[Enneagram Type 4] Pessimist Venting (Hugs Needed)

Pessimist Venting (Hugs Needed)

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  • 2 Post By mrgreendots
  • 2 Post By mimesis
  • 1 Post By mrgreendots

This is a discussion on Pessimist Venting (Hugs Needed) within the Type 4 Forum - The Individualist forums, part of the Heart Triad - Types 2,3,4 category; I've gone through a period where I gained a lot of self confidence and initiative and ever since then I ...

  1. #1
    Type 4w5

    Pessimist Venting (Hugs Needed)

    I've gone through a period where I gained a lot of self confidence and initiative and ever since then I found no problems letting out my 4ishness. But the world is kind of stepping on it a little bit and I'm having troubles with my core fears.
    When I like a person (romantic or not) I go in head strong and give them my all. I like so many people and there are so many people that all have a special place in my heart. I guess for that reason I also manage to become convinced that I'd have to mean something to them too but there's been a good three or four people who I thought cared about me who have just either rejected me or completely forgotten about/become indifferent to me. Now I don't know if I've been misreading other people too and I'm starting to doubt that I could be special to anyone and I'm starting to thing that I'm doing something wrong or I'm not likeable (<---- can you smell the 4?)

    Anyway, could someone tell me they relate and (kindly but honestly) stroke my ego a little?
    Necrox and Kyusaku thanked this post.

  2. #2

    Trust me, there is nothing wrong with you. I like you. You're a smart young woman with a great love potential. Just focus on expressing your love, including random acts of kindness. When you tap into that source, from your heart, first use it to love yourself unconditionally. You don't need to be loved by others to love yourself. And you don't need that much really, to love yourself.

    Conversely, when you love yourself, you also feel and know that you have something significant to offer. That you have the power to make someone else feel significant. Like a random act of kindness can make someone else's day, even how small the gesture you make may seem to be. Though not necessarily everyone also appreciates it that way. Some people may not value what they have, or are blessed with because they focus on what's missing, so they may not recognize love even if it punched them in the face. At the end of the day, it is their problem, not yours. Now, it doesn't necessarily need to be acknowledged (in order to love yourself, because you already do), like you can for instance support a cause with a donation, without telling anyone you do that, as part of impression management. But unless you are a saint, you need love too, so you need to make sure reciprocity is in balance. I also tell this for instance to friends I know, when I notice some people always seem to know when to find them when they need something, like someone to talk to, but seek others when they feel good or want to celebrate. These friends find it hard to say no, but it can be very painful to realize that person wasn't looking for a close connection, but just needed to dump their toxic waste. When you love yourself, you need to protect yourself from people who don't care to reciprocate, because you may be wasting something valuable. Do not give what is holy to the dogs; nor cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you in pieces. I didn't write that btw. ;)

    Oh...and a *hug*

  3. #3
    Type 4w5

    @mimesis thank you :) *hug* what you say makes a lot of sense. I see love as a renewable source and that it shouldn't be withheld but I guess some people don't want it or think much of it in the first place.
    mimesis thanked this post.


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