[Enneagram Type 4] Do you ever wish you were someone else?

Do you ever wish you were someone else?

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This is a discussion on Do you ever wish you were someone else? within the Type 4 Forum - The Individualist forums, part of the Heart Triad - Types 2,3,4 category; Fours are known for being self aware and usually are linked with being socially authentic people. Now I have a ...

  1. #1

    Do you ever wish you were someone else?

    Fours are known for being self aware and usually are linked with being socially authentic people. Now I have a feeling this is a more common problem of the 4w3s but, do you ever wish you had certain traits which you don't feel you do. Do you feel like you're not who or what you admire in a person? And does this bother you a lot?

    See because if you tried to be this kind of person you admire but you don't naturally possess, that would cause the 4 to feel phoney, right? So what do they do? Do they absolutely not think this way because of their heavy value of individuality? Or is this a contradictory aspect of the four enneagram?

  2. #2
    Type 4w5

    *shrug* I can't speak for other fours but despite being a work in progress, I know that all the things I want to be I can be....it's just a matter of continuing to develop the traits that I want to possess. It doesn't bother me that I don't currently possess all those traits because I know that I'm working on things and sometimes change is slow but it's still happening.

  3. #3
    Type 8w9

    Never. If I wanted to have different strengths, I'd have different values. No one is good at everything (and I don't want to be), so I've chosen what I focus on carefully. I'm only envious of those who exhibit the same qualities I do, but to an equal or stronger degree. I can respect those who are different from me, but I certainly would never want to be like them. I like my flaws and I want to keep them, not erase or exchange them. Your strengths and weaknesses are two sides of the same coin, anyway. You're not a complete person without both.

    I mean, honestly, what you're good at is a product of your values and interests. If you're finding yourself wanting to be more like people who you aren't similar to, you probably don't understand who you are or what you want- which is perfectly fine, but I wouldn't attribute that to type 4. Even if they're not objectively "authentic" people, most fours usually have a pretty developed fantasy self in mind, and that's what they strive to be more like. Not other people.
    ATLeow thanked this post.

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  5. #4
    Type 4w5

    ...Yes and no. I often am jealous of people who have traits I wish were more developed in me, but they're also generally traits I see myself as possessing to an extent. Or at least being capable of possessing. That is when it really gets to me. Sometimes I will admire and even be idly jealous of people who are... I don't know, athletic, or for example, but it doesn't eat me up inside because that's not something I especially value in myself and it's not really part of my ideal self.

    It's only when I feel my own existing talents or traits are being overshadowed by people who exemplify them more strongly.

    There are times when I'm very bothered by people who have talents that seem antithetical to my own, but that usually takes the form of resentment, and undervaluing the traits, as opposed to being directly jealous about those traits. Now and then I'll be mad I can't have both sides of the coin at once - I'll always want what I can't have, including contradictory things.

  6. #5
  7. #6

    More than I care to admit

  8. #7

    For me, I admire traits I don't have in part because I don't have them. If I had them, I probably wouldn't think so we'll about them.

    It doesn't bother me, though. Instead, it gives me a sense of hope. That there are people out there with admirable qualities who are worth caring about. Who make the world a better place.

    I personally don't view attempts to grow myself (trying to adopt new traits) as inauthentic, because at the end of the day, whatever flavor or style of that trait I eventually make my own will be just that-- my own. It would only feel inauthentic if I tried to mirror a trait as it was expressed by someone else.
    sometimes, justjay and prsvrnc thanked this post.

  9. #8
    Type 4w5

    I often wish certain aspects of my appearance were different, most of the time to better suit people I want to be close to, but I think that's because I'm not really too attached to my appearance. But for the most part I never really want to have a different mind. I want to fundamentally remain the same person. The one exception to this is I have intense envy of those who can what seems like effortlessly apply themselves and focus and get work done. I wish I could be more like that.
    prsvrnc thanked this post.


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