Parents and gender roles - Page 2

Parents and gender roles

View Poll Results: Parents Dynamic - Ideal relationship dynamic

60. You may not vote on this poll
  • Normative Gender roles - Prefer Gender Roles

    11 18.33%
  • Normative Gender roles - Prefer alternative roles

    24 40.00%
  • Opposite Gender Roles - Prefer Gender Roles

    1 1.67%
  • Opposite Gender Roles - Prefer alternative roles

    2 3.33%
  • Egalitarian/skill based roles - Prefer Gender Roles

    4 6.67%
  • Egalitarian/skill based roles - Prefer alternative roles

    8 13.33%
  • Single Parent - Prefer Gender Roles

    3 5.00%
  • Single Parent - Prefer alternative roles

    3 5.00%
  • Other - Prefer Gender Roles

    1 1.67%
  • Other - Prefer alternative roles

    3 5.00%
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This is a discussion on Parents and gender roles within the Trends Forum forums, part of the Topics of Interest category; Grew up barely seeing my dad since they divorced when I was little (#daddyissues), so my mother was definitely the ...

  1. #11

    Grew up barely seeing my dad since they divorced when I was little (#daddyissues), so my mother was definitely the breadwinner. She did tell me she never wanted to be in that position though; she wanted the more traditional role of being a housewife (which she does have a passion for - in addition to perfect maintenance, she's incredibly talented with interior design and has an impeccable spatial-artistic sense). In terms of personality, she is naturally a very feminine person who knows how to leverage stereotypically masculine traits well to excel at whatever she does, as she's taken on a wide variety of complex roles over her life. As someone mentioned before, doing something well out of necessity or natural talent does not always translate to wanting to be in that role, or indefinitely.

    I don't have anything specific in mind, but one thing my friends have consistently pointed out to me (well, good-naturedly mocked me for) is that I apparently go for more "feminine" types? I never saw or thought that; I always just thought they were well-balanced and didn't strongly lean to any unhealthy extremes, which could be misconstrued as any number of things I suppose. And I noticed these people tend to deal better with managerial/daily aspects of life, which I speculate could translate to being more adept with household stuff, but I really can't transcribe those qualities to that and prefer not to consider people in terms of utility. Egalitarian probably, but I don't really know what that type of relationship would actually look like once the people are sharing a household.
    Wellsy thanked this post.

  2. #12

    Parents were something in between gender/alternative roles. My dad had a better career going on at the time, so they ended up re-configuring with my dad working and my mom maintaining the household. My mom keeps track of finances, sets up all appointments, cooks/cleans. To be fair tho my dad would be horrible at 99% of those jobs :). If anything as they brought me up they stressed a healthy distaste of fixed gender role designations, if they even brought it up at all.

    Wife and I are preparing to become a typical DINKs household, once my career gets started. She's handier than me, I track finances, we both suck at keeping a clean house :D, we split the cooking/baking. She decorates, I... approve the decorations?

    Random side-bar/silly thought experiment: is there a female equivalent to a man-cave?

  3. #13

    I would definitely say my family practiced a normative relationship in terms of gender roles--father worked, mother stayed at home once my twin and I were born. A lot of evidence suggests my Mom hated it but kept doing it because she believed she needed to care for us full-time to mother "properly" (though she also, in my estimation, is just afraid of having to survive in the outside world on her own--she really has a ton of anxiety issues/catastrophizing going on, to the point where she will do certain tasks for us and expect nothing because she wants to make sure it's done right because otherwise zomg who knows what could happen?!)

    My Dad has an attitude towards gender roles similar to the MRA-types on this forum actually. Sort of feeds into his larger complex of feeling like he does all this work and isn't appreciated (which isn't too far off the mark actually). Combine that with a slight feminist bent philosophically from Mom and I got a lot of little previews into the gender role debates, which definitely shaped some of my current emotional regard for it (and geez, my Fe becomes much more noticeable in retrospect).

