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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
For example you had an ex and he shared a lot of information with you. His values, insecurities, fears, experience, youth life, etc. For example his parents abused him or in high school everybody was laughing at him,taking his lunch money etc. He feels really embarrassed about it. Or he had rectal dysfunction.

Would you share any such details about your ex with your SO? What if it was your brother, sister, parents, friends, ex-friends? Would you share such things with your SO? Assuming he knows or could find out their name and/or how they look like. Or would you keep it a secret forever?

If you would share, under what circumstances?

Would you share if he explicitly asked you to not share anything about him or her back when you were in a relationship? Or your friend/sister/brother/parents/ex-friend asked you to not share anything about him?





In case you would be asking why someone would ask something like that, suppose they have reasons. Maybe they just don't want random people they don't know knowing stuff about them.
 

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In my experience, people talk. Not to gossip or what not but because some things can weigh heavily on someone.
You might want advice in how to deal with certain things. E.g. your ex may have had an abusive childhood and you don't know how to support them or how to deal with it. So you will seek out advice. It could be anonymous on the interwebs, it could be with coworkers that would never even have to know whom you're talking about it.

Yes, it would be ideal if you would never ever divulge someones (regardless of whom they are) secrets. But you as the keeper of said secrets have to deal with them too.

That being said, an ex is an ex. Therefore a closed chapter and in the past. I doubt there would be any need to address that.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
In my experience, people talk. Not to gossip or what not but because some things can weigh heavily on someone.
You might want advice in how to deal with certain things. E.g. your ex may have had an abusive childhood and you don't know how to support them or how to deal with it. So you will seek out advice. It could be anonymous on the interwebs, it could be with coworkers that would never even have to know whom you're talking about it.

Yes, it would be ideal if you would never ever divulge someones (regardless of whom they are) secrets. But you as the keeper of said secrets have to deal with them too.

That being said, an ex is an ex. Therefore a closed chapter and in the past. I doubt there would be any need to address that.
People still talk about the past. You meet someone new, you don't just go on from here, you talk about the past, you share stories and life and everything that is related to it. And your ex is related to you, maybe you've spend 4 years with him.
 

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After my ex and I broke up, I probably said some stuff about him other people in our social circle. No deep dark secrets, but just random things about our relationship and how he had treated me. If the other person refuses to explain why they acted to hurt me, I am much more likely to spill my guts about them. It's cathartic to theorize about what motivated their actions. Talking about everything with trusted friends who can provide feedback and be empathic can greatly speed the healing process.

And... we're the "Reporter" personality type. If you acted like a dick, you can be sure other people will find out about it.

If the person had explicitly told me not to share something I definitely wouldn't tell anyone, though.
 

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Unless someone specifically says they don't want something ever shared I have the hardest time not sharing things, probably because I like being open and have no problem if people share things about me, considering I'm always willing to share anything about myself. I'm thankful that I don't talk to many people...

That's not to say I constantly go blabbing to people about everything. I just don't have any problem sharing. Then again, none of these people are connected in any way, so perhaps that's it. I certainly wouldn't share one friend's secrets with another friend. That's just asking for backlash.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
After my ex and I broke up, I probably said some stuff about him other people in our social circle. No deep dark secrets, but just random things about our relationship and how he had treated me. If the other person refuses to explain why they acted to hurt me, I am much more likely to spill my guts about them. It's cathartic to theorize about what motivated their actions. Talking about everything with trusted friends who can provide feedback and be empathic can greatly speed the healing process.

And... we're the "Reporter" personality type. If you acted like a dick, you can be sure other people will find out about it.

If the person had explicitly told me not to share something I definitely wouldn't tell anyone, though.
Your type is idealist, not reporter, according to the text under your username.

Unless someone specifically says they don't want something ever shared I have the hardest time not sharing things, probably because I like being open and have no problem if people share things about me, considering I'm always willing to share anything about myself. I'm thankful that I don't talk to many people...

That's not to say I constantly go blabbing to people about everything. I just don't have any problem sharing. Then again, none of these people are connected in any way, so perhaps that's it. I certainly wouldn't share one friend's secrets with another friend. That's just asking for backlash.
Ify ou are an ENFP, I think it is very interesting that you don't talk to many people. Reading this subforum and all, it makes me think that getting to know new people is one of the most enjoyable things to an ENFP. Maybe you are just a bit more introverted ENFP then.
 

