[Enneagram Type 4] 4s often feel misunderstood, yet feel a special bond of understanding with other 4s

4s often feel misunderstood, yet feel a special bond of understanding with other 4s

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This is a discussion on 4s often feel misunderstood, yet feel a special bond of understanding with other 4s within the Type 4 Forum - The Individualist forums, part of the Heart Triad - Types 2,3,4 category; This is from the enneagram institute website relationship compatibility of two Fours. Share experiences if you have any. While from ...

  1. #1
    Type 4w5

    4s often feel misunderstood, yet feel a special bond of understanding with other 4s

    This is from the enneagram institute website relationship compatibility of two Fours. Share experiences if you have any. While from time to time I do feel I can relate to Fours here at PerC, I generally feel misunderstood in a way that makes me feel like shrinking away. At college there is a girl who is a Four (she does not know the enneagram). When there are other people around I feel a great sense of relief and groundedness that she is around and will understand exactly what I meant. It frees me, relaxes me. But when there are just the two of us there is so much fear of getting misunderstood. I think she is a self-pres Four while I am a sexual one. That makes it somewhat difficult to connect when there are just the two of us.
    ImminentThunder and Sage del Viento thanked this post.



  2. #2
    Type 4w5

    I love talking to other fours and being around other fours...With a willingness to understand each other comes a sense of connectedness and intimacy. The fear of being misunderstood can get out of control :P but I think this can be worked with. Ultimately, clarity is power...if there is a point where it disrupts the flow of the interaction then that might be an issue and you may need to discuss that. Is that what you are saying is happening?

    Allow for the other person to ask a question if they don't understand something and it puts the onus on the other person. The person speaking can relax...Also, knowing that you are understood can leave you comfortable enough to go do more fun stuff! It is one of our fundamental needs to be understood so now that you know she understands you, get out of your head! Go explore the world :)

  3. #3
    Type 4w5

    I just assume that part of being a 4 is feeling separate from others, and realizing this has made me less insecure, especially on PerC. I think this feeling should not just be attributed to being 4, though. I know that some of my rejection issues relate to past experiences, and through resolving them I hope to experience this separation to a lesser degree. Being 4 just magnifies these issues.

    I was in a relationship with another four some years ago, and have had very close, codependent friendships with other fours. These always ended badly, be it after 4 weeks or 9 years, although I would say that most of them were unhealthy fours. Usually, their drive to distinguish themselves at any cost was what ruined things, along with strong codependency issues. The instability of these relationships also mirrored the unpredictability I experienced as a child growing up, so I cannot generalize and say I know how a relationship between two healthy fours would be.

    I understand other fours very well, and their passion for self expression and being true to themselves inspire me. I am cautious after some of my experiences, but most of the friends I have now are not fours, and they often make me feel very misunderstood (not sharing my enthusiasm for creative ideas, telling me I'm overly dramatic when I think I'm not, etc).
    burningsoul and Sage del Viento thanked this post.

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  5. #4

    I personally only talk to one person who is a four. I think because we know what we are we just try to make the best of conversing lol. Usually it's about music and cracking jokes. I dunnno... I'd imagine if you talk to another healthy four it would be a "chill" friendship, and instead of usual relationships where you console your friends that are going through hard things..you kinda just "feel" when a 4 understands and cares for you. They don't even have to find words to "advise" them in the right direction. A simple, "I know how it feels, I'm sorry. I'm there for you if you need to talk to me." is good enough.

  6. #5

    I do enjoy other four females, can't pick out male 4's. I have noticed that the E4 women at church are by far the most stylish, put together and wear the tightest clothing. They also hate me the least of all other women. We are a similar lot.
    burningsoul and Sage del Viento thanked this post.

  7. #6

    I've definitely experienced this, though I don't think it's an every four to every four thing.
    Sage del Viento and kaleidoscope thanked this post.

  8. #7

    I have never met another 4 in real life so I can only speak from my dealings online, specifically this site. This site has understood me the most but there are honestly still times on here where I feel alone. I don't know why I get the feeling but I do and it strikes me harder than feeling lonely outside of this site because when the myriad of people on this forum don't get you or they can't relate, then who honestly can? At least, that's how it feels and seems.
    Karim, Alexios, burningsoul and 1 others thanked this post.


     

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