[Enneagram Type 3] How did you learn you're a 3? How did the discovery affect you?

How did you learn you're a 3? How did the discovery affect you?

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This is a discussion on How did you learn you're a 3? How did the discovery affect you? within the Type 3 Forum - The Achiever forums, part of the Heart Triad - Types 2,3,4 category; Type 3 is one of the hardest to type. We put our best foot forward at all times, and we're ...

  1. #1
    Type 4w3

    How did you learn you're a 3? How did the discovery affect you?

    Type 3 is one of the hardest to type. We put our best foot forward at all times, and we're adaptable; able to be whoever we want to be. We are the choices we make. Therefore, it's easy to type at another number which seems congruent with our values.

    How did you discover that you're a 3? Did you mistype prior to the discovery? How did you feel about typing at 3? What did you learn about yourself from typing at 3?
    sleepyhead and Swordsman of Mana thanked this post.



  2. #2

    Well, I sat down with some very knowledgeable people who got to know me pretty well, and after looking into it a bit more, we came to the conclusion that I was a 3, and not a 4 as I previously thought. I also typed as 5 repeatedly on tests, but that is pretty far off, and there's not one anywhere in my tritype! It was a little difficult to tell for certain if I was a 4 or a 3 though, but after careful analysis, and looking at significant moments in my life, it made sense to me that I was in fact a 3.

    After reading up on type 3, it gave me a new insight into my past actions. The big moments in my life, and how I handled them, all kind of made sense when looked at from the viewpoint of a 3. The competitve spirit, the desire to get ahead of the curve, the whole mindset really clicked after reading about type 3.

  3. #3
    Type 4w3

    Quote Originally Posted by KindOfBlue06 View Post
    I also typed as 5 repeatedly on tests
    What is up with that? I typed at 5, overwhelmingly, on tests. I took the test so many times in my life, in so many forms, and almost always scored 5. Once I scored at 8, a couple times evenly at 5 and 8, and once at type 1. But all of the other tests were 5.

    My friend who recently typed herself as a 1 had also typed at 5 in the past. I told her about my mistype & she reconsidered her own type.

    I think there is something wrong with the way the tests and texts are worded which leads a lot of people to mistype at 5. It seems to be a mistype magnet, especially for 3s, 4s, 6s, 7s, 9s, and 1s. (Wait - that's almost the whole enneagram!)

    This makes me want to write my own enneagram text. Hmm. [Adds to the end of the long list of possible future goals which is tucked behind my long list of life-long, continuous goals...]
    Stable Genius and Bluity thanked this post.

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  5. #4
    Type 4w3

    Quote Originally Posted by KindOfBlue06 View Post
    After reading up on type 3, it gave me a new insight into my past actions. The big moments in my life, and how I handled them, all kind of made sense when looked at from the viewpoint of a 3. The competitve spirit, the desire to get ahead of the curve, the whole mindset really clicked after reading about type 3.
    Did you feel sick to your stomach at all? Did it reveal anything to you that you wish it didn't?

  6. #5
    Type 4w3

    Long rant about my typing and mis-typing

    I typed myself at 5 years ago, in a very downtrodden period when I had lost everything. I was a professional singer and songwriter from very early youth until age 16, and then lost my voice to Lyme Disease, and ended up speaking in a whisper. For a while I couldn't walk, couldn't move. I had to drop a bunch of AP classes. My whole life, and everything I'd worked so hard for, was taken away through no fault of my own. I did my best to recover, and did, and was able to go to a very good college; but I could not pursue any of my real dreams.

    Sophomore year, there I was, apathetic and withdrawn from other people, and focused entirely on work and ideas and trying all different forms of expression - photography, writing, and other things. A few people who barely knew me belonged to an enneagram culture at my college, and they typed me at 7. They showed me the books & I didn't relate to 7 at all, so I figured the whole thing was a hoax. Then, they kept going on and on about my 7ness, and in an effort to see what the fuss (about me) was about, I bought a few books of my own. The FIRST THING I looked at was Type 3. I saw "I am my work," and the title, "Over-Acheiver." For a few hours there, I thought - this must be my type! But then I looked at the deeper parts of it and.... well... I have to admit now, I suppose I couldn't deal with it. I thought, "Deceit is not my core sin - I'm sincere & honest!" I thought, "I'm not an 'image type' - I don't care what anyone thinks.' " I thought, "I'm not in the shame triad - I have no shame!"

