Personality Cafe banner

1 - 20 of 33 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
70 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
I feel like I can confidently say I'm pretty, whether or not or I'd go a step farther and say that I'm hot I think depends on the person, Although I have been told that. And like yes, on the one hand, who's going to complain about that? But on the other, sometimes I feel like it creates this weird barrier between myself and other people. Like I def get the impression that some people feel like they are not allowed to talk to me, and like not even in a dating sense, like just like a normal regular person. I'm a straight female, but I feel like other girls, especially girls most people wouldn't find conventionally attractive, can sometimes be afraid of me it feels like, like I'm totally going to be a mean girl and say they can't sit with me. I'm not like that at all, but I also don't like to be very outgoing, but only because I'm an introvert.

I was a friend's bridesmaid this year and we went to this bar/resort thing for her bachelorette. The few times I went to the bar with this girl she'd would always hit on guy for me. Never asked her to do it, I'm just typically single, and I guess she thinks she's helping.... but she really doesn't know my taste in men. But anyway, at one point in the night after throwing several dudes at me she pulls me aside and says she keeps trying to get men to talk to me, but they won't, because they won't believe her that I'm single; I'm just too pretty. I just kind of thought she was blowing smoke up my ass to be nice. But then the more I thought about it, there were definitely points in my life where that would make a lot of sense. I've been with one or two really hot guys, (like not just my opinion, they were being pursued by many girls) who would act all nervous, and say things that in so many words seem to think I was out of their league. I'm just like “??? - that makes no fucking sense, you're the one that everyone is chasing.” I also get told a lot (by men) that I am intimidating.

So yeah, it's like I don't want to complain, but it's also kind of sucks when you're into someone and they seem too scared to talk to you. I also want to say, that even though I feel like I can confidently say that I'm pretty. There's PLENTY of days I wake up and I'm like, nope I'm medusa. Everyone is playing a cruel joke on me, trying to get me to believe that I am attractive when I am just an ugly potato.

Anyway, that's how I'd rate myself and that's how I feel about it. What about you guys?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,602 Posts
Beyond basic stuff like whether I look healthy, I don't have an opinion about my own physical attractiveness. The question doesn't really make sense to me. Are you asking whether I'm attractive to myself (I can't exactly attract myself and my idea of attractiveness is oriented towards other people)? Or are you asking whether I think I'm attractive to other people? I can't answer that second question because I don't know what other people think. I don't really think about it because it's up to them to decide whether I'm attractive to them, and it's not really important to me one way or the other.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
2,345 Posts
I have nice teeth, large breasts, and an unusual personality. I had a ton of "guy friends" in high school who I hung out with, riding bikes, walking around the neighborhood, going swimming, smoking cigarettes or joints, sitting on my grandparents' front porch swing, only to find out later that several of them were just patiently waiting to fuck me. This was a real "wake up call" for me, as I thought they were my bros and just thought I was a cool chick.

Later, I used this in a lucrative manner, but I can honestly say I have more a Zelda Fitzgerald or Mae West appeal, I'm not "beautiful" in some conventional model way.

I never had problems having relationships with guys in my teens or twenties, but I don't delude myself into believing I still look like I did at 24 either. In fact, recently I'd taken to stopping shaving and just really not even caring that much about my appearance as I used to. I've had a lot of sex in my life, and I'd like to be in a real relationship again. I don't think high heels or mascara bring relationships to the yard.

So I may have gone back into high school mode, kind of just being friends with guys and taking it as it comes. I don't have any issues talking to men though, in fact I can be aggressive at times (SFP women are "pseudo-aggressors" in one personality theory) ...so I am probably still attractive in my way, but I don't have your particular issue.

My roommate is tall, slim, and was blonde when I first met her and she doesn't have a problem talking to guys. They don't seem intimidated by her despite her conventional beauty. She's nice and outgoing though, I'm pretty sure she's ENFP.
 
Joined
·
9,999 Posts
I look OK. Average in every way, except for my killer personality. I don't mind my looks.
 
