[Enneagram Type 4] Fours with inferior sexual instinct and fantasizing about relationships

Fours with inferior sexual instinct and fantasizing about relationships

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This is a discussion on Fours with inferior sexual instinct and fantasizing about relationships within the Type 4 Forum - The Individualist forums, part of the Heart Triad - Types 2,3,4 category; I originally thought my instinctual variant stacking to be sp/so, but then I decided on so/sp. How I decided on ...

  1. #1

    Fours with inferior sexual instinct and fantasizing about relationships

    I originally thought my instinctual variant stacking to be sp/so, but then I decided on so/sp. How I decided on that is irrelevant to why I'm posting this. I'm posting this because I want to know if any of you have an inferior sexual instinct.

    Well, the sp/so description on this site says, " As the sexual instinct is least pronounced, this subtype of Four is prone to romanticize intimacy without actually pursuing real relationships." I think this is so true about me.


    I've never really had much desire to become close with anybody in my life. During my first two years of high school, I sadly fit the whole "introverted loner who thinks that everybody else is too shallow for them" stereotype. Thank G-d, I learned to "get out of myself" and I now have a few close friends.

    Any Fours here with an inferior sexual variant? Do you romanticize relationships a lot? More than other Fours?

    Want to hear from you guys!
    sodden, ParetoCaretheStare, Bumblyjack and 2 others thanked this post.



  2. #2
    Type 4w5

    I'm an extrovert and an Sx/Sp. I can't really relate but I'm curious to hear about your experience if you'd be interested in sharing more. I find people with So/Sp and Sp/So instinct variant stackings fascinating because they are so very different from me.

  3. #3
    Type 5w4


    Same here. I am very intrigued by fours without sx in the top two. How can you not want to become close to people/ a person you like? I get pulled like a magnet.

  4. #4
    Type 4w5

    I'm so/sp and can definitely relate. I romanticize relationships a lot, and as a social dominant I have a deep craving for intimacy or a 'pack' of sorts. However, I usually prefer a self-built world inside my own head to the real thing and have the tendency to withdraw. The mere thought of letting someone in completely is agonizing, that kind of vulnerability would be insufferable. I like my fantasies more.

  5. #5

    Quote Originally Posted by brainheart View Post
    Same here. I am very intrigued by fours without sx in the top two. How can you not want to become close to people/ a person you like? I get pulled like a magnet.
    I actually find myself drawn to many people, however, I usually do not make an effort to become close to them. I always found the thought of making close friends to be difficult (like what Tove said). Seems kind of like a burden to me. Fantasy relationships are more appealing because I could lead them in whichever direction I want.
    sodden and ParetoCaretheStare thanked this post.

  6. #6

    I did a lot of internal fantasizing and realized it was no good. It can be an enjoyable at times, but it obviously can't go anywhere. Keep your fantasies, but start projecting them out into the world.
    xEmilyx and ParetoCaretheStare thanked this post.

  7. #7

    Hmm, this is odd because.. I'm an so/sx and yet I completely relate to everything said on here. Many times, especially lately, I realized that I could be perfectly content not actually pursuing a relationship and instead living one in my own head. I do have this urge to pursue it, but I don't give into it, because part of me enjoys the pain of wanting something I could never have, and part of me knows it won't be as good as I think it is. It's kind of a defense mechanism, because I know any relationship I'd get into isn't going to be nearly as perfect and romantic as the one I construct in my mind. It's the same for sex, really. I have such intense, detailed and elaborate fantasies, but I have no problem going through life without applying them because again, it's so idealized reality HAS to disappoint me somehow.

    I don't think it has to do with my variants though, but with my MBTI type. I'm an INFP, so basically, everything in my head is so much better than in reality.

  8. #8

    Story of my life.
    Last edited by perpetual daydreamer; 04-23-2012 at 03:55 PM.

  9. #9

    I can relate to this somewhat, being sp first. I fear being swallowed up by someone & not having my needs met as a result. I certainly feel a burden too (this is probably more common with 5 wingers than 3 wingers), like real relationships require what I just don't have the energy to give. I've won this struggle though. The desire to connect wins out over the potential shame & drain that real relationships can bring.

    Presently, I don't have the common so fantasy of being in some clique that validates my identity; I can't equate that with a real "connection" to others, & it's interesting to me how some do. I fear social embarrassment more than the potential humiliation from more intimate connections. With so being my blind spot, that fear often comes true & just reinforces my tendency to ignore that area.

    I had the "glamorous clique" fantasy a bit when I was younger, but not as much as the "best friend" & "partner in crime" fixations (in addition to the tragic lone wolf idealization). I think my sx instinct began to influence me more heavily with age, so that by my 20s I began to coyly place myself in situations to be pursued romantically, as I still don't initiate with people. When you're a woman, you have such a luxury also (although I wait around more than most woman).

    I don't think a lot of 4s pursue - we want too badly to get the validation that comes from being the one who is pursued - so many will indulge in fantasy while they wait for someone to notice how speshial they are. Maybe sx first & extroverted 4s are driven to openly pursue more though, IDK.
    sleeper and ParetoCaretheStare thanked this post.

  10. #10
    Type 4w3

    oh my goodness there's other people like me xD I can't remember if i'm so/sp or the opposite, but I always had trouble having best friends. I would admire people and I'd want to be better friends with them but I could never really get close to them. dunno o.o sometimes i do fantasize about having a really awesome relationship with lots of friends though. It's like I want a close relationship...yet i don't. -sigh- so annoying lol
    AngelOnHerFlight thanked this post.


     
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