[Enneagram Type 3] Examples of "success" for 3s (especially SX)

Examples of "success" for 3s (especially SX)

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This is a discussion on Examples of "success" for 3s (especially SX) within the Type 3 Forum - The Achiever forums, part of the Heart Triad - Types 2,3,4 category; I'm questioning my 9w1 identification. I don't feel I merge as much as I play roles. Shame feels way stronger ...

  1. #1
    Type 4w3

    Examples of "success" for 3s (especially SX)

    I'm questioning my 9w1 identification. I don't feel I merge as much as I play roles. Shame feels way stronger in me than anger. I've considered 3 before (probably SX, and probably with a 4 wing), but discounted it because I'm not a workaholic in my career and I'm not particularly ambitious about rising up through the ranks (although I had more ambitions in my 20s than now in my 40s). I do relate to the SX version, with needing validation from others mostly in the area of my desirability. That to me is success, among other things. And I want to be admired, but from afar. Not too close!

    I believe my long-term partner is a 9, and I think I've just been trying to be what he wants (feminine, desirable, smart, low maintenance, not making waves and disrupting him, etc...). Often when he compliments me on how little "work" I am to be with, I get a twinge of "yeah... but that's not really me...and you probably wouldn't like me if you knew how much "work" I feel like being!!"

    I don't know if I'm just giving "success" a limited interpretation, as that's mostly what I read about when I research 3. I'm curious about examples of what success means to you as a 3.

    Thanks!
    brianbsmiley and Tyche thanked this post.



  2. #2
    Type 3

    I've mistyped myself as a variety of types, most notably 1 and 9. 9 makes sense as a mistype for a 3 because of the disintegration line. To me 1 makes sense as a mistype because the outside can look similar. If I want to look moral and right to others, that can appear 1ish, even if my motivation is for others to see me that way. I've recently recognized that my motivation isn't to be right or perfect like a 1, but that I want to be seen as these things by others and I work to embody those traits as well.

    I never wanted to see myself as a 3. I didn't want others to see me that way either. I hid my motivations from myself and others. If I want others to see me as good, then I have to be good (and for me that means not being too ambitious, too competitive and too money driven).

    So for me success is a never ending race to be comfortable in life. I want to feel comfortable and I want others to admire what I've accomplished. Some of that involves flashy things, like an expensive car, and some of that involves having people think that I'm competent and successful professionally.

    I'm sp first, so a main drive for me is being comfortable and secure, but the 3 comes in because I always want more. My achievements aren't ever enough for me. Once I hit a milestone, I'm already off aiming for the next one, and the next one. Success isn't just being near the top of the company, though that's part of it. For me, it's about what others perceive as successful (family, nice house, nice car, vacations). If they see me doing those things, they will admire me. If I share my good fortune with them, they will like me.

  3. #3

    To be honest, I went back and forth with most of the enneagram numbers except for maybe 4 and 5. Ultimately, I realized I am a 3w2 Sx/Sp. People who don't really know me don't think I chase success like other 3s. Those who are close to me know that I do, in fact, want to achieve so much in life and I don't let life's troubles or traumas get in the way of my goals. I may have bumps in the road from time to time, but I realize my long term goals are more important and try to get over things fast. Reminds me of how proud my mother was that I was able to graduate with my bachelors on time and continue on to a graduate program with straight A’s while working a full-time job and making time for the gym, even though I went through a lot of personal traumas during that time. I just didn’t give up.

    The part that sucks about being a 3w2 Sx/Sp is that I really crave admiration and external validation from others. With my 3 craving that success but the 2 wing craving the love from others because of that success. I end up feeling worthless when people don’t notice what and how much I do. It also explains why I care so much about my external appearance. So many of my friends call me vain (they don’t really mean it in a bad way, just that I care a lot about the way I look and I’m confident) because I love to dress to impress and make sure I look good before I go anywhere. So success according to me is more like getting the positive attention from others instead of climbing all the way to the top of the corporate ladder for the power or prestige of it. Besides, the career path I chose (School Psychology) is not necessarily something I will have to climb up a ladder or fight others for to achieve success. It’s the kind of career that will be pretty much set for me once I achieve my degree and get placed somewhere.

