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Writing and other Creative Projects - a Rant

569 Views 4 Replies 5 Participants Last post by  Tridentus
Hey y'all.

I'm currently in the midst of a huge creative project. It's the culmination of a dream I've had for a long time. I've amassed a small team of collaborators, been working at it for over a year, and I feel very frustrated at times about my seeming inability to make good progress. The project requires a good storyline. I'm in charge of that. The project is similar to a video game, with interactive elements.

I (like all ENFPs??) am good at big dreams. The inital buzz of creativity around making this thing meant that the initial pieces fell together relatively easily. Then, when I went in to flesh out the details, I end up getting lost and panicking, then shutting down, when I worry that I'm straying from the heart of the thing. The core concepts, the initial idea, and the heart of the thing are fantastic. It feels like when I go through and "fix" something though, either in the backstory or in the story design (i.e. should this character reveal this bit of information earlier or later) it feels like I very swiftly lose track of if the change is serving the project as a whole, or if I just am drawn to every new idea.

I am always the person to get people fired up around a new creative idea. I have great ideas. But then they all look to me to keep the momentum going, and get the thing more and more fleshed out. So I take on that role, and any role necessary, to make it happen. I write whatever needs to be written, I email whoever needs to be emailed, I research what needs to be researched... all in service of the initial idea. Because I'm the guy who came up with it, so I feel the burden of being the guy to work the hardest to make it happen. I feel like I fail them, and fail myself, when it feels really really fucking hard to do that.

In a perfect world, I'd have a collaborator who is better at fleshing out details than me, and I can keep an eye on the big picture. But I don't have that luxury right now, nor do I know exactly how to find that person. I'm also not confident that my "eye on the big picture" wouldn't get bored and just love every new idea presented to me, just for its new-ness. So how the fuck can I be a productive, creative person? I want to make things that I care about, rather than try to fit in to other people's things. I'm an actor. I love being in plays I care about. I hate being in plays I don't care about, or don't like the director's style, or don't resonate with the artistic vision of the piece, etc. So I want to create my own stuff. So that I can be involved in stuff I care about. Not because *I* created it, but because I always have AWESOME FUCKING IDEAS that come from somewhere outside of me, and I want to will them into creation. To give them as a gift to the world. To help people feel as inspired in watching and experiencing it, as I did when I initially thought, "Woah! That would be cool." That's what it's all about for me. There's an awesome thing in my head, the world should see it. I want to see it.

So, here I am, writing this thing, making my changes. With each change I feel at first like "Oh! This fixes the problem, great! But did it create new problems? Are those new problems OK, because the change I made was necessary?"

As an actor, I'm really good at making lots of exciting off-the-cuff choices in rehearsal. I can perform a scene convincingly 10 different ways. But choosing one, remembering it, and sticking with it is difficult for me. Same with writing, I'm finding. Do others feel this way, and do they have tactics that help them make good progress?
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