[Wake]

My parents are very much the working class folk. My father is an ESFJ with enneagram type 2, and mother an ISFP who is a type 9. Generally I'm able to reason with my parents because they trust me to do the right thing, and even when my ESFJ father disagrees with me I show him logic that makes sense and he shakes his head and we agree to disagree. Since junior year in high school I have lived in an independent manner free from most negative judgment because I don't do anything to upset them. I buy groceries for the house now that I'm in college and enhance the stability of my household.

On a scale from 1 to 10 (10 being most positive and 1 being most negative) I would rate my relationship with my parents to have been a 9.5 during my earlier years.

How bout you ISTJs? How was your relationship with your parents? How do you deal with them? How do they react to this? Give your 1 to 10 childhood relationship rating?

 

[RedFairy]

I have an ISTJ dad and an ESTJ mom.
My mom tended to let us kids be more independent, while to my dad I'm STILL his baby girl. That can cause some frustration, especially now that I'm in my late twenties.

We had a lot of rules, and my dad has a "While you're living under my house you'll follow my rules" attitude, but that wasn't a problem for me as I wasn't a rebellious child and as an ISTJ have no problem with rules myself! :tongue:

I also always understood that what my parents were doing, they were doing out of love, and always had my best interests at heart.

Aside from usual little family arguments, we didn't have any major issues. I still have a fantastic relationship with both my parents, but I must say I got lucky, because I have wonderful parents. If I had to rate my relationship with my parents (the early years) it would be somewhere very close to 10. :happy:

 

[Sela]

Are negative ratings allowed?

I'm disinclined to divulge the gross and gory details of my dysfunctional parents, but suffice it to say that they weren't in the picture then, and they certainly aren't now. This is not due to a lack of effort on my part, but there comes a point that any rational person has to stop banging her head against the wall. They say that the definition of insanity is continuing to do the same thing over and over and over and over and expect the same result. Therefore, I choose to NOT be insane.

At any rate, having said that, I was raised by my wonderful grandparents (on my father's side) from the age of two onward. While I remember very little about my grandmother Gigo (she passed away when I was nine years old, and yes, that was what I called her ... I can't for the life of me recall how the terminology happened), on the other hand, my grandfather ("Pop") raised me until I was sixteen years old; he passed away then.

I have very fond memories of him. I just wish he hadn't died so soon. There was so much that he wanted to see, that he never got to ... like when I graduated high school, or when I had my daughter. I know he would have been very happy. I regret the fact that I was an obnoxious, rebellious teenager when he died. I was so mean, spiteful, and hateful toward him, and it's the one thing in my life that I REALLY, TRULY regret ... not realizing at the time how much he really meant toward me, and NOT TELLING HIM. He went into the hospital one day, and just never came back. He was the type of person that NEVER complained about being sick, ever ... even when he was close to death, he never complained to me, not one time. He died twenty-three years ago and it still brings me close to tears to talk about him. (Proof yet again that we ARE NOT ROBOTS!)

Anyway, looking back on how he acted, and interacted, if I had to GUESS at his type I would probably guess that he was an ESTJ. He was VERY by-the-book, and had no problems calling people on the carpet if they were acting inappropriate, regardless of whether it was a private or a social setting. He was very respectful (and old-school!) when talking to other people, i.e., "yes ma'am", "yes sir", and so on. He was a supervisor (third-in command!) at the Pillsbury plant that used to be near here before he retired. Even AFTER he "retired", he owned apartment properties and maintained them HIMSELF, which meant cutting the grass, putting coal into the furnace late at night, doing repairs, etc. ... and this was when he was in his 70's !!! Never a complaint. However, he was always very popular with people; he had MANY friends (and many lady friends too, a few years after Gigo passed on!). He belonged to a lot of organizations; the one that immediately springs to mind is that he was a Freemason. I always knew that he was a Freemason in the back of my mind, but it never really hit home until his funeral. I had never seen so many Freemasons all at once in my entire life in one place.

A few years later, a man that I was dating (once he realized who my relatives were) had only good things to say about Pop; apparently he had worked as a dishwasher at one point in the Freemason kitchen and they fell behind. Well ... he told me that "some old man" had come back there to find out what was going on, and when he realized that they'd fallen behind, what did he do? Rolled up his sleeves and started washing dishes. It was only after the night was over did the ex realize that he'd been working alongside a Freemason all night doing dishes. He was extremely impressed and it just reinforced my belief that my Pop was a good person.

