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has anyone any experience of being in a relationship with your dual? the estp?

i just finished reading a book called 59 seconds by professor Richard Wiseman.

it was found through research that those who fantasize about achieving a goal are less likely to be successful and you are more unlikely to turn your dreams into reality if you dream too much about it. this got me to thinking about the INFP/ESTP dynamic since you are the dreamers and they are the doers.

has anyone had experience of this? have any of you had an estp help you to turn their dreams into reality?
 

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well, I'm almost INFP...and while I find ESTP's entertaining, I could never be that close to one. The one ESTP I know in real life is hard on the outside...and just as hard and cold on the inside :/

Of course I don't think you were looking for me here, teabiscits :wink:
 

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Based on the ones I have known, they draw me in with charm,we're cool for awhile but if I hang around them too long I'm bound to get offended and they don't care and we argue and separate from each other. And repeat.
 

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Like unicorns, I only know of anecdotal evidence of their existence, and the only one's I've ever seen were on TV and stuff. If I've ever met one, I obviously wasn't paying much attention.
 

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Apart from my dad, I don't think I know any other estp very closely. I see them around, and have even had an estp friend during school but she kinda, left me to my own thing, in other words, letting me be. I find her humour super hilarious and when she noticed that she'd continue on and on. She would even be genuinely curious of me whenever she spoke to me but overall we didn't interact too much. Just been in each other's presence without a problem, to be fair. In fact, I thought of her as being uninterested of me whereas she gravitated to the sort of people that could be in her circle with ease and confidence. I suppose I never paid much attention to her either but she had admirable qualities.

As with my dad who is an estp, whenever I tell him an idea or different perspectives and if he's bothered to take it into account at all, he begins to put it into action by using an experimental approach rather than a strategic one. I don't think he's actually helped any of my dreams come to reality but I definitely think he has helped me to be more comfortable with reality and less overly-analytical and self-conscious, and this in itself helps me to focus on making my own dreams a reality by my own. Actually, this does A LOT of good for me. It reminds me to be independent yet appreciate the social side of things without getting bored of small talk, easily, and what not. The issue here would be that perhaps he doesn't get my dreams fully or the kind of views/opinions that I have and sometimes I need that understanding and push with these thoughts/ideas/dreams whereas my dad just prefers me to 'get on with it, not to worry and be happy and that things are much easier than i think'. While I appreciate this and it's true... it's not always the kind of thing I need/want. But I know he understands but in such a way that it occurs to him rather than him having to explain it. It's just is what it is. Having said that, in my experience an estp doesn't turn my dreams into reality BUT gives me the encouragement and friendship I need to feel the knots in my brain loosening up and get on with my dreams safely and happily. We can make a great team, like siblings you never had.
 

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The dual of INFP is not ESTP but ESTJ. INFPs and ESTJs have all the same functions only in different order. This pattern of functions is what forms relations known as duality:
INFP: Fi-Ne-Si-Te
ESTJ: Te-Si-Ne-Fi

How this works is that each personality type actually desires and values some expression of tertiary and inferior functions. But you get exhausted if you have to supply it for yourself, because you draw most of your energy/enjoyment of life from exercising your dominant and auxiliary functions. However if you are in company of another personality that is dominant or auxiliary in these functions then they can supply these for you. This makes you value each other. At the same time having all functions in common yields similar approaches to life and similar ways of making judgements, which increases potential for understanding and decreases potential for conflict.

Overall people prefer to marry somebody who is alike them rather than pair up with their opposites as many studies have demonstrated. According to this article among opposites attract relations ESTJ-INFP and ESTP-INFJ pairings are ones that are most common (these are two dual pairs): Compatibility and Your Myers Briggs Personality Type | PersonalityDesk
 

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Socionics also says that INFPs & INFJs can't get along... Take it for what it is

I know some ESTP females. Some are attractive in my opinion, but I don't think I can be able to handle them
 

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The dual of INFP is not ESTP but ESTJ. INFPs and ESTJs have all the same functions only in different order. This pattern of functions is what forms relations known as duality:
INFP: Fi-Ne-Si-Te
ESTJ: Te-Si-Ne-Fi

How this works is that each personality type actually desires and values some expression of tertiary and inferior functions. But you get exhausted if you have to supply it for yourself, because you draw most of your energy/enjoyment of life from exercising your dominant and auxiliary functions. However if you are in company of another personality that is dominant or auxiliary in these functions then they can supply these for you. This makes you value each other. At the same time having all functions in common yields similar approaches to life and similar ways of making judgements, which increases potential for understanding and decreases potential for conflict.

Overall people prefer to marry somebody who is alike them rather than pair up with their opposites as many studies have demonstrated. According to this article among opposites attract relations ESTJ-INFP and ESTP-INFJ pairings are ones that are most common (these are two dual pairs): Compatibility and Your Myers Briggs Personality Type | PersonalityDesk
My Jungian app tells me that ESTJ & INFP make a dual pairing. However, in real life, I find no attraction for ESTJ females. They're loud, annoying, and stocky. I can somewhat see a female INFP with a male ESTJ but not the other way around. I've come across ESTJs at work, mutual friends, classes, etc. And they are totally foreign to me - I can't understand them and find minimal to no attraction.

