[tokyovogue]

Hi everyone!

I've seen a few threads that have mentioned the maturity of ENFPs in passing, and how maturity / age makes such a difference in how ENFP posters communicate on these forums.

I'm wondering - for you seasoned ENFPs out there, what makes you a mature ENFP over one that's still figuring things out?

I'm slowly learning to understand my weaknesses and strengths and how to tackle them, and here's the changes I've seen in myself:

Immature traits I've found in myself:
- Gushy and insincere at times to win praise.
- Deep fear of failure. Strong need to impress.
- Very emotionally reactive.
- Always making things about me.
- No emotional barriers - always letting others' emotions effect me.
- Lack of commitment to projects. Love starting them, not great at following through.
- Projecting my emotions onto others.
- Deep anxiety in social scenarios.
- Not great at paying attention to detail.

How I've grown:
- Much less gushy! I aim to always be sincere in compliments. I still lay on praise, but now it's honest and isn't said to try and get something out of someone.
- Learning to embrace failure as a learning opportunity and a way of honoring myself. Still working on this one.
- Still emotional, but learning how to self-talk myself out of really over-the-top emotions.
- Definitely have learned to see how I'm but a piece of a puzzle in this world. Often times when I feel slighted by someone, their actions are in no way related to me.
- I've learned to have emotional barriers!
- Still learning to commit to finishing things I start. I recognize that I should start what I finish and make myself do it.
- Learning how to not hurt others by projecting my hurt onto them.
- Much less anxiety! Learned not to sweat the small stuff.
- Learned to check things over multiple times, still struggle with details but developing good habbits to help.

So, I'm in transition from having a lot of ENFP weaknesses to learning how to deal with those. Some I've figured out, others I'm still working on.

What are your experiences thus far, fellow ENFPs??

 

[Nafatali]

Yeah I used to be rather hyper-emotional when I was younger but learnt to let them run their course without involving others before dealing with them a bit more rationally.
People love our fun personality, and the way we can make every experience/story an adventure. They don't however appreciate extreme gushiness or super emotions and they especially don't appreciate it when we take emotional liberties on them.

 

[Tridentus]

"learning to embrace failure" is a good one.. i'm quite young, and the thing you see is that people who seem to naturally get good at things have that thing in common of being completely unfazed by failure, and completely delighted with any improvement, however small. i've incorporated that into my own life and it's made a massive difference to how i learn things. i feel like i can learn/achieve anything now, given the time and effort.

i think as time goes on you naturally become mentally stronger, and as you become mentally stronger you find it easier to deal with your faults. it's just a case of time and gaining experiences.. and having your fair share of f*ckups too.

i think the main difference between "mature" ENFPs and "young" ones though is the same as the difference for any type of person- the mature ones have had their experiences and made many of their choices, and therefore know who they are and where they stand. for young people, the picture is not complete yet, and psychologically not yet knowing where you stand in life makes a big difference to how you are.

 

[girlinthemoon]

I adore ENFPs.

I would tend to agree with young ENFPs being very emotionally reactive. Would you guys agree with young ENFPs' gushiness and emotions, even if positive, sometimes overwhelming their peers?

 

[tokyovogue]

Would you guys agree with young ENFPs' gushiness and emotions, even if positive, sometimes overwhelming their peers?

Absolutely! This seems to be especially the case with people that are very logic-bound.

 

[girlinthemoon]

Absolutely! This seems to be especially the case with people that are very logic-bound.

So interesting. Thank you!

 

[Libber36]

I guess I have regress into an immature enfp because all the characteristics you listed match me perfectly right now....... I'm not a fan of this change in my life...

 

[LibertyPrime]

- Gushy and insincere at times to win praise.
<.< yup this is me....damn

- Deep fear of failure. Strong need to impress.
:O omg yeah...

- Very emotionally reactive.
Hmm I can have a temper aka anger, but otherwise I'm not emotional...a lot of the time I'm very clear cut Te-ish, cynical, practical and hyper-realistic.

- Always making things about me.
^^; OP you seem to know me!

- No emotional barriers - always letting others' emotions effect me.
Nope, this does not happen. I don't feel responsible for what others feel and seeing others emote makes me cringe...why can't ppl just plainly say what is bothering them and be done with it? :\ expressing emotions is awkward because I don't know how to react to ppl when they do that. Screw hugging ppl too.

