[Enneagram Type 4] 4w3s..how withdrawn are you?

4w3s..how withdrawn are you?

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This is a discussion on 4w3s..how withdrawn are you? within the Type 4 Forum - The Individualist forums, part of the Heart Triad - Types 2,3,4 category; In all 4w3 descriptions, it implies they are flamboyant, overly dramatic and apparently more emotionally expressive than 4w5s. I'm not ...

  1. #1
    Type 3w4

    4w3s..how withdrawn are you?

    In all 4w3 descriptions, it implies they are flamboyant, overly dramatic and apparently more emotionally expressive than 4w5s. I'm not one to put much faith in descriptions, but so far the 4w3s I have met in life have lived up to their, well...reputation.

    I'm kind of torn between many types(3w4, 4w5, 4wX,(balanced wings),5w4, even 7w6 and 5w6) right now. In the past I had never considered 4w3, even though my biggest longing is to obtain perfect authenticity and go beyond all uniqueness possible(without one erasing the other) for the sake of maintaining my identity, meaning something in life, ridding myself of all shame(satisfaction in self). I have an ambitious side(3) and a need to know everything there is to know in domains of my interests as well as in things that can get me "prepared" for the "real world"(5)(because honestly I feel like I can't handle life right now, or never...).

    So yeah, in spite of my initial dismissal of 4w3, I am considering it now. So I need all 4w3s to tell me how dosed with withdrawal they are. I, personally, could be called Mrs Recluse because my withdrawing needs are extreme. Any 4w3s that are excessively withdrawn?



  2. #2
    Type 4

    I am a 4w3, but I think my withdrawn tendencies are more due to my variant stacking of sp/sx. I tend to be quiet and I'm bad at small talk and avoid it when possible. When I know someone well or meet someone very emotionally open, I tend to be very open myself, though. I do sometimes like to be the center of attention and have no fear of public speaking, though I seem shy to most people (and have some avoidance of some social situations due to anxiety). I also have some ambitions like 3's tend to have. Those goals usually relate to self-expression and are creative, like often is the case with 4's. But I think it's definitely possible for a 4w3 to have withdrawn tendencies.

  3. #3
    Type 3w4

    Quote Originally Posted by unico View Post
    I am a 4w3, but I think my withdrawn tendencies are more due to my variant stacking of sp/sx. I tend to be quiet and I'm bad at small talk and avoid it when possible. When I know someone well or meet someone very emotionally open, I tend to be very open myself, though. I do sometimes like to be the center of attention and have no fear of public speaking, though I seem shy to most people (and have some avoidance of some social situations due to anxiety). I also have some ambitions like 3's tend to have. Those goals usually relate to self-expression and are creative, like often is the case with 4's. But I think it's definitely possible for a 4w3 to have withdrawn tendencies.
    That does sound like me...open but withdrawn, cool when it comes to talk in front of many people(theatre, dance(before), etc.) but terribly avoidant in social situations(I too had social anxiety all my life--fortunately, it disappeared once I've started university, though I am still sort of uncomfortable when meeting people/have no clue what to talk about)... My goals or Three-traits are also focused on self-expression. Thanks for posting, it helps me erase my 4w3-bias... :)

    Question: Even though you're a 4w3, do you still feel as though the other wing(Five) is strong in you? I ask because I feel my wing five and wing three are almost equally strong... I think the w5 is dominant but it could be the other way around. Or maybe I have no dominant wings.
    unico, SilverMoon and Mooncutter thanked this post.

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  5. #4
    Type 4

    Quote Originally Posted by Nymma View Post
    That does sound like me...open but withdrawn, cool when it comes to talk in front of many people(theatre, dance(before), etc.) but terribly avoidant in social situations(I too had social anxiety all my life--fortunately, it disappeared once I've started university, though I am still sort of uncomfortable when meeting people/have no clue what to talk about)... My goals or Three-traits are also focused on self-expression. Thanks for posting, it helps me erase my 4w3-bias... :)

    Question: Even though you're a 4w3, do you still feel as though the other wing(Five) is strong in you? I ask because I feel my wing five and wing three are almost equally strong... I think the w5 is dominant but it could be the other way around. Or maybe I have no dominant wings.
    I enjoy intellectual topics and sometimes come across like Spock when I'm arguing, if I'm upset. I am very reflective like 5's can be. However, I don't think my 5 wing is very strong. I am not intellectual in the same way and can't hide my emotions usually. I don't know how to emotionally separate myself from a situation or person.
    Alaiyo Sakuri, Nymma and SilverMoon thanked this post.

