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Discussion Starter #1
Today, we seem to be in an era that cultivates narcissistic tendencies in people. An INFJ is an easy target for a narc. They lure us in and seduce us, then pull away when we no longer stroke their ego's. The best thing that I've learned to do, is to regulate my emotions around attractive women until I get to know them better. It can take many months before the mask of a narcissists falls off, and you see the ugliness underneath.

If you've ever been in love with a narcissist and had to break up with them (or most probably, had them pull away from you) it is a very hard thing to deal with. Your illusions about what your relationship was supposed to be is shattered, and it takes a long time to get over it (for me anyway).

I tend to see a lot of narcissism in everyday people I encounter, or some "friends" on Facebook. Most of them don't even realize they are narcissists. I have done a lot of reading about how to identify them, and I am good at it, but it pains me to see so many of them running around in this world. It really makes me sad.

I am reading a great Audible book called The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, and I love it. I think its now my favorite book about narcissists. Since I've had so many bad experiences with them in my life (they've really left me quite traumatized), I seem to be "addicted" to reading books about them as a part of my healing.

What are some of your favorite books about Narcissists? What were your experiences in dealing with them, and how did you recover and get your sanity back?
 

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We are all narcissistic to some degree. Having some narcissistic traits doesn't mean one is necessarily NPD. I've seen people who are show-offs of personal accomplishments etc, or who engage in other narcisstic-like behaviors, but aren't devoid of empathy. But I do agree that we have a culture that promotes and idolizes narcissism. The brutally selfish, stop at nothing to realize your own desires, and ability to just step all over people character traits are highly admired and worshiped in our culture.
 

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Of course not all narcissistic people are NPD. I don't believe I was trying to make a point of that. I've dealt with all levels of narcissism along the spectrum in personal and professional settings. Also, people from a freshly broken relationship sometimes temporarily increase in their narcissistic tendencies. Teenagers are also more narcissistic than adults.

The social networking, Selfie society of today combined with entitlement attitudes has brought out narcissism in high levels. I was looking to see if other INFJ's had experienced narc's since I think INFJ's are more vulnerable to them. Also to find out what books people have read and how they liked them.
 

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I had an acquaintance who is diagnosed with NPD. It was hard to tell when we were kids but it became obvious when I was in college and came back based on how he acted. Anytime someone in a group did something funny, he would try to do something more outrageous but it was very contrived and not amusing. He would dress up to look nice but he didn't look nice because you could tell he was trying really hard. I ended up being friends with his brother instead. The final straw came when his brother and I threw a party at his house. Not only was he stingy as fuck and barely threw down, but when he got drunk he became a total scumbag and tried fighting everyone. When the cops came, he tried holding everyone hostage to avoid going out and then the guy we hired to be security just beat the shit out of him. It was actually very funny, he was all "ooooh my face!"


I met another guy who I definitely think was NPD when I was at rehab. We were talking about Trazodone and he insisted it was an anti-psychotic and not a tricyclic anti-depressant and said, "Wikipedia says it is" and I told him it wasn't a credible source and that Wikipedia probably didn't say that. Then he got SO mad and tried to "get big" and stare me down with his eyes and challenged me to a bet and then stormed off. I just pictured him wearing a diaper because that's how toddlers act. He ended up breaking into the rehab chapel and got kicked out of the program within a week. What a winner haha.

Seriously, narcissists are losers.
 

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I once met an someone who seemed to fit Narcissistic personality disorder perfectly. It was so obvious. Maybe to some it wouldn't be obvious. But maybe it does just depend on the narc how obvious it is straight away or if it takes a few months or whatever to figure it out. This guy I'm talking about was in my class. We went out for a drink and walked around town together once. I enjoyed his company because it was amusing. His cards were kinda on the table. I knew he was trying to manipulate me and play games and I found it fun and refreshing in a way because he was aware of everything and it was so different to the usual ass holes that are too stupid to even realise it. But I wouldn't have got any closer or got involved romantically. He straight up asked if I'd have sex with him and when I said no he said I'm frigid. He must have been angry at the rejection. I did actually fancy him though.

My mother also seems to have narcissistic personality disorder or borderline personality disorder. She is completely different in basically every way to this guy though. She has absolutely no awareness or idea what she is doing or how she's being manipulative or out of order. She's too stupid to realise. I think she was more bpd than npd if anything. I'm not sure she was mentally ill anyway and not a confirmed narc.
 

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It can be hard to notice in narcissists who are actually successful or intelligent, or if you only know them on a superficial basis (which is all they really strive to know people). They can be charming and friendly when they have to maintain a facade but once you move to a closer relationship it becomes obvious that they're fucked in the head. The last time I saw the first guy I described was about seven months ago as a chance encounter at a gas station with my friends. He showed up and was yelling about some guy at his work and how he tracked him down and did all this. We literally didn't know how to act or respond, he just killed the mood. But as soon as he left we just started bagging on how much of a scumbag tool he was and that it was clear he was off his rocker.


Honestly there's a lot of articles about "empaths and narcissists" and a few that talk about how NF's are vulnerable to them or "N-magnets" but none of it's scientific. In my experience INFJ's see through people's bullshit very quickly. They won't antagonize those people because that's not in their character, but they know something's wrong with them nonetheless...
 