    I read about type 5 and related strongly to the idea of an integration to 8. Getting out of my head; integrating from thinking to doing. I ended up DOING my music and exercising more and so forth. It felt like growth. I kept the idea of enneagram in the back of my mind for 12 years, but went on to do other things, and really only thought about it when I taught the system to friends. Then I came to PerC.

    Being a workaholic, I never would have ended up on PerC if not for very special circumstances. For 5 years I did nothing but my band - this was my whole life. I wrote the songs, sang lead through my whisper, and did all of the organization - managing, promoting, booking, photos, video, websites, finance management, album art, and so forth. Then, my whispery voice evaded me. I had lost my voice *a second time.* However, I did not break. I knew all along that this could happen. My voice was not gone permanently; it was a health setback. So, I reverted to plan B, which was to work on my novel; something that's also been dear to me for my whole life. Then, I took to writing 15 hours a day. The novel consumed me. I was no longer on Earth whatsoever. I was my work.

    In early August, I came to PerC because I was confused about one of my characters. I couldn't understand her, and thought enneagram might help. I posted a little bit, as a 5w4, since I'd typed myself years ago. Then, Aug 12, my novel, and all the associated files, suddenly disappeared from my computer.

    My computer was at data recovery for weeks, and I was told I would not get my novel back. I was beyond devastated, and completely fell apart. My health was deteriorating anyway (due to my chronic illness) and my misery and stress did not help; and I lost most of my hair. I could not move, could not laugh, could not bear to face any of my friends or family, could not go to the gym; could barely bring myself to shower. All I did was hang out on PerC. It was the only way I could pass the time, in a place where I could exchange ideas with people who didn't know me and didn't know how badly I had failed by messing up with backing up my files properly; and how badly I had failed with my endeavors in music; and how my entire life was for nothing, and I would never amount to anything. Nobody on PerC knew anything about me except my ideas about enneagram. I could start over.

    Then, the data guys did manage to recover my novel, but I found myself gravitating to PerC instead. It was as though the world was telling me: STOP WORKING and focus on YOU. And so, I did.

    It seemed obvious that I was different from other 5s. People kept asking me, "Are you sure you're not an 8?" ... I was open to the possibility. I was taught JCF and learned that I lead with Ne and Fe... so maybe this is why I was different from other 5s? I also learned tritype theory when I came to PerC. Maybe it's because of my 8 fix that I was different?

    I let this all sit for a while. I was able to have long, insightful conversations with other 5s about enneagram. But over time, I started to see the divide. I also wrote someone a PM about an issue in my past which boiled down to one major problem: I deceived myself. It was spelled out, and I could not ignore it.

    I thought about all the times I wrote on the 5 forum: "I am my work." "My work is my only Self." "I.WILL.WIN." "All of my alter-egos are real." "I can be anyone I want to be." "I am a vessel through which my music emerges." "Songs write themselves through me." "All that I do is polish the vessel."

    But I could not come out and admit it. I had this need to detach; to retire my account, to stop the search. I didn't want to do it anymore. I did not spell out my thoughts to anyone; kept it all inside. It's not that I had a problem with the image of a 3. I had nothing against 3s or any other type, nor did I presume that being a 5 is better than being a 3. But I was not ready to face all of the deeper implications of being a 3. I was not quite ready to examine myself, even though the truth was staring me in the face. I didn't want to connect the dots.

    Finally, I put up a type-me thread. Without looking at the thread, @SocioApathetic suggested to me that he thinks I'm a 3-8-5. There was no need for him to insist. I felt relieved. Like someone had seen the real me. Someone had seen past all my b.s. and gotten right to the core. Nevertheless, I challenged him on the notion, and his explanations were sound. There was no more denying to myself that I'm a 3.

    At first I was relieved, happy, and felt free. But then, as the deeper implications of the type started to really sink in, it started to hurt, how I deceived myself about my enneagram type.