  6. #5
    Type 4w5

    Quote Originally Posted by Nymma View Post
    That does sound like me...open but withdrawn, cool when it comes to talk in front of many people(theatre, dance(before), etc.) but terribly avoidant in social situations(I too had social anxiety all my life--fortunately, it disappeared once I've started university, though I am still sort of uncomfortable when meeting people/have no clue what to talk about)... My goals or Three-traits are also focused on self-expression. Thanks for posting, it helps me erase my 4w3-bias... :)

    Question: Even though you're a 4w3, do you still feel as though the other wing(Five) is strong in you? I ask because I feel my wing five and wing three are almost equally strong... I think the w5 is dominant but it could be the other way around. Or maybe I have no dominant wings.
    I'm an INFP 4w5 Sp/Sx with two strong auxiliaries they are E + T.

    Although double wings are uncommon, you could totally be one. Sure sounds like it to be honest. You can go into cerebral "download of information" mode like the 5?
    Do you have some of the restless energy of the 3?

    Question, when you create, do you create (being creative) only for the sake of creating OR do you also have the receptive audience in mind? 4w3's do more of the secondary.
    Nymma, unico and SilverMoon thanked this post.

  7. #6
    Type 4

    Quote Originally Posted by Mooncutter View Post
    I'm an INFP 4w5 Sp/Sx with two strong auxiliaries they are E + T.

    Although double wings are uncommon, you could totally be one. Sure sounds like it to be honest. You can go into cerebral "download of information" mode like the 5?
    Do you have some of the restless energy of the 3?

    Question, when you create, do you create (being creative) only for the sake of creating OR do you also have the receptive audience in mind? 4w3's do more of the secondary.
    I both enjoy creating for the sake of creating and also always think about what other people will think of my work and want to create something that will be appreciated by others. I like sharing my work. I'm a 4w3, btw. So I guess I'm saying what you said rings true to me about a 4w3's tendency to consider what others will think of their creation.
    Nymma, SilverMoon and Mooncutter thanked this post.

  8. #7
    Type 2w1

    yes i withdraw, i think i withdraw more than i should. i want to be around people but i always end up backing away. i will have my moments where i open up and then once i feel like ive maybe said to much i will withdraw and sometimes its for a long time. its weird for being an enfp i do prefer to be alone, i just feel almost safer withdrawing from the cruel world lol its like i protect myself that way, but i always end up feeling lonely, and unable to connect. i dont feel like i connect with many people, i only have a couple people i talk to, i dont even try to talk to people it seems. so i withdraw from the world and i guess i like it that way, but i always long to be able to be around others. idk does that make sense? thats another reason why i withdraw, i dont seem to commuicate well. oh well.. withdrawing...
    Alaiyo Sakuri, Nymma and unico thanked this post.

  9. #8
    Type 3w4

    Quote Originally Posted by Mooncutter View Post
    I'm an INFP 4w5 Sp/Sx with two strong auxiliaries they are E + T.

    Although double wings are uncommon, you could totally be one. Sure sounds like it to be honest. You can go into cerebral "download of information" mode like the 5?
    Do you have some of the restless energy of the 3?.
    Yes. I am a knowledge seeking girl. I need it for erasing my uncertainities, incompetence, to help my self-expression.(Mostly information on writing matters, which is the door to my self-expression. Some techniques in domains I have to master before creating and being competent. Well...I create regardless of how advanced I am in my knowledge, but it makes me feel competent to know more. I am certainly not dependant on knowledge to create--I would disgust myself if that was the case because in a way, knowledge destroys creativity.). I need to know many things on life to be able to handle it, to live my life(Which I will never do, but...). I want to become an expert on my selected hobbies/passion. Being an extremly curious, even nosy,girl only feeds my need for information more. The more I know the better I feel.