    My own relationship preferences, however, were more shaped by media than them. I remember when I was 9 or 10 having a serious attraction to Princess Zelda of Nintendo fame, all while only knowing her from Super Smash Brothers, so it was definitely a case of me taking the outward demure shell and making that the whole personality. Many of my early fantasies involved similar "helpless", "vulnerable" women, specifically because, by my own head-logic, they were "more of girls" than the other type.

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  5. #14

    It's hard to say about my parents... maybe equal? Since they were so distant from one another before they divorced. Both of my parents are pretty faceless, except my father was kinder and more sensible... while my mother was a tyrant.
    Whatever the case, it's up to the families and their culture, no more and no less.

  6. #15

    They both belong to extremely traditional gender roles and they like it that way. They want me to be traditional to. Being an iconoclast INFP (5w4) with ESTJ and ISTJ parents is sometimes really stressful.

  7. #16

    I would say that my parents technically have normative gender roles, as far as physical work is concerned. My father typically does the lawn work and house maintenance while my mom cooks and cleans, etc. They often switch or work together, though. My mom does all the finances.

    They are completely opposite roles in their personalities, however. My mom is not aggressive or type-A, but she is the more objective, unaffected type who keeps her cool and is very diplomatic. Very independent and lets her kids be independent. She is not great at emotional support.
    My dad, on the other hand, is the emotional one who likes romance and physical touch. He doesn't like typical male stuff. He's not obsessed with sports (though he watches it occasionally), he hates hunting, he doesn't drink or have buddies. He is more artsy and creative. I tease him because he is obsessed with wearing lotion and he takes FOREVER to get ready for things, whereas my mom is up and out the door right on time. We are always waiting on my dad to do his beauty routine or whatever the crap takes so long XD Also, on trips, usually, men are the ones who don't stop for anything....well, my dad wants to stop every fifteen minutes and it drives my mom nuts. She is the one who is content to drive for hours without stopping.

    I could go on. I've always known my parents were unique (if not weird) because of their inverted-gender personalities. It makes for an interesting family life.

  8. #17

    My mother is a single butch mom, so gender roles were completely out of the question. Her ex girlfriend 8 years running was quite femme, but they still both worked, both cooked, cleaned, etc. I always liked this dynamic.
    Metalize thanked this post.

  9. #18

    My parents have traditional gender roles. I'm sure there are healthy examples of couples with healthy gender roles, but my parents aren't of the healthy variety. My relationships started out egalitarian but slipped into patterns similar to my parents marriage but not as total. I'm not feely or good at talking about problems and my hands are badly calloused and scarred from carpentry and building things. My mother taught me traditional roles, but I wasn't good at sewing or mending clothes or a lot of skills women traditionally had. I think it was mostly lack of interest that make them difficult to pick up.
    Metalize thanked this post.

  10. #19

    My parents had I guess, in the most visual/representational sense, "normative" gender roles, in that my dad worked a steady job and my mum for most of the time she raised me was a stay-at-home mum. My dad was more of the yard-work/handyman type, and my mum did the majority of the cooking (the times my dad had to come up with meals were, I realize now, very similar to something a college student would whip up on a budget). They both looked after the finances equally, made family decisions equally, etc. My mum actually went back to working once my sister and I started to leave the nest. They are in an ideological sense egalitarian, in that they ran the family in equal measure, with neither of them holding more say over what we did, and they of course have no problem with the idea of mothers choosing to work and/or fathers choosing to stay home and take care of the kids. I honestly didn't vote on the poll because I'm not sure what category I would fall into. I'm not sure I have a preference whether I would have had them behave in "normative" or alternative gender roles. I did really like having my mother at home when I was a kid. I felt like I have a much stronger bond with my mother because of all the time I spent with her. I'm also glad my mum became a stay-at-home mother because she chose to, not because she felt she had to.
    ninjahitsawall thanked this post.

  11. #20

    I accidentally hit the wrong egalitarian one, but I can't undo it, so if you're using this for something, cross that data point off.

    Edit: That's not actually at all useful.. by wrong one, I mean "Egalitarian/skill based roles - Prefer Gender Roles."
    Last edited by Psychophant; 04-24-2015 at 09:32 AM.

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