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MOTM Dec 2011
8,685 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Ever heard something like this?

In response to the "downer" thread....

I was reading up on cognitive-behavioral therapy and ideas of self-esteem building. So one tip to practice (not just do one time) is to list all the positive feedback you've gotten from others in life. No matter how small or how long ago, list any & all positive feedback you can think of. Then use this to combat your negative inner voice.

What this is doing is creating a positive thought pattern, or breaking a cycle of a negative one. I think being sensitive & idealistic people, sometimes INFPs can internalize the negative feedback too much (and this will be compounded by any emotional trauma in childhood as a platform for an exaggerated inner critic).

So let's practice internalizing positive feedback by listing it & then using it as anti-negative thinking "ammo". This is your material to reference whenever you engage in self put-down or are faced with disappointment or harsh criticism from others. This is reality as much as the negative stuff.

What are some great comments, positive feedback, small but genuine compliments, etc, that other people have given you in your life?


I'll list 5 to start for myself, but let's aim for at least 10 each:

- wise
- creative thinker
- stylish
- incredibly smart
- hot brain

(Note: Even if some comments are repetitive, go ahead & list it more than once. Don't you repeat the same negative thoughts too? The repetition is reinforcement, the building of the pattern.)

5,499 Posts
*offers you a deeply compassionate and appreciative hug, feeling glad that you wish to support others learn positive thinking*

679 Posts
Hmm okay I'll give a try!

- Understanding
- Very optimistic
- A smart cookie
- Cute (especially coming from men! I'm not "hot" but meh, that's fine)
- Very patient

That's all I can think of. Ten is too much for me haha.

INTP 683 sp/sx VLEF melancholic
15,823 Posts
Super fucking funny
^ I mostly get those two
A beast (strong)
Weird (I'm glad I'm weird)
Soothing :)
Soft (my skin)
I really can't think of any others. People don't like to call me anything other than funny and smart... But there are those words that describe me I got from my personality tests. ;) (Which I put on my cover letter and resume)
edit: I forgot insightful! My therapist called me that all the time.

MOTM January 2013
12,837 Posts
The title of this thread for one! :tongue:
You have a kooky dress sense.
Delves deep into thought.
And intelligent(without tooting my own horn too much,lol).
Creative, arty farty.
A sense of integrity.
Offbeat humour.
Strong in adversarial circumstances.
Strives for fairness.
And other things. *Feels weirdly self conscious*

Thanks for this lil gem of positivity OA!

6,872 Posts
-creative (from people at my writer's group)
-"absolutely deserving of a job" (from my former boss at my old internship)
-a cool person (from my fiance's ENFJ friend who we hung out with last night)
-"a better writer than most published writers" (from my mom, but she's an INTJ and does NOT give out compliments lightly)
-a strong person (from my INFJ friend)
-good at coding (from my fiance)
-the love of my life (from my fiance)

ok that's all I can think of.

1,159 Posts
"I love the way your mind works."

"You're so present."

"I loved waking up next to you. It was humbling. You're very pretty."

"Fuck all of them. You're strong and will go farther than any of them."

"You handled my emotions perfectly."

"You are troubled because you're gifted."

(All paraphrased because my memory is awful.)

3,966 Posts
1 - "You're like an older sister to me than my own sister. "
- From my loving intj cousin, whose sister is an esfj. i did a lot of things for her.
2 - "Give us a cuddle then." - random begger at the bus stop who i started to talk to and gave a motivational speech to. eek.
3 - "You're very resourceful." - From my first boss, when I thought of an idea on how to solve something.
4 - Intelligent
5 - "You're really pretty. Why don't you move down to London, you should be able to find a guy in no time."
(My thoughts at the time as I recall: OMG. What did I say or do that made him think I wanted to find guys?? I really did not like how he is speaking to me on such private things.) *Kept quiet*
6 - Sweet
7 - Nice
8 - Sensitive
9 - generous
10 - "You're a good person."

609 Posts
What a great thread!
- good at understanding people/situations/motivations
- smart
- 'we couldn't do this without you' from my bosses
- 'please come back' from my previous co-workers
- fun
- brave/adventurous
- fountain of knowledge (haha! does it count if i laugh?)
- good writer
- good dancer- good kisser :p
- strong
- hardworking

1,272 Posts
I'm not holding out much hope for this working but, worth a shot. xD

- Great sense of humor/witty/sarcastic
- Great at drawing
- Great at writing
- Cute/Pretty
- Sneaky (you'd think this were an insult but I don't take it as such- I enjoy creeping up on people haha)
- Strong (emotionally, although I disagree... and physically, compared to other females my age anyway)
- Original/Non-conforming
- Deep thinker
- Great memory (for names, faces, numberplates etc. but not dates)
- Smart (I throughly disagree with this one but I suppose that's not quite the point of this thread lol)

... Yeah that's all I can think of.