    As for energy, well...that would depend. I am very determined, so I can manage to accomplish random things when occasional burst of energy pop in. My pride can result into my huge pig-headedness. However, those moments are rather rare. Just interacting with the world for five minutes drains me. Just having to work drains me because I find it meaningless. Lots of self-repulsion comes with forcing myself to do "obligations" come. Moods have a lot of influence on me. Everything has to "feel right", whatever my definition of right at the time is. But, when I'm by myself, in my Nymma bubble, I can sit and write and read and reasearch forever. I hate intrusions. They pain my psyche. I love being on my Recluse Tower. Should I mention that I am a huge procrastinator? So, to answer your question, well, I have no energy in"the real world" but have tons in my world.

    Quote Originally Posted by Mooncutter View Post
    Question, when you create, do you create (being creative) only for the sake of creating OR do you also have the receptive audience in mind? 4w3's do more of the secondary.
    I create for creating's sake. Even if there was no one else to see my creations, I would still do it. In fact, I am quite reculant to show my creations, for various reasons. One, well, I don't think that what I do will ever be good enough for me and I don't want to show stuff that isn't good enough. Second, well, I feel as though what I create is...private. While I feel the need to expres myself, and often share without intending to share(I honestly cannot help myself--my psychee needs to get out of me!), I want to keep certain parts of myself..to myself. I feel like some things are too rich to get out of me. Third, well, I'm afraid that someone will steal my ideas so I sometimes only share my crappiest ones with others. I am deathly afraid of being phlagiarized or involuntarily phlagiarizing myself. I would die if I ever come up with something I didn't know someone else had already created. I don't want to be compared.

    I don't really care all that much for recognition. Well, no that isn't exactly true. The best way to put it would be saying I have a love and hate relationship with recognition. I just need ME to applaud...me, if that makes sense. Then I will be satisfied, regardless of what others think, because only my standards of creativity matter. But what complicates matters is that I want to deliver a message to...the planet. I feel like it is my destiny to find meaning through my creations and deliver it, sharing my unique perspectives to humanity. So for this to happen I need recognition...

    It's like Vanity's minion is inside me, twirling everything around. I hate vanity yet I am it. yet I am its opposite. I crave merited credits, but I am disdainful to this desire. I long for sefl-satisfaction, but thinks that self-satiscfation is a sign of fake creativity because genuine creativity goes beyond human abilities. Yet I seek it. But hope it won't make me a fake. Vanity, the need for it, the repulsion of it, the awareness of everything I am not, of everything I could but won't be, of what is lacking to find satisfcation and true connection with myself...

    Well, can anyone make sense of this mess of a post?
    NazaireLIfe, Mooncutter and prsvrnc thanked this post.

  10. #9
    Type 4

    I'm a 4w3 INFP.

    Being a 4w3 has really helped me in the social department. In younger years while being extremely introverted I was compelled at the same time to be included socially. This forced me to deal with my debilitating social awkwardness and low self esteem. This took the form of going to lots of parties in young adulthood (alcohol helped get me talking) and even taking a job as a commission sales person at an electronics store. While not necessarily the healthiest way to go, it worked for me. Unless you know me EXTREMELY well, you would assume I was an E. I make a huge effort to get out of my shell, but I would still rather be at home, at a coffee shop, or in the mountains in the quiet before anywhere else.

    I've always been a bit vain and self-centered. The truth hurts. *wince*. I've always been compelled to take extremely good care of my body, health, and also my emotional health.
    When I was younger I was so shy and reserved I incorrectly thought being pretty was the only way I could get attention. Unfortunately this grew into an unhealthy personality shaper and was used as a crutch until recently.

    At work I'm driven to standout in an understated way. I love attention but it makes me uncomfortable. I work hard so I dont fall behind and be ignored or considered insignificant. Unfortunately my "image" is important to me and I work on making it what I want it to be constantly. I get really uptight and defensive if someone questions my ability to do something. I can be extremely competitive, especially with people my own age.

    Boy, these self-revealing posts are never much fun. :S Hope it helped though.
    Le9acyMuse, Acey, Nymma and 7 others thanked this post.

  11. #10
    Type 4w3

    I'm an ENFP 4w3, but I act a lot like an introvert. I switch between being the life of the party or the center of attention and quiet observation, or withdrawing into my smart phone. I try to find ways of excusing myself for leaving all the time, and I'm usually the first one who wants to go home after the party. My ISTP boyfriend has more friends, and is much more socially active than I am as far as wanting to hang out with friends, going to parties etc. I need a lot of space, and a lot of the time I just prefer to stay at home.
    Alaiyo Sakuri, Nymma, Tengwar and 1 others thanked this post.


     
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