  • Like
Reactions: tarmonk

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,970 Posts
No idea? I rarely get commented on my appearance and people are more likely to comment on something else. I'm not sure if it's because I'm just average (as I also don't get told I'm ugly?), I'm unapproachable or people assume I know I'm attractive? What I mean by that is if I say I'm ugly people tell me I'm pretty and sometimes even get mad at me for saying that - "what? you have the ideal body" "you have nice hair though?" "you've got nice skin" etc. I've also seen pretty girls I know feel down because they never get complimented even though I know many people find them attractive!

I actually get existential crisis wondering over this. Are you only flirting with me because you're drunk? Or are you flirting with me because I'm drunk and more approachable?

On a day-to-day I wear casual clothes and no make-up so no-one ever second glances me. I think that's to be expected. On a normal day, I look average I think.

When I am dressed up with make-up on I definitely get treated differently. People are nicer to me. I think also because I feel more confident I come across as more approachable and friendly, so people are more likely to start a conversation with me. I have friends who are made up really well and people start conversations with them all the time, I've literally seen guys run down streets to get a glance at a friend of mine. It does make me feel wholly invisible and unattractive and I can get insecure about my looks in those cases. Though I have had people stop me in the street (when I'm dressed up) to ask for my number or I've had guys beep at me and cat call me, which is also very uncomfortable when you're sober. I don't feel confident enough dealing with that unless I'm drunk and when I'm drunk I just assume they're seeing me through beer goggles lol.

I have body dysmorphia, have done since my early teens though only officially diagnosed at 18, so at some point being attractive was all that mattered to me. I dressed up and wore make-up every day. So, I would get guys asking for my number and shouting things at me. It validated me. However, I soon grew tired of making all this effort and I felt like a fake - these guys only liked me for what I looked like and not who I was. I became depressed (for other reasons too) and stopped making myself up. That first day I came to college without any make-up on changed everything. The guys stopped talking to me and moved on to the next pretty girl. Still, there were different, nicer guys who still liked me for who I was and told me I didn't need all the make-up to be valid.

So I think in general the consensus is: I can be physically attractive if I make myself up but people are still attracted to me for who I am - it just tends to be different people who like me for my physical looks and different people who like me for who I am, which makes sense. I definitely think it's subjective whether someone finds me attractive or not and I think people are more attracted to me for things outside of my looks.


AND, my boyfriend is hot as fuck and he thinks I'm hot so I guess that's all that matters. I can literally call him with my hair scrapped back, eyebrows bushy as hell, ways in which I'd NEVER let anyone else see me and he still calls me beautiful :crying:.
Though a part of me thinks maybe he just doesn't know he's hot so he's settling for me. But then he says the same about me :tongue:.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,195 Posts
Actually I don't know nor care about that either :) Average or maybe slightly heavier build, not thin and not overweighted too, above average height but nothing special I guess which should automatically attract everybody at first sight. When I need it, I get neccessary feedback for myself via other means - ie I'm happy with what I've achieved in life, at work and in personal life.

If you look around you can easily see that how people look has never been a constraint to not have relationships, get kids etc. Yeah for some it might make finding one night stands etc easier I guess but I've personally had no interest in those either.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
428 Posts
like every woman i have my ugly days and my 'im the shit' days

as for what others think? it depends. i get compliments from strangers a lot about being beautiful or wanting to know where i'm from etc. but i think most of the time, it's because they've never seen people from my background. personality wise, i'm standoffish and usually quirky as fuck. i tend to not care what others are thinking, but despite my silly side i have a very strict moral code that i adhere to.

so in short, i'm a weirdo :jupiter:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
840 Posts
Just average. Nothing to make me ugly, but certainly not good looking enough to have any decent chance in Hollywood or on Tinder.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,623 Posts
But on the other, sometimes I feel like it creates this weird barrier between myself and other people. Like I def get the impression that some people feel like they are not allowed to talk to me, and like not even in a dating sense, like just like a normal regular person.
You should see this excerpt from an interview Bar Refaeli did on Conan O'Brien. Conan asks "Men must go to great lengths to meet you. Are men very forward with you?", and Bar replies "Ok, let's put this out there... no one hits on me. I don't get hit on, no one flirts with me, it's very sad actually", then goes on to talk about what you posted about lol.