    I released my first album two years ago, but never listened to it because all I could hear were the mistakes. But this time, I ignored the presentation and the critique. I listened for the *message.* I dug through my work, searching for *myself.*

    I listened back to my lyrics on my first album and found so iconic 3 phrases, such as:

    "Why do I need to win?"
    "Why do I lie to myself?"
    "I only feel, I'm only real, I only feel when I sing"
    "I'd rather be rejected than be worshipped for a lie"
    "You wrap my image in a ball of light that's always glowing"

    ...there were countless lyrics, and entire songs, which were iconic examples of type 3 issues.

    As these phrases jumped out at me, I cried a lot, and ultimately laughed at myself. The whole thing was so iconic. I felt like writing to an enneagram big-shot, sending my album, and telling them, "I am my work, and I cannot express myself honestly outside my work, nor can I understand myself without looking back at my work. Within the context of my work, my lyrics reveal my issues as a core 3. I am a walking stereotype, and I will make the most of it! Have at it."
    Last edited by Animal; 12-01-2012 at 03:31 PM.
    Spades, Bluity, Airy and 7 others thanked this post.

  7. #6

    Quote Originally Posted by Maybe View Post
    What is up with that? I typed at 5, overwhelmingly, on tests. I took the test so many times in my life, in so many forms, and almost always scored 5. Once I scored at 8, a couple times evenly at 5 and 8, and once at type 1. But all of the other tests were 5.

    My friend who recently typed herself as a 1 had also typed at 5 in the past. I told her about my mistype & she reconsidered her own type.

    I think there is something wrong with the way the tests and texts are worded which leads a lot of people to mistype at 5. It seems to be a mistype magnet, especially for 3s, 4s, 6s, 7s, 9s, and 1s. (Wait - that's almost the whole enneagram!)

    This makes me want to write my own enneagram text. Hmm. [Adds to the end of the long list of possible future goals which is tucked behind my long list of life-long, continuous goals...]
    I know! I typed like three different times as a 5. I don't know what to make of it, except that the questions are probably worded in such a way that 3s can seem likes 5s. I wonder if 5s mistype as 3s alot and then read the description and are like WTF is this?!

    Also, on a slightly reloated note, I at first thought I was a 4, but reading the descriptions and taking into account my MBTI type, I concluded I was 3w4 not 4w3. There are a couple of people who also think I am a 7 instead of a 3, but I don't think it's my core type, although I do have a 7 fix.

    Quote Originally Posted by Maybe View Post
    Did you feel sick to your stomach at all? Did it reveal anything to you that you wish it didn't?
    No, it was more like a lot of Aha! moments. Things in my childhood, and in adolescence really clicked. For instance, I took up guitar after seeing my older cousin play at family reunions. All of the attention was on him, and I wanted the spotlight. When I first started learning, I wanted to be the best, so I started learning advanced music and hard songs. When I played in talent shows, I reveled in the applause, in having the spotlight on me, ect. Things like that, when I look back on it, were total 3.

    Quote Originally Posted by Maybe View Post
    I typed myself at 5 years ago, in a very downtrodden period when I had lost everything. I was a professional singer and songwriter from very early youth until age 16, and then lost my voice to Lyme Disease, and ended up speaking in a whisper. For a while I couldn't walk, couldn't move. I had to drop a bunch of AP classes. My whole life, and everything I'd worked so hard for, was taken away through no fault of my own. I did my best to recover, and did, and was able to go to a very good college; but I could not pursue any of my real dreams.

    Sophomore year, there I was, apathetic and withdrawn from other people, and focused entirely on work and ideas and trying all different forms of expression - photography, writing, and other things. A few people who barely knew me belonged to an enneagram culture at my college, and they typed me at 7. They showed me the books & I didn't relate to 7 at all, so I figured the whole thing was a hoax. Then, they kept going on and on about my 7ness, and in an effort to see what the fuss (about me) was about, I bought a few books of my own. The FIRST THING I looked at was Type 3. I saw "I am my work," and the title, "Over-Acheiver." For a few hours there, I thought - this must be my type! But then I looked at the deeper parts of it and.... well... I have to admit now, I suppose I couldn't deal with it. I thought, "Deceit is not my core sin - I'm sincere & honest!" I thought, "I'm not an 'image type' - I don't care what anyone thinks.' " I thought, "I'm not in the shame triad - I have no shame!" ..... guhhh... how deeply I deceived myself is just... sad.