    I wish I was more like my dad (8w9 Sp/Sx) and brother (9w8 So/Sx) because they really don’t care what people think about them. They just do what they want and are super chill about everything. I’m a bit more like my mom (2w1 So/Sp) because we care way too much about what people think of us…
    Tyche and Lorena Coliban thanked this post.

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  5. #4
    Type 4w3

    Thank you so much for responding! This is helpful. I think I've played so many roles that I'm having a hard time pinning down my type. If I'm honest with myself, although it's embarrassing to admit, I've been chasing approval (sometimes discretely, sometimes not so subtly!) from my parents, teachers, lovers, my children, mentors, you name it. I have a touch of perfectionism, but it's not about being perfect, it's about avoiding the shame of other people discovering that I'm incompetent or flawed. Cringe!!!
    Tyche, brianbsmiley and Lorena Coliban thanked this post.

  6. #5

    @YellowCat You are quite welcome! I understand the cringe too. Sometimes it makes me feel pathetic, but I try not to view it like that. I can relate to the perfectionism as well, which is why I thought I might be a type 1 at one point. I realized, just like you, that it wasn't about being perfect. Now, I would classify myself as more of an achiever than a perfectionist. I feel like I don't obsess as much as perfectionists, it's more about getting things done!

    It is definitely shame driven--chasing that approval that never seems to satisfy so we just crave it even more. Ugh, why are we like this?! I just wish other people could understand exactly how hard we work for the things we want to achieve (and most of the time actually being able to achieve them) while balancing so many other things in our life. We work very hard. We are not all superficial or narcissistic!
    YellowCat and Tyche thanked this post.

  7. #6
    Unknown

    Dr. Peter Attia is a type 3 SX-first, IMO. I came across him after listening to a discussion on meditation and the therapeutic potential of psychedelics such as psilocybin and ayahuasca (DMT) to treat addiction, depression, anxiety, etc. Very interesting to hear from a physician's take on the matter as there has been a surge of research in recent decades, most notably from Johns Hopkins and Imperial College London. The most interesting study I came across was conducted in NYU using psilocybin to treat anxiety and depression in terminal cancer patients in a guided session with therapists; results were fascinating, 80% reported significant relief from distress that endured for more than 6 months (fear of death was gone), positive emotions of love and gratitude, ego dissolution, connection to nature, etc. Anyway I'm completely digressing right now (...my SX gets carried away sometimes) so I'll end this tangent here.

    I would say Attia's definition of success is to further his focus on the applied science of longevity and well-being and optimize and increase cognitive, physical, and emotional health (from his website). Oprah Winfrey is another example of a 3 and I would say her version of success is to help and uplift or inspire people as she's mostly focused on self-improvement and spirituality. Success means different things to different people, an individual's interpretation of success is definitely subjective and it's not always synonymous with status or prestige or power or wealth. I'm not a 3 but a healthy 3 is one of my favorite types. Contrary to a lot of the negative stereotypes or descriptions I've met some who are really caring, motivational, and self-sacrificing.

  8. #7
    Unknown

    Quote Originally Posted by Asd456 View Post
    Dr. Peter Attia is a type 3 SX-first, IMO. I came across him after listening to a discussion on meditation and the therapeutic potential of psychedelics such as psilocybin and ayahuasca (DMT) to treat addiction, depression, anxiety, etc. Very interesting to hear from a physician's take on the matter as there has been a surge of research in recent decades, most notably from Johns Hopkins and Imperial College London. The most interesting study I came across was conducted in NYU using psilocybin to treat anxiety and depression in terminal cancer patients in a guided session with therapists; results were fascinating, 80% reported significant relief from distress that endured for more than 6 months (fear of death was gone), positive emotions of love and gratitude, ego dissolution, connection to nature, etc. Anyway I'm completely digressing right now (...my SX gets carried away sometimes) so I'll end this tangent here.

