Joined
·
22 Posts
Hi all,
I'm Eddy, a 26-year-old Dutch male, with a long story. I hope my English is ok.
I just recently discovered that I’m an ENFJ. I'm not just an ENFJ, but an extreme one: I score 80+ % on extraversion, intuition and feeling, and 60% on judging.
I feel so disconnected from other people, I've always been shy and I’ve lived an introverted life. I know I'm a real late bloomer, which is very annoying. I've never been in a romantic relationship, and I feel very ashamed of this. This is just not normal, especially for an extreme extravert like me. I just want to have a girlfriend, I want to feel 'normal'. I've read all these wonderful stories about ENFJ's on personalitycafe.com and other forums, which give me a lot of hope. I also relate to a lot of problems other ENFJ's describe on this and other forums.
I have been visiting a counselor for about four months now, and he diagnosed me with having a severe identity crisis. According to him, I've never been through puberty mentally. He said that I'm an extreme shy extravert, and that I have an ENFJ personality. I took some test myself, and I’ve read personality descriptions, and I concur: I'm an ENFJ for sure, but an unhappy/unhealthy one. I never thought that I am/was an extravert though.
I just can't wrap my head around the fact that I haven't found a girl. I'm not talking about 'the one', but just A girl. I've seen guys much more shy, more ugly, less intelligent than I am, and have had some success relationship-wise. These guys obviously got self-confidence because of the fact that they were able to get women.
I've had a lot of friends for the past ten years. I've helped them with a lot of things, even giving them dating and relationship advice, which is quite remarkable considering the fact that I’ve no experience in that department what so ever. Why are they not friends with me anymore? Well, they pretty much dumped me, because they are in romantic relationships, and they don't need me anymore, or I just don't fit in there evolved lives. It boggles my mind.
I've two bachelor degrees, and I'm just a thesis away from obtaining my master’s degree. Now I even doubt if this is the right carrier for me. I doubt about everything right now. I'm 26 years old, and I haven't reached one milestone of life. No girlfriend (now, or at least had one in the past), no carrier (to peruse), no social life, no nothing. Hell, i don't even feel like I'm 26 years old already; a 16-year-old boy must be more mature that I am.
I've a lot of older, mostly retired acquaintances. They were very successful men and women in their time. I'm talking about business people, doctors, and artists. I love to talk to them, telling about my problems. They cannot wrap their heads around it either. I've been told by them that I’m the smartest, charismatic and promising man they've ever met; especially this young in age. This sounds great of course, but it makes me doubt even more. What's wrong with me? What (simple thing) have I overlooked, or missed?
I have a female cousin from Canada. Her parents are Dutch, and immigrated to Canada 30 years ago. She moved to Holland two years ago, she's now 28. She is the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen (I know, she family, so that's saying something!). She has a Canadian bachelor and master degree in neuropsychology, and is -also- a thesis away from obtaining a Dutch master’s degree in neuropsychology. She's also in doubt if this is her 'thing'. She's been single for her entire life as well. She looks very confident, but it took me just seconds to let my ENFJ-charm open her up: she cried about the fact that her two much younger sisters and her older brother were (getting) married. She also feels like she hasn’t reached a single milestone of life. She has various degrees, she is very beautiful and she immigrated on her one, so that’s not nothing. I always have great advice for people, but not this time. I don't understand the problem, let alone having a solution for it. I have the same problem, and I don't get it either. I think she's an ENFJ as well.
To me, it looks like having an ENFJ personality is a curse. It just doesn't work for me, and it doesn't bring me anything in life (as well as for my cousin). Great if it works for you, and I enjoy reading your stories, but it depresses me too.
I hope you can help me. Is this an ENFJ thing, or is it just me?
I'm Eddy, a 26-year-old Dutch male, with a long story. I hope my English is ok.
I just recently discovered that I’m an ENFJ. I'm not just an ENFJ, but an extreme one: I score 80+ % on extraversion, intuition and feeling, and 60% on judging.
I feel so disconnected from other people, I've always been shy and I’ve lived an introverted life. I know I'm a real late bloomer, which is very annoying. I've never been in a romantic relationship, and I feel very ashamed of this. This is just not normal, especially for an extreme extravert like me. I just want to have a girlfriend, I want to feel 'normal'. I've read all these wonderful stories about ENFJ's on personalitycafe.com and other forums, which give me a lot of hope. I also relate to a lot of problems other ENFJ's describe on this and other forums.
I have been visiting a counselor for about four months now, and he diagnosed me with having a severe identity crisis. According to him, I've never been through puberty mentally. He said that I'm an extreme shy extravert, and that I have an ENFJ personality. I took some test myself, and I’ve read personality descriptions, and I concur: I'm an ENFJ for sure, but an unhappy/unhealthy one. I never thought that I am/was an extravert though.
I just can't wrap my head around the fact that I haven't found a girl. I'm not talking about 'the one', but just A girl. I've seen guys much more shy, more ugly, less intelligent than I am, and have had some success relationship-wise. These guys obviously got self-confidence because of the fact that they were able to get women.
I've had a lot of friends for the past ten years. I've helped them with a lot of things, even giving them dating and relationship advice, which is quite remarkable considering the fact that I’ve no experience in that department what so ever. Why are they not friends with me anymore? Well, they pretty much dumped me, because they are in romantic relationships, and they don't need me anymore, or I just don't fit in there evolved lives. It boggles my mind.
I've two bachelor degrees, and I'm just a thesis away from obtaining my master’s degree. Now I even doubt if this is the right carrier for me. I doubt about everything right now. I'm 26 years old, and I haven't reached one milestone of life. No girlfriend (now, or at least had one in the past), no carrier (to peruse), no social life, no nothing. Hell, i don't even feel like I'm 26 years old already; a 16-year-old boy must be more mature that I am.
I've a lot of older, mostly retired acquaintances. They were very successful men and women in their time. I'm talking about business people, doctors, and artists. I love to talk to them, telling about my problems. They cannot wrap their heads around it either. I've been told by them that I’m the smartest, charismatic and promising man they've ever met; especially this young in age. This sounds great of course, but it makes me doubt even more. What's wrong with me? What (simple thing) have I overlooked, or missed?
I have a female cousin from Canada. Her parents are Dutch, and immigrated to Canada 30 years ago. She moved to Holland two years ago, she's now 28. She is the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen (I know, she family, so that's saying something!). She has a Canadian bachelor and master degree in neuropsychology, and is -also- a thesis away from obtaining a Dutch master’s degree in neuropsychology. She's also in doubt if this is her 'thing'. She's been single for her entire life as well. She looks very confident, but it took me just seconds to let my ENFJ-charm open her up: she cried about the fact that her two much younger sisters and her older brother were (getting) married. She also feels like she hasn’t reached a single milestone of life. She has various degrees, she is very beautiful and she immigrated on her one, so that’s not nothing. I always have great advice for people, but not this time. I don't understand the problem, let alone having a solution for it. I have the same problem, and I don't get it either. I think she's an ENFJ as well.
To me, it looks like having an ENFJ personality is a curse. It just doesn't work for me, and it doesn't bring me anything in life (as well as for my cousin). Great if it works for you, and I enjoy reading your stories, but it depresses me too.
I hope you can help me. Is this an ENFJ thing, or is it just me?