[Enneagram Type 4] Any other 4's deal with substance abuse?

Any other 4's deal with substance abuse?

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This is a discussion on Any other 4's deal with substance abuse? within the Type 4 Forum - The Individualist forums, part of the Heart Triad - Types 2,3,4 category; Hi other 4 people and other people of other types. I was wondering how 4's deal with substance abuse and ...

  1. #1

    Any other 4's deal with substance abuse?

    Hi other 4 people and other people of other types. I was wondering how 4's deal with substance abuse and what you think about it.



  2. #2
    Type 4

    Very interesting question.

    Sometimes I contemplate doing hard drugs like heroin to make myself feel like a worthless piece of shit, but then again, doing drugs is unholy.

  3. #3

    Quote Originally Posted by DeadOutside View Post
    Very interesting question.

    Sometimes I contemplate doing hard drugs like heroin to make myself feel like a worthless piece of shit, but then again, doing drugs is unholy.
    to feel more worthless? interesting, sometimes i fantasize about ripping parts of my face off to be the monster i see myself as but that's probably painful and i don't like pain.

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  5. #4
    Type 4w3

    Uhh...
    I've been smoking cannabis during my entire adult life.
    I started smoking casually when I was 16. I was feeling rebellious, was really into hip-hop music which glorified pot.
    When I started earning money, I basically began smoking everyday, with the ritualistic joint before bed. Not such a heavy consumer, I didn't spend that much on it, it never came to the point of not getting up to work because of my consumption. I somehow had it under control.
    I loved listening to music while high and alone, laying in a bed not moving at all for one hour. I was always aware that the high made me socially awkward, aloof and kinda stupid.
    I've contemplated stopping smoking altogether several times but it usually ended up as a 2-month break and resuming my intake thereafter, at the same rhythm.
    A few months ago, I realized a few things:
    - It sapped a good part of my energy. I know a lot of heavy smokers who are able to function quite normally while high. I never could. Now I have two really young kids, and when I'm high, I lack energy or even desire to play with them
    - Most of the time, my "high" behavior consisted of acting like I was sober...
    - The "joint before bed" procedure found me still being high at wake-up time.
    - It has served mostly as self-medication in order to forget anything that went wrong in my life. But when you escape issues, they don't go away, they accumulate. Then you have to fight an uphill battle to fix what could have been small issues.
    - I identified way too much with the "well, whatever" attitude that comes with being high on cannabis. Except on the inside, I DID care. This leads to a lot of self-loathing.
    - Even when I was sober, even the smallest of upsets would bring back the high all of a sudden, making it harder to deal with events.
    - It reinforced my "nobody can understand me, so better be alone in my head" attitude.

    So I decided I should stop, and I haven't smoked since. I still think about it though, hoping that maybe one day I'll be able to smoke only once a week and really appreciate it, but I don't think that's possible, not for me. I'd be back to my daily routine as I've always done.

    I've tried other illicit substances in my early twenties without ever feeling the need to try again.

    As for alcohol, when I start drinking a bit too much at a party, I usually end up overstaying and drinking WAY too much, the equivalent of a whole bottle of rum or whisky by myself. Never causing scandals, being gross or quarrelsome, only making myself look like a fool once in a while. But that's very occasional, less than once a month for drinking sessions, and acting a bit stupid once a year or so. I can enjoy one good glass of wine or one good craft beer from time to time without any desire to get seriously drunk.


 

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