Parents and gender roles - Page 3

Parents and gender roles

View Poll Results: Parents Dynamic - Ideal relationship dynamic

60. You may not vote on this poll
  • Normative Gender roles - Prefer Gender Roles

    11 18.33%
  • Normative Gender roles - Prefer alternative roles

    24 40.00%
  • Opposite Gender Roles - Prefer Gender Roles

    1 1.67%
  • Opposite Gender Roles - Prefer alternative roles

    2 3.33%
  • Egalitarian/skill based roles - Prefer Gender Roles

    4 6.67%
  • Egalitarian/skill based roles - Prefer alternative roles

    8 13.33%
  • Single Parent - Prefer Gender Roles

    3 5.00%
  • Single Parent - Prefer alternative roles

    3 5.00%
  • Other - Prefer Gender Roles

    1 1.67%
  • Other - Prefer alternative roles

    3 5.00%
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This is a discussion on Parents and gender roles within the Trends Forum forums, part of the Topics of Interest category; I was mostly raised by my grandmother (a very responsible and sensible woman, she was like a mother and a ...

  1. #21

    I was mostly raised by my grandmother (a very responsible and sensible woman, she was like a mother and a father to me, I'm pretty sure she is ISTJ) because my parents sadly had other interests. I love them but they aren't very good role models.
    Wellsy thanked this post.

  2. #22

    I was confused by the poll and voted in correctly :(

    My parents had normative gender rolls and I suppose I'd prefer egalitarian rolls.

  3. #23

    Dad was the tech guy who failed to do parenting stuff after my primary school years. Mum did everything else beyond cook and clean on weekdays(we had a housekeeper for that) i.e. manager, main source of authority, child rearing, main breadwinner etc.

    Since moving to a part time job, dad does the housekeeping -so I guess they've moved into proper "opposite" roles now.
    Prefer egalitarian roles.
    Wellsy thanked this post.

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  5. #24

    My "parents" weren't really parents at all, but they tended towards normative gender roles. I grew up with my mother and my step-father, and they tended to be pretty normative in their roles. My mother was somewhat of a homemaker, abusive at that, and she stayed home. My step-father was the breadwinner of the family, was the fix-it person, and did the manual labor. My real father's a neglectful businessman.

    Personally though, I would've preferred egalitarian roles.
    Wellsy thanked this post.

  6. #25

    My option wasn't listed, so here it is.

    Psychopath - preferred victim/master roles.
    Wellsy thanked this post.

  7. #26

    Preferred gender roles, as in, the father shouldn't be staying at home, but it was based off what makes the most sense. My mother took care of us, educated us, and worked online, dad was off doing the main breadwinning. Us, the girls, were expected to know how to clean/cook, but if there had been boys you bet your butt they wouldn't have been lazing around the house while we washed dishes. Against the "norm," my mom is the math person, my dad the phone-talker...etc. We grew up pretty tomboyish too, we played with dolls but there 'weren't nothing wrong with us playing with R/Cs and toy swords if we were having fun
    Wellsy thanked this post.

  8. #27

    My mom was forced to fit in her gender role. (handicapped sister who will only allow herself to be taken care of by my mother.) All together, though, neither of them believe there should be assigned gender roles in the household.

    My dad is still sexist, though. He believes women aren't equal to men until they can bench press as much as the "highest male potential."
    Wellsy thanked this post.

  9. #28

    Oops, sorry, I screwed up my vote. I had alternative gender models and voted prefer opposite, when I mean to vote: egalitarian.

  10. #29
    Many dual-worker households continue to use a slightly modified version of this theme by talking down the woman’s wage as supplementary rather than the main earnings and talking up the man’s typically relatively limited contributions to domestic work (Brannen and Moss 1991; Hochschild 1990). Tactics also include minimising the significance of men’s lack of practical involvement in the household or child care and maximising the significance of their role as an emotional support (although discontent is then the consequence when emotional support is perceived as weak). Expressions of interest, concern and reassurance, ‘emotional work’, can compensate for a lack of practical assistance. Visualising their relationship as rebalanced in these ways centres on an intimacy that is somewhat removed from the ‘pure relationship’. Love and care as expressed by a more practical doing and giving is as much the crux of their relationship, as a process of mutually discovering and enjoying each other.

    Couples who achieve a more objective equality are not necessarily any closer to a ‘pure relationship’. Empirical research identifies a minority of couples who make painstaking efforts to achieve relatively equal contributions to a joint project of a household. In an Australian study, Goodnow and Bowes (1994) discuss heterosexual couples who have been recruited because they do things differently. However, unlike a number of other studies they are not recruited through feminist networks (Haas 1982; Kimball 1983; VanEvery 1995).
    For these couples, the supposedly gender neutral ‘circumstances’, ‘competencies’ and ‘preferences’ (Mansfield and Collard 1988) that others use to justify unequal divisions of labour were not good enough reasons if they then produce a situation in which men systematically have more privileges such as free time. Goodnow and Bowes suggest that their respondents were not of a wholly different mind set from more traditional couples but rather that they focused on the same dimensions of love and care. It was not their assumption that a loving couple would mutually care for each other in practical ways which was distinctive but their thorough analysis of the who, when, where and why of how this was done fairly. This was initiated in the name of fairness towards each other without necessarily adopting any feminist rhetoric, although women had typically prompted the process. These women had talked their way out of co-operating in an enterprise of covering over the gap between an ideal of equality and making more effort in practice to sustain their joint project. The thoroughness of establishing basic principles of fairness ruled out many of the tactics that might otherwise have justified gendered patterns. By the time of interview couples were settled into ‘doing things differently’, but conflict had often been the initial consequence.
    Why women read romance novels
    According to the Smithton women, the ideal romance is one in which an intelligent and independent woman with a good sense of humour is overwhelmed, after much suspicion and distrust, and some cruelty and violence, by the love of a man, who in the course of their relationship is transformed from an emotional pre-literate to someone who can care for her and nurture her in ways that are traditionally expected only from a woman to a man. As Radway explains: ‘The romantic fantasy is . . . not a fantasy about discovering a uniquely interesting life partner, but a ritual wish to be cared for, loved, and validated in a particular way’ (83). It is a fantasy about reciprocation; the wish to believe that men can bestow on women the care and attention women are expected regularly to bestow on men. But the romantic fantasy offers more than this; it recalls a time when the reader was in fact the recipient of an intense ‘maternal’ care.

    Drawing on the work of Nancy Chodorow (1978), Radway claims that romantic fantasy is a form of regression in which the reader is imaginatively and emotionally transported to a time ‘when she was the center of a profoundly nurturant individual’s attention’ (Radway, 1987: 84). However, unlike regression centred on the father as suggested by Coward, this is regression focused on the figure of the mother. Romance reading is therefore a means by which women can vicariously – through the hero– heroine relationship – experience the emotional succour which they themselves are expected to provide to others without adequate reciprocation for themselves in their everyday existence.

  11. #30

    My parents were the old fashioned Dad worked and did all the physical fix it etc., He was also the head decision maker. Mom took care of the house, cooked and was our main "caregiver". She worked a few part-time jobs here and there during my upbringing, but mostly a "homemaker".

    My ideal relationship is more of an equality of these things, although, I just naturally take lead on most more physically demanding activities. It's funny how I thought my wife was very independent and was glad of that, but find she wants to defer more and more to me about most things the longer our marriage goes on.

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