    I read about type 5 and related strongly to the idea of an integration to 8. Getting out of my head; integrating from thinking to doing. I ended up DOING my music and exercising more and so forth. It felt like growth. I kept the idea of enneagram in the back of my mind for 12 years, but went on to do other things, and really only thought about it when I taught the system to friends. Then I came to PerC.

    Being a workaholic, I never would have ended up on PerC if not for very special circumstances. For 5 years I did nothing but my band - this was my whole life. I wrote the songs, sang lead through my whisper, and did all of the organization - managing, promoting, booking, photos, video, websites, finance management, album art, and so forth. Then, my whispery voice evaded me. I had lost my voice *a second time.* However, I did not break. I knew all along that this could happen. My voice was not gone permanently; it was a health setback. So, I reverted to plan B, which was to work on my novel; something that's also been dear to me for my whole life. Then, I took to writing 15 hours a day. The novel completely consumed me. I was no longer on Earth whatsoever. I was my work.

    In early August, I came to PerC because I was confused about one of my characters. I couldn't understand her, and thought enneagram might help. I posted a little bit, as a 5w4, since I'd typed myself years ago. Then, Aug 12, my novel, and all the associated files, suddenly disappeared from my computer.

    My computer was at data recovery for weeks, and I was told more than once that I would not get my novel back. I was beyond devastated, and completely fell apart. My health was deteriorating anyway (due to my chronic illness) and my misery and stress did not help; and I lost most of my hair. I could not move, could not laugh, could not bear to face any of my friends or family, could not go to the gym; could barely bring myself to shower. All that I did, all day, was hang out on PerC. It was the only way I could pass the time, in a place where I could exchange ideas with people who didn't know me and didn't know how badly I had failed by messing up with backing up my files properly; and how badly I had failed with my endeavors in music; and how my entire life was for nothing, and I would never amount to anything. Nobody on PerC knew anything about me except my ideas about enneagram. So, I could start over.

    Then, even when I got my novel recovered from data recovery, I found myself gravitating to PerC instead. It was as though the world was telling me: STOP WORKING and focus on YOU. And so, I did.

    It seemed obvious pretty fast that I was different from other 5s. People kept asking me, "Are you sure you're not an 8?" ... I admitted that I was not sure, and was open to the possibility. A few 8s drew the conclusion that they could see my 8 fix but not the core 8. I was taught JCF and learned that I lead with Ne and Fe... so maybe this is why I was different from other 5s? I also learned tritype theory when I came to PerC. Maybe it's because of my 8 fix that I was different?

    I let this all sit for a while. I was able to have long, insightful conversations with other 5s about enneagram. But over time, I started to see the divide. I also wrote someone a PM about an issue in my past which boiled down to one major problem: I deceived myself. It was spelled out.

    The issue of deceit did not escape my notice. I thought about all the times I wrote on the 5 forum: "I am my work." "My work is my only Self." "I.WILL.WIN." "All of my alter-egos are real." "I can be anyone I want to be." "I am a vessel through which my music emerges." "Songs write themselves through me." "All that I do is polish the vessel."

    But for some reason I could not come out and admit it. I had this need to detach; to retire my account, to stop the search. I didn't want to do it anymore. I did not spell out my thoughts to anyone; kept it all inside. It's not that I had a problem with the image of a 3. I had nothing against 3s or any other type, nor did I presume that being a 5 is better than being a 3. But I was not ready to face all of the deeper implications of being a 3. I was not quite ready to examine myself, even though the truth was staring me in the face. I didn't want to connect the dots.

    Finally, I put up a type-me thread. Without looking at the thread, @SocioApathetic suggested to me that he thinks I'm a 3-8-5. There was no need for him to insist. I felt relieved. Like someone had seen the real me. Someone had seen past all my b.s. and gotten right to the core. Nevertheless, I challenged him on the notion, and his explanations were sound. There was no more denying to myself that I'm a 3.