In another interview, this time Jon Stewart interviewing Conan O'Brien (24 years ago, when Conan first got started), Conan talks about it from the guy's perspective lol. He just got his show, Jon asks what's the best part about it, and he says "When you have a talk show, eventually a supermodel will be a guest. Which are these women you don't see on the planet Earth anywhere else. They make eye contact with you, they smile, they're talking to you, and it's funny this high school mentality clicks in... you start to think "I'm doing pretty well here". And then you're talking a little more, and you think "I think she likes me!"

"And then the segment's over, we cut to commercial - and the woman's like *lets out bored sigh* (Conan gets up and walks away as though he had just finished watching paint dry)", lolol. And then he realizes it's just a job for her.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,950 Posts
I know I'm attractive from various reports from different women. It always comes at a surprise, because while I can see why, I don't really feel like it most of the time. From my perspective I'd say I'm very average, because self loathing and all that, but in general I feel relatively comfortable with my appearance.

I do however have the resting bitch face, so women rarely approach me unless they have at least been around me, and seen me interact in comfortable situations (± if we already kinda know each other). And then about ogling, I've only seen one woman doing that, if more of them do it I don't notice it.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
810 Posts
From my perspective I'm on the lower scale of average and don't do myself any favors. No makeup, no dyed hair, usually wearing a ponytail at the nape of my neck and a look in my eye that says "Eff off" to people. I avoid eye contact, blend in, and mostly go unnoticed or unapproached.

If the opposite sex does try to make contact it's usually nerdy guys who like the nerdy shirts I wear, especially when I'm in a game store or Barnes and Noble or something. When I'm out on my bicycle I get a little interest sometimes, too. It really depends on the guy. Hispanics and middle eastern guys seem a lot more complimentary and are faster to notice me than any other group. I'm guessing because culturally they're more okay with natural women (and may even respect it, depending on their country of origin). Most other men ignore me completely, but I suspect as I lose more weight that might shift a little. At this point I'm only a little overweight, so I don't see that being as off-putting. I just don't dress or act like I want attention so I don't get any. When I do, I immediately get tongue-tied, shy, and uncomfortable. I like attention, it's an ego stroke, but I can't handle it gracefully. :laughing:

Edit: I forgot to mention how I feel about my looks? I mean I have low self esteem but conversely I'm comfortable being me, and I'm pretty dismissive of people who think I'm ugly (even if it hurts). I wouldn't want to look like anyone else. And not wearing makeup etc is deliberate, if someone doesn't like my natural face then I'm not going to change my appearance to please them.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
70 Posts
Discussion Starter #13
I guess I should clarify that I think people react to not just the way I look, but “how” I look. I'm a 4, so I'm totes about aesthetic. I put on a full face of makeup everyday for work. It's not an insecurity thing, it's a glamour, self expression, I love makeup thing. I have crazy colored hair, and I'm a pretty snappy dresser if I do say so myself. But that's just because I love style and fashion. I've always just thought of it as my thing, but I think people can often read into it like I'm the fashion police or I'm too cool to be their presences. I mean, I don't usually want to be in most people's presence but that's because I'm an introvert. But yeah, like a lot of you noted, the way you dress/ present yourself can really factor into the way people perceive you. I think if I ran around without any makeup on a lot more people would think of me as down to earth.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10,043 Posts
I am generally naturally attractive overall

I know I was a woman many people referred to as hot on a regular basis for sure when I was under 30

While I have not inherently changed too much overall in the last five years in my natural physical appearance, I would say I toned down some things and my give a fucks was dramatically redirected. I really decided around 30-33 through there I was sick of some perceptions or pursuits because of I guess just coming off naturally ‘sexy’ in many ways.

A dramatic shift happened and I really had reverted more to tomboy I was before puberty.
No nothing actually happened to me really physically to alter anything extreme.
But I think I just really did put a lot more effort into work and kids and being practical and a lot less in feminine crap.
I.e. instead of straightening hair and finding cute outfit, sticking on a ball cap and some basic track suit and calling it good.
No I did not give up or throw in the towel not just frumpy now. I have some nice clothing and still know how to shine up when I want.
I just tend to like how neutral I get treated when I am more androgynous. My track suits and polos etc for work are still groomed etc. I see a dramatic difference in how serious I get taken and how much more I can be effective. My face is still overall attractive (I mean somewhat eye of beholder). I notice a very distinct difference in how I get treated more feminine without a ball cap, many women are bitchier and competitive and many men sort of are annoying and talk about really stupid things. When I am dressed casual in a ball cap and unthreatening I am treated so much more neutral. I like this.