Perhaps I'm missing out (doubt it), but I'll stick with the ones I know - other NFs & some NTs
 

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I have never dated an ESTP before. On the notion of dreamers being less likely to achieve their goals. I find this is true in my case, and I will often give my best ideas to people who I believe are more likely to accomplish them!
 

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My younger (by two years) brother is an ESTP, but he's grown into such a tall and deep-spoken young man that I sometimes feel as if he's my older! I also think this has to do with his Ti side. Whereas I'm Te, so I (I think unfortunately?) nervous-talk when I feel the conversation is waning or lacking, while he chills and is relaxed, a man of few words for sure.

This makes me nervous often, because I like to engage with people I care about in good/deep conversation, and while we can reach that on some subjects, when we do get to that point; my joy is mixed with frustration at our not having any of the same views. At best we share similar views, and we never argue now we're grown-up on those matters. We agree to disagree quite amiably. But I can't put aside my deep longing to connect with him.

It's a great relief to me when I feel we share a hang out session without awkwardness (that probably only hyper-sensitive-me senses. -Is that Ne at work? Hrm.) We don't share film/show tastes as a rule (he likes a lot more violence and action that my sensitivity will allow), but when we do, it's great fun. I showed him 'Baccano!' last Christmas, and we fan-girl/boyed over 'The Adventures of Tintin' film since we both grew up with the comics. (Although I think I was more nostalgic - like a lot more nostalgic - about it, his interest was a more intellectual 'let's go see if it's any good or not, type-thing.)

The Bad: In a confrontation situation (This happened in the family situation, where he was often a third party, as I usually did not have any reason to get riled at him - see below 'the Good'), when I am finally riled and speak up (which is only when I feel my values have been challenged), he will step in and try to 'calm me down', when what is needed is to just listen to the situation.

The Good: He never has yet pushed me to do anything. So, like true P's, we can do a chill out time like no other. And I feel really special and loved when he does open up a bit on his emotional thoughts on a subject.
 

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My Jungian app tells me that ESTJ & INFP make a dual pairing. However, in real life, I find no attraction for ESTJ females. They're loud, annoying, and stocky. I can somewhat see a female INFP with a male ESTJ but not the other way around. I've come across ESTJs at work, mutual friends, classes, etc. And they are totally foreign to me - I can't understand them and find minimal to no attraction.

Perhaps I'm missing out (doubt it), but I'll stick with the ones I know - other NFs & some NTs
I was thinking the same, but there is some ESTj female wich REALLLLYYY attract me and some wich do the complete contrary.
It can be linked somewhat with the fact love center in the brain is always very close to hate center : some ESTj go directly in the love center, other on the hate lol
 

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I just read the page about ESTPs and they sound awful. I don't know if I'd ever date or even be friends with one. Actually I think my sister may be this and we tend to disagree a lot. she doesn't understand my personality at all and tends to offend me about it. I would defiantly like to date someone who was similar to me in a sense that they love deeply and like to listen to me when I talk and are compassionate towards others but at the same time they should be extroverted. But I don't like ESTPs
 

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ESTP is not our dual, though I see no reason why a relation between ESTP and INFP couldn't work out. ESTP is entertaining. :)

Why let typology dictate a love relationship though? There's 7 billion people in the world. If you only allow yourself to date a certain personality type for example...you're really limiting your options...and maybe the person you're meant to be with is a different personality type than the one you are searching for. Typology should just be a tool used to learn how to communicate with one another and learn about ourselves...not for dating or anything like that. Everyone within a type is so different...maybe my dual is an ENTJ or an INFJ while another INFP may have a dual that's an ISFP. It's impossible to predict these things.
 

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probably worse than the estj and entj in my experience. i wouldnt go there to be honest. they have a switch for being human and not being human.

an estp would probably be someone who, if he had bad values/morals, would run a weak infp down the ground..literally and figuratively.

they'd make great for hire killers. :) someone who can do something and not look back.
 

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i dated one. he didnt seem cold at all. just immature, selfish, manipulative. I really detested him but it may be attributed to the fact that he acted like a high-schooler.
 

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probably worse than the estj and entj in my experience. i wouldnt go there to be honest. they have a switch for being human and not being human.

an estp would probably be someone who, if he had bad values/morals, would run a weak infp down the ground..literally and figuratively.

they'd make great for hire killers. :) someone who can do something and not look back.
The estp that i dated did try this. basically just to get what he wanted whenever he wanted it. most infp's have that way about them though that will stick a foot up your *** for running over them too much. it gained me respect with him, enough to keep him at bay, coming back, but not enough respect really in the long run for me to be satisfied with his past slights toward me. We had conflict for sure. the sexual compatability never really faded but it wasn't great.
I think that I probably hold more respect from him then the majority of other people he knows, but from an estp, that still isn't much.
It ended up me just denouncing him as a respectable person and pushing him out of my life. He basically got a dishonorable discharge. To this day I don't respect him and its soo hard to get me to treat people that way. I want to treat everyone with respect. What I do like is that he was honest enough to show me how shitty people could be and I can spot that in others now. I like it.
 

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I dont really care if someone doesn't open up emotionally. As long as I don't notice being purposefully withheld. its no problem. with an estp, you can sense what they feel anyway. when we had a deeper connecting moment, it was lacking in the slightest. but day-to-day connecting with ideas and activities was boring at the most. at the least, there was a good deal of back and forth.
 
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