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your dual: ESTP

17549 Views 38 Replies 34 Participants Last post by  cruka
has anyone any experience of being in a relationship with your dual? the estp?

i just finished reading a book called 59 seconds by professor Richard Wiseman.

it was found through research that those who fantasize about achieving a goal are less likely to be successful and you are more unlikely to turn your dreams into reality if you dream too much about it. this got me to thinking about the INFP/ESTP dynamic since you are the dreamers and they are the doers.

has anyone had experience of this? have any of you had an estp help you to turn their dreams into reality?
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My younger (by two years) brother is an ESTP, but he's grown into such a tall and deep-spoken young man that I sometimes feel as if he's my older! I also think this has to do with his Ti side. Whereas I'm Te, so I (I think unfortunately?) nervous-talk when I feel the conversation is waning or lacking, while he chills and is relaxed, a man of few words for sure.

This makes me nervous often, because I like to engage with people I care about in good/deep conversation, and while we can reach that on some subjects, when we do get to that point; my joy is mixed with frustration at our not having any of the same views. At best we share similar views, and we never argue now we're grown-up on those matters. We agree to disagree quite amiably. But I can't put aside my deep longing to connect with him.

It's a great relief to me when I feel we share a hang out session without awkwardness (that probably only hyper-sensitive-me senses. -Is that Ne at work? Hrm.) We don't share film/show tastes as a rule (he likes a lot more violence and action that my sensitivity will allow), but when we do, it's great fun. I showed him 'Baccano!' last Christmas, and we fan-girl/boyed over 'The Adventures of Tintin' film since we both grew up with the comics. (Although I think I was more nostalgic - like a lot more nostalgic - about it, his interest was a more intellectual 'let's go see if it's any good or not, type-thing.)

The Bad: In a confrontation situation (This happened in the family situation, where he was often a third party, as I usually did not have any reason to get riled at him - see below 'the Good'), when I am finally riled and speak up (which is only when I feel my values have been challenged), he will step in and try to 'calm me down', when what is needed is to just listen to the situation.

The Good: He never has yet pushed me to do anything. So, like true P's, we can do a chill out time like no other. And I feel really special and loved when he does open up a bit on his emotional thoughts on a subject.
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