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Hey! SORRY in advance for the massive post. I figured more info would be more precise.

I'm completely confused in how I should approach an ENFP male that I really care about. One of my best friends (I'll call her X), who I suspect might be an ENFP too (they've both commented how they're similar to each other), thinks that I'm being really stupid and should take more initiative to contact/skype him.

So...we lived together as roommates a few years back for 4 months during summer. We got along well, had deep discussions, hung out most days etc, and by the end I considered him a pretty good friend. He moved half way across the country for school that Sept. We very occasionally messaged back and forth, and we hung out when he came back for xmas (his parents lived in the city). To give some context--I rarely message ppl far away from me, and with good friends we can meet up as if we'd never parted. I've gone 2-3 months without speaking to X, years with others.

He came back for summer break. By that time he was introducing me/had already introduced me to his inner circle of friends. I'm very oblivious to signs someone might like me (and I'm still not sure if all of these could be signs--let me know if they are for an ENFP!). He asked what kind of guys I liked, how my past relationships went, my values, goals, where I expected to be in 5 years. We meshed/agreed on almost everything. I went to his mom's bday. He also mentioned marriage at least 3 times--like how he didn't expect to until at least 30 but that if he met the right person he wouldn't mind if it was earlier. By the end of summer I was thinking 'Yay! He's like another best friend!'

Skipping forward: He came back for xmas break, and I came back for new years eve (had moved to another city in sept). I stayed at his parents place where I would take the guest bed and he the couch. By the end of the night he asked to share the bed, and I thought that that seemed reasonable. The couch was small, he's a big guy, a bed is comfier, so it only made sense to both take the bed. Yes, I am that dense lol. We ended up making out briefly and he hugged me all night.

Next day I asked what was up with last night. He got flustered and said it was just a thing between drunk friends (though we weren't even drunk). I was like ok, so I'll completely forget about it, which seemed to upset him. I truly thought we were just friends at that point. About 2wks later he calls me. He ends up saying he's liked me for quite some time now and if I'd like to date him. By then another guy had asked me out, and ENFP guy was going to leave the country in a few months, so I said it didn't seem very practical otherwise I'd be willing to. We decided to keep each other "in mind".

.........Gaaaaah, I didn't think this post would get so long. :confused:

Aaaaanyway, we chatted way more often till summer. I was in the process of breaking up with other guy (good person, just wasn't for me), and by this time had actually had a chance to consider how much I liked ENFP. Before his confession, I hadn't even considered the possibility that he'd like me as more than friends. He was way more outgoing, knew lots of girls, and I was just quiet and not that interesting.

I came back to the city for a week that summer. We hung out some, and at one point he said if I wanted to stay over at his parents that night (I was staying with X), I wasn't sure but we walked towards there anyway. I told him that I was willing to try a LDR. He seemed hesitant, then said that he liked me but that I was probably right in what I had said months earlier about it not being realistic. By that time we were at the house, he invited me to stay, and I ended up saying no. He then walked me back to X's place (a 30min walk btw) and things were back to 'normal' again. Again, I seriously thought he wanted to be friends and so didn't think much of it.

A few days later he msgs me about when I'd be back in the city. This time I end up staying at his parents place for a few days, and I approached the situation as if we were friends.
...But I don't think he saw it that way (now that I see it in hindsight).
He texted we where and what he was doing the whole time, we went out for dinner/lunches, his mom made us go grocery shopping (which went surprisingly well), we hung out with one of his best friends and his serious girlfriend often. He said stuff like how he was like his friend and his friend's girlfriend was like me and that he thought we'd get along etc. He made me food, offered tea, and so on. He asked if I liked his mom and sister. I took him at his word the last time I was there and mainly thought we were friends (Yes, I can't believe how totally oblivious I am :rolleyes:). Though I think my body was aware of it since I was very trembly around him for parts of it, and I spontaneously gave him a compliment, which is not typical of me.

Then we were gone traveling to diff places mid summer, and it felt like he was pulling away. AND I'll end it there for the moment since this is stupidly long (just a bit more, gaaaah).

SO QUESTION 1 to tide this over: What was up with the actions vs the words??? And would you ENFP guys ever ask a girl if she liked your mom and sister if you thought you were just friends?
Usually they say to listen to a guys actions not his words...but that's usually when they sweet talk you but then flake out/break promises/treat you badly etc. And if a guy usually tells you warning phrases (like I'm not boyfriend material, I'm not ready for a relationship) then to believe it. Hence why I took him at his word. But now my brain doesn't know what to think since it's all over the place. I think part of the problem is that we weren't in the same city, and he had said that all his other relationships just came from hanging out a lot and transitioning to it (no "dating"). I should probably also mention that he's been hurt a lot in the past and hasn't had a the healthiest relationships.
 

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He liked you. A LOT.

He was probably hurt when you essentially chose another guy over him. Then he wasn't sure what your intentions were when you suddenly showed interest again after a breakup. No one wants to feel like a rebound.

What it sounds like now is that you're important to him. He wouldn't keep you in his life (and especially in the lives of his loved ones) if he didn't care. That doesn't necessarily translate to romantic interest... And you have to keep in mind that he's probably as oblivious as you are to any kind of signals of interest. If he's not 100% sure of your feelings, he may just be saying things about not wanting to be in a relationship for your sake (not wanting to make you awkward or uncomfortable).

I'd imagine you're both waaaaaaay overthinking things. If you haven't shared the backstory of why you made the decisions you did and how you feel about him, he may just be going on what he perceives....which may or may not be accurate. And he may also be getting advice, just like you are, from people with only part of the picture.
 
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Wow this is a lot to read
 
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You know what? People with Ne often make their best decisions quickly.

It sounds like there's a great chemistry between you. On the other hand, you're right to think about how realistic a relationship is. Even being more than 40 minutes drive away from eachother can cause stresses. A relationship with someone you never see is hard work and it's often better to cut your losses as it were and enjoy your lives separately as individuals.

If it's realistic, go for it! What is there to lose? You stayed friends last time.
 

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I would agree with @IAmOrangeToday, but your history gives this better chances as an LDR than most. You've been friends that share interests while doing the LDR (as friends) thing already.

Alysaria said pretty much what I would. Also, People don't like rejection. Rejecting themselves so the opportunity isn't even there to be rejected makes it quite easy. There's also worrying about ruining a friendship that he feels strongly about. If you get involved and it goes awry, well, there's a good chance the friendship will also be over. Hard for a friendship to recover from that.

I would, if I were you, sit him down and ask him directly how he feels. Tell him how you feel...put yourself out there. Both you and he are playing it safe...and, you need to jump in and hope for the best.

just my opinion. Sounds as if you're both very sweet people...I wish you the best of luck, either way.
 
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