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Long, long, ago, I dated someone (off and on for three years) who very clearly has NPD (happens to be an INTP). Awful human. He would go on long, long, long rambles about how he noticed every little detail about a person and how he would adjust every little detail of his own behavior to appear a certain way. He tried to separate and isolate me from my friends. He infiltrated every area of my life, humiliating me in front of others. In front of an entire college class, which I had very reluctantly let him sit in with me, after I was punished emotionally for not allowing it. He got kicks from watching me squirm as he pretended to be mad and then would just be like, JKLOL. He was a major cheater and could never be satisfied enough, always needing more romantic attention. His ego was sooo sensitive and I was very much punished if I ever so much as scratched it. If I tried to pull away he would suddenly become charming again, putting me on the pedestal -- as part of a plot. Other times he would do things to make me feel so low and unlovable that I was lucky he would put up with me. Mostly.... he was obsessed with himself and thought everyone else was, too. Anytime he perceived a lack of attention he would become very dramatic to regain it. He literally thought everyone was in love with him, even straight guys.

He was an overt Narcissist. once I realized it, well, it took awhile to get over the shock. I couldn't even stand to hear the word "manipulate" in the context of math. The good news is that I became very good at spotting red flags for overt Narcissists. So for example I was in a production of Romeo and Juliet, I was Juliet, the person cast as Romeo was clearly a Narcissist. Most people didn't see through it, but I did, immediately. And he ended up being very cold towards me when I wouldn't fall for his charade. Good.

Now for the most part, I dated only good, kind, people after that, until I got very messed up from a very serious break up.

There's another type of Narcissist, covert Narcissist. This I hadn't realized as well, and I managed to get involved with several to varying degrees of seriousness, after the aforementioned breakup. One of them I think might have also just been psychotic. This one is an INFP. I won't even begin to describe all of the gaslighting and torment I went through, until I FINALLY realized that absolutely everything was about him and what he wanted --- he was just better at hiding that, making it seem like he was acting in my best interests, playing the victim. He was obsessive as heck and claimed to love me, but endangered me in a number of ways including literally, physically.

Luckily that only took me three months to get out of, for good (also off an on). Now I am very wary of covert narcissists as well, sometimes a little paranoid because they're harder to see. I analyze everything, trying to gauge whether someone's words match up to their affect, whether their actions match up to their words. I had a breakthrough about this recently where I'm able to sort of trust again. my experience has been incorporated into a sharper gut on the matter.
 

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Knew an ESFP narcissist at work. Worst person I've ever encountered: Extreme control freak, liar, my first experience with gaslighting (Tbh I just thought she was stupid), she was fired at one point within the company by higher ups and then rehired at a local level by my original boss, was notorious for "reporting" her managers' to their bosses for even the most insignificant things, and she was even confirmed to try to get my original boss fired using false sexual harassment stories.

We both received promotions at some point, even with the approval of my old boss. (Did she Blackmail them somehow?) I left on the account of this, they were clearly desperate and not that bright.
 

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Today, we seem to be in an era that cultivates narcissistic tendencies in people. An INFJ is an easy target for a narc. They lure us in and seduce us, then pull away when we no longer stroke their ego's. The best thing that I've learned to do, is to regulate my emotions around attractive women until I get to know them better. It can take many months before the mask of a narcissists falls off, and you see the ugliness underneath.

If you've ever been in love with a narcissist and had to break up with them (or most probably, had them pull away from you) it is a very hard thing to deal with. Your illusions about what your relationship was supposed to be is shattered, and it takes a long time to get over it (for me anyway).

I tend to see a lot of narcissism in everyday people I encounter, or some "friends" on Facebook. Most of them don't even realize they are narcissists. I have done a lot of reading about how to identify them, and I am good at it, but it pains me to see so many of them running around in this world. It really makes me sad.

I am reading a great Audible book called The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, and I love it. I think its now my favorite book about narcissists. Since I've had so many bad experiences with them in my life (they've really left me quite traumatized), I seem to be "addicted" to reading books about them as a part of my healing.

What are some of your favorite books about Narcissists? What were your experiences in dealing with them, and how did you recover and get your sanity back?
I'm addicted to it as well after being traumatized. I never know such evil existed but INFJs don't.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

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Discussion Starter #14
Hi, Sorry I didn't respond to this earlier. I had my notifications turned off for a long time by accident trying to experiment with the settings.

I empathize with you. I know exactly how you felt. These are deep injuries that can take years to get over, depending how deeply you were in love with the narc. These covert ones, can take a while to flush out, but sooner or later, the evidence will be clear.

Actions speak louder than words, always.

It is for my own self-preservation that I am here on this site trying to meet kind people. I came to the realization several years ago that kindness is the number one attribute I must have in a friend or a mate. Everything emanates outward from kindness.

I'm sorry you had to endure such hell. I hope you have lots of nice friends now.
 

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Discussion Starter #15 (Edited)
Its the opposite. INFJs on this website make me think they're most susceptible to be narcs.
I totally get why you would see and say that. I, many times, wondered "Am I the narcissist?" I checked into it, and for my case, I think I am not. So, even though we can seem like we are narcissists, in looking into it deeper, most INFJ's probably aren't. INFJ's can be like a Jesus or a Gandi, or we can be like a Hitler or Osama Bin Laden, or for a more modern comparison, like the fictional character of Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader in Star Wars. It is not me who made these comparisons, it is the MB experts. I think INFJ's, like me anyway, can become so overwhelmed in our feelings, that we can be mean and lash out at others.

Part of me being on this web site is to learn which types of people and MB types are generally not going to be compatible with me.

So, it is up to the INFJ (or any type really) to find the right people to surround themselves with, and limit contact with the ones that cause strife. There is no right or wrong to any one MB type. There is no evil, there is no Good. There simply IS. Becoming self-aware is my big challenge. I am useless to others if I am in a bad mood. It's kind of like they say to put on your own oxygen mask in a depressurized airplane before you help your three-year-old put on theirs. You can't help them further if you do theirs first, then pass-out.

Sorry if you have been on the receiving end of some INFJ wrath. I know how hurtful that must feel.
 
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