<.< I can spot what someone is feeling and can feel the general "mood" a mile away even if ppl arent directly expressing things... -.- which often makes this more annoying when their negative feelings are like poison in the air.

- Lack of commitment to projects. Love starting them, not great at following through.
-.- yeah I know ...trying to be better at this.

- Projecting my emotions onto others.
This probably happens since everyone does this.

- Deep anxiety in social scenarios.
yeah tell me about it...but I have CBT to combat it.

- Not great at paying attention to detail.
:S I swear I suck at this even when I'm focused on not messing up details....how do I fix it, my brain doesn't seem to be cooperating?
[HR][/HR]
The difference I'm noticing here is that I'm not emotional, I'm a cynical realist and not very idealistic either. I don't like / know how to respond to emotionalism from others and it irritates me when people become emotional.

How I have grown?

I have overcome my social anxiety, my shyness and know how to handle my negative thoughts also my rather deep seated animosity towards people is gone o.o...thou I still don't really like most ppl nor trust them, ^^ which imo is healthy considering past experience.

 

[rawrmosher]

I'm definitely learning to mature slowly ahaha >.< I'm pretty convinced I'll forever be a huge man-child, but still, least I'll be having fun. The one thing I would say is as I've grown older I'm no longer gushy. I talk a lot compared to most people sure, but only when i want to, it's never forced like it used to be like in early high school. I honestly never shut up back then :L

I'm learning to be fine with me as I am, I used to REALLY want to be an SP haha since most of my friends were/are. I'm beginning to see the advantages of being an NF now though, such as being creative and having an awesome imagination and really being able to read people... not saying Sp's aren't creative, they are the most creative temperament in my opinion.

Life is going great right now, got a pretty huge group of awesome friends, SP's/NT's mainly, but there are a few NF's and SJ's in there too =) I need to meet more NF's but i think they're all in college while I'm in uni Huge amounts of private school SJ's everywhere, though most of them are fine to get along with.

I do want a tattoo though... just need to think of a good idea for one haha

 

[Nevermind_me]

I know I'm a way along the road, but I have very recently experienced my emotional reactivity meter goes from chilled to stressed-but-plastering-over-the-cracks-and-in-denial to napalmdeathwhitehotsupernovameltdown. I am helpful and smiley and kind and encouraging, but if I feel slighted by those I expect to know better I am off the scale in my intense emotional response. Still some learning to do, and my advice to emotionally reactive ENFPs is DON'T send that email until you've slept on it at least twice and workshopped your self righteous hell-hath-no-fury with at least two sane logical types!

When I was younger I would simply fall apart into a whimpering, self-loathing heap any sort of slight, perceived or otherwise, so it's some sort of progress, but I think the ideal is somewhere between those two extremes.

I also struggle very much in intense emotional situations, especially conflict ones. I'm an emotional sponge and soak up the energy of the room. In conflict situations, only really encountered in work, it leads me to behave in extremely unprofessional ways, such as bursting into tears in meetings, or dashing to hug someone who is venting before I've even realised I've moved, as my physiological response to try and shut down the negativity overides my logic and social norm awareness. I am still learning how to distance myself enough to keep control and not erupt, but that is really exhausting as it takes a lot of standing outside yourself and over-riding you instinctive reactions.

And detail? Pffft. I will never be particularly good at detail. I have armed myself with detail-ninja friends Mastering my emotions is the top challenge for me to continue growing.

I agree very much with @Tridentus, we are where we are and everyone's road is different and brings us different epiphanies at different times. And open your arms and embrace failure. We all fail, it isn't the end of the world, it will keep spinning, and we will learn and grow stronger for it but are equally capable of making those same mistakes over and over and over. Some lessons are a lifetime in the learning.

 

[Olmed3011]

[email protected]

The good thing: You have become aware of your preferences in young age.

I have learned that a concealed ENFP is not good for anybody. People will turn to us anyway because of our inviting complexion. It is still a big challenge, to show people that you don't want to play with them because it takes away your focus on the task you are working with. It makes me feel tight up and that everybody sees how unnatural I act. Enfp`s are most happy when our energy can flow freely, but neither we can escape demands in everyday life.

As a mature ENFP I would say you experienced several of the transitions I went through myself. If this is ENFP specific or just human I can't say..