    At first I was relieved, happy, and felt free. But then, as the deeper implications of the type started to really sink in, it started to hurt, how I deceived myself about my enneagram type. I listened back to my lyrics on my first album and found so iconic 3 phrases, such as:

    "Why do I need to win?"
    "Why do I lie to myself?"
    "I only feel, I'm only real, I only feel when I sing"
    "I'd rather be rejected than be worshipped for a lie"
    "You wrap my image in a ball of light that's always glowing"

    ...And other lyrics which were unbearably iconic of type 3 issues. I cried a lot, and ultimately laughed at myself. The whole thing was so iconic. I felt like writing to an enneagram big-shot, sending my album, and telling them, "I am my work, and I cannot express myself honestly outside my work, nor can I understand myself without looking back at my work. Within the context of my work, my lyrics reveal my issues as a core 3. Have at it."
    Wow, that was a long process that led you to the discovery of your type. I related to the iconic 3 part. Like I said above, when I looked at my life, from the simplest things like allways leaving the house dressed to impress, to the larger issues like how I got into and went about music, all of it became very clear that 3 is my core type.

    The great struggles of the type 3, I deal with them as well; that of overworking myself, and feeling like a failure if I come up short. Those are things I have to keep in check sometimes, but the results are so rewarding when I do succeed that I would have it no other way. How's your novel coming along by the way? I'm glad to hear you didn't lose it in the end.
    Animal thanked this post.

  8. #7
    Type 4w3

    Quote Originally Posted by KindOfBlue06 View Post
    I know! I typed like three different times as a 5. I don't know what to make of it, except that the questions are probably worded in such a way that 3s can seem likes 5s. I wonder if 5s mistype as 3s alot and then read the description and are like WTF is this?!
    I think 5 is a big mistype magnet. Meaning, a lot of others mistype at 5. I'm not sure how often 5's mistype. I know one person on the forum who mistyped at 9 before realizing she's a 5. That seems like a likely mistype for a 5 - withdrawn, etc. Have you met any 5s on forum or elsewhere who mistyped at 3? (I see that your name is in orange, so you've been here on PerC longer than I...)

    Also, on a slightly reloated note, I at first thought I was a 4, but reading the descriptions and taking into account my MBTI type, I concluded I was 3w4 not 4w3. There are a couple of people who also think I am a 7 instead of a 3, but I don't think it's my core type, although I do have a 7 fix.
    What made you think you're a 4?
    It's funny - on my typing thread, and IRL, a lot of people typed me at 7. I understand why, sort of. I'm creative and friendly? But I don't relate to 7 deeper issues enough for it to even be a mind-fix. =/

    No, it was more like a lot of Aha! moments. Things in my childhood, and in adolescence really clicked. For instance, I took up guitar after seeing my older cousin play at family reunions. All of the attention was on him, and I wanted the spotlight. When I first started learning, I wanted to be the best, so I started learning advanced music and hard songs. When I played in talent shows, I reveled in the applause, in having the spotlight on me, ect. Things like that, when I look back on it, were total 3.
    Interesting =D I guess that is 3ish. :) For me, it was always all about the music. Yeah, I love the attention - I won't lie =D but I played a lot of music by myself, in my room, just for me. Wrote lots of songs that I never showed anyone. When I was about 11 I wrote parts of a musical about a prostitute, and never showed anyone due to the embarrassing content. But I worked on it constantly nonetheless. I stayed up all night writing books ever since that age, as well, and never told anyone. I had good reasons to type at 5, I guess. I never felt a conscious need for attention as much as I felt a need to do what I love. Getting attention for it was icing on the cake!!

    But I would still say it's 3ish in the sense that "I am my work." I've always considered myself introspective, but when I think about my introspection (haha, what a sentence) - it's about what I will do next, my characters and plot, or ideas that I'm reading about, or music, or carnal fantasies. I don't really walk around thinking "Who am I? What do I want? Why am I here?" I think about what I want in terms of work goals, or where I want a particular project to go. Or, I think about philosophical ideas in a very general, objective sense. My mind does not tend to fixate on myself except in terms of presentation and doing. And yet, I consider myself very selfish, because most of my thoughts are about what *I* intend to do, rather than what other people are doing. =p

    Wow, that was a long process that led you to the discovery of your type. I related to the iconic 3 part. Like I said above, when I looked at my life, from the simplest things like allways leaving the house dressed to impress, to the larger issues like how I got into and went about music, all of it became very clear that 3 is my core type.