MOTM Dec 2011
8,685 Posts
Discussion Starter · #11 ·
No qualifiers, guys! Remember, when you do that, you are invalidating someone else's perspective.
Acknowledge the positive feedback as it is, without shooting it down & maintaining your negative thought pattern.

328 Posts
- I saved this years ago because it meant so much to me at the time and I still consider it probably one of the best compliments anyone has ever given me. My teacher in a literature class wrote this at the bottom of an essay I'd written.

- I was new on a forum once and someone told me that just very rarely someone like me comes around and they hoped I'd stick around.

- My boss has said that I took on the responsibility of someone with many more years of experience in a crunch where no one else could and that I excelled with it.

But really, I just want someone to say I've been a good friend for them. :( So ... I guess I just need to be a better friend is all. I will keep trying!

1,092 Posts

I can draw great. ( I think it's not good enough still. I just need more practice.)
My poetry is deep.
I'm smart. (Except in math, I got lost when the numbers started to become letters.)
I'm kind and sweet.
I'm nice.
I'm cool. ( Ehehe, gawking over fictional characters, I'm cool. :cool:)
I'm cute/pretty
I'm funny. (What? How? Maybe in a cynical and sarcastic kind of way.)

21,522 Posts
You've got "it." Whatever "it" is, you've got it and be thankful because not everyone has it.
-my old highschool teacher.

You're the best guitarist I've ever heard live, like who isn't dead or on a recording!
-A random guy at a bar after I played a mean solo during my friend's set.

You're the best motivational speaker I've ever heard.
-A man twice my age said that to me after I had given a powerful talk called Inspire Others for a class I was helping to run.

You're a hard worker.
-Both of my bosses.

You're writing is gorgeous.
-A friend.

There's something very musical about the way you write, I think you're really gifted.
-A friend.

You embody everything that I find infernally sexy right now.
-A former flame.

You go after what you want, and you're determined to get it. And you give really good motivational talks.
-A coworker.

You're one of the most impressive people I've ever met.
-A coworker.

You are like reading the best novel in existence. You get this first impression of it that makes you go "This is ridiculous!" then as you keep reading, you realized you've just given up all of your free time to read it...
-A former flame.

220 Posts
"You are a good listener." -> You wouldn't really say that if you could see all that's going on inside my mind while you're talking...

"I like how I can see your eyes sparkling when you are passionate about something." -> I'm glad that this is true! My eyes always give me away when it's my heart that's speaking.

"You are so humble." -> Feels like a refreshing rain at the end of a hot and dry summer day.

"You have no idea what you are doing to me when you're talking." -> A compliment I'd like to hear more often. I like to inspire others.

"Wow, you're so different from what i expected." -> One of the features of being withdrawn: You get to surprise people when you finally open up to them.

But sometimes sneaky glances from a cute, introverted girl at the other end of the coffee shop can be some of the best compliments you can get.

95 Posts
Gah, this thread is making me emotional! I can't handle genuine nice things, I just..

*deep breath* Ok.

1. You're an angel and I know it, don't let the fools clip your wings

2. You're the most beautiful human being I've ever seen

3. Your smile gives me energy

4. I'm always inspired by you

5. Even though all this stuff has happened to you, you're so incredibly pure

6. To see you at the end of my day let's me know that there is a God - Stranger to me as I was working

7. You stand out from a mile away, you're luminescent!

8. I feel safe with you - Friend who had a traumatic childhood and had never felt safe

9. You're so insightful

10. Are you a princess? - Random little girl


3,758 Posts
This is what I started doing a few years ago, and it totally helps when you feel like you're useless/unproductive in society.

Lovely shit people have told me:

- "Weird in a lovely way".
- "Intriguing & mysterious" (this is a recurring thing I get from people, and apparently that turns them on).
- "I would love to pick your brain for hours, from the rhetoric I gather from what you share I like the way you think".
- "You melt my heart" You're welcome, I'll keep doing that :cool:
- "I'm super fond of your quirky mind".
- "Beautiful person".
- "Your taste in music is incredible" (I get this one a lot from guys, why are they surprised?).
- "You have the same attributes as mist rising off of a rain-dampened sweater as it cools in front of the fireplace" True story :shocked:
- "Why are you so tender, being your friend makes me swoon"
- "All of Spain must be enchanted with you, beautiful soul" (yeah I'm from Spain, but no, Spain doesn't know I exist cause I never leave my house)
- "You make me smile ridiculously"
- "I really admire your way of life. I wish I was more like you, sure of myself and strong" (I don't know about strong, it's called internally passionate)
- "Your art is exquisite. Personal yet subtle, it's really quite refreshing"
- "Your art is dreamy and awe inspiring, I just love the contents and colors so much"
- "You're an insanely fun person" I know :wink:
- "You live such an awesome, cultured life. You should write your life story some time, I'm so intrigued by everything you say and do"
- "I really appreciate the pieces of personal truth, kindness and queerness you share"
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