[espresso]

As I get older, I'm becoming painfully aware of just how common cheating is. Boyfriends and girlfriends. Husbands and wives. My Ei tells me a good 90% cheat. The evidence? I've heard the personal stories, I'm a guy and get hit on by married women often, and I've read so many blogs and forums sharing similar insight.

Two or three years ago and prior, my thoughts about infidelity were very volatile. "Cheating? WHAT!? Omfg! If my future GF/wife cheats, she's evil and I'll be SOOO devastated!! I'll immediately dump/divorce her!! How dare she betray me!!!"

But as I age... thoughts are gradually shifting towards acceptance that it will happen. Polygamous tendencies just seem natural... the brain falls in love easily if conditions are right... and meeting these conditions is much easier than one may think.

So INFP's what are your thoughts on cheating and cheaters?

 

[J Remi]

I agree with polygamous tendency in humans, but when it comes to cheating, I notice its mostly always due to unhappy marriages and relationships one feels trapped in, so it does not surprise me. Outside of that, its that biological need to find new mates to spread genes with, so starts with the whole monogamy conflict and controversy. I am rather cynical about these things anyway, so cheating has lost its shock value to me.


Cheating can be very betraying to the victim that though he/she was doing it right, so the war of Reason vs. Instinct continues.

 

[Acey]

my philosophy:

Love = stability
</3 = infidelity

apparently, many couples are not in love

 

[Molock]

In my opinion if people want to fuck around they should let their partner know before (which could end the relationship) or cut the shit and end the relationship immediately. Lying about infidelity can only lead to the other party being unjustly hurt. Sure, breaking up also hurts but at least it is the honest thing to do.

 

[espresso]

my philosophy:

Love = stability
</3 = infidelity

apparently, many couples are not in love

Nicely said

While I agree 100%... in many infidelity stories I've read, woman mention they're still in love with their husband/boyfriend. They're able to compartmentalize that deep love with her husband, away from that animal craving for some naughty spontaneous fun with the coworker. She gets home from work like nothing ever happened, back to her happy marriage.

A friend of mine is a car sales man and tells me the stories of how easily he seduces women while on test drives. He's very charismatic.

Likewise, girls who are good at flirting also find it easy to seduce married husbands. And on discussion forums discussing infidelity, you often get the "I feel numb, he/she was having an affair for 7 years and I had no idea." Sad.. but true.

The rates are staggering so to conclude it's simply a result of unhappy marriages is a bit off in my eyes.

 

[Rayne]

my philosophy:

Love = stability
</3 = infidelity

apparently, many couples are not in love

I'd tend to agree. A lot of couples, the minute something gets rough, they give up.

 

[OrangeAppled]

I don't feel it's "natural". I reject that propaganda. I believe in love that is principled and unselfish. Acting on carnal instincts is not love.

I do believe that people make mistakes, and if I were in a relationship and my SO cheated, I would not automatically demonize him & end the relationship. I think a relationship CAN survive cheating.

I still do not condone such behavior or accept excuses for it. If my partner had the attitude that this is just how people are and its inevitable, then I may not be so forgiving.

 

[Rainbow]

cheating is mean. cheating is dirty. cheating is bad.
don't do it.


lol, oh what the hell! ...but only once :wink:...

 

[Azura Nova]

If polygamy is accepted by both, then sure go ahead and do whatever you want. I personally don't believe in that though, I really feel like I could never cheat if I truly loved someone. Even if I wasn't in a happy relationship, I'd much rather break up with them before doing anything else. Just the idea of hurting someone so much... ugh.

I'd hope my imaginary SO feels the same way. I don't think I'd be able to trust them again after that to be honest. Plus I'd get even more trust issues :frustrating:

 

[Riy]

In my eyes, It's betrayal plain and simple, Betraying that one for desires and fantasies which 90% time lead to dissapointment and regrets.

 

[rbt]

Betraying someones trust that way, to hurt them in that sense is unforgivable. If someone who is not influenced by drugs (of any kind) or alcohol willingly cheats, they are selfish immature human being. No ifs, ands, or buts.

