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I've spent a lot of time alone, I've sought companionship, I've missed people, and I've had my heart broken. But I think this is the first time in my life that I've ever felt lonely.
 

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I've spent a lot of time alone, I've sought companionship, I've missed people, and I've had my heart broken. But I think this is the first time in my life that I've ever felt lonely.
I'm sorry to hear that, islandlight. I can remember being lonely twice in my life, and it's very, very hard. Hopefully, talking to some of us on this forum can help to relieve that feeling.
 

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I've spent a lot of time alone, I've sought companionship, I've missed people, and I've had my heart broken. But I think this is the first time in my life that I've ever felt lonely.
eyyy welcome to the club.

I suspect our reasons are different, but today in particular is a really fucking shit day for me. Lockdown isolation in a new a country - a country I specifically moved to because I thought it would help me to avoid another winter lockdown. Yet here we are, approaching winter (albeit in a tropic environment), I'm still living alone, and lockdown is upon me once more. It's fucking awful. Sorry, don't mean to detract from your own woes. I'm genuinely just having a really fucking woeful moment right now and was gonna write about it on here anyway. I've been stuck this way for almost a year (since November 2020) and the non-lonely times have been but fleeting.

The worst thing is that it's hard to tell someone in real life that you feel lonely, because the thing that makes you lonely is that you don't have someone to talk to about it in the first place. Possibly one of the worst catch-22's out there.

The only advice I can give is to throw online caution to the wind and write about all of it on this forum. I did, and still do, and I think it has helped in its own little way.
 

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I've spent a lot of time alone, I've sought companionship, I've missed people, and I've had my heart broken. But I think this is the first time in my life that I've ever felt lonely.
I think everyone is on some lower point because of the epidemic in addition, i.e. it doesn’t add anything better to all other problems/issues we usually have. For me it is good to focus on personal health and appreciation of others around me being healthy, puts things into a perspective.
 
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Addendum to my above rant: I'm not feeling quite so rotten any more.

Some folk may remember me writing a lot about my "post alcohol recovery blues", which I had to endure a few times over my UK lockdown, wherein I would always feel a strong bout of sadness a couple of days after drinking.

Well, I drank some beers on Saturday night. I guess today was the recovery blues day.

I now know for sure that lockdown isolation and alcohol are a potent formula for depression.

No more alcohol for me now, not until I am free from my current situation.
 

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Reading this https://aeon.co/essays/if-society-prizes-beauty-are-ugly-people-oppressed and I feel this way sometimes. Especially being a bit overweight. I can't imagine how bad it must be if you can't change your face. I knew this girl on tinder than thought she was ugly, and she was actually quite cute, she lived too far away to make anything of it though.

Most ugly intellectuals become philosophers. That's why socrates, sartre, etc. are considered ugly. After you can find some woman willing to marry you, there's not much socialization you need to do. You don't really need to go to parties that much, maybe a few debates and you can hide your face lol.
 

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I think everyone is on some lower point because of the epidemic in addition, i.e. it doesn’t add anything better to all other problems/issues we usually have. For me it is good to focus on personal health and appreciation of others around me being healthy, puts things into a perspective.
What makes you think the epidemic is at the root of her feeling? I think every mental state deserves isolated attention on the level of the individual (i.e. an in depth analysis with to suppositions). If I am feeling troubled, the last thing I want to hear is allusions to external factors, especially if they start with "everyone" and includes only "we".
I know you mean to be supportive, but to me personally that kind of support has a degrading ring to it since it fails to touch the personal core of the issue.
 

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Reading this If society prizes beauty, are ugly people oppressed? | Aeon Essays and I feel this way sometimes. Especially being a bit overweight. I can't imagine how bad it must be if you can't change your face. I knew this girl on tinder than thought she was ugly, and she was actually quite cute, she lived too far away to make anything of it though.

Most ugly intellectuals become philosophers. That's why socrates, sartre, etc. are considered ugly. After you can find some woman willing to marry you, there's not much socialization you need to do. You don't really need to go to parties that much, maybe a few debates and you can hide your face lol.
 

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What makes you think the epidemic is at the root of her feeling? I think every mental state deserves isolated attention on the level of the individual (i.e. an in depth analysis with to suppositions). If I am feeling troubled, the last thing I want to hear is allusions to external factors, especially if they start with "everyone" and includes only "we".
I know you mean to be supportive, but to me personally that kind of support has a degrading ring to it since it fails to touch the personal core of the issue.
I don’t think this, this wasn’t written in my comment (epidemic being in the root). What was written is that epidemic doesn’t help, only adds to existing problems, i.e. make them seem worse than usually.
 
