[Enneagram Type 3] 3's and sucking up

3's and sucking up

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This is a discussion on 3's and sucking up within the Type 3 Forum - The Achiever forums, part of the Heart Triad - Types 2,3,4 category; I was having a very interesting discussion about this with @ Etherea --- and I wanted to bring it to ...

  1. #1
    Type 1w2


    3's and sucking up

    I was having a very interesting discussion about this with @Etherea --- and I wanted to bring it to the forum

    What does "sucking up" mean to you?

    Based on your definition of it -- have you ever willingly indulged in sucking up to get ahead?

    Given the opportunity where it won't reflect poorly on you in any way, would you?

    How far are you willing to go for your superiors for your professional success?

    ---

    Ok .. let's change the word from "sucking up" to doing small things for success like [answer with a yes or no if you like]:

    - Adding and communicating with bosses on FB and wishing them on special occasions
    - Driving to their house with a small birthday gift
    - Taking on extra work like volunteering for additional projects
    - Inviting them out to expensive lunches
    - Visit their office every morning just to say "Hi" and make up stuff to talk about along the way.
    - Be ever-present when the boss is around
    - Look busy do nothing
    - Exaggerate in verbal / written progress reports to make it sound like you had to go an extra mile
    MuChApArAdOx, Tyche and mpobrien thanked this post.



  2. #2

    I'm not a type three although those words are familiar to me. I think as an ENFP i call it charming. Not sure if it means the same thing, my husband would say so ;) I wouldn't charm or suck up to my superiors, not after i got the job ;D perhaps before being interviewed. I would be willing to say whatever i needed to in order to get the job i wanted. I did exactly that and will never regret it. So yeah, charming , sucking up, either or, it works ;)

  3. #3

    Nah, I'm not one for sucking up.

    From that list, the only things I'd do/have done are;

    Taking on extra work or volunteering for projects. Just because I like challenge, and I am there to work, not dick around. I rarely take breaks as well.

    Being ever rpesent when the boss is around. You can't advance if you aren't seen. You have to let them know who the top dog is.
    Jawz and Tyche thanked this post.

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  5. #4
    Type 3

    Not a 3, but I'll answer anyway. :)

    - Adding and communicating with bosses on FB and wishing them on special occasions

    Nope. Don't do this at all. None of my coworkers are on my fb, let alone my bosses. Luckily my boss dislikes fb and has recently deleted his profile.

    - Driving to their house with a small birthday gift

    No, I wouldn't do that. I don't get them gifts at all. I write a sweet message on the company card ;)

    - Taking on extra work like volunteering for additional projects

    For sure. I've even made up projects to show that I'm interested in benefiting the company. Two years ago when I was in reception I did some quotes on installing a magnetic lock system on the front door so the receptionist just has to hit a button to let people in. He's finally implementing it as well :D

    - Inviting them out to expensive lunches

    Only if he's paying ;) :P

    - Visit their office every morning just to say "Hi" and make up stuff to talk about along the way.

    Nope. I stay the hell out of his office. I talk to him while he's walking around and always at least listen intently while he's talking.

    - Be ever-present when the boss is around

    Hehe. Almost always :)

    - Look busy do nothing

    Hahah. Yeah. Last week I was standing doing nothing and my boss came through and said "that girl is always moving." :P

    - Exaggerate in verbal / written progress reports to make it sound like you had to go an extra mile

    As much as possible
    MuChApArAdOx and Jawz thanked this post.

  6. #5
    Type 3w4

    I don't really consider it sucking up...I like to call it "diplomatic self-advancement."

    - Adding and communicating with bosses on FB and wishing them on special occasions - Yes

    - Driving to their house with a small birthday gift - I would never do this. Maybe bring them a nice card to work or something though

    - Taking on extra work like volunteering for additional projects - I do this all the time.

    - Inviting them out to expensive lunches - Hell no.

    - Visit their office every morning just to say "Hi" and make up stuff to talk about along the way. I think this is just common courtesy.

    - Be ever-present when the boss is around - I do my best to be.

    - Look busy do nothing - I look busy and usually actually am busy.

    - Exaggerate in verbal / written progress reports to make it sound like you had to go an extra mile. - Haha, yes!
    MuChApArAdOx, Jawz and Tyche thanked this post.

  7. #6
    Type 1w2


    Quote Originally Posted by mpobrien View Post
    "diplomatic self-advancement."
    I like that a lot ! :)
    MuChApArAdOx, Tyche and mpobrien thanked this post.

  8. #7
    Unknown

    I've seen social 3s (so/sx) try to suck up to those who they see as authority and just completely re-mold their personality in attempts to play up to whatever role or image that this authority thought of as successful. It was really fake, but surprisingly those in authority didn't see it until the social 3 got disenchanted with them and tricked them right under their noses before departing elsewhere. It was amusing and sad to watch at the same time. I have also seen phobic 6s, sp and so-firsts, do some major sucking up. Unlike 3s they often keep to whichever figure(s) they've attached themselves to for a long while, even at their own expense.

    Sexual 3s, from what I've seen, on the contrary aim to impress and draw attention to themselves, rather than to suck up to their superiors. Become like a Super Star at work or within whatever social group that they are part of and develop whatever skills necessary to keep this title. I like their style much more since it doesn't seem as fake at a first glance.
    Jawz and Tyche thanked this post.