Congratulations if you made it to the end of my novel-sized post. Probably more than you all wanted to know about me, but the question was posed and I deemed it important to post this information.

 

[niss]

^^^I read this with great interest. Thanks for sharing, Sela.roud:

 

[niss]

I really don't have a lot to say about my parents. Dad is an ISTJ and mom is an IST/FJ. Both are very unhealthy. Physical and emotional abuse was rampant in our home. However, Dad was a dutiful provider and mom kept house and worked some. My relationship with both of them is limited at this time, due to distance and a lack of desire on my part. However, they are getting up in years and I expect that I will end up moving them back to Texas and supporting them before too long.

Score on a scale of 1-10? I'd give 'em a 3. :sad:

 

[Sela]

^^^I read this with great interest. Thanks for sharing, Sela.roud:

You're welcome. Not something I'd share with people on GP, but since the internet is somewhat anonymous, the story was somewhat easier to tell.

 

[Qadosh]

If I had to guess I would say my mother is ISTJ (probably like 60-70% T and the rest F). As far as my Dad goes I'm unsure. he seems to almost have split personalities. Sometimes he seems to be an ESTJ and other times he seems to be an ESTP/ENTP. He definately hates details and operates at the big picture level so maybe even ENTJ.

My mother and I never fight but we honestly maybe have one conversation per week. My dad and I do not have a good relationship. We constantly disagree and I have almost punched him before out of anger. I've been in his face and yelled at the top of my lungs at him. I have learned to just stay in the computer room and to avoid my family in order to not get caught up in his drama/stupidity. The less interaction the better.

 

[Elysia]

I'd rate my relationship with my mother as 9.9/10 and my relationship with my father as a 4.5 or 5/10. I had a happy childhood and the only reason my father has a lower rating is because our personalities are very similar thus we clash a lot (both 'dominant' sort of personalities while my mother doesn't mind us 'taking over' :crazy. It's actually quite scary how similar my father and I are in terms of personality and the way we view things. My mother frequently tells me that 'your father said the exact same thing about that subject in those exact same words' and she marvels at this phenomenon. For me it supports the 'personality comes from your genes' view though I guess external influences do also influence it to a degree as I would say I am a milder version of my father, possibly due to my mother's influence. My father also has a bad temper and is the type of person whose lectures go on and on and on (learned early on to 'tune it out') while my mother doesn't really have a temper at all. My mother is more of a touchy-feely sort of person (the only person who I don't mind invading my personal space :crazy. I would also say that during childhood I interacted with my mother at least 10 times more than my father partly because my father pretty much never initiated conversation with me. He is also old-fashioned in a way in that he sees himself as the head of the house and the authoritative figure. My mother has no problem externally showing affection and love via hugs, verbally etc. while my father does not do that at all and instead shows it through 'indirect' actions such as doing something (e.g. making me a meal when he's not expected to) or buying / offering to buy something for me.

 

[Sunflower]

It's kind of hard, I would probably be better giving age ranges and rating them all separately... but over all I'd probably be 5/10 for Mum and 2/10 for Dad (additional note: he was gone before I was 14 and was sick for a few years before that).

Might be a bit better than that, but I'm in a hole-picking mood... maybe time for a midnight snack! :happy:

 

[nosilla]

