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Discussion Starter #21 (Edited)
IDK, I'm working out and following about 70% of what my nutritionist tells me, and I am pretty sure that my main motivation is to one day be skinny enough to fat shame others.

(That and avoiding diabetes, but mostly the fat-shaming).
Following a doctor's advice isn't the same thing as your mother dragging you out into a public place to be loudly berated. Its a doctor's job to tell you whatever is medically necessary, and there's doctor-patient confidentiality. I mean its not like your doctor has influence over your personal social relationships.

Anyway I kinda agree with @daleks_exterminate . I think there are some personalities it may work on, probably specifically on those who are easily motivated by social status. But in a way, even that is a form of self-motivation. I don't think fat-shaming worked in your case. You're losing weight to elevate your status above others, you're not losing weight because of the feeling of shame /humiliation itself.
 

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Following a doctors advice isn't the same thing as your mother dragging you out into a public place to be loudly berated.
So we are in strictly serious mode... Ok. I can think of at least 3 instances just in the last several months of "fat shaming":
One was when I was moving apartments - the mover was like, "you seem like a level headed guy, but I couldn't help but notice that you are fat, why don't you do something about it?". I'm never really sure what do people expect, "Doing something about it? What a brilliant idea, how come I've never thought about it!".
The 2nd was with a taxi driver, also noting that I am fat like I should be surprised by his finding, then trying to convince me about some guy who does hypnosis on TV or something. I initially laughed it off but the persistence and inability to read a signal was getting under my skin, all the "I am just trying to help" whenever I asked him to stop, I told him I would pay him an extra 10 to shut the fuck the up.
The 3rd was actually my previous doctor - generally god awful - the bedside manners of House MD with the medical competence of Hugh Laurie. When I moved and my designated local clinic moved with me, she just looked at me and said "I don't think it's worth my time investing in you" - not even kidding. And she followed suit with her promise - when I asked for a diagnosis on a problem I was having she didn't spend a single moment thinking what it is and just sent me to every test imaginable. Ironically that ended with me consuming more of her time because she didn't know how to handle their own system of paperwork and I had to go back and forth because of bad referrals. I reached the point of telling her off - "human treatment, medical competence or functional paperwork, I'm not expecting all 3, give me just one". Eventually I found out that the doctor who used to treat my father (who has similar medical problems to me) has moved to the same city and was working in that clinic, I transferred to her, she turned out to be fantastic on all 3 and diagnosed me correctly in the first try (It was sleep apnea).
One that doesn't really count as shaming and was obviously unintentional - a little kid (like 5/6 yo) walked by turned around asked me in the middle of a store "why are you fat?", his father seemed embarrassed and quickly dragged him along and tried quieting him down, but the kid kept asking his father "why is he fat?" - I for one laughed my ass off and thought it was adorable.

Did any of those do anything for me? Not in particular, nor were they genuinely intended too, they aren't targeted messages as much as they are expressions - the same is true for the mother you saw in the store, she was expressing her own insecurities and frustrations at the child not thinking what is she trying to communicate to her child. It's a good rules of thumb to expect people to act more expressively then thoughtfully, sounds like that child is going to learn that the hard way.

Having a competent doctor looking over my blood results and telling me that my sleep apnea is probably a result of weight and that I am I am at risk of diabetes did the trick. Instead of something I planned on doing but felt like I could delay, it made the risks more immediate. One of the reasons I wanted that doctor specifically is because my father died in a bariatric operation, and at the time she was one of the only medical professionals who told him not to do it. I was considering that for myself, and I wanted to see what she'd say. She actually thought it would be fine, but made sure I'll get every needed test including seen a nutritionist and pointed me to research all the ramifications,.... Which I did, and they sounded terrible. I decided I haven't really given a good try to the old fashioned way, bought a cardio exercise machine that I've recently moved into my office and found that this way I end up using it daily just to let out the steam of work, and kept the nutritionist.
 

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I think it is important socially to just be honest about weight - since obesity is a real issue it is important not to ignore it with "big is beautiful" mantras, but at the same time as the OP states, not to confuse health with good/bad associations. For the most part, it isn't useful to make someone feel bad about their weight, especially children.

There are exceptions. For some people, being worried about social repercussions and having beauty associated with healthy BMIs does actually inspire people to exercise and eat healthily, as others have said. However, it isn't generally a good method to encourage.

I think anything that would likely cause someone to feel bad and hopeless is a poor tactic and confuses judgement with achieving desired outcomes. Who cares if someone is fat and "should know it" if your goal is to make them healthy? Use tools that will help you achieve your objective, which is a healthy weight. The mother was doing exactly the opposite of what would likely achieve her desired outcome, indicating that the comments were more about her than her daughter.
 

