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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
So I've been lurking in the INFJ sub-forum and reading fellow INFJs posts, and I can't help but think that what they write seems very poetic, mature, kind, and basically very, very beautiful writing style. Whereas my posts are... childlike... and I'm wondering if this is because I'm young. Or is it who I am? Does it annoy people because this INFJ is too... childish? I know INFJs are stereotypically 'old souls', but even though I can occassionally be an old soul, I'm more of a child at heart... or not because I'm sometimes private - so is this childishness just a mask or the real thing? Who am I, really?

And I see all deep INFJs, but I don't think of myself as deep at all. Yes, I'm an INFJ, and I'm complex, but not deep. Deeper than what others may seem, maybe, but not deeper than other INFJs...

I really want to be one of those INFJs who give great advice - yet I hesitate to because I haven't experienced anything yet. I really want to be one of those INFJs that give poetic sentences about the mind, perspective, and all of that stuff, but... my writing is more straightforward, and like my teacher said, 'with a hint of humour'. (Really? I try to be funny most of the time and it didn't work...) I want to be the INFJ that is... bright... and... insightful.

Don't get me wrong. I love my childlikeness, but when I see others being not childlike, I just... ugh. Can't explain.

So is this all because I'm young? Will it change when I'm older? What are you like when you're younger?
 

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It took me ages to be able to participate in a comfortable, meaningful way. It's been almost two years now.

It's not rare for an INFJ to be straightforward. There's no INFJ code. We have a forum culture which people have slowly adopted. It isn't necessarily intrinsic in us. For many, if not most, it's just the way to communicate with other people of the tribe. To belong.

Be yourself, just as you have been :) You contribute well as you are.

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Haha I think I was more mature when I was younger than lately, but playful communication is an important value to me. Being in an environment where they can't/won't communicate playfully I feel drained. What I needed to learn when starting here was stop censoring myself. I don't know @INFJennifer how often you delete or decide to post while initially thinking about it, but I used to do that a lot.

Just as learning a language, don't be afraid to post stupid things. Just post, be an idiot sometimes, and now and then some brilliance comes out of it.

Also it might be that of course experience may differ, and I think many of the people here found MBTI because they were in search of something to get themselves out a rut. I won't lie those experiences can be brutal but also insightful. Though I imagine life sometimes to be like a mosaic. You start with this full image and through your life you slowly examine everything piece by piece. Forgetting who and what you are. Though always eager to figure life out, you continue on picking pieces out of the image and carefully study them. Gaining some wisdom from every piece and gaining some appreciation for those pieces. The more pieces you take out the further away you get from your true being, and the only thing that can brings you sometimes back to that understanding is through the wisdom of a child.


Edit: Not sure that made any sense. I guess I try to say some people are insightful in certain areas, while needing reminders in others areas. So just post! :welcoming:
 

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Some of our fellow INFJs have created their poetry from pains both you and I have probably been fortunate enough to be spared from and perhaps beauties we have yet to experience. For me, especially such maturity coming from INFJs much younger than myself, it's a very humbling experience to read their work and conceptualize their story through their senses and their potential thought process. Recognizing the finite reach your own disposition and understanding there is still room to grow and acquire wisdom through experience, to also understand you will still never know nor experience and to be comfortable to a certain degree is a deep seated wisdom very few ever seem to grasp, let alone be able to put into words...at least with most of those I've met on my life's journey so far. Don't worry yourself. Eh, to be honest, my attempts at poetry is downright pathetic and I doubt my attempt at subtle crude humor in the NTP sections and occasional expletives peppered throughout my posts in various threads are doing me any favors as a stereotypical 'sophisticated' INFJ.