    The great struggles of the type 3, I deal with them as well; that of overworking myself, and feeling like a failure if I come up short. Those are things I have to keep in check sometimes, but the results are so rewarding when I do succeed that I would have it no other way. How's your novel coming along by the way? I'm glad to hear you didn't lose it in the end.
    How do you know if you've failed?
    Do you find it harder within yourself, or is it harder to admit to others?

    My novel was coming along fine until I lost it Aug. 12. It's been a few months now since I got it back at the end of August, and I still have not resumed working on it in a dedicated manner. Losing it really hurt. It dug up memories of losing my voice. It made me feel like: Why do anything at all, if it can just be taken away in a flash? ... this is why I ended up on PerC, making friends and having "Me-time." I'm so glad I did, but now that I've solved the puzzle (like yeah, I'm a 3)... my thoughts are starting to drift to my novel again. FINALLY. lol. Once I'm done with crunch-time at work, I'll hopefully continue working on the novel full-time.

    Have you ever disintegrated to 9? Meaning, you felt disinclined to do anything?
    The Wanderering ______ and Stable Genius thanked this post.

  9. #8

    @Maybe I don't know any 5s who mistyped as 3. What made me think that I could be a 4, is I'm pretty deep, emotional, can be withdrawn ect, but I think that has more to do wioth being an INFP. When I looked at the core motivations behind the 4 vs free, that of self expression vs. achievement, it made me think. Being a musician and a writer, there is a desire for self expression, but how I go about it is very typical 3. (studying the best, aiming for high ideals, competiting ect.) The core fears of the 3 also helped me come to that conclusion as well.

    Again, looking at the core motivations and fears between the 7 and the 3 helped me to rule out 7 as a core fix. I think my instintual variants could possibly give people the impession of a 7 for me as well.

    I do relate to you with reguards to introspection. Most of my thoughts are concerned with my goals. If I do get into the heavier questions like who am I? Where am I going? Why am I here? It all in some way leads back to the deeper motivations. Example:

    1. Where am I going? translates to How fast am I progressing, am I falling behind? What can I do to speed things up, make things more effiecient? This can downward spiral if I'm not careful though and then I think Fuck, I'm not where I wanted to be at this time, I'm falling behind, everyone else is getting ahead except me, wtf am I doing wrong ect. Not good.

    2. Who am I? becomes Who do I believe myself to be? If it is a good thing, then how do I make others believe that as well? If it is negative, then how do I mask that, or bury it so no one sees that. Then it becomes how do I fix that part of myself? How do I use that to my advantage and turn a negative into a positive?

    3. Why am I here? comes out as I am here for a reason. I have gifts and potential and I'm either using it or squandering it. We don't have a lot of time here, so I better get to making something of myself.

    Those are some examples of my thought process with "big questions." To illistrate a further point as it pertains to music/writing, I can never just read or listen to music "just for fun" or something lik that how most people do. I am allways analyzing it, learning from it. thinking of ways I can implement their techniques and do it better. For this reason, I can't listen to music while I write because I will be analyzing it and it will distract me.

    As far as failure is concerned, it is relative to different things. I don't admit it to others because msot of the time I don't broadcast to others what my specific goals are. This allows me to save face if things don't go my way. Failure to me usually means not pushing myself as hard as I could have, most of the times out of fear. Of course sometimes shit happens that are beyond my control and that's never fun too. But I allways keep trying if there is still a chance to redeem myself.

    The only time I kind of disentegrated was when I was depressed for several months last fall. I had no energy, and I lost interest in everything I loved. I didn't pick up my guitar for a long time, I lost interest in friends, books, in politics, working out, in everything else. I felt like I was just drifting through a fog. It was pretty scary actually, because I felt like I was losing who I was. Disentegration is never a fun time.

