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As a female 4w5 I'm quite attracted to someone who is I think 2w1. We study med in the same class but he is ten years older than I am. I'm reading it's hard to tell type 2's behaviours to mean a simple friendship or a romantic interest.

We are talking and having times together, walking home etc. and I don't even feel the age gap between us. I feel so in tune with him.

I'd like to know about the signs and expectations of type 2s' romantic attraction.

Thanks in advance!
 

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As a type 2, I get a lot of romantic attention from anyone in the heart triad. It's just the same language we speak. However, hate to be mean, but I just don't mess with Type 4s. I've experienced too much damage. Think about it this way: All my emotional energy goes outward. All a four's energy does is go inward. It's like an emotional heat sink that eventually drains me dry.

My best friend and his girlfriend are a 4 and 9. He can balance out her mood swings with his stability. She complains he's not as emotionally aware as him, but they've been together for 5 years.
 

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Hmmm, I've never been in a relationship with a 4. I think a healthy 4 is nice tho. They have some of the traits I like about healthy 7s, actually. When they like you, they absolutelly gush over, with the keenest amount of enthusiasm. You become their person, and they'll brag on you all day.
 

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I had a "relationship" with what I believe to be an ENFP 4w5 (145) and yeah, that was exhausting and much effort but he was really, really unhealthy. I was too. It was like we both wanted to "fix" each other but for ourselves. As beamer1977 said, he would withdraw into himself when things got hard whereas I like to talk things out and express things outwardly. I could never believe what he would say because he was so private I felt like he was hiding things from me and though I respect my partners privacy and individuality, I need to feel secure and loved and I do that by sharing feelings. I think as long as you're healthy and can communicate with each other, it can work? Would be nice to hear some successful stories. I can think of another 2w3 (F) and 4w5 (M) couple who seem to love each other a lot, but the problems tend to come from her side where she feels paranoid (I don't know much about him but I do know that's how I felt with my type 4) but apparently he's very understanding and calms her down pretty easily.

My type 4 was pretty romantic but it seemed like he was more in love with the idea of romance than me because he'd write and do things that he liked and thought was romantic but never took into consideration what I ​liked.
 

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All my emotional energy goes outward. All a four's energy does is go inward. It's like an emotional heat sink that eventually drains me dry.
Yeah, this is an apt way to put it. That's why I like hanging around 7s and 8s; they give off so much energy that they don't mind when I leech off some of theirs :laughing:
I read that 2s and 4s are better as friends than romantic partners, which I would agree with. Personally, I've found that I'm most compatible with 6s and 9s.
 

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I recently discover that I am 2w3. Honestly I've been burn from 4w5s so I prefer to keep my distance. Maybe in the future I will consider the possibility. They were unhealthy, and I have a time getting close to core 4w5 because I feel they are too inwardly focus on how they feel and think about themselves.
 

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To be honest, my dealings with other 4s have been complicated and dramatic. It is interesting, heartfelt, but messy at the same time. As a 2 I don't deal well with the ones that are likely to be self-absorbed (no matter whether it is a healthy or unhealthy way). I've dated a 9 before for a few years, but eventually ran into the same thing.

I go after others, but I need the other to go after me as well. Eventually I have a need to be fully/deeply understood too, to have others take extra efforts and patience with me as well. 4s and 9s are a sinkhole to me, yet I can't deny being attracted to them naturally, though then still i'd prefer a 9 over a 4.

In the end a type 1 or type 6 fits me better, also considering the things I find important (loyalty, commitment, 'security', perseverance).
 

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To be honest, my dealings with other 4s have been complicated and dramatic. It is interesting, heartfelt, but messy at the same time. As a 2 I don't deal well with the ones that are likely to be self-absorbed (no matter whether it is a healthy or unhealthy way). I've dated a 9 before for a few years, but eventually ran into the same thing.
I know this is a thread on 4s so please excuse my curiousity on the 9 part, buuuuut, the 9 seemed self-absorbed to you? Can you expand on how that looked and how you reacted?
 

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I know this is a thread on 4s so please excuse my curiousity on the 9 part, buuuuut, the 9 seemed self-absorbed to you? Can you expand on how that looked and how you reacted?
9s are agreeable and easygoing on the surface, but in terms of commitments they won't let you know that they disagree on something, until it is already too late (they made up their mind in secret).

You never really know what they want to do in the end (nor do they). In this case of INFP-9, they often decided what they wanted to do, when they found out whatever that was. As a 2 I gave away way too much of myself in order to go along with the 9.