 

[ForsakenMe]

I really hate it when people bitch and moan about how monogamy isn't natural, that it's okay for men to cheat because "THEY GOTS TO SPREAD THEM SEEDS AROUND!", that it's okay for women to cheat because boo-hoo, her husband didn't noticed that she had highlighting done to her hair.

I'm sorry. Everybody makes mistakes. It's inevitable. But to make up excuses about it drives me insane. To lie about it till the very bitter end is just down right cruel and unacceptable. I hate it when people are like, "Oh, we're animals in the end, very sexual ones, so we should just go and sleep around even in a relationship."

Well, excuse me, but I am human, a very civilized and intelligent one, one with a lot of morals. I am above animals, and therefore, can never behave like one. Sorry.

 

[snail]

I'm trying to seduce someone right now who has a girlfriend that he plans to marry, and I know I am doing something horribly wrong. I can change what I do, but I can't change the desire of my will, which wants him more than it wants to be good.

I am against cheating, consider it a hurtful thing to do to someone, but I feel this painful electric ache in my chest whenever he mentions her, as though he belonged to me, and as though she were the mistress. My mind knows the truth, but my heart has it twisted around, as though I were the future wife and she were the wicked thing trying to sever our bond. I have become delusional over him, to the point of being spiritually endangered by it.

Please don't stone me for my confession, despite what I already know I deserve. It was very hard to say this, as someone who has been cheated on before. I hate myself for this.

 

[ForsakenMe]

I'm trying to seduce someone right now who has a girlfriend that he plans to marry, and I know I am doing something horribly wrong. I can change what I do, but I can't change the desire of my will, which wants him more than it wants to be good.

I am against cheating, consider it a hurtful thing to do to someone, but I feel this painful electric ache in my chest whenever he mentions her, as though he belonged to me, and as though she were the mistress. My mind knows the truth, but my heart has it twisted around, as though I were the future wife and she were the wicked thing trying to sever our bond. I have become delusional over him, to the point of being spiritually endangered by it.

Please don't stone me for my confession, despite what I already know I deserve. It was very hard to say this, as someone who has been cheated on before. I hate myself for this.

I'm going to tell it like it is- If you have successfully break their relationship apart and have him to yourself, what makes you think he's going to stay with you for good until the "next best thing" comes along and seduces him away from you?

If he cheats with you, he will cheat on YOU! Remember that, hun!

 

[vel]

I think it is not cheating if your partner knows about it and approves. This is up to each couple to individually resolve, but I am aware of couples who lead an open lifestyle. First couple I learned about was actually friends of my parents. Back then they were trying to convert other married couples in their community into their lifestyle, so everybody knew that they host swinger parties. After that I have learned of more couples who lead same lifestyle - mostly by getting invited for threesomes myself lol. In my opinion if both people choose to have this kind of relationship, or if one person agrees to open terms, then I do not consider it cheating.

However sleeping behind your SO's back is cheating. It is really not the sex but the fact that you have broken your promise that matters. How can you believe in yourself after? How can you trust yourself with any promise after demonstrating that you are so weak-willed? I personally wouldn't be able to wake up in the morning and look at myself in the mirror and not despise myself for it and feel that I am just weak and incompetent. And yes I have been hit on by married men who I know do this behind their wives' backs. My first reaction upon finding out is a feeling of progressive lack of respect for them. In my eyes they are simply not strong individuals. If they were strong, they would not resort to lying but get divorced and go have other relationships or sleep around. In summary these are males with inferior DNA - the kind you don't want in the first place :wink:

 

[snail]

I'm going to tell it like it is- If you have successfully break their relationship apart and have him to yourself, what makes you think he's going to stay with you for good until the "next best thing" comes along and seduces him away from you?

If he cheats with you, he will cheat on YOU! Remember that, hun!

