[Enneagram Type 2] Type Two, Individualism and the Narcissistic Parent

Type Two, Individualism and the Narcissistic Parent

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This is a discussion on Type Two, Individualism and the Narcissistic Parent within the Type 2 Forum - The Helper forums, part of the Heart Triad - Types 2,3,4 category; Without going into too much detail, I suspect myself to have a narcissistic mother. Being an only child I have ...

  1. #1
    Type 2w1

    Type Two, Individualism and the Narcissistic Parent

    Without going into too much detail, I suspect myself to have a narcissistic mother.

    Being an only child I have served both as the "golden child" and "scapegoat" throughout the years. I've been praised - but only publicly - so it would serve my mother and validate her supposed good parentship. On other occassions I'm put down in order to earn others' sympathy, or to establish her authority as a parent.

    For as long as I can remember, I have been very much of an individualist. Though more of a quiet rebel than an outspoken one. I do refuse to concede to certain societal norms because, well - I can - it is outside of my home, but in regards of my mother it is not the same. From time to time I realise I'm walking on my tip-toes so that she will be unable to find any fault in what I'm doing, saying, thinking or even implying. She uses herself of invalidation - mockery of feelings and guilt-tripping, infantalisation - not allowing me to get by on my own, in turn feeding the guilt-tripping. She is an ENTJ/ESTJ, possibly enneagram 3 or 8.

    ("Those were details, though!" you say. Perhaps they are.)

    I did identify as a type Four once (and I'm open to the possibility that I might be one after all) though I am fairly certain I'm a Two. My attitude towards frankness is fiercely adverse and I don't believe in criticism at all - unless it constructive and encouraging. I cannot bear the thought of anyone within my day-to-day life feeling unappreaciated or unloved, regarless of how close our relationship is. I will be smothering if I care - and I do care (too much I think). In other words a tendency to take on the role as "rescuer", admitting I could be in need of one myself.

    Hence my interest in the possible correlation between type Twos and narcissistic parents, especially when it comes to only children, or so called "scapegoats" (if you have siblings). Thoughts?

    Additional question; do you still live with your narcissistic parent(s)?

    Much love :-) (I know it's difficult!)
    Donovan, Donovan, Donovan and 17 others thanked this post.



  2. #2

    Out and about reading on my phone so can't get into details but possibly. While I don't to think my mother is evil she fits the bill. Readings suggest early childhood development 'fractures' or what have you, and while there is some heavy correlation to the actuality if this statement, there could easily be enough evidence to argue the opposing 'nature' argument.

    I've been reading fairly heavy on enneagram lately. I must admit it's exciting because I've been thinking of all these ideas or theories but don't feel confident as of try to adhere to any of them as of yet. Just premature speculation. The only analogy that I can conjure on the spot would be the theory of 'trigger points'. When studying in school you learn that we all have the same points however not will be activated (if ever). A persons nature possibly predisposes them to certain vulnerabilities and just as a person who plays tennis might be apt to hurt 'here' and a person who plays golf might hurt 'there' .. So it goes psychologically.

    Sorry. I'm so tempted to ramble but it'll be ridiculous on my phone. But yes! I have a few ideas to this effect and I'll try to post more later. When I first joined the forum I was spreading personal theories I had about patterns etc. and it's as if enng is giving me a stronger framework for some of my ideas to 'stick' to.


    Def. will be back. Good thread! ;)

  3. #3
    Type 2w1

    Quote Originally Posted by NK View Post
    While I don't to think my mother is evil she fits the bill.
    No one is wholeheartedly evil - not even narcissists :-) I may have been a tad harsh.
    Donovan, Donovan, Donovan and 27 others thanked this post.

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  5. #4
    Type 9w1

    Yuuuup, lol. I was always the perfect golden child growing up. What confused and irritated me though was how oblivious my mom was to her own flaws and the extent to which she used me as a crutch, which she acknowledges now. Once I moved out and she started trying to rely on my sister (INFP type 4) for the same service, things went to shit for a while until my mom sent sister off to a mental institute for rebelling. According to mom she was "better" when she came back. I'm not sure if my mom is a straight up narcissist but she has some of the tendencies and they used to be a lot worse. She thrives on control and plays up her own importance around others while openly sharing all our flaws, hates everyone who's ever mistreated her in the slightest and starts storms of drama by acting like an entitled brat in the worst possible circumstances.
    Donovan, Donovan, Donovan and 13 others thanked this post.

  6. #5
    Type 2w1

    Quote Originally Posted by Cantarella View Post
    Yuuuup, lol. I was always the perfect golden child growing up. What confused and irritated me though was how oblivious my mom was to her own flaws and the extent to which she used me as a crutch, which she acknowledges now.
    So - would you claim that your enneagram is somewhat of a response to her behaviour? Turning to her exact opposite, that is.

  7. #6
    Type 9w1

    Quote Originally Posted by Visby View Post
    So - would you claim that your enneagram is somewhat of a response to her behaviour? Turning to her exact opposite, that is.
    Definitely. I think our relationship with our parents DOES in part determine our enneatype. This post on the topic in particular made a lot of sense to me. :)
    Donovan, Donovan, Donovan and 13 others thanked this post.

  8. #7
    Type 2w1

    Quote Originally Posted by Cantarella View Post
    Definitely. I think our relationship with our parents DOES in part determine our enneatype. This post on the topic in particular made a lot of sense to me. :)
    Very interesting :-) Thank you! My mum quite obviously is an assertive parent - though I would have to place my dad somewhere in the neutral-responsive spectrum.
    petite libellule thanked this post.

  9. #8

    Quote Originally Posted by Cantarella View Post
    Definitely. I think our relationship with our parents DOES in part determine our enneatype. This post on the topic in particular made a lot of sense to me. :)
    omg yes!! Both of my parents are sooo neutral =/

  10. #9
    Type 2w1

    I can see this theory working in some form if assertive and (somewhat) responsive were to cancel eachother out and create a big, neutral parental blob.

  11. #10
    Type 9w1

    Quote Originally Posted by TripleCardinal View Post
    omg yes!! Both of my parents are sooo neutral =/
    Yup! If you take a closer look, the heart types all had neutral parents, head types had responsive parents, and gut types had active parents. So it makes sense that me and my sister are both heart types. :)

    And that makes sense, @Visby . I think it would be fair to say that 2s, 3s and 4s all grew up feeling... overlooked by their parents.


     
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