My mom is most definitely an ENTP mother, and she fits that description perfectly. Sadly, I would rate our relationship a 6/10. She constantly wants me out of the house, and keeps pushing me to be more independent. But then I just dig my heels in and resist as much as I can (I am horribly stubborn with her). I do a lot of what I would consider "her" responsibilities- picking my brother and sister up, shopping for/with my sister, ect.- I'm pretty much the go-to person in my family (My mom almost never picks up her cell phone, so I think that's why). A lot of the time she just ignores her responsibilities, and I feel like I have to take them up because I'm the oldest. She fails to see how I am independent, and fails to see how I help her out ALL THE TIME. We get into fights a lot over money and expectations. My dad just stays out of it, even though when I talk to him about it, he usually agrees with me! Ugh, it's very frustrating (I always think of this quote from the Parenthood tv show: "Dad, do you guys have some stupid agreement about not acknowledging each other's flaws?" "Yeah, it's called marriage."). I want to be a lot closer to my mother, but I doubt that will ever happen. I do respect her, but a lot less than when I was younger. She is (what I would call) frivolous.
My father is most likely ISFJ, and I would rate our relationship 9.5/10. My mom swears that I am just like him, but I don't think so. Since I went to the same high school as where he teaches (1/2 hour away from where we lived), I feel like he knows me a lot better than my mom. We get along extremely well, and we talk a lot about books. Since I have been in high school, he started reading, and my mom blames me for it since he spends his time reading now instead of working outside. Haha, oh well. I like talking about books with him, since we both like the same types of genres and authors. He isn't afraid to still discipline me though, which I respect (since my mom is horrible at discipline- she just picks fights with you, and I usually lose because I am horrible at verbal sparring, but my ENFP sister excels at it, and my mom and her are almost inseparable).

 

[Half Robot]

unfortunately it was difficult and full of drama with both parents. i hope others ISTJ's have had a happier childhood.

 

[cursivelogic]

My Mum is ENFJ, and Dad is ISTP. They divorced when I was 6: initially my brothers and I spent every second weekend at Dads, but before long we were spending every other week there. This continued for the next 12 years. Mum moved a lot (including a year in Australia!) and we never spent >2 years at the same house - while Dads place offered more stability.

Exhibit A: learning to drive. Dad would schedule a lesson, get out the practice guide for the test, and drill me in various techniques, explaining useful tips and mechanical processes throughout. cf Mum would get me to drive whenever we went out, put the seat back, feet up on the dashboard and start txting, giving me the odd direction or just talking.

I always got on well with Dad; he's non-confrontational but he had my respect, which made everything easy! Generally we didn't interact much, but if necessary he would provide advice, assistance or discipline. We would often go cycling or boating or caving - that was our quality time. Rating: 8-9. My relationship with Mum was way more tempestuous - every day was quality time, which really tested my boundaries (and sometimes I snapped :frustrating - but when we both relaxed we were best mates. Rating: 4-9. One of the key differences is that Dads love language was acts of service, while Mums was quality time/physical touch. Ultimately both of my parents were loving and supportive throughout my childhood, for which I am eternally grateful.

 

[sriracha]

How bout you ISTJs? How was your relationship with your parents? How do you deal with them? How do they react to this? Give your 1 to 10 childhood relationship rating?

I was surprised reading some of your guys inputs. I could write a big essay about this topic right here, but I'm going to shorten this down. I'd say my relationship with my parents would rate probably a 3 or 4.

Before the age of 8, I was just an innocent child who loved my parents, but as I grew older, I had more and more hatred towards them, especially in middle school. I hated them. There was family drama here and there but then I know that lots of families go through drama all the time too. I was pretty obedient as a child; always did what I was told and rarely rebelled. Thats the one thing I regret- I should've rebelled. Why I hated them? There is not an exact source for the answer to that question, but I think the little things add up. I'm not sure what types my parents are but I think both of them are ISTJs. They don't care about what I want, and they want to control my life. I didn't go out as much as I wanted to-and that leads to me lacking the essential social skills for living on my own one day. I felt like they depended on me too much. I remember I would come home from school, only to babysit my younger siblings and cook for them while they did whatever they thought they needed to get done. I never got a chance to be a "kid" because of the responsiblities they handed to me. I hated them because it seemed like they never appreciated the work I did for them, or my simple obedience. They picked on my flaws, and I don't ever remember them encouraging me, motivating me, or having compassion towards me ever. The words "I love you" were never said.

I would hold grudges towards them. I closed myself off to them, shut up, and not talk to them at all. But then when I tried to open myself towards them, they would refuse to listen. So that just puts me down even further. I figured it's best to keep my mouth shut.

Nonetheless, I should be grateful to even have parents. I try to have a positive relationship with them by talking in an enthusiastic way. I avoid conflicts by not bringing up the subjects. I should be thankful for what I am given.

 

[petals of stone]

T'is a tough question and a personal one.

My Dad is an ENTJ. Dad is the house clown and of course, the house leader. He likes to boss everyone around and thinks he is right and assumes everyone is wrong who doesn't have the same view as he does.