I was also quite close to this other 9 who was impossible to make appointments with, to the point where I was questioning whether they'd already know that they would refuse to do it anyway in the end. They denied time and time again that this was the case, but surely it never happened. It's really hard to decide what to make of that, but it seems like it was more for them to keep ''options open'', by deciding nothing.
 

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Wait are Fe user type 4s self absorbed? I can see why the ENFJ thinks type 4s ar eemotional sinkholes if they were Fi and the ISFJ who dated an ENFP, but what about INFJ type 4s or ENFJ type 4s or any other Fe using type 4? Their emotion goes outward not inward, so like would a 2 need that or something.

I know type 2 for me can be difficult because some do require praise and sometimes as an INFP type 4 if giving praise in the moment isn't gonna be genuine, then it won't happen. My grandma ESFJ 2w3 needs me to say to her I love her and show her, but it can be hard being that emotive just to show her I love her. The only time it comes out the way she wants it to is when alchohol is involved, and then she doesn't like it XD. "I LOVE YOU GRANDMA!" "Ew you smell like alchohol."
 

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Wait are Fe user type 4s self absorbed? I can see why the ENFJ thinks type 4s ar eemotional sinkholes if they were Fi and the ISFJ who dated an ENFP, but what about INFJ type 4s or ENFJ type 4s or any other Fe using type 4? Their emotion goes outward not inward, so like would a 2 need that or something.

I know type 2 for me can be difficult because some do require praise and sometimes as an INFP type 4 if giving praise in the moment isn't gonna be genuine, then it won't happen. My grandma ESFJ 2w3 needs me to say to her I love her and show her, but it can be hard being that emotive just to show her I love her. The only time it comes out the way she wants it to is when alchohol is involved, and then she doesn't like it XD. "I LOVE YOU GRANDMA!" "Ew you smell like alchohol."
I knew two xNFJs type 4, and my experience with both 4s left a bitter taste in my mouth. They were so self-absorb that I am repulse by them. I think their Fe motivate them to look outwardly but their variants influence how they express their 4. One was SP-dom, completely withdrawn and will not stand up for you and will not be there for you because they're too concern about themselves, and 4Sx is extremely dramatic. They will blame you for their suffering and refuse to own up to their responsibility. I did connect easier with 4Sx cause I am Sx-dom like her. 4Sp was sx-blind which there was no connection. I had a feeling why I (my perspective) felt something was missing. It's almost like she has this wall or completely unaware of sx-vibe. 4Sx is more comfortable about voicing their thoughts compare to 4Sp.
 

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I’ve asked my friends to take the MBTI Test before and I know everyone’s types, but I’ve never asked them to take an enneagram test. It seems like the general trend in this thread is that 4s are seen with a negative light—and I wonder why this is so. I don’t know if everyone asked their relations to take such a test and confirm their type, but if not perhaps we are more aware of a person’s enneatype when they exhibit very negative traits of it. An unhealthy 4 is very apparent indeed, but an average 4 is harder to type at first because, well, they just seem normal and can exhibit traits of other types.

That being said, I think I’ve met a 4 before. He was my sophomore and senior year English teacher, and he was pleasant and sincere. He seemed to be in his 50s and he liked telling stories about staying true to yourself, and I find him to be very wise. Maybe a 4w5, then?
 
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Honestly I've been burn from 4w5s so I prefer to keep my distance. Maybe in the future I will consider the possibility. They were unhealthy, and I have a time getting close to core 4w5 because I feel they are too inwardly focus on how they feel and think about themselves.
What happened?

perhaps we are more aware of a person’s enneatype when they exhibit very negative traits of it.
Yes, I think fixations become more intense the more unhealthy we are.
 

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I had a "relationship" with what I believe to be an ENFP 4w5 (145) and yeah, that was exhausting and much effort but he was really, really unhealthy. I was too. It was like we both wanted to "fix" each other but for ourselves. As beamer1977 said, he would withdraw into himself when things got hard whereas I like to talk things out and express things outwardly. I could never believe what he would say because he was so private I felt like he was hiding things from me and though I respect my partners privacy and individuality, I need to feel secure and loved and I do that by sharing feelings. I think as long as you're healthy and can communicate with each other, it can work? Would be nice to hear some successful stories. I can think of another 2w3 (F) and 4w5 (M) couple who seem to love each other a lot, but the problems tend to come from her side where she feels paranoid (I don't know much about him but I do know that's how I felt with my type 4) but apparently he's very understanding and calms her down pretty easily.

My type 4 was pretty romantic but it seemed like he was more in love with the idea of romance than me because he'd write and do things that he liked and thought was romantic but never took into consideration what I liked.
Can i what makes 2s paranoid of 4s in your opinion?
 
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