    I'm glad to hear you've gotten the spirit to write again! That's great! did you view yourself, like your identity differently when you were msityped as a 5 vs. being a 3?
    Choice, Animal and Tuscan Dreamscape thanked this post.

  10. #9

    Let me tell you the way I see it. As an enneagram 3 I have a high need for recognition and become passive and reserved when I don't get it. I love bragging about anything I consider an acheivement (such as talking to a very attractive girl) or something my friends consider an achievement( my friends always talk about how I hit on older women and don't get turned down), but because of my wing 4 I have an need to be authentic or at least feel authentic because of that I don't like following the used or ordinary path. I have hard time typing myself in my enneagram because originally I thought I was a 7, but when I took a long test and scored as a 3 with a 4 wing, I looked it up and almost immediately agreed with the descriptions I read. My need for recognition stems from knowing I have a high capacity for success and achievement, but because I like to fit in I usually don't try to rise above the crowd. Recently, since I've been going to college I have had a high drive for achievement, and impulsively joined clubs and took on courses looking to put myself out of the loop of being ordinary because I really want to be the top engineer of my school. However, as the school year has set and because I wanted to be the best enneagram 7 I could be I skipped around in my studies and wasted a lot of time doing nothing, but I always felt a need to be doing something productive. I'm still not sure if I'm a 3 or not, but I can definitely feel a strong productive voice in my head that really wants to be something major even though he sometimes falls to the way side when I become indifferent to life.
    Animal and Stable Genius thanked this post.

  11. #10
    Type 4w3

    Quote Originally Posted by KindOfBlue06 View Post
    @Maybe I don't know any 5s who mistyped as 3. What made me think that I could be a 4, is I'm pretty deep, emotional, can be withdrawn ect, but I think that has more to do wioth being an INFP. When I looked at the core motivations behind the 4 vs free, that of self expression vs. achievement, it made me think. Being a musician and a writer, there is a desire for self expression, but how I go about it is very typical 3. (studying the best, aiming for high ideals, competiting ect.) The core fears of the 3 also helped me come to that conclusion as well.
    Interesting. I could hardly even recognize the core fears within myself without... basically going through my lyrics; the one place where I express myself honestly, because I'm not even *there* when the songs write themselves through me.. I am just a vessel through which honesty emerges. Without being in that state, I consciously cover my fears, shame, etc. It is self-deceit through and through, but I needed to be slapped in the face with "You're a 3" to see it, and after that, to go back through my lyrics to make sure it was the case, and to find that self-deceit and fear of rejection and worthlessness was BLATANT in my lyrics over the years, along with other 3 issues, like only feeling real when I'm on stage, and outside that context, feeling like I'm always in costume, rearranging my name and clothes and so forth.

    Was it conscious for you? Like you could really look at yourself that deeply?

    I do relate to you with reguards to introspection. Most of my thoughts are concerned with my goals. If I do get into the heavier questions like who am I? Where am I going? Why am I here? It all in some way leads back to the deeper motivations. Example:

    1. Where am I going? translates to How fast am I progressing, am I falling behind? What can I do to speed things up, make things more effiecient? This can downward spiral if I'm not careful though and then I think Fuck, I'm not where I wanted to be at this time, I'm falling behind, everyone else is getting ahead except me, wtf am I doing wrong ect. Not good.

    2. Who am I? becomes Who do I believe myself to be? If it is a good thing, then how do I make others believe that as well? If it is negative, then how do I mask that, or bury it so no one sees that. Then it becomes how do I fix that part of myself? How do I use that to my advantage and turn a negative into a positive?

    3. Why am I here? comes out as I am here for a reason. I have gifts and potential and I'm either using it or squandering it. We don't have a lot of time here, so I better get to making something of myself.
    Haha! Ditto.. I can relate to all of this.. =p

    Those are some examples of my thought process with "big questions." To illistrate a further point as it pertains to music/writing, I can never just read or listen to music "just for fun" or something lik that how most people do. I am allways analyzing it, learning from it. thinking of ways I can implement their techniques and do it better. For this reason, I can't listen to music while I write because I will be analyzing it and it will distract me.
    I can't listen to music while I write because if I do, then *I* am present, because music elicits such emotions within me. When I'm writing, I need to be a vessel through which honesty and clarity emerges. My characters write themselves; my music writes itself; I'm just a vessel. So something like music would bring *me* too close to the room.