    I would say Attia's definition of success is to further his focus on the applied science of longevity and well-being and optimize and increase cognitive, physical, and emotional health (from his website).
    What makes him sx first, in your opinion?
    (I don't know him, just curious, not quite clear to me from the post)

  9. #8
    Unknown

    Quote Originally Posted by sweet morphine View Post
    What makes him sx first, in your opinion?
    (I don't know him, just curious, not quite clear to me from the post)
    Well no I didn't elaborate on it because the OP was asking for different examples of success. TBH though, I can just sort of intuitively tell if someone's SX-first or not fairly quickly. There's a degree of externalized energy or presence or focused attention that's quite visible and my SX picks up on this right away. I'm very aware of people's energy (I'm SX/SP); it's like subconsciously the nature of my attention is directed externally. After briefly watching a few of his talks it was obvious to me. Anyway, hope that makes sense.

    For SX-firsts, fulfillment is found outside of themselves - there's a strong attachment to the thing or interest or person that gives them this sense of fulfillment, a merging quality to it or a sense of oneness. Just briefly researching him it's clear to me he's very attached to his obsessions, almost like fulfillment is derived from an external source. His twitter page literally says "obsessed with JMA, OMA, RFA, AVA, watches, cars, archery, DFW, RPF, Secretariat, Senna, self-exp, CGM, fasting, rapamycin, mTOR, PI3K, AMPK, autophagy, & more" etc.
    Darkbloom and YellowCat thanked this post.

  10. #9

    I thought I was a 9 and am strongly starting to think I'm a 3 as well. Main reason, I worked so hard on my recently-released novel that I damaged my hand tendons, now does that sound like a thing a 9 would do? For me success was writing the best novel I could possibly write. I thought that was enough, but then I did think it would sell better it turns out the fact that it didn't definitely feels like failure...

    Other aspects of success for me, my husband and I undertook to live off the land & I've learned to garden well & cook cheaply & well from the garden, and I like to invite people over and cook something fancy on a low budget. It doesn't feel worth doing the fancy cooking without people to be impressed so I'm afraid that's my motive for having people over. But they like it, so...

    Another thing, I worked on a struggling organic farm and no, it was never going to be wildly successful, but I remember the year I worked 11-hour days on a supposedly part-time schedule to make sure the latest insane crisis (farm manager quit midseason when his addictions became unmanageable!!!) wouldn't drag it under... Success was preventing failure even when it should've been impossible.

    But like, overall, I'm NOT a "successful" person. I'm a nobody living cheaply on a farm owned by someone else, with a novel that sells very modestly. I've tried to succeed only on my own terms and according to my own beliefs, really. (I think I know, for instance, how to write a novel that will sell better, but since it involves pandering--writing tricks that reinforce people's prejudices, make them feel superior to everyone around them, etc--I won't.) I think I'm a 3w4--do I sound like one? I'm pretty new to this. (And I don't know what the SX means.)
    Scoobyscoob, Tyche and YellowCat thanked this post.

  11. #10
    Type 7w8

    Quote Originally Posted by SwallowFeather View Post
    I thought I was a 9 and am strongly starting to think I'm a 3 as well. Main reason, I worked so hard on my recently-released novel that I damaged my hand tendons, now does that sound like a thing a 9 would do? For me success was writing the best novel I could possibly write. I thought that was enough, but then I did think it would sell better it turns out the fact that it didn't definitely feels like failure...

    Other aspects of success for me, my husband and I undertook to live off the land & I've learned to garden well & cook cheaply & well from the garden, and I like to invite people over and cook something fancy on a low budget. It doesn't feel worth doing the fancy cooking without people to be impressed so I'm afraid that's my motive for having people over. But they like it, so...


    Another thing, I worked on a struggling organic farm and no, it was never going to be wildly successful, but I remember the year I worked 11-hour days on a supposedly part-time schedule to make sure the latest insane crisis (farm manager quit midseason when his addictions became unmanageable!!!) wouldn't drag it under... Success was preventing failure even when it should've been impossible.

    But like, overall, I'm NOT a "successful" person. I'm a nobody living cheaply on a farm owned by someone else, with a novel that sells very modestly. I've tried to succeed only on my own terms and according to my own beliefs, really. (I think I know, for instance, how to write a novel that will sell better, but since it involves pandering--writing tricks that reinforce people's prejudices, make them feel superior to everyone around them, etc--I won't.) I think I'm a 3w4--do I sound like one? I'm pretty new to this. (And I don't know what the SX means.)
    I've colored all the parts that I think very much say you are an Enneagram 3.
    SwallowFeather thanked this post.


     
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