  9. #8
    Type 1w2


    Quote Originally Posted by cyamitide View Post
    I've seen social 3s (so/sx) try to suck up to those who they see as authority and just completely re-mold their personality in attempts to play up to whatever role or image that this authority thought of as successful. It was really fake, but surprisingly those in authority didn't see it until the social 3 got disenchanted with them and tricked them right under their noses before departing elsewhere. It was amusing and sad to watch at the same time. I have also seen phobic 6s, sp and so-firsts, do some major sucking up. Unlike 3s they often keep to whichever figure(s) they've attached themselves to for a long while, even at their own expense.

    Sexual 3s, from what I've seen, on the contrary aim to impress and draw attention to themselves, rather than to suck up to their superiors. Become like a Super Star at work or within whatever social group that they are part of and develop whatever skills necessary to keep this title. I like their style much more since it doesn't seem as fake at a first glance.
    Interesting --- my personal views on sucking up are very harsh --- perhaps it has a lot to do with my dad's ability to be able to find his success without ever sucking up to anyone in any way, so I kinda moulded myself in his image more.

    I prefer to let my work speak for itself and if it isn't noticed, I go out of my way to make sure that it is through continuous self-improvement. I get better and better and increase my focus on the job.

    I also seem able to create a circle of admirers [even though I don't do so willingly, nor do I care about having one] who push for my success more than I need to more often than not. Meaning, I usually have a healthy number of subordinates/colleagues who speak highly of my work ethic and I prefer to find my success that way.
    cyamitide and Tyche thanked this post.

  10. #9
    Type 3w4

    What does "sucking up" mean to you?

    It means sucking as a person. It means lowering yourself to a disgusting level of fakeness and manipulation to get what you apparently cannot get by your skills and strategies alone(because why would you even resort to that kind of thing if you could make it work by your capacities only?). It means surrendering yourself to shallowness. It means the death of value systems(well, for me, it is). It means declaring yourself as "desperate" to the world. It means loosing your dignity. It means that you are placing yourself below another, declaring yourself inferior to the world, and most importantly, declaring yourself inferior to yourself. It means you are incompetent, and admitting your incompetence to the world. It means giving up on authenticity, giving up on your competence...giving up on yourself. It's...It's...It's...

    Based on your definition of it -- have you ever willingly indulged in sucking up to get ahead?

    No. I got ahead by pure skills and determination, and I will continue to do so until I get exactly what I want. Sucking up is an admission that someone else's skills are noteworthy. While it may certainly be the case, I have extreme, nearly impossible standards of competence, and I will not waste my...saliva to congratulate someone/manipulate in order to receive help from someone who will probably not be worthy(By my standards, only 15-or-so people in the whole world are truly competent---I do not even meet my standards,although I will one day--). Giving recognition to someone in your field means you're in a position to recognize instead of being recognized like you should if you really want to be THE "one of a kind". It signifies your own failure unless you turn that around. I will not, of course, ignore real competence (read:being exceptional) when I see it, but I usually don't, and I would not under any circumstances be someone who needs help to get ahead. I want to be the one who got ahead & top of the world by competence, not by receiving assistance from the old winner as it would make me "the second" in my eyes. I also don't believe I will ever need assistance from anyone to create and walk in my path. Giving recognition to suck up would make me feel as if I am lowering my standards too, which is a no-no. I am attached my elitist standards, thanks.

    Given the opportunity where it won't reflect poorly on you in any way, would you?

    It would always reflect poorly on me in my eyes, so no.

    How far are you willing to go for your superiors for your professional success?

    I am not attached to any systems, institutions/work places, Bosses or co-workers, so I would do the bare minimum. I would likely not waste my time on someone else's career. I will not work with anyone for my success. I dislike even having to work in some job (and I detest working WITH anyone) when I could take that time to refine and refine my skills instead. Shame I need the money... It's extremly arrogant of me, but I believe "my way" is "the only way" that works. I plan on being freelance at some point anyway for 1)the glory and 2)the isolation ...I see people as obstacles first, tools second.

    I suspect most 3s will not relate to my answers as they're rather rare/extreme for a 3.
    Sina and Jawz thanked this post.

  11. #10
    Type 1w9

    I'm pretty sure I have a 3 somewhere in the soup so here goes:

    - Adding and communicating with bosses on FB and wishing them on special occasions

    OH hell no. I have crazy friends who posts crazy things.

    - Driving to their house with a small birthday gift.

    Nope. Lol, great way to start office rumors though.

    - Taking on extra work like volunteering for additional projects.

    Nope. I already take up extra work to ensure projects are completed on time/ on budget. I don't need to take on someone else's load unless extra work = extra pay.

    - Inviting them out to expensive lunches.

    Nope.

    - Visit their office every morning just to say "Hi" and make up stuff to talk about along the way.

    The boss was a very jolly guy. He rather preferred it if his shadow (aka me at the time) said Hi wassup! I'd always come in with my starbucks and he'd tease me asking, "Where's mine? When are you going to start buying me those money sucker drinks?" lol I remember saying, "When you raise my salary." Meh, I can match a person's energy level. Skip to their beat or let them skip to mine. It makes it easy to be buddy-buddy with the higher ups. /tanget

    - Be ever-present when the boss is around

    No. He knew my extension and where he sat me when he hired me.

    - Look busy do nothing

    Unfortunately, yes. Waiting on correspondence is sometimes ridiculous.

    - Exaggerate in verbal / written progress reports to make it sound like you had to go an extra mile.

    Sure. Who doesn't do this? O_O
    Nymma, Jawz and Tyche thanked this post.


     
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