I can relate to this so much! I really got a kick out of the reactions that my professors would have after reading my term papers--it was like they never realized that I had the capacity to develop a coherent argument, much less articulate it with any sort of finesse. In my last semester, for example, my senior seminar professor was on my case nearly the entire semester over my term paper. She required us to schedule regular meetings with her, and, admittedly, I did my fair share of procrastinating, so I was very slow in bringing her anything of any real quality. I could tell that she was expecting me to hand in a substandard and, possibly, late paper. At each meeting, I tried to explain that I had a plan in place, and that once I developed some momentum, the paper would come together. Still yet, I could tell she had her reservations. Finally, when I met with her to discuss my completed first draft, she couldn't quite disguise her surprise when commenting on how well written it was. It turned out, that I received one of the highest grades in the class. I sort of felt like a boss.

I've only tried using writing to convey my thoughts to someone I cared about once, and it didn't exactly work out very well. It was a very sincere and heartfelt letter, but, unfortunately, she was over me. It didn't help that I had, inadvertently, delivered it at a less than ideal time. So I have no useful experience regarding communicating with a loved one through writing.

I express myself via written means a whole lot better than via speech. I always have...
Though I used to write things that would be a "present" to someone on special occasions (Christmas/birthday/etc)...and people would kind of be crestfallen because I would do that in a card or something, and not get them anything material. Though, communicating to them in a heartfelt way WAS as much of a gift as I could muster.

Lesson learned...people only value the material. lol

I'm so much better writing to comuncate to others. I always prefer to text someone instead of calling, it make me nervous. Idk, I'm not that good at talking I guess.

I still have all the letters (attachments and emails) from the long distance phase with my mate. We wrote every day.

I use writing a lot in general. I have intensive journal phases, dialogues with others and forum participation, to name a few.

meiming8 said:

On a lot of the INFJ profiles it's mentioned that we communicate best through writing. I've been wondering, does anyone do this regularly? Anything from keeping a blog/diary to writing to your friends/family/significant other to get your thoughts across. Certainly on this forum I've noticed a lot of very well-written, insightful responses!

I've been emailing my S/O daily since we just started a LDR and it's been an incredible experience. I never feel like I can communicate my thoughts properly through speech, but writing has really helped me express how I truly feel. Funnily enough, I try to write on my blog regularly but it always feels awkward since I'm not addressing my posts to anyone in particular. Now that I'm speaking to someone who means something to me, I feel inspired. Writing to him has allowed me to open my innermost thoughts to him in the most beautiful and intuitive way- I can't believe I've never done it before!

I would love to hear other INFJ's experiences with writing

Click to expand...

I have a diary I just keep only for insights and dreams I have that I think are significant in some way. I used to have a journal that was more open but these days I just use my poetry as an outlet for that so it's cryptic and not too revealing.

As far as letters/emails go, when I get going with someone, I could be typing a six hour email and I'm not a slow typer. I enjoy sharing myself with people who I intend to cultivate a deep relationship with.

I think I communicate best through writing. When I'm getting ready to speak, I feel a lot of pressure to choose the right words. For some reason, when I write, I feel freedom from all of that. I don't have to worry about interruptions or people drifting off; I can just get everything out and the words staring back represent a clear picture of who I am. I've been known to write long letters to people and some of them have told me that they got to know more about me in that one letter than through years of knowing me. I infuse my writing with passion, so perhaps that's what helps bring other people closer to me.

I have recently found the liberating and joyful experience of writing to people I love. I write them letters or cards in order to tell them how much they truly mean to me because when I try to speak, it just sounds terrible and I can never get across just what I want. So yes, I express myself better in writing because then I can really think about my words and get at just the right way to say things.

I feel at ease when expressing ideas through language, whether verbally or in writing. I actually love telling people what I think and I why I think it, and I do it well. It's definitely a source of confidence for me. I actually requested a public speaking opportunity for work just because I enjoy it lol. It's kind of weird because as a teenager I was totally unskilled in social interactions, but I loved getting up in front of the class to present stuff. It's more comfortable for me for some reason.

The written word has always been very special to me. I read constantly as a youngster. I've kept a journal (not daily :tongue since I was maybe 8. Nowadays this forum has been a good outlet, and in the past year or so, I've taken a strong liking to IMing on Skype. I think it is very healthy for me to have that space to think, process, and return to. I have an astoundingly awful memory. Without writing, I would've forgotten so much more than I have.

It also keeps me from spilling my heart out to people in untimely places lol. Speaking verbally has so many distractions in comparison. writing is much more efficient and clear for me

I find (and always found) writing easier than speaking face to face, although I'm meanwhile pretty good at that as well, but that's practised and down to my job.

I generally have a thing for language in every form though, spoken and written. I'm bilingual, I speak four languages fluently, and can sort of communicate in a few more. I love good dialogue in movies/on stage and always loved that about acting myself.

I write fiction and non-fiction, poetry and songs. I write for my own blogs and get paid to write for a few others. I also write for a few music and film magazine (print).

So yes, I would be nothing without it

The written word has helped me to express myself at times when I really needed to communicate something special and heartfelt. It has helped me to resolve relationship problems as well. It has allowed me to express my feelings with my self, when there was no one around to listen. Like above posters have said, you can write your thoughts down without disruption. You can draft and edit and change things. You can be so detailed and expressive with writing. The other thing I like about writing is that you have what was said down as hard copy. You have the exact wording and proof of what you said. Speech can be misinterpreted. For me speech is like smoke, there one moment and vanishes into thin air the next. I have difficulty believing it to be real unless I can see it.

I find it hard to imagine an INFJ who doesn't like writing. And pretty sure that majority of INFJs would prefer written to spoken communication.

I think that, in our desire for harmony, we want communications to be clear; we tend to find mis-communications and misunderstandings painful. When writing we can choose our words at a leisurely pace; we can put ourselves into the mind of the reader and identify whether what we're saying might be ambiguous and so on. There's more scope for things to go wrong when speaking - we choose the wrong words, we realise that what we said isn't quite what we meant and so on.

Something I've noticed is that in a spoken discussion the emphasis is more likely to be on "winning" rather than on understanding / "a meeting of minds". This is perhaps especially true in the workplace where the more senior person often feels it's important to demonstrate his seniority/superiority by "defeating" the more junior person. Various techniques can be used in that context and one is throwing in irrelevancies. This aspect is captured in the following "Rules for the Project Manager":

Don't engage in arguments, but if cornered, ask an irrelevant question and lean back with a satisfied grin while your opponent tries to figure out what's going on - then quickly change the subject.

Click to expand...

If a subordinate asks you a pertinent question, look at him as if he had lost his senses. When he looks down, paraphrase the question back at him.

Click to expand...

These examples are meant in a humorous way - but do, for me, capture how in the workplace the emphasis is often on winning rather than a meeting of minds.

In a written discussion there's much less scope for "tricks" - they're more likely to be noticed.

It may be that what I've said here is personal to me rather than INFJs in general. Or, to go in the opposite direction, it may be that the preference for writing over speaking is a preference that all/most introverts have.


PS Just noticed that of the 12 posts so far in this thread (so, excluding this one) 10 are by women and just 2 by men. I wonder if that's significant?

I write very methodically and intensely. Unfortunately, I also write rarely.

#toomanyadverbs