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I don't see any value in sharing information about past relationships. If i was asked directly by my husband, i would. That would never happen, he doesn't care about any of my past relationships, they are in the past for a reason. I can't think of a circumstance where it would be relevant to my current relationship. I might think of silly experience and share it, other than that, i don't, or care.
 
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With SO, yes. I think SOs should share all.

With others, no, unless there was an overriding reason.
 

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I don't see any value in sharing information about past relationships. If i was asked directly by my husband, i would. That would never happen, he doesn't care about any of my past relationships, they are in the past for a reason. I can't think of a circumstance where it would be relevant to my current relationship. I might think of silly experience and share it, other than that, i don't, or care.
I feel the same way about you do. What's in the past stays there. No use talking about it with a new relationship partner.
 

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I feel like, if it were something really personal, I would not...but if it were not, and the topic came up, maybe. I'm just going to be honest here and say that if it were a terrible ex, I probably would talk about some things if they were distressing me. Family and friends, no though. I just don't see the point in it, either, as others have mentioned.
 

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I feel the same way about you do. What's in the past stays there. No use talking about it with a new relationship partner.
What if there is, or seems to be, a use? It feels like building a wall to past truth and love.
 

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I really don't like embarrassing people, so if whatever they've told me is personal in some way, I make sure to try and keep it to myself because that's the best way to go. There are times that I've complained about exes (usually in the first week after the breakup), but not in a way that's too mean: like I wouldn't make fun of them for their deepest darkest secrets because that's just being a jerk.
I would definitely keep some things a secret and I would expect another person to do the same for me as well. Generally, I'm fairly open with friends, relationships, and extended family, but I have a hard time sharing things with my parents because they've spilled out secrets and never acted sorry about it.
This mostly comes after a childhood where I was a complete open book, so I guess I've learned my lesson.
 

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I would never share information that someone explicitly asked me not to share, unless there were some intense extenuating circumstance (e.g. someone's life was in danger). If it wasn't specified that I should keep that information secret, it's possible I would mention it; it really depends on the circumstances. For instance, I'll share overall relationship dynamics with a significant other if it's relevant.
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
Yes, and I usually twist the truth.
Why do you twist the truth?

I don't see any value in sharing information about past relationships. If i was asked directly by my husband, i would. That would never happen, he doesn't care about any of my past relationships, they are in the past for a reason. I can't think of a circumstance where it would be relevant to my current relationship. I might think of silly experience and share it, other than that, i don't, or care.
With SO, yes. I think SOs should share all.

With others, no, unless there was an overriding reason.
I feel the same way about you do. What's in the past stays there. No use talking about it with a new relationship partner.
What if there is, or seems to be, a use? It feels like building a wall to past truth and love.
When do you decide that it's your SO and would be comfortable with sharing such details of others? How long do you have to be going out/whatever is your measurement?

As for value... Interest? I would be very interested in hearing all about your life if I was your SO.
 

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Why do you twist the truth?









When do you decide that it's your SO and would be comfortable with sharing such details of others? How long do you have to be going out/whatever is your measurement?

As for value... Interest? I would be very interested in hearing all about your life if I was your SO.
There is a difference between sharing your life experiences and sharing your past relationships. I share everything with my husband, but there is no value sharing details about ex's.

Me- oh, i remember a time when X and i did this -took a trip to X- planing on taking the same trip now with husband
Him- tell me about this place, NOT tell me what you and X did on the trip.

You can still communicate about details about a place without having to include details about what you and X did. Again, no value or is it relevant to talk about my ex. And if i did, he would ignore me, because it isn't interesting or relevant. I think it depends on the man, some men what to hear all the nitty gritty details, mine doesn't, it bores him. Could be a boundary thing, unless it somehow effects our relationship, then what value is there.

O<K maybe if i was heart broken or hurt somehow in a past relationship i might have told him in the beginning not to do X and X because it brought back some negative thoughts. I wasn't, so.....i don't have those experiences. I didn't have any long term relationships to talk about, only short term that were on the fly.
 
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