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Quote Originally Posted by BranchMonkey View Post

I pursued him relentlessly. He had come out of a bad relationship and said, "Unless a woman knocks on my door, I'm done dating." I did knock on his door, no kidding, the day after the soccer game. He thought we just went to the game and that was that. I was assertive; I wanted him and went for it.

When people ask, in person, how we got together, my husband used to say, "She pulled me backward" and he'd yank his own hair. Everyone would laugh, especially those who knew me:

I didn't give up on someone or something if I wanted it. My husband said, "I knew I needed you but the love took longer."

Damn Gurrl. You sound like you really know your mind. Why were you so certain about him?


I was 28 at the time, and had been married off (an arranged marriage) when I was fifteen; the 'ceremony' took place eight days after my 16th birthday. I wasn't pregnant; my biological mother was mentally ill and more... but the point is that I was out in the world on my own early, and before leaving home I had a lot of experience with men 'dogging me,' from 13 through and beyond the point that I met my future husband.

Because he thought he was never going to see me again (just one date, a soccer game, have a nice time, and that was that), he was himself, his deepest and best, most true self that night.

One thing I liked a lot about him is that he didn't act impressed with me or try pleasing me in an obsequious way, which I was used to men doing. He didn't try getting sexual either, and we didn't do more than share one kiss.

I have good instincts about people, usually--uncanny according to many, and I knew this was an intelligent, sweet-natured man who--if he committed--would see it through.

As the days and then weeks wore on, the "see it through" part only grew stronger--my sense of him as someone like that... as I learned from his parents (he took me to meet them, although we were only friends he said) and I saw his baby books, photos from his elementary through high school days when he was not only an incredible athlete with what we called 'heart,' i.e. gave far more than expected or anyone thought possible--having so many medals on his letterman's jacket that classmates and friends called him 'Christmas' because he jingled when he walked down the halls... but it was the things he did in school not connected to his athletic or academic achievements, doing things like building up a club that had fallen into non-activity, then building up the funds to benefit the school and neighborhood.

His roots were in the area of my paternal people, so I understood him, a part of the 'southern man' and yet unlike my father's people he was not racist or provincial; he was then what he is now, 'a true liberal' whereas I'm an independent.

Part of our clash, what made him hesitate--aside from the recent bad relationship--was my own inner city background.

That, and I had a bluntness about me that he associated--because of his background--with arrogance and rudeness.

So he had to get to know me, and see sides of me that didn't reflect that--true kindness that he respected, and loyalty--another person who sees things through. He saw that more gradually because I had a habit of hiding that side of me--fear of being taken advantage of as I had been growing up.

I used to joke that we were Hansel and Gretel following bread crumbs to find our way home, a metaphor for our both looking for something meaningful out of life, beyond ordinary success, accumulating money, buying a house (we've never owned one), and more...


In my gut I never wavered, no matter how he tested me, and boy howdy did he!

I must have passed all the tests, which as a sensor he needed to put me to, and as an intuitive, I didn't need to do in return--not in the same way.

Thanks for asking for details, and I hope I didn't provide more or different than you wanted or needed.
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