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Thank you for your responses. I might as well go into some detail....

For several years I didn't have much to do with most people. My brother visited me every few days, and we had good conversations. I developed a nice friendship with a woman, but we had a falling out. Other than that, I had some flawed or limited acquaintanceships. This suited me fine.

In the same timeframe, my insides changed, making sexual intercourse impossible. I had never had a good, long-lasting relationship, so finding a nice male companion seemed ever farther out of reach.

A few months ago, I was living in shared accommodation, which was all I could afford. I got sick of others' carelessness and dishonesty around Covid protocols.

I researched the rental situation in various Canadian cities and towns, and finally ended up in the only place that seemed decent and affordable. It's an isolated northern town. I've been in a cheap but very nice apartment for almost 3 months.

The people here are friendly, polite, and even helpful. But because of the town's location and history, there is a negative attitude toward people who "leave" or are likely to leave (e.g., teachers who stay for a year, highway workers who stay for a month).

I mentioned this to an email friend who used to live here. She said she and her husband lived here for 20 years and never made any true friends, no matter how many people they invited to dinner, etc.

I am on the dating website, but not a nibble. I'm not sure whether I'd even want to date a local anyway, as it is a small community. Everyone is connected, and if we broke up it would be awkward.

The pandemic plays a small part in this. We are not under strict lockdown, but groups I might join aren't having live meetings now. I don't want random people breathing on me anyway.

I fill my days, eat healthy, and exercise at home for 10 hours a week. (I can't go for walks because of leg problems.) I do other things that "interest" me, such as studying and learning. There are other things I could do, such as going to the gym or volunteer teaching, but these would not really give me what I need.

So what do I need? I feel that if I could travel and/or do really stimulating things, I wouldn't need companionship. Or if I had a friend, a boyfriend, or a social outlet, I would be satisfied with my quiet life.
 

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Earlier I saw an article which said that depression rates are increasing because people have become psychologically reliant on the dopamine hits that are created by most social media apps.

I think there's some truth to this.

Also I think I'm a special case right now because my lockdown situation means that social media apps are my only source of dopamine.

I intend to distance myself from the online world when I'm finally released from lockdown. I doubt I'll cut away completely, but I'm going to make an effort to get out there and do stuff, without feeling a need to look at my phone every moment or post updates about my life into the insta-void.

My plan includes:
  • Motorcycling all over the place
  • Photographing with my big camera
  • Learning Vietnamese
Hopefully these three things combined will keep me more firmly grounded in the moment, rather than being absorbed by anything a smartphone is attempting to offer me.
 

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Also, yesterday I passed a Microsoft Certification exam, and for the first time in my life I have become excited about the act of studying for and passing exams.

There are two reasons for this.

1. The course videos have a speed option, and I've discovered I can still follow easily if I set the speed to 1.75x. Fun!

2. The exams are paid for by my employer. It feels similar to free snacks and drinks - which one must obviously maximise to full effect - but on a much more useful scale. Free Microsoft certifications! To illustrate: The exam I took yesterday is normally $100. For me it was free. If I can sit 5 of these, or 10 or more, that is a huge freebie. For the first time in my life, I want to make use of a corporate training policy.
 

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Thank you for your responses. I might as well go into some detail....

For several years I didn't have much to do with most people. My brother visited me every few days, and we had good conversations. I developed a nice friendship with a woman, but we had a falling out. Other than that, I had some flawed or limited acquaintanceships. This suited me fine.

In the same timeframe, my insides changed, making sexual intercourse impossible. I had never had a good, long-lasting relationship, so finding a nice male companion seemed ever farther out of reach.

A few months ago, I was living in shared accommodation, which was all I could afford. I got sick of others' carelessness and dishonesty around Covid protocols.

I researched the rental situation in various Canadian cities and towns, and finally ended up in the only place that seemed decent and affordable. It's an isolated northern town. I've been in a cheap but very nice apartment for almost 3 months.

The people here are friendly, polite, and even helpful. But because of the town's location and history, there is a negative attitude toward people who "leave" or are likely to leave (e.g., teachers who stay for a year, highway workers who stay for a month).

I mentioned this to an email friend who used to live here. She said she and her husband lived here for 20 years and never made any true friends, no matter how many people they invited to dinner, etc.