    However, unlike you, I don't feel the need to analyze while listening to music. In fact, one major "accomplishment" for me in life - something I've done since I was young, but had forgotten how to do after I was traumatized - is the ability NOT to think. That doesn't mean my mind is ever still. It's not laziness. What it is, is CLARITY. I like to be absent; to let the world shape me. When I'm talking to a friend about her problems I want to be a mirror in which she can see herself; or a sounding board. When I'm writing, I want to be an empty vessel. I'm actually very good at doing this to the point where it's automatic. I really don't... consciously... THINK... except for thinking about the problem at hand; the moment. All other thoughts disappear. I'd call it a quiet mind, or productive thinking. It's not like I sit there staring straight ahead, being blank. No. It's more like.. the way they describe "nirvana" except it's not permanent and it is not necessarily blissful. It's just... I am, and that's all.

    Similarly, when listening to music, I absorb it like a sponge. I AM the lead singer, or he is singing TO me. When watching a movie, I AM the protagonist or the villain or whoever is talking. I'm nowhere to be seen. All that I am is the experience I'm having. The problem is, some parts get absorbed, and the rest is forgotten, since I was not consciously processing it or attributing value to it.

    Hmm - it just made sense to me why I am said to use Ne and Fe consciously - both are objective? Whereas Ni or Fi would attribute value to it?? [ponders]

    Do you find yourself thinking all the time?


    As far as failure is concerned, it is relative to different things. I don't admit it to others because msot of the time I don't broadcast to others what my specific goals are. This allows me to save face if things don't go my way. Failure to me usually means not pushing myself as hard as I could have, most of the times out of fear. Of course sometimes shit happens that are beyond my control and that's never fun too. But I allways keep trying if there is still a chance to redeem myself.

    The only time I kind of disentegrated was when I was depressed for several months last fall. I had no energy, and I lost interest in everything I loved. I didn't pick up my guitar for a long time, I lost interest in friends, books, in politics, working out, in everything else. I felt like I was just drifting through a fog. It was pretty scary actually, because I felt like I was losing who I was. Disentegration is never a fun time.
    Sorry you had to go through that. I can relate too. Although I think in my worst, worst time, I was more lust-driven than anything else. I worked just to win, and lusted, and conquered. Deep down I felt like I was drifting through a meaningless fog and I could only find pleasure in fulfilling my momentary impulses. Part of that was also the need to control everything - barely eating, working out, showing no emotions, "Purging" all emotions through creative work and not allowing them to exist otherwise,e tc. That's more like unhealthy 3 behavior. My only disintegration to 9 that I can recall is actually this August when my novel disappeared from my computer. I'm JUST climbing out of that now. Since then I've been disinclined to work or do much of anything. I am enjoying making friends on PerC though. Chatting a lot with friends and talking about *gasp* .. MYSELF.. and paying attention to them, getting to know them, spending time... is a luxury I haven't afforded myself in years. It's not necessarily a priority to me to socialize, but it is feeling good to open up and be honest, and helping me to see myself and the world in a new light. It's expanding my horizons! :)

    I'm glad to hear you've gotten the spirit to write again! That's great! did you view yourself, like your identity differently when you were msityped as a 5 vs. being a 3?
    Oddly, no. A few people on the 5 forum mentioned that I was never dishonest about who I was; I just had the wrong number. All over the 5 forum I wrote "I.WILL.WIN." "I am a vessel through which songs write themselves." "My work is me, I am my work." Etc. I did not misrepresent myself. I talked about my emotional detachment in the past and how I got over it; but now I realize it was unhealthy 3 behavior. It gives me a new perspective through which to view my past which actually makes all the pieces fit together, and helps me to feel like I have a real handle on how things went wrong and what to do to prevent it in the future; but I can't say that I viewed my SELF or presented myself any differently. Realizing I'm a 3, though, gives me a vocabulary to express myself more honestly.

    How about you?
    Stable Genius and Tuscan Dreamscape thanked this post.


     
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