Your post carries an enlightened insight of personal development in its own right. It is a reminder that INFJs come in various flavors. From the ones who think their excrement doesn't stink, to the sophisticated, to the childlike, to the succubi/incubi, to the hermits, to the simple minded, and every other hue in-between throughout the 13 theorized dimensions of quantum physics. Life has a way of chipping pieces of you away. Don't let it for as long as you can! When I was younger, I became too quiet and serious far too soon. It's a different kind of weight on the heart, mind, and soul to bear witness to the resulting effects of psycho-emotional and physical childhood abuse left on those older than you whom you want to help yet lack the wisdom and the resources to do so and all you can do is sit, watch, and listen. I may not have suffered directly, but putting up with the residual has been downright exhausting and oftentimes very disheartening--and that is still probably nothing compared to someone else's day.
 

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Be yourself-- if you are INFJ, then whatever you really are is one way that INFJs are supposed to be. :) Don't try to fit the description-- the descriptions are supposed to fit you. You're the reality, and the descriptions are supposed to describe reality. Of course they're not perfect, and everyone's different, so that's a short-coming in the personality system, not something that has to be changed about you.
 
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INFJennifer, for what it is worth, I still question everything I do...

As Kirjuri said, continue being yourself...it's what makes you unique.

Haha I think I was more mature when I was younger than lately, but playful communication is an important value to me.
I could have written that :) - I felt like an old soul in the body of a child, now I feel like a lost child in the body of an adult.
 

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I would just do and interact in the way that suits you best. Within any group, there's going to be the wiser ones, the funnier ones, the more serious ones, etc. I can completely relate to you about still feeling childish. However, series of events in my life had me have to become a mature grown up at a young age. Although, I have had heavy responsibility, it didn't stop me from remembering how to have fun. Also, I have gone in cycles of feeling able to give good advice and feelings of the complete opposite. I recommend listening to yourself and reacting in ways you see that produce the most positive outcome.
 

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Don't compare yourself to other INFJs! Like others have mentioned, despite being a 'type' there is going to be diversity and variation because at the end of the day, we're all individuals! :)

Like you, I'm quite childlike (I'm a troublemaker, the person instigating banter, making up silly puns or just a total embarrassment to my friends in public) wherever and whenever I can, but I also have a side that's quite entrenched in the deep and dark because of the experiences I have been through.

You don't have to want to be 'bright and insightful' because I think you already are! Having self-awareness of who you are and what you want to develop requires insight :wink: But again, like previous posters have mentioned, a lot of the insightful thoughts and advice come from life experiences that have affected, changed or broken them which they have then turned into an archive of life lessons that they take with them and use to help others in similar circumstances.
 

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When I think of people that are childish, it seems to encompass the negative traits of children: selfish, narrow-minded, irrational, over emotional, lacking discipline or self control, and stubborn. All traits that come from having little life experience and a brain that is still developing. They're natural qualities for babies/children, and only become awkward when people are past the point where they should have outgrown them...and didn't.

Having a childlike perspective, on the other hand, seems to have more positive connotations. It's exemplified by being able to see the universe with wonder, to find joy in little things, to dare to dream, to be curious about everything, and to have an eternally optimistic attitude.

From everything I've read in your posts, you seem to fall into the latter camp. It's a lovely set of qualities and certainly nothing to be ashamed of. We cut a pretty wide swath in this forum, all coming from various points in our journey. It's refreshing to get so many diverse perspectives.
 

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I'm still child-like, so there is slim chance that it might not go away. :penguin:

There's still room to be bright and insightful within all of that, especially if that still makes you all that you are.

To this day, I still put on the outside light at night just to watch the moths gather around it. :butterfly:

Some of us will be in nursing homes someday . . .but still eating Lucky Charms and staring out at the stars.
 

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Discussion Starter #15
@Kirijuri Thank you :happy: I guess I should just be myself.
@UraniaIsis Thank you :happy:

Don't worry yourself. Eh, to be honest, my attempts at poetry is downright pathetic and I doubt my attempt at subtle crude humor in the NTP sections and occasional expletives peppered throughout my posts in various threads are doing me any favors as a stereotypical 'sophisticated' INFJ.
LOL, I tried to match the humor in Personality Cafe, but I always fail. ENTPs' humor are so great but no matter how hard I try, I can't be funny :laughing: Glad to see an INFJ like me!