Mum is an ISFJ. She is a very sweet, warm and nurturing kind of person. However, she is very firm in what she believes in and rather closed minded about her beliefs.

We are the family that sticks together and care for each other strongly. Alll strongly committed to each other and hapy to do almost anything for each other. Kinda like a perfect family.

Well that is if you ignore me out of the situation. Dad expects everyone to follow him blindly without questioning anything. Mum expects me to behave like an ESFJ. She also expects me that I always agree with her and always do precisely what she says.

Now, if you are an accepting and unquestioning and following type, it goes perfectly. Sadly, I happen to have a questioning, challenging, rebellious and argumentative streak in me. Which they don't like. And so we have our little ups and downs. Mainly the ones I brought upon myself due to my defiant and rebellious nature.

There are days when life seems like an episode from a 'Happily ever after' movies scene and then there are days when I manage to get into an argument and get onto my parents bad side. The relationship isn't perfect but its just a bit better than cordial.

I realise all I need to do is to stop questioning everything and start being a bit more accepting and respecting of elders to make the relationship perfect. But it goes against my personality. Questioning everything and being cynical half the time is part of me and I am not willing to change. so, I'll have to deal with the ups and downs.

Overall rating: 7/10 for both my parents.

 

[NARCO]

My mother ESFJ/ESFP and my father ENFP/ENTP. They were both great.

I would say 9.5-10! :happy:

 

[MonieJ]

My relationship with my mom is great, she is an ESTJ I believe so we have alot of things in common, she let me be independent but always knew when to come an help. My Bio dad wasn't there so idk what to say about him except that there r some issues there that at this time I dnt even want to think about. My step dad while a good guy he can get very emotional and belligerent which get's old rlly qucikly:dry: but he is there when I need him and that'a all I want. All in all I give my parents a 9/10 we always had anything we needed or wanted and every weekend was family weekend:happy:

 

[Wake]

Feels like a lot longer than basically 3 months since I made this thread. A damned good topic though that should linger better. We should make more stickies somehow.

 

[bengalcat]

Feels like a lot longer than basically 3 months since I made this thread. A damned good topic though that should linger better. We should make more stickies somehow.

This has definitely been a very interesting thread. Everyone's given such good descriptions.

 

[General Lee]

Really I do not want to get into much discussion but since your parents are the main part of what Jack London describes as "The finger of life that molds you into what you are." I feel obliged to.

My mother is a confirmed ESTJ and has worked hard to get to where she is now. She works late a lot of the time and constantly has to take over due to incompetent subbordinates. I seek to aid her by alleviating the stress a little. We clash every now and then because she exhausts her patience at work and every little mistake on my part at home is punished with screaming. I understand why she does this but sometimes I just wish she would give us some time to explain what we are doing. She created her way and tries to impose it onto her kids. I created my own way of doing things and although most of the time both ways end up with the same result the moment she sees me doing something EXACTLY according to how she did it she is quick to yell. My realtionship with my mother is also affected by my brothers. I was given the least attention growing up (proabely why I was able to undergo a change without having to go to therapy because my mother was concerned at how I had changed) mostly because my older brother acted out and my little brother despite being reassured the most has the least self-confidence and this surely contributed to introvesion. Later when I realzied her point of view and her challenges I became her helper my efforts however to get my brothers to do something as well have been met with scorn by both of them. My mother argues a lot with my Dad's side of the family and often I am dragged into it. I do not mind conflict and often meet it head on but when it is conflict between family all I want to do is be neutral. Anyways enough about that. I would rate my realtionship with her a seven but if i did not understand her situation I would rate it a five (I am still her kid so I must listen).

I do not know what my father is because I do not spend much time with him. Often while I am with him there is not enough I can see about him that shows me that he cares about providing for my step mom and half sisters (he sees it more as a chore rather than a privilege). One thing my mother comments about my father is that my father in an arguement uses emotions so much that it makes my mother look like a fool. Of course I knew she was telling some truth but i doubted to the extent she claimed until one day when they were arguing outside and I walked outside and just stood there seeing how they argued. I could tell that what my mother had said was true. Of course I have not spent enough time with him to make an accurate assessment but I would say four-six.

 

[Kamui]

Don't really have any particularly interesting stories about mine, it was fairly ow drama from all I can remember. I'd say I'd give our relationship a 9.