[Enneagram Type 1] Grudges, forgiveness, revenge

Grudges, forgiveness, revenge

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  • 1 Post By Hottest_Commie_Ever
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This is a discussion on Grudges, forgiveness, revenge within the Type 1 Forum - The Reformer forums, part of the Body Triad - Types 8,9,1 category; How long do you tend to hold grudges for? Is forgiveness plausible most of the time? And the fun part: ...

  1. #1

    Grudges, forgiveness, revenge

    How long do you tend to hold grudges for? Is forgiveness plausible most of the time? And the fun part: revenge.

    I'm the type of person who's pretty relaxed and it's very hard to push my buttons. But once you do, i basically erupt and either you get one warning or you get kicked out of my life. No forgiving.

    If it's not so exaggerated and it was a momentary reaction from me, then yes forgiving.

    It's only when things get terribly bad that i sabotage their social media, reputation, self-esteem, etc. I probably sound sadistic to you right now. Morals and values just go out of the window when things get that awful.

    What about you guys?
    burningsoul thanked this post.



  2. #2
    Type 1w9

    I like cutting people out as well but I give it some thought before I do it. Ive never went on a smear campaign myself, I wouldnt have an idea how to carry one out tbh. Them not being in my life, causing me suffering, is enough. I cant really see the benefit in spending more effort on them because it wouldnt do any good. Any time I would spend trying to bring them down would be time I cant use to build myself up and vice versa. This is why having haters isnt a bad thing, it actually gives you a bit of an advantage over them.

  3. #3

    I am much the same and cut people out of my life when I am fed up. At that point, I've usually given them second, third, and fourth chances so the likelihood of my forgiving them is low. Even if I make peace with them, that doesn't mean I want them in my life. When I was younger, I was more volatile. Now, I'm in my late 20s and sever ties without wanting revenge so badly.
    Crystal Winter Dream thanked this post.

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  5. #4
    Type 9w1

    Quote Originally Posted by Hottest_Commie_Ever View Post
    How long do you tend to hold grudges for? Is forgiveness plausible most of the time? And the fun part: revenge.

    I'm the type of person who's pretty relaxed and it's very hard to push my buttons. But once you do, i basically erupt and either you get one warning or you get kicked out of my life. No forgiving.

    If it's not so exaggerated and it was a momentary reaction from me, then yes forgiving.

    It's only when things get terribly bad that i sabotage their social media, reputation, self-esteem, etc. I probably sound sadistic to you right now. Morals and values just go out of the window when things get that awful.

    What about you guys?
    I am married to a 1w9 and he doesn't hold grudges nor get into the overly emotional spiteful getting back at via someone's reputation at all. The last bit sounds image related, which he doesn't give two shits about. If someone does something wrong by him, he corrects them - right away. Then moves on. They know it. And it never happens again. Case closed.

    He did "teach someone a lesson" (an ex-employee, disgruntled asshole who tried to sabotage his business) many years ago. Summarily stomped that bastard back where he belonged and promptly went on with his business. I brought it up in conversation years later and he took a minute to remember, like it had been put into the garbage-recycle file.

    So, to answer your question, No. Grudge matches as you describe is not something I have noticed with 1w9 (9 wing lends a calm, getting-on-with-my-own stuff drive and less "I have to prove myself") Another 1, a 2-winger could hold a bitch grudge until the end of time, though. Because 2 image takes things more personally as well needing to prove themselves more.
    burningsoul thanked this post.

  6. #5
    Type 1w2

    I hold grudges to the grave, though they're fairly easy to sort out with a genuine apology, etc. If someone flouts my tolerance though, they're out and I will not forget it.

    That's the extent of it though. Fantasising about revenge is entertaining but I would feel sick carrying it out. Regardless of how horrible people are, they deserve justice, not revenge. The extent I have done in person is forewarning others of their shittery, which apparently constitutes as "kissing and telling" and "attacking my reputation". If you don't want your reputation tarnished, don't do shitty things, mate.
    Crystal Winter Dream thanked this post.

  7. #6

    Quote Originally Posted by Infinitum View Post
    I am married to a 1w9 and he doesn't hold grudges nor get into the overly emotional spiteful getting back at via someone's reputation at all. The last bit sounds image related, which he doesn't give two shits about. If someone does something wrong by him, he corrects them - right away. Then moves on. They know it. And it never happens again. Case closed.

    He did "teach someone a lesson" (an ex-employee, disgruntled asshole who tried to sabotage his business) many years ago. Summarily stomped that bastard back where he belonged and promptly went on with his business. I brought it up in conversation years later and he took a minute to remember, like it had been put into the garbage-recycle file.

    So, to answer your question, No. Grudge matches as you describe is not something I have noticed with 1w9 (9 wing lends a calm, getting-on-with-my-own stuff drive and less "I have to prove myself") Another 1, a 2-winger could hold a bitch grudge until the end of time, though. Because 2 image takes things more personally as well needing to prove themselves more.
    That's an interesting point of view, i haven't encountered many people in my life who correct things that way and forget it. Perhaps i am a 1w2, haven't thought much about it, but i guess type 1s can all have their own way of dealing with anger. Thanks for the perspective!

  8. #7

    depends what it is and how many chances I already gave you.

    Sometimes it is a couple hours, other times 4 years later I'm still pissed No shade or anything... *whistles*
    fawning thanked this post.


     

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