When I was younger, I became too quiet and serious far too soon.
Yes... My dad is especially serious (my mom still has those occasional childlike outbursts) and really wants me to be 'mature' like an adult. He doesn't like my frequent childlike bursts (this only happens when I'm comfortable with people, and for this to happen is rare) because what will I be in the workforce? It is very sad because I don't want to be an adult. When I look at my parents, I see them stressing, worrying about spending money, being too serious, etc. They're very untrusting, unlike me, who is... uh, too trusting (also bad, but at least I'm not really judgemental towards seemingly bad people). While some of these may be good sometimes, like when I'm taking exams, I think they should relax more and just have fun a little. I know they're working, but in this country, the atmosphere is more relaxing (even in the busiest cities) than our homeland country, which is very fast-paced.
@charlie.elliot Thank you :happy: I love your words.
@INForJoking Thank you :happy: That is exactly what I want to be when I'm an adult.
@applecrumble Thank you :happy: I hope even though I develop experiences and relationships, I'll still have my inner child inside me. (LOL, inner child inside me seems very funny. Inner already means inside, hahaha.)
@Windblownhair Thank you :happy: I think I don't like to be like this because my dad always said that adults with child minds are very embarrassing. He thinks that people will laugh at me for being so like a child. However I don't want to change myself because this inner ENFP is so cute :kitteh: I'm glad I'm not too childish, but childlike instead.
@Named @Lumosaria @ctrlfeelings @Stopping By Woods Thank you for your kind words :happy:
@Copper North Yasss! I'm glad to hear... I mean, read... that.

Wow, I used that 'happy' smiley too much.
 

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@applecrumble Thank you :happy: I hope even though I develop experiences and relationships, I'll still have my inner child inside me. (LOL, inner child inside me seems very funny. Inner already means inside, hahaha.)
I'm sure you won't! It's usually the inner child inside (dw, totally get you :p) that makes a dark situation seem hopeful at the end of the tunnel. You can become the wisest sage with the biggest heart of a child ;) No one said we could not have both! :tongue:
 

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I have always wondered if anyone else felt this way... and not just on this forum either. Being overly-critical of yourself can be such a pain in the a**, something I struggle with all the time!

I try to talk myself out of thinking this way and came to the conclusion that I'm probably overreacting, which I am. Now I feel much more comfortable posting, and breaking the habit of second-guessing what I write all of the time. I doubt anyone really looks at your posts judging how "mature" you may sound, especially since there's a variety of different ages and personalities (definitely personalitites haha). Just be you, that's all we really care about. :)
 

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I have always wondered if anyone else felt this way... and not just on this forum either. Being overly-critical of yourself can be such a pain in the a**, something I struggle with all the time!

I try to talk myself out of thinking this way and came to the conclusion that I'm probably overreacting, which I am. Now I feel much more comfortable posting, and breaking the habit of second-guessing what I write all of the time. I doubt anyone really looks at your posts judging how "mature" you may sound, especially since there's a variety of different ages and personalities (definitely personalitites haha). Just be you, that's all we really care about. :)
That sounds very mature
 

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Advice for you is to embrace your story line. Meaning, the more you are exposed to all extremes of life, the more you will be molded into the master INFJ.

It's a climb and you must enjoy the climb. Some steps come quicker for some, while others take longer to come to. But as it comes, you really appreciate it as you are then able to combine of all these experiences and apply them in real time- all while knowing there is a whole lot more to come.

Be patient and enjoy the climb. But remember- exposure, exposure, exposure.
 

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1: Don't be too hard on yourself. We're our own worst critics, so there's a good chance your posts are a lot better than you give them credit for.

2: It does get better with age. One of our strengths is that we can internalize the things that we experienced and draw useful life lessons from them. So, maybe you haven't had too many experiences yet, who cares? There's still a lot of things you have to offer from your own internal world.

3: There might be a confirmation bias at work here too. Nobody can be eloquent and helpful in every thread. That means that the people you see being helpful are usually different people. So don't feel like you have to contribute everywhere at once. No one does. Every little bit of help you can give makes someone's day a bit brighter, even if you can't help everyone.
 
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