I am on the dating website, but not a nibble. I'm not sure whether I'd even want to date a local anyway, as it is a small community. Everyone is connected, and if we broke up it would be awkward.

The pandemic plays a small part in this. We are not under strict lockdown, but groups I might join aren't having live meetings now. I don't want random people breathing on me anyway.

I fill my days, eat healthy, and exercise at home for 10 hours a week. (I can't go for walks because of leg problems.) I do other things that "interest" me, such as studying and learning. There are other things I could do, such as going to the gym or volunteer teaching, but these would not really give me what I need.

So what do I need? I feel that if I could travel and/or do really stimulating things, I wouldn't need companionship. Or if I had a friend, a boyfriend, or a social outlet, I would be satisfied with my quiet life.
In a small town you're going to have difficulty dating, demographically it might be challenging. I have the same problem where I am because I moved back home and live near mexican culture and most of the women here want machismo guys. Muscles, cars, which I'm not really about.

I would either focus on online dating, or move somewhere more populated. You might meet some older people in your area, but you have to look at the demographics to see if that's realistic.
 

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Yes, well, as I mentioned, I can't afford to live anywhere else. This place is literally hours away from the nearest town, so online dating further afield is not an option (for me anyway). I'm probably better off giving up on dating and concentrating on finding a friend or a group of some kind.

The last place I lived was even smaller than this (although not quite as isolated). So I know about the challenges. Good luck to you.
 

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I don’t think this, this wasn’t written in my comment (epidemic being in the root). What was written is that epidemic doesn’t help, only adds to existing problems, i.e. make them seem worse than usually.
Ah correct, the "in addition" didn't register, my bad.
 

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I really should be doing homework, but I'm hyper focusing on making a toolbox. Eh, it's fun/meditative

It'll be okay, I can do the homework tomorrow.

I got some advice from my dad about writing my name on all my expensive tools in permeant marker, but i don't know if that's actually necessary?
 

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Sounds like a good idea.

I used to share a clothesline with a guesthouse. The owner would send an employee out to get their laundry. The employee would assume everything was theirs, and take my sheets, towels, and clothespins. It was a hassle getting everything back. So I wrote my name on every one of my clothespins. It was fun.
 

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I kinda want another baby. The floofy black, fuzzy, meowing kind, not the human larvae kind.
 
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Thank you for your responses. I might as well go into some detail....

For several years I didn't have much to do with most people. My brother visited me every few days, and we had good conversations. I developed a nice friendship with a woman, but we had a falling out. Other than that, I had some flawed or limited acquaintanceships. This suited me fine.

In the same timeframe, my insides changed, making sexual intercourse impossible. I had never had a good, long-lasting relationship, so finding a nice male companion seemed ever farther out of reach.

A few months ago, I was living in shared accommodation, which was all I could afford. I got sick of others' carelessness and dishonesty around Covid protocols.

I researched the rental situation in various Canadian cities and towns, and finally ended up in the only place that seemed decent and affordable. It's an isolated northern town. I've been in a cheap but very nice apartment for almost 3 months.

The people here are friendly, polite, and even helpful. But because of the town's location and history, there is a negative attitude toward people who "leave" or are likely to leave (e.g., teachers who stay for a year, highway workers who stay for a month).

I mentioned this to an email friend who used to live here. She said she and her husband lived here for 20 years and never made any true friends, no matter how many people they invited to dinner, etc.

I am on the dating website, but not a nibble. I'm not sure whether I'd even want to date a local anyway, as it is a small community. Everyone is connected, and if we broke up it would be awkward.

The pandemic plays a small part in this. We are not under strict lockdown, but groups I might join aren't having live meetings now. I don't want random people breathing on me anyway.

I fill my days, eat healthy, and exercise at home for 10 hours a week. (I can't go for walks because of leg problems.) I do other things that "interest" me, such as studying and learning. There are other things I could do, such as going to the gym or volunteer teaching, but these would not really give me what I need.

So what do I need? I feel that if I could travel and/or do really stimulating things, I wouldn't need companionship. Or if I had a friend, a boyfriend, or a social outlet, I would be satisfied with my quiet life.
I personally like coupling up. Life's more exciting and fun that way, not to mention there are two people's worth of awesomeness to share and help each other. i'd suggest if it really is that bad where you live to start considering moving whenever you feel ready to a place where you might be likely to meet someone suitable. no one wants to spend their whole life living alone, do they?
 
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