I wish there were a solution to this envy, it sucks. Sorry you are feeling the same.
This is a discussion on Envy and Desire for the intense within the Type 4 Forum - The Individualist forums, part of the Heart Triad - Types 2,3,4 category; @ Kuroi I wish there were a solution to this envy, it sucks. Sorry you are feeling the same....
My theory for you:
1)You want intensity in your life. You crave for something that will stimulate your soul, like something to awaken you, that you are experiencing a logical fallacy to a degree that you even want pain as a source of stimulation.
2)You can't find your stimulator in such a shallow world so you ended up envying people with real hardcore problems.
3)Usually this feeling arises in people who have lives that didn't suffer real pain. And since you are a 4w5, you probably find beauty in sadness too, so that's why this idea which should normally be awkward, isn't awkward to you at all.
Kathy Nightingale: What did you come here for anyway?
Sally Sparrow: I love old things. They make me feel sad.
Kathy Nightingale: What's good about sad?
Sally Sparrow: It's happy for deep people.
That's basically an INFP 4w5 up there.
Good news for you, pain is everywhere, you can inflict it on yourself by volunteering for some aid campaign and see what people are actually suffering, what actual suffering is, and why it's not what you want.
You will also feel good by helping and stopping their pain, this process might bring along some other intense feelings like compassion, bonding, gratitude.
I don't judge or blame you for what you want and feel. We are just not living our lives as easy as others are. Having a fancy car or having power over others by itself won't be enough to feed your soul. Don't romanticize the idea of pain and illness, though. I'm sure that's not what you want unless you really are a masochist.