I know. What I feel is irrational, immoral, and would lead to other disasters even if I got what I wanted. Oh, and I would feel horrible about myself if I actually succeeded, because of how good his current relationship is, and how committed he is to it. I am doing my best to overcome temptation, and I just can't stop wanting what I want.

 

[Lad]

I'm pretty firm on my stance of looking for "the one." With that said, I do notice I get bored of girls I've dated rather easily and overtime lose interest. However, that's usually a reflection of other disconnects on other things as I'm completely devoted.

Could I ever cheat? Nah, I'd rather dump the girlfriend then go get laid the same day. Even then the person I hook up with would need to have some sort of bond with me as I don't do 1 night stands or casual sex.

As for someone I'm dating, cheating to me is only if I don't consent to it / know about it. I'm typically possessive, but not paranoid, and the idea of someone I care about "belonging" to another even for a few minutes means that she was not mine even then. Long story short, any girl I'm dating, married to, have 20 kids with, upset, drunk, whatever I will break up with right on the spot. I couldn't live a sham, I couldn't pretend it never happened, I couldn't get past it and forgive (sorry to say). I can still be civil in the end of it, but relationship is definitely off.

Oddly, with that said, I've had girls cheat on their boyfriends to be with me. Often their relationship was on thin ice already, but I thought it was hot to be able to "take someone away." Later on I realized I had lost so much respect for the girl that I'd dump them pretty shortly after.

In the end, it's fine what your belief system is. If I was dating or married, try and make a move on my girl and if she falters then it's in my best interests overall.

 

[ForsakenMe]

I know. What I feel is irrational, immoral, and would lead to other disasters even if I got what I wanted. Oh, and I would feel horrible about myself if I actually succeeded, because of how good his current relationship is, and how committed he is to it. I am doing my best to overcome temptation, and I just can't stop wanting what I want.

Remember, even though it may not feel like it right now... He is not the only person that is almost PERFECTLY MATCHED for you in the world; There are over 6 billion people in this world... A group of them are bound to become your "soul mate" and make you happy... And they're actually single and nicely packaged just for snail! =D

 

[Parselmouth]

If you idealise your relationships and hold off from commiting yourself emotionally until you find that one perfect person who is the perfect fit, you'll either end up breaking a lot of hearts and ending up alone, or you'll settle and end up much more likely to cheat, because you'll never be satisfied with the one person.

Nobody is perfect. You have to accept when you go into a relationship that whilst it might be fabulous to start with, that white heat of passion is not going to last forever, but a relationship in which both of you are committed to the thing that is bigger and better than the sum of its parts will last and keep you warm long after that white heat has faded to a smouldering glow.

My husband and I have been together since we were teenagers, and thirty years on through three kids and various ups and downs, are still on speaking terms, and I think that is a result. lol There needs to be tolerance and compromise on both sides and an acceptance that you can't be everything to each other. That doesn't mean you can cheat, though. Making a true commitment means working things through when temptation or trouble strike.

 

[snail]

Remember, even though it may not feel like it right now... He is not the only person that is almost PERFECTLY MATCHED for you in the world; There are over 6 billion people in this world... A group of them are bound to become your "soul mate" and make you happy... And they're actually single and nicely packaged just for snail! =D

That's reassuring to hear, although I could figure out the specific statistics about things I require from a mate in order to determine the actual improbability of finding what I need. I feel pretty hopeless about it most of the time.

I only like guys, so that limits it to roughly 3 billion.
I only like non-superficial guys, ruling out about 99% of all males.
I am only romantically compatible with other F types, ruling out about 75% of all males.
I would prefer someone who was an enneagram type 4. Not sure what percentage that rules out.
I would prefer an HSP, ruling out 80% of the total population.
He has to be straight or bisexual, ruling out up to 8% of all males, but possibly a SIGNIFICANTLY greater percentage of the kinds of males I would want, when other factors are taken into account.
He has to be single, ruling out 40% of all males.
He has to be over 18.
He has to speak English, ruling out 82% of the total.
His values must be compatible with mine, ruling out nearly everyone.

It doesn't look all that hopeful.