TBH I actually think I totally am one of those girls who likes to minimize appearance and be understated often. I have had a colorful life I spent many years being an object of attraction and affection. I am very content letting other younger girls have that attention. As well as knowing that I didn’t really like what most of that got me anyways.

It’s still totally fun to every now and then strut my stuff and show I still have it on occasion. But yeah my give a fucks is way lower on that front.

It’s almost like I kinda went full circle. I started out in life very understated in my femininity and a tom boy as a child. Really was sorta a duckling to swan thing over night as a teen. Well yeah as a teen I ate all that up. Older and wiser and someone who sees it more for what it all is, I definitely am more blasé.

Yes I am the ultimate kinda attractive which is confident in who I am in an understated basic way but able to hold my own and push the limits more when I choose.

 

·
Registered
♂️ INFJ 5w4 // IEI-Ni
Joined
·
3,667 Posts
Well, I must be to some people. I tend to get called "cute" more than "hot" though. Sometimes the "handsome" comes my way. It feels nice, but likewise I've been told things that made me feel ugly too.
And yeah, the mirror can feel particularly mean sometimes.


I don't think I'm ugly though, but I'm probably too much of a loner to get much interest from people. I don't think I have your problem where I'm so attractive that people are just intimidated.
I know what you mean though. Girls who are attractive do kinda intimidate me at first glance (I assume they'd turn their nose up at me instantly) so I understand it must feel annoying if your intention isn't to scare people off. You seem like a nice person though. If only the inner beauty of people was more visible than the external.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10,043 Posts
You know who I related to was Hedy Lamarr
She was an extremely beautiful ENTP

Now I am not so much saying I am that glamorous or beautiful, no
But she was often undermined for being an attractive female
When she was an extremely innovative inventor

Er no I am not an inventor, no
But I am innovative at what I do and could relate to some of her story
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
70 Posts
Discussion Starter #19
I hear ya!

I'm really intelligent. I think that's the thing I miss most of the time, like never having anyone to have smart, in depth, intelligent conversations with. I put a lot of effort into the way I look, and so yeah I do like it when people appreciate it. But like, say you like my style, or dig the way I never miss an opportunity to look my best, that kinda stuff. It's not like I'm constantly being called this, like I'm not THAT hot, like Victoria Secret ain't knocking my door to sign me up as their next angle or whatever they call them – but like more than once people have referred to me as “the pretty one”. Like believe me I know there are people who are gonna hear that and go “I wish I had that problem!” and I wasn't much to look at in high school, so I know what it feels like. But it's so dehumanizing to be thought of as “the pretty one”. Like I am SOO much more that. I can't remember where I read it it, but I remember reading something about how Hedy Lamarr was consonantly trying to fight the image of her as this sexy celebrity. Like yes, I love acting, and guess what I'm pretty too - does anyone care that I'm a fucking scientist?? And I can totally relate to that. I mean, yeah, I haven't achieved her level of success....yet... but it's really frustrating to be good at certain things, and have pride in yourself, but who cares as long as people want to bang you?

Ugh and don't even get me started on how being attractive and intelligent are supposed to be mutually exclusive or something. Like if you are attractive you don't need to be smart. I didn't need to be smart, I just am. My brain doesn't shut off because people want to fuck me.
 

·
Registered
ENFP Shepherdess ♡
Joined
·
1,590 Posts
...I'm...moderately attractive. I've always had a well-proportioned height, build, bra size, and weight.
My face is okay--the closest semblence I know of is Ellie Darcey-Alden's, on a good day. Usually made worse with excessive makeup.
People don't typically comment on my appearance, but I do get hit on at work frequently.
So, idk. Apparently, overall, I just exhibit a childlike presence/vibe; and am approachable.

What do I think about it?
Eh...the fast metabolism mimics my Ne, which is hilarious. Everything else? Whatever. *shrugs*
Take it or leave it.
 
1 - 20 of 33 Posts
Top