[Boogie Monk]

I have been going through the stressy-est time of my life, actually.

I've always had anxiety issues, but things are super crazy. I've come some huge hurdles to overcome in the immediate future, and I'm having a hard time being confident and just getting through it all.

I feel that no matter how confident I get or how close I get to overcoming my stressors, I get drawn back to one thought:
"You can't trust anything."

Like, people say the definition of insanity is "Doing the same thing over and expecting a different result." But, in my life, it seems like no matter how many times you do something you can't predict the outcome.

A coin will never land on its head every single time.
A football player won't always make the field goal.
A singer won't always sing the right notes.

You can practice, and make the odds better, but you can never Predict tomorrow or know the unexpected.

I am terrified of the unexpected.

I hear people say "Be confident! Imagine yourself overcoming your obstacles and you will!" But I can't imagine that, or vision it, because it could go either way.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this subject. How do you overcome or deal with this issue? What is to be done with the unexpected? Can you recommend any fiction or non-fiction stories/shows/anything that helped you with this?

Many thanks.
-boogie monk.

 

[Essay]

I'd say that my solution to this boils down to neither actively trusting or distrusting anything. I just sort of put my body on mindful autopilot, do my best at strengthening myself, and roll with the punches as they come. I don't specifically imagine myself overcoming obstacle, so much as I use my Ne's attention to the big picture to collect as many tools or develop as many skills as I think might be useful until I get the chance to apply them and make progress on said obstacle.

If there's anything that I trust, it's that my values are a boon and, after getting me out of so many tough binds, they're neither going to let me down, nor are they going to let me turn my back on them any time soon.

As far as recommendations go, my knee-jerk reaction is to direct you towards non-fiction about the world (or your world, whatever that happens to be) to help with the whole collecting tools and fleshing out the big picture bit.

 

[strawberryLola]

When I question whether or not I can trust anything, I tell myself in trying situations, I trust myself more than anything or anyone else throughout the b.s.

Anxiety for me, stems from having to endure several obstacles all at once that I feel helpless or out of control in my life. When I get too many advices from other people where I start to lose my own voice or what people say clouds my own judgment, I bring it back to me. Half the times when people say things they do not understand what they're saying in context the actual situation. The lack of empathy in the advices I receive tell me I really need to trust in what I know to be true and real, the one consistent piece in my life based on what I stand for.

When I feel powerless in an unpredictable situation, maintaining a sense of personal integrity and composure by not losing myself in the entire whole process helps me find clarity in a muddy situation.

In other words, I stand firmly for what I believe in no matter how ludicrous or frightening the encounter(s) I face. What is true and pure will speak for itself. What is false will eventually wear thin.

 

[funcoolname]

I went through a brief crisis like this and thinking over two things helped: The first is, nothing is guaranteed, but it's best to put the odds in your favor. And this quote, which has been attributed to either Ray Bradbury or Annie Dillard - "If we listened to our intellect, we'd never have a love affair. We'd never have a friendship. We'd never go into business, because we'd be cynical. Well, that's nonsense. You've got to jump off cliffs all the time and build your wings on the way down." Most things just take trust, and we get farther when we just brush the failures and doubts off of our shoulders and keep trying and expect that things will take time. Expect that things will go wrong, but trust yourself to be able to meet the challenges when they do It gets easier the more you do this, and just by trying you're way ahead of the people who have been paralyzed by fear.

 

[voicetrocity]

I might not know exactly what you're going through, but I know all too well the emotions that come with stress.

Music has always helped me tremendously through hard times. I've had numerous surgeries, and Queen's "The Show must go on" and Survivor's "Eye of the Tiger" have played in my head before each and every single one of them.

When going through stress, I make sure to take some time out of my days to "zen out"- aka: do something I like to do. I'll go out and take pictures, and writing down my feelings helps me to release them so they're not plaguing me throughout the day.

Also, I try to remind myself that life is ever-changing. I remind myself that there are no guarantees in life, but no matter what happens-it's all a part of my life path, is meant to be and, therefore, I can handle it. Sometimes it also helps to remind myself to not get so caught up in the possibilities of tomorrow, that I forget to do my part for today.

We're always stronger and more capable than we give ourselves credit for.

 

[Lady Starbird]

I have been going through the stressy-est time of my life, actually.

I've always had anxiety issues, but things are super crazy. I've come some huge hurdles to overcome in the immediate future, and I'm having a hard time being confident and just getting through it all.

I feel that no matter how confident I get or how close I get to overcoming my stressors, I get drawn back to one thought:
"You can't trust anything."

Like, people say the definition of insanity is "Doing the same thing over and expecting a different result." But, in my life, it seems like no matter how many times you do something you can't predict the outcome.

A coin will never land on its head every single time.
A football player won't always make the field goal.
A singer won't always sing the right notes.

You can practice, and make the odds better, but you can never Predict tomorrow or know the unexpected.

I am terrified of the unexpected.

