I got to know them more, I appreciated them, or started to find them attractive. Hmm, I think this is a rare occurrence though, because with dating sometimes if I'm really repulsed I'll probably say no without getting to know them....

But yeah, it's hard for people.

I hate putting the 10/10, 3/10, etc label on people... But if there was a guy who wasn't 10/10 but was still like, idk 4-5/10, I'd still date him and get to know him.

What I mean is, if a guy is 10/10, but has an awful personality, I'd rather be with the 5/10 guy with the great personality. The only thing a 10/10 guy with an awful personality would be good for is... Genetics, if you want a higher probability great looking child. Great looking person = less bullied? (Maybe, maybe not...)


And, then, once you're in love, you think your partner is the absolute bees knees anyway, so the scale doesn't matter any more. 🐝🐝❤

You have unconditional love for them because you love them, and you're also choosing to continue to love them. I'm sure there's many people in marriage who may get upset with their partners but stay with them, because, you love them, as a human being.... Sorry I'm not explaining at you, I'm just saying how I feel, personally, about such a thing.


I don't know what the point of 1/10, 2/10, 3/10... Basically that means ugly to me, so you may as well just say it. If there's a 1/10 then what the heck is 0/10?
When I was 15, I was out at a house party with a friend of mine. The next morning this guy calls her asking who she was with the previous night, was I staying the night at her house, and he wanted to come over and meet me. My friend vouches for what an amazing guy this is as they've been friends for a decade or something, and I'm kind of intrigued. "Does he have a picture in the yearbook?" "Yeah, one sec..."

She pulls out the yearbook and shows me a picture of this guy, and I instantly shuddered. It was so far from anything I had imagined up until that point. 180k% not my type, at ALL. "I don't want to meet him." "He's on his way over right now." "Dude!"

So he ends up coming over with his friend Mike, who happens to be dating my friend. I'm repulsed by this guy and kind of pissed off about the situation. Naturally, my friend and her boyfriend go into her room together, leaving just this guy and I sitting in the living room alone. So we're sitting on the couch and I have my arms crossed, resting bitch face, legs crossed (away from him) with the top one tapping up and down. I'm staring at the TV screen but thinking about how much I hate my friend, when he just leans over and kisses me.....and it's an AMAZING kiss...like one of those ones that give you butterflies in your stomach. So it's 5 long seconds before I'm like, "What the FUCK, dude!?!"

Which started an actual conversation. Turns out he's really funny, smart, motivated, charming, charismatic. Looking back, I'm 100% confident he was ENTP. He just had this larger than life personality, and he treated me like a queen. I struggled with dating him at first because I was just seriously not attracted, but as time went on, he became more and more attractive to me. The glasses and braces also helped. :p We dated on and off for about 4 years. Lol! By the end of it, I started to find some guys with similar physical characteristics attractive, simply because they reminded me of him.
 

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As long as I get to be the crazy one I don't mind. I've tried being the sane one. Didn't care for it.
Also same 😄
 
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I wouldn't date someone I wasn't attracted to. They don't have to be "conventually attractive" (usually isn't my thing anyway), but I NEED TO BE ATTRACTED TO THEM. I wouldn't want to be with someone who wasn't attracted to me.


So, I choose option 3: mutual attraction.
 

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Considering that the physical appearance is number 1 in the top things that interest me in a partner, I would prefer to be the ugly one, of course.

I have seen thousands of women who fall in love with ugly men and not as frequent the other way so I trust my chances.
 

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When I was 15, I was out at a house party with a friend of mine. The next morning this guy calls her asking who she was with the previous night, was I staying the night at her house, and he wanted to come over and meet me. My friend vouches for what an amazing guy this is as they've been friends for a decade or something, and I'm kind of intrigued. "Does he have a picture in the yearbook?" "Yeah, one sec..."

She pulls out the yearbook and shows me a picture of this guy, and I instantly shuddered. It was so far from anything I had imagined up until that point. 180k% not my type, at ALL. "I don't want to meet him." "He's on his way over right now." "Dude!"

So he ends up coming over with his friend Mike, who happens to be dating my friend. I'm repulsed by this guy and kind of pissed off about the situation. Naturally, my friend and her boyfriend go into her room together, leaving just this guy and I sitting in the living room alone. So we're sitting on the couch and I have my arms crossed, resting bitch face, legs crossed (away from him) with the top one tapping up and down. I'm staring at the TV screen but thinking about how much I hate my friend, when he just leans over and kisses me.....and it's an AMAZING kiss...like one of those ones that give you butterflies in your stomach. So it's 5 long seconds before I'm like, "What the FUCK, dude!?!"

Which started an actual conversation. Turns out he's really funny, smart, motivated, charming, charismatic. Looking back, I'm 100% confident he was ENTP. He just had this larger than life personality, and he treated me like a queen. I struggled with dating him at first because I was just seriously not attracted, but as time went on, he became more and more attractive to me. The glasses and braces also helped. :p We dated on and off for about 4 years. Lol! By the end of it, I started to find some guys with similar physical characteristics attractive, simply because they reminded me of him.
Dudes got a pretty happy go lucky attitude kissing u like that without consent, considering your body language, if you were more Karen about it, he could be in jail.

Also the fact your friend thinks hes a great guy but not dating him herself would trigger alarm bells in me, obviously he isn't so great if hes friendzoned for 10 yrs by ur friend, clearly lacking in the attraction/physical attraction category.
 
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