I've become aware of a cycle within myself resulting from all my soul searching. When I grow especially attached to people I try, or wish, to display how special I think they are through special attentiveness and flexibility. I could go out on a death-defying limb for the people I claim love for. I've started to notice that I continue with my attentiveness and flexibility and forget myself. That is, I expect to be needed instead of being there for my loved ones in case I'm needed. As stated in the title, it is as if I expect love in return. How selfish, right? I had to catch myself in this. It was so subtle but caused me so much pain when I wasn't needed like I thought I'd be.
My instinctual variants play an interesting role in this, I can tell. The SOCial likes to reinforce supreme bonds and best friendships, and belong. The SeXual likes intensity in one-to-one encounters. I guess I pick out exceptional people and cling to them hoping they cling back. It comes off as piteous. To my credit, the chosen have been good friends before I zeroed in on them. I have this way of seeing someone's nature and adoring them for it, unconditionally (but it's very rare). I know I really want the people I've chosen to be happy more than anything else, so I've thought on this extensively. Anyone get me? If so, it burns, right?