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The way that mother treated her daughter was horrific in many ways, and yes sure to be a major blow to that poor kid's self-esteem and body image going forward. A child can only eat what is provided them and that means Mom likely takes a big chunk of the blame as to why her daughter has that issue in the first place. Look at your own failings and own them, Mom, and don't project that onto your kid.

Second and releventish? OP let me know if this isn't the direction you want this thread to go, but why do people think it's productive to fat shame anyone at a gym? It takes a lot of personal courage and conviction for many heavier people to get out to the gym. They're dealing with their weight, possibly peer pressure, possibly anxiety, possibly shame, for them to then take that first step toward a healthier lifestyle and then immediately get abused at the place they go to fix it, I can't wrap my head around it. It's like going to the doctor with the flu and the nurses and other patients look at you and go "Ew, you're sick." Or people that will spot someone who's overweight walking, or riding a bike, or whatever it is, and mock them. Why? What is broken in yourself that you see someone who is out being active and enjoying their life and you make some ugly comment just to tear them down? I just don't understand it.
 

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Poor kid, unfortunately that mom is teaching her to develop a lifetime of self-esteem issues. There are ways to help your child with weight problems, without having to humiliate them.

I have a medium to large frame, with a full body, never been skinny. In my area I'd be considered medium to tall for a woman at 5'5/1.65. I look thin when I'm at a size 10/12, now I'm at 16/18. This is the heaviest I've ever been, so I can understand the struggle. I'm working on remedying that. I would like to lose about 25lbs/12kg. However, I don't think shaming is the way to motivate anyone to lose weight.

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I like this photo because women can be beautiful at many different sizes.
 

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I have been anywhere from overweight to obese since the age of 8. I was closer to a normal weight in high school but I felt like such shit about myself because I had internalized how “disgusting” and awful and bad and etc. I was for being fat that I felt poorly enough about myself that I didn’t think I was worth anything. I had friends and people liked me but I saw everything, EVERYTHING, through the lens of everyone thinking I’m a piece of shit for being fat and that I’m barely being tolerated by society.

That did nothing for my willingness to take care of myself. I gained more weight since I felt like shit and didn’t feel any reason to try for myself. I also was pretty poorly educated on what good nutrition and weight loss would look like. And obviously also fed poorly as a child as you don’t get fat at 8 years old by yourself. I’d try things like only eating soup and salad for weeks and then end up rebound binging.

All of this was from the direct and indirect extremely negative messages that are sent to fat people. This is beyond simple acknowledgement that being fat can lead to serious health issues. Sentiments like that are not the issue at all. I don’t feel shamed if my doctor says my weight is a concern. I did feel shamed when people felt it was ok to say shitty things to me because I am fat such as “thunder thighs” or sending some guy over to say he likes me and all his friends laugh or just yelling at me "hey, you're fat!" or just the daily bullshit extremely negative attitudes people have toward overweight people. We are all humans ffs.

It was once I found people, after I left the regular public school system and got into work and then undergrad, who truly seemed to enjoy me as a person and did not care or mention my weight. I felt worthy. I gained confidence in myself. I also somehow completely started caring less what people thought of me because I had grown into who I truly am. And I started wanting to actually better myself for my health. I am still very overweight and it is an absolute struggle to beat down 25+ years of terrible habits and your body actually adapts and fights against you when you try, but I still care about myself enough to try.

Shaming or harassing myself or others harassing me into motivation is not a thing for me. My brain definitely does not work like that. Now a days, I could give a shit less what someone has to say to me about it and if they want to think all these untrue things about my character based off of my fat then that is their prerogative. I have a career, friends, an SO (but was fine without as well), my degrees, I travel, I enjoy who I am and I enjoy my life. So it’s all good. But yeah, it’s not a great motivator for most. There have been studies on this. Small percentage do get motivated that way, most don’t.
 

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A couple of pounds of extra body fat are not a health risk for most people. But when people are severely overweight, it can cause health problems. If you're looking for need inspiration, you can read about overweight celebrities Great role model!
 

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The op sounded like it was a bad situation. It should be all about the health. I'd say that anyone getting regular exercise and eating healthier, even if they have a few extra pounds, is likely healthier than anybody the ideal weight, but not following the healthy habits.

As somebody who has struggled with additional weight at times throughout my life, and also been in elite athlete condition at other times, I'd say being honest with yourself on where you are health wise is important. So, when I was 30 lbs overweight, I would say I was fat. But, that's different than somebody using it as a derogatory statement at you. And although I may be assuming a lot as a man, I think young women are likely especially emotionally hurt by this kind of "tough-love".

Although, we're all different. As a young man, my friends and I would not mince words, and you learned not to be easily offended. Therefore, motivating and encouraging words for me, may not be the same words another needs to hear. Bad eating and health habits can be an emotional thing, so tearing someone down for it may just turn them to it.
 
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