I hear people say "Be confident! Imagine yourself overcoming your obstacles and you will!" But I can't imagine that, or vision it, because it could go either way.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this subject. How do you overcome or deal with this issue? What is to be done with the unexpected? Can you recommend any fiction or non-fiction stories/shows/anything that helped you with this?

Many thanks.
-boogie monk.

I think this might help. From 8:05 onward is mostly what I have in mind, but the rest of it is great, too.

I think you might like to try browsing through her channel on Youtube: amiablewalker. Find and use what you need. I hope you find your path. We're with you! ♥

 

[avantgardearmy]

I feel that no matter how confident I get or how close I get to overcoming my stressors, I get drawn back to one thought:
"You can't trust anything."

Like, people say the definition of insanity is "Doing the same thing over and expecting a different result." But, in my life, it seems like no matter how many times you do something you can't predict the outcome.

It's funny that so many people see ENFPs as being easy-going, happy-go-lucky people; I think many of us have control issues that come out when we're feeling unstable.

I definitely have anxieties and trust issues. I think Ne has something to do with it. You just see so many possibilities (both negative and positive) that you can't have peace about which one seems like the most probable outcome. When I'm happy, I don't care about the outcomes, so possibilities are fun and exciting; when I'm stressed however, I really envy Si people, because they see what's really there and evaluate it based on actual past experiences, rather than their imagination!

I'm going through this right now, and I've found that it helps to just try to let go of control. Fight the urge to analyze and predict the future, because your Ne isn't going to let you ever be satisfied with your conclusion! And just let things unfold and deal with them as they happen. That's what Ps do best. I know I've wasted plenty of mental energy trying to solve problems in advance that never even came to fruition.

 

[Ace Face]

If the outcome is out of my control, I usually just agree to let it ride it's course and think "we'll see what happens" without giving it much, if any, thought from that point forward.

 

[ellessidil]

If the outcome is out of my control, I usually just agree to let it ride it's course and think "we'll see what happens" without giving it much, if any, thought from that point forward.

This.

I find that if I spend time thinking about all the things I cannot control during a specific crisis or issue I just stress myself out with all the "what ifs" that run through my head. Ive learned from experience that I work much better if I just flow with the river and let it take me where it will... you will have no choice but to deal with the issues as they come and I have always had a knack for handling things well during the "heat of the moment".



And now I am off to go watch Cartman sing Heat of the Moment on youtube... *grumble* stupid mental associations

 

[Ace Face]

This.

I find that if I spend time thinking about all the things I cannot control during a specific crisis or issue I just stress myself out with all the "what ifs" that run through my head. Ive learned from experience that I work much better if I just flow with the river and let it take me where it will... you will have no choice but to deal with the issues as they come and I have always had a knack for handling things well during the "heat of the moment".



And now I am off to go watch Cartman sing Heat of the Moment on youtube... *grumble* stupid mental associations

Exactly. The outcome will happen whether you worry about it or not... so why worry? You need to come around here more often... contribute more awesomeness, dammit!

 

[ellessidil]

Exactly. The outcome will happen whether you worry about it or not... so why worry? You need to come around here more often... contribute more awesomeness, dammit!

Lol I look at it the EXACT same way.

Whatever is going to happen, well its going to happen regardless of how much you worry about it. Assuming the outcome is a bad one, why waste all the potential good outcomes that lie between now and then with worrying?

Duly noted on the whole contribution thing.

@Boogie Monk
There are two quotes that a really old ENFP friend constantly quoted for me when I was younger and was in the same dilemma you are facing now. The full circle of this is a bit ironic to me considering how much I rallied against the entire thought process at the time... but here they are lol:


“Worry is like a rocking chair--it gives you something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere.”
“Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy.” - Leo F. Buscaglia

 

[avantgardearmy]

Lol I look at it the EXACT same way.

Whatever is going to happen, well its going to happen regardless of how much you worry about it. Assuming the outcome is a bad one, why waste all the potential good outcomes that lie between now and then with worrying?

Truth! I just wish it were easier to do in practice.

 

[There Is No Spoon]

Hey boogie a book that pretty much kicked me into being spiritual is called "The Power of Now" by Eckhert Tolle. If you're relatively sensitive, i think the book will strike a cord with you. You can download it for free over the net if you look in the right places. Basically its all about how being in your head is creating most of the problems in your life and it can all be solved by being in the present moment. That works perfectly with you because you are trying to gain confidence by imagining yourself being confident. So basically you're still in your head. You're trying to convince that smart mind of yours that you are confident when the easiest thing to do would be just turn the mind off. It's honestly easier then you think it is with practice. When you're in the moment you're naturally confident. And since you are an ENFP the awesomeness that is inside of you will radiate like you've never seen. The book really changed my life. I went from the worst 3 months of my life to the best year of my life since. If you want i can email you a pdf version of the book. He also has a sequel called "A New Earth" which i find even more amazing. PM me for my email and I'd be more